Retreat

by Jay Crownover

  So, smiley was Lane and grumpy was Sutton. Emrys had read the brochure aloud to me no less than twenty times when she was trying to convince me that we needed this vacation and that I really, really needed to get away. So I knew from the literature that the men who owned the ranch and ran the excursions were all brothers. From his protective stance, the attractive silver in his hair, and by the way he was trying to put me in my place for some perceived slight, it wasn’t hard to guess he was the big brother . . . emphasis on big. I was totally normal sized, hovering a tiny bit over five-six, but this guy towered over me and he has zero problem with his intimidation factor. He didn’t raise his voice, he didn’t loom or posture. He simply stood in front of me and his words, with their rasp and growl, made me shiver in both fear and awareness.

  “I am aware this isn’t a spa or a retreat, Mr. . . .” I blushed and trailed off as I realized I’d been too busy evaluating him and his ability to keep me alive over the next week rather than paying attention to the introductions.

  “Warner, but I’m Cy to most folks.”

  I cleared my throat and begrudgingly stuck out a hand for him to shake. “Okay, Cy, I wasn’t looking at any of you in any way. I was just wondering about the qualifications you have to take a large group of inexperienced people into the wilderness. I think that’s a pretty fair concern to have. We seem to have simply gotten off on the wrong foot.” That happened a lot with my lack of filter and overt honesty. I had a hard time keeping my foot out of my mouth and here I was chewing on my shoe, again.

  “I’m Leora, but most of my friends call me Leo.” My hand was left extended between the two of us for an uncomfortable amount of time until I let it fall as he continued to stare at me. I felt Emrys shift next to me and I became acutely aware that this little standoff was no longer happening between just him and me. His brothers were also standing a few feet away, watching our tense interaction with curious expressions. I’d promised my best friend that I would go into this with an open mind. I assured her that I would embrace the change of scenery and do my best to enjoy myself. Lately, I’d been a super-shitty friend, so I owed it to Emrys to keep my promise, even if this man, who was not quite a cowboy, seemed determined to prove me right in my thinking that coming here was nothing but a mistake.

  “Sutton and Lane will keep you alive because that’s their job. They’ll also make sure your trip is worth every single penny you spent because our reputation is everything in this competitive market, and, lucky for you, they actually enjoy what they do. Their qualifications are outlined in all of our literature and clearly displayed on our website. Just because they may or may not look like your version of qualified wilderness guides doesn’t make them any less skilled or competent.” Boom! He took blunt and in-your-face to a whole other level. Part of me respected that, as much as it made my hackles rise and spine snap straight in irritation. I wondered if this was what it felt like to be on the other side of my brutal honesty when I forget to pull my punches and play nice.

  I took a step back and opened my mouth to retort that he, not either of his admittedly attractive siblings, was the one I thought appeared to look under-qualified to guide us into the woods and through the mountains. Emrys put her hand on my forearm and intervened before my inherent Irish temperament really flared to life. I was ready to go toe to toe with this big, unpleasant man. In about a second flat, I was going to demand my money back and berate him for his rudeness and tactlessness. As always, when I was fired up and ready to go off halfcocked, Em waded in and threw water on the fire that was getting ready to ignite.

  “Forgive my friend, Mr. Warner. She’s a born and raised city girl and I think she’s just feeling a tad bit intimidated by all the fresh air and peace and quiet. I assure you that we are both extremely grateful for your time and we’re so excited to be here. We’re both looking forward to seeing what your wonderful state has to offer.” Her elbow dug into my side and I turned my head to give her a dirty look. “Isn’t that right, Leo?”

  I rolled my eyes at my mostly flawless best friend and wondered how she could look so refreshed and unrumpled after a day full of traveling. Where I was pretty average all around, Emrys Santos was anything but. She was tall, standing close to six feet without the aid of high heels. Her shiny, sable-colored hair hung flat and perfect along her back, like it had never heard of humidity or static electricity. Her dark eyes, which were currently pleading with me to behave, had a slight slant to them that only added to her overall exotic, undeniable beauty. She was almost perfect, except for the fact that she was interfering, determined to get her own way, and could guilt trip like no one’s business.

  She knew I was having a hard time with my most recent breakup. On top of that, I was having issues at work, the one thing in my life that had always been stable and in control. But she pushed, prodded, and pleaded until I had agreed to spend this week with her in the great outdoors, even though roughing it was absolutely not my thing. Part of me wanted to tell her she had to deal with the fact I was here but less than thrilled about it, but a bigger part of me knew she was just trying to help, and doing her best to wrestle me back on track. So I corralled my rebellious temper and bit my tongue, giving her a stiff nod of agreement. Cy’s iridescent eyes sparked with humor and I swore he knew I was fighting to behave.

  I bit out through my teeth and through a smile that was so fake it actually hurt my face, “Like I said, I think we just got off on the wrong foot.”

  The only response I got was a grunt as his attention turned to the other two men, who were purposely ignoring the heated interaction between me and their older brother. In fact, they both had moved a few steps away like they knew their older sibling’s anger was hot enough to burn anything that got close enough for it to touch. Gruffly, he barked out, “Go ahead and get them situated, I’ll head up to the house and make sure Brynn knows everyone is here.”

  Just like that, we were dismissed as he turned on the heel of his very much not a cowboy boot and stalked off in the direction of a huge, sprawling home made entirely out of logs. The main house was more of a rustic mountain mansion but I figured pointing that out wouldn’t win me favors, and I was already in the red around these parts, even though I’d been on the ranch for less than an hour.

  Lane, the brother who had no trouble flashing his teeth in a charming smile, hefted my bag up and gave me that adorable grin that I was starting to associate with him. “Don’t worry too much about Cy. His bark is way worse than his bite and you won’t see much of him after tonight. He doesn’t come on the trail unless he has to.”

  For some reason, the idea of Cy’s bite had a full body shiver quaking through me. I followed behind Lane, his brother, and Emrys as they started toward a row of what looked like cabins that were a few hundred yards away from the gigantic main house.

  “I can’t imagine you have much repeat business if he speaks to all of your guests that way when they first get here.”

  There was a deep chuckle from him that made me want to smile in return. This brother was clearly the easiest going of the three. I decided I liked him the best.

  “It was the ‘not real cowboys’ crack. Cy gets touchy about people from the city coming here with preconceived notions about what the west is like, and about what it takes to survive out there in the mountains. We get a lot of weekend warriors who think they can take the wilderness on, and they end up being a pain in the ass for the entire ride. He’s protective over the land and our lifestyle, so it’s hard for him to let outsiders in, even if that’s how we make our living. Not all cowboys wear ten-gallon hats and have Sam Elliott mustaches. Cy has never dressed the part, even when we were younger. Trust me, you are far from the first person to book an excursion with us and end up underwhelmed when we didn’t show up dressed like a character out of the Hateful Eight.”

  I sighed and shot him a look out of the corner of my eye. “I don’t know how you even heard that.” I was so sure I whispered it low enough so that only Emrys could hear me.<
br />
  “You’re used to city noise and the sounds that come from being in such a crowded place covering up what you don’t want people to hear. In the great wide open, there isn’t anything to hide behind and all sound carries. You get used to saying what you mean out here and you learn real quick that words are permanent. You can try and take them back but they always linger.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” I tilted my head to the side and asked him, “If you and Sutton are the ones who guide the trips, what does Mr. Personality do . . . other than intimidate and berate the paying guests?” I wasn’t sure why I was curious about the most unpleasant of the brothers. But I had a lot of questions and it was all I could do to keep from blurting them out all at once.

  Another laugh, and this time I did smile back at him. Up close and without the shadow from his hat hiding his face, I could see he was more than passably attractive like I first thought. Lane was much younger and his eyes were much more blue than gray. He had a similar jawline and the cut of his cheekbones matched his older brother, but this guy was handsome in a more approachable, accessible way. Lane Warner also had a dimple in one cheek when he grinned, which made him downright adorable in my book. I didn’t know if real cowboys had dimples, but I decided they all should if it was going to make them look as good as this one did. Lane had the kind of easy good looks that would appeal to any and every woman under the sun, while his older brother had the kind of brooding intensity and harshly hewn good looks that appealed to women who wanted something special, something unforgettable and impossible to overlook.

  “Mr. Personality . . . Cy would lose his shit if he knew that’s what you were calling him. He usually avoids the guests for that very reason. He always shows up when guests arrive and he hangs around to make sure everyone is paying attention when we go over the rules and regulations for the week, but after that, he goes back to running the ranch and all the other businesses he’s got his hands in. Sutton and I do the grunt work but Cy is the brains behind the operation. He took over the ranch a few years ago when things got tough with my old man, health-wise. The guided tours and adventure vacations were his idea. When he was in college, all his buddies used to want to come home with him when they were on break so they could ride and camp out in the woods. Cy took something as simple as his college buddies hanging out and having a good time and turned it into a business plan. Since you paid to be here, you know how profitable the venture has been for us. He saved the ranch and gave my dad an easy last couple of years so our old man didn’t have to worry about us his last few years.”

  It was more information than I asked for, but it was valuable insight into the man who had both annoyed me and intrigued me from the get-go. The younger man spoke with obvious pride when he talked about his older sibling, which made me smile at him; however, my smile died when we reached the cabin and the grumpy brother—who looked less like the one I was fascinated with—shoved open the door and dropped Emrys’s bag with a loud ‘thud’ on the floor. Sutton tipped his chin at her and then swept past us until he was at the bottom of the steps. He was tall and broad like his older brother but his eyes were green, nowhere near blue or gray. The downturn of his mouth and the furrow between his eyes made him appear sulky and moody, rather than brooding and intense like his older sibling. He was still an outrageously attractive young man, one that I noticed Emrys couldn’t seem to quit staring at. Considering I was in my own mental funk and had an unshakable cloud of piss-poor attitude hovering over my head, I had no time or interest in his sour disposition or the cause behind it. Lane put my bag down far more gently, gave me a rueful grin, then he touched the tip of his fingers to the brim of his ball cap.

  “Working with family is never boring, that’s for sure. You ladies are going to have a great trip. Just leave it to me.”

  The brothers disappeared as Emrys swung the door shut and turned on me with a swish of perfect hair and the narrowing of her captivating, dark eyes.

  “You are too much, you know that, right?” She was pissed and I couldn’t find fault with her feeling that way.

  “I’m sorry, okay? I really didn’t think anyone but you could hear me or that me pointing out the obvious would be considered fighting words.”

  She tapped her foot, which was encased in a far more appropriate leather riding boot, and huffed out an annoyed breath.

  “I know you didn’t think anyone could hear you, but that isn’t the point. The point is, you think everyone is pretending to be something they aren’t after all that crap Chris pulled on you. You’re making everyone suffer for it.”

  Chris was the ex-boyfriend I was so sure I was going to spend forever with. He was the ex-boyfriend I had blissfully planned a future with and dreamily envisioned having children with. He was the ex-boyfriend I let in when I kept everyone else out because I thought he was perfect, and, more importantly, I thought we were absolutely perfect together. It was so easy to be together, effortless, uncomplicated. He was the ex-boyfriend who was everything I ever wanted, and he was the ex-boyfriend who had lied about everything.

  He lied about what he did for a living. He lied about his past and his future. He lied to me about who he was and who I was to him. He lied, and he lied, and he lied some more, and when I called him out on his endless untruths, he made me feel like I asked for the dishonesty. He told me I made it easy for him to lie because I never asked him for the truth. He told me that I ignored all the obvious signs that I was being duped. This galled because I had turned a blind eye when things didn’t exactly add up because it was easier for me than digging in and risking more than I already had.

  I’d broken up with Chris over three months ago. I was still licking my wounds because I couldn’t believe that I had been so stupid to fall for someone so fake, so phony. The end of the relationship was responsible for my current level of self-loathing and for my general misanthropy. His lies and my gullibility left me spinning and feeling like I could no longer trust my judgment or my decision-making skills. I was always so careful, so cautious, but Chris had broken through my defenses and now I felt foolish and scorned. As a result, I built my walls back up and made them so high and impenetrable, not even my best friend could climb over them.

  The only person in my life who wasn’t my family, who I trusted without question, was the woman standing across from me. I hated that I had let her down repeatedly over the last few months. During my relationship, I had ignored her time and time again when she warned me that things with Chris didn’t add up. She told me over and over I should have seen where he lived, met his friends, been introduced to his family, considering we had dated for over six months. I let her down after the breakup, when I retreated into myself while I licked my wounds. I pretended that the last half of a year hadn’t completely destroyed my self-esteem. I wasn’t the girl who ever went out on a limb, and the one time I did, the branch snapped underneath me. Emrys deserved a better friend, because even when I’d been caught up in my own bullshit issues, she had never wavered.

  I reached out my hands and put them on her shoulders. I had to look up at her to meet her eyes, but I did so sincerely. “We are going to have a great week together. I promise, no distractions. I will put a sock in it when it comes to the guys being not quite cowboys. I’ll lighten up and enjoy all this disgustingly clean, unpolluted air and unspoiled serenity. I’ll even try and smooth things over with Mr. Personality if it will make you happy, okay?”

  She shook her head but a reluctant grin pulled at her mouth, a mouth that didn’t need lipstick or liner to make it look like a perfectly painted on Cupid’s bow. If she wasn’t my very best friend in the entire world, and I didn’t know how big her heart was and how endlessly giving and kind she was, it would be easy to dislike her for how seemingly easy she made being flawless seem. Luckily, we met long before Chris had turned me into a suspicious asshole who questioned everyone and everything. It would have been the greatest loss in my entire life to have missed out on the friendship Emrys and I had just becaus
e she was so intimidatingly faultless.

  “I want you to reset and recharge, Leo. I want you to remember that you are the smartest, most capable woman I know. What happened with Chris isn’t what defines you. You got taken for a ride by a charming guy with a pretty face. There are consequences to that, but it isn’t the end of the world. You aren’t the first woman that has happened to. You won’t be the last. I want you to move on, get back to being the woman who has always been my best friend.” She sounded so sad, so frustrated, that it made my belly twist into a tight knot. She shook her head a little bit and gave me a look that made my heart twist painfully in my chest. “Because this woman,” she motioned to me, and I looked down and winced when I saw that she noticed the shirt I was wearing. I should have burned it when I told him I never wanted to see him again. “I’m not a huge fan of her.”

  I wasn’t a huge fan either, but wasn’t entirely sure how to make her go away. In fact, I was starting to wonder if she was who I was destined to be from now on. That thought was so depressing, I insisted, “I am moving on.” I let my hands fall from her shoulders as I bent to pick up my bag and move it to one of the tiny twin beds that was set in a charming rustic frame. They had gone all out making the accommodations very ranch-like and I hated to admit that it was really cute and very charming. They did a good job researching what would appeal to their clients, and since that was how I made my living, learning and analyzing what people would spend their money on, I always appreciated it when a business had taken the extra steps to understand their client and their market.

  I heard Emrys sigh from behind me. “You would never have discounted those guys as real cowboys before Chris. You would have been too distracted by how amazing their asses look in those jeans to worry about if they were cowboy enough or not.” Sadly, she had a point.