“The idea of spending a week here is growing on me. I’m not a big fan of change so it takes me a minute to settle in, especially when it’s something I wasn’t expecting.” I lifted an eyebrow at him and gave him a smile that showed a lot of teeth.
It was Brynn who asked with wide eyes and a hushed voice, “What were you expecting?” Almost like she was scared of the answer I was going to give.
Luckily, Lane was the one who gave a good-natured reply. “She wanted real cowboys and was disappointed when she got Cy instead. He’s never wanted to be a cowboy but he didn’t get much of a choice in the matter.”
I wasn’t disappointed . . . I was stunned and off my game because I couldn’t believe how viscerally and violently I had reacted to the man who wasn’t quite the cowboy I’d been anticipating. I’d been oblivious to so much lately, it was a shock to be so fully engrossed in another human being. I wasn’t prepared for someone to be as blunt and honest with their feelings like he had been. I was too accustomed to people trying to placate and patronize. Even though he was rude and insulting, Cy’s in-your-face manner was oddly refreshing and weirdly satisfying to be around.
He said what he meant. There weren’t any lies or deceptions because they would carry.
The stunning redhead made a distressed sound in her throat and rose from her place next to the man in question. She looked down at him, then over at me, and her lips quirked like she suddenly had a secret she was dying to tell someone.
“Oh, dear . . . well, I guess when you ride out tomorrow you can see for yourself that a cowboy hat and a big belt buckle isn’t what makes a real cowboy.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me as she started to clear the plates off the table. “Though you should see him in a Stetson. I told him he needs to put that picture on the front of the brochure. We would be booked year round with single women trying to lasso their very own rancher.”
I blinked at her in confusion. She didn’t sound jealous or bothered by the fact that other women would indeed show up to chase the attractive, brooding man around if they knew he was hiding up here in no man’s land. I couldn’t figure it out. I couldn’t figure them out.
I met his unflinching and probing gaze with one of my own. “It’s going to be an interesting week to say the least.” I gave him a saccharin smile and turned to look at Brynn, who was still watching us with eagle-eyed attention. “And who knows, maybe if we get lucky, he’ll do us all a favor and bust out the cowboy hat.”
Cy snorted, Lane laughed, Emrys sighed, and the two men grumbled under their breath. The family from the coast started peppering Cy and Lane with questions about what to expect with the kids for the next few days, all while ignoring me for the most part while the dad continued to none too subtly hit on Em.
I had a distinct feeling that “interesting” wasn’t even close to covering how the week was going to go, but I had to admit that I really couldn’t wait to experience it all. That, and I owed Emrys an apology.
I was happy she had harassed me into coming on this trip. I couldn’t say for certain that going toe to toe with Cy every minute we were together was going to be fun, but I did know that all the places inside of me that felt ravaged and torn weren’t as raw as they had been. They still ached, but all around, that hurt was a heat, a flickering flame of anticipation and awareness that seemed to be cauterizing those wounds.
I knew that if I could hold my own with a man like Cyrus Warner, if I could escape this week with my sanity and heart intact, then it would prove to my battered sense of self that what happened with Chris was just a fluke.
It would show that I’d been taken in by a professional conman, one who knew exactly what to say. It would verify that my walls were still strong and my fortress was still impenetrable, and that no matter what Cy thought, I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself.
I didn’t need his help or his approval.
Not Quite the Ass Crack of Dawn
Emrys tried to wake me up before the sun was fully in the sky to do yoga on the tiny front porch. I didn’t even get up to do yoga with her back home so I had no idea what she was thinking. I tossed a pillow at her and growled a lot of ugly words, pulling the covers back over my head. She laughed at me and told me I was going to regret not stretching out after the first few hours in a saddle. I’d spent most of the evening tossing and turning, my restless mind a messy tangle of thoughts that made sleep elusive, so a sore ass would go right along with my grouchy mood.
I spent the night fretting over the upcoming week and over how I was going to function with all the solitude and none of the regular hurry and hustle that filled my days. It was easy to hide my bad attitude and wounded ego when I was busy with work and could make reasonable excuses to avoid my everyday life, but I had none of that here. That meant the journey I was on, planning to take back to my old self, would be on full display. The thought of Cy bearing witness to the shattered parts of me fusing back together made we want to curl up in a ball and die. The fact that I was lost, had wandered off course somewhere along the way and was a failure, I didn’t want to share with anyone.
It all made for a long night. I swore I had just dozed off when Emrys shook me awake and tried to get me to greet the day with her. Once she left the room, making sure to make as much noise on her way out as she possibly could, sleep was once again impossible to find. I threw the quilted covers off with a litany of swear words and stumbled my way into the shower. I made sure it was hot and I took my time to enjoy every steamy second of it because Lane had informed us last night when we went over the itinerary for the week that we would only be stopping twice at public campgrounds during the next seven days for a shower. He also pointed out that the water was often frigid and sometimes didn’t work. We were all going to have to get comfortable with cowboy showers, which consisted of slathering on deodorant and using wet wipes to battle our B.O. It sounded awful, but part of my brain recognized that it would be much easier to stay away from Cy and his brooding intensity if he smelled like the backside of a horse all week. The downside was I would also smell that way.
After every inch of me was scrubbed and shiny pink, I sluggishly crawled into my new western wear and wrestled my unruly hair into the braid that it was going to have to live in for the remainder of the week. By the time I was done, Emrys was back inside the tiny cabin looking totally energized and ready to tackle the day. She had some fresh fruit and a stack of big, fluffy pancakes on the table. I walked over to the plate and took a bite out of one without saying a word. They were so good that I moaned out loud and almost picked one up with my hands to better achieve my goal of shoving the syrupy treat into my face.
She laughed at me as she started rummaging through her bag so she could pull out her gear for the day. “Lane brought those down from the house for breakfast. He said everyone else was already up there and they already ate. We have an hour before we have to meet at the stables. They need us to bring our stuff over so they can pack the mules and so that we can meet our mounts for the week.”
I wrinkled up my nose and worked on devouring another pancake. “The sun isn’t even up yet. It’s not like I slept in.”
Em pulled off her yoga pants and wiggled her way into a dark pair of skinny jeans that made her long legs look even longer. “Things start moving early around here. Lane mentioned that he’d been up for a couple hours taking care of chores that needed to get done before we left. Obviously Brynn had been up earlier than that if she had breakfast ready for everyone. I haven’t seen the boss man yet, but he doesn’t strike me as the type who takes it easy while everyone else is working.”
“It’s inhumane to be up before the sun is all the way in the sky.” I practically growled at her when she made her way over to the table to snag a banana from the pile she brought in.
“Watching a new day start is pretty special. I never get to do that back home. I’m always too distracted by what happened the day before and thinking what’s waiting for me going forward. They sky seems so big out here w
ith nothing blocking it, it’s like watching the world hit reset and start over.” A soft smile played around her mouth as she lifted an eyebrow at me. “Everything that happened before doesn’t matter.”
Her message was clear. I could use some resetting of my own, and now was the perfect time to retune everything that had gotten so out of whack because of the blind way I’d allowed myself to fall for a charming con artist . . . a spoken-for con artist.
I polished off the rest of the pancakes with a satisfied sigh and tapped my fingers on the table as Em also pulled her long hair into a complicated-looking braid at the back of her head. With her tall, leather boots and her perfectly polished look, I thought she looked more like she should be getting ready to ride a thoroughbred in an Olympic jumping competition rather than hitting the trail in the backcountry. She definitely didn’t look like any kind of cowgirl I had ever seen, not even the glossy, manufactured kind that sang sad country songs and sold make-up on TV. Emrys was always going to be her own brand of perfection. I think I gravitated toward her because I was always trying to make the right choices, do the right things to avoid screwing up and getting hurt. I was careful in everything I did and letting someone in with so few flaws seemed like an easy enough decision to make. I was fortunate her goodness ran all the way through the very core of who she was.
When she was ready to go, we hoisted our weekend bags, which were packed with only the essentials outlined for us, onto our shoulders and made our way across the property to the long, rustic-looking stables. It was a good ten-minute walk, and by the time we arrived, the rest of the group was already there standing inside of a massive corral, petting and talking to a rainbow variety of different horses. Lane and Cy were wandering between the people and the already suited-up animals, muttering softly to both. The seemingly docile steeds tolerated being fawned over and appraised by a bunch of people who were duly impressed by their size and stature. All the horses were gorgeous and obviously well cared for. The smells and sounds immediately took me back to a time where I was slightly more willing to be brave and adventurous.
Lane made his way over to us and took each of our bags in a hand. I felt my lips twitch because today he had on a cowboy hat and his boots looked like they had spent years locked in a pair of stirrups. There it was; he was finally the embodiment of the cowboy I had been expecting all along. And as superficial as it might have been, the fact he looked so thoroughly the part put some of my anxiety about getting back on a horse and riding into the unknown to rest.
Cy was dressed much like he had been yesterday, faded jeans, and boots that looked like they belonged on a motorcycle, not a horse. He had on another black T-shirt, but today it was hidden underneath a heavy flannel shirt that was buttoned halfway up his chest. His face was covered in a sprinkle of salt and pepper stubble that made me wonder if I was totally off in thinking he was only in his early thirties. He didn’t look like he was old enough to have so much silver in his facial hair, not that it detracted from his appeal or blatant masculinity, in any way. In fact, if it was possible, the scruff made him look even more rugged and roughly handsome. I wanted to laugh when I noticed he had product in his hair, even though daybreak was still pink in the sky. I still didn’t think one single thing about him appeared cowboy-like. He looked good, there was no question about it, but he didn’t look like a man who knew his way around a horse or around a treacherous backcountry trail. There was simply something too urbane about him for me to ever buy Cyrus Warner as a born and bred country boy.
“I’ll get this stuff packed for you. Em, we picked the buckskin quarter horse for you.” His lips twitched and his eyebrows danced upward under the hat when he looked at me and pointed to the only other horse that didn’t have a human clamoring all over it. “Cy picked out the speckled Appaloosa for you, Leo.”
The horse was stunning, all black with white and silver spots across his face and hind quarters. His mane was shiny midnight except by his ears, where it was sterling silver. I didn’t miss the fact that the beautiful beast was oddly reminiscent of the man who decided we were a perfect match for the week. I walked over to the animal and extended my fingers so the soft end of his nose could brush against them. I gave Lane a questioning look and tilted my head to the side as the big animal nuzzled into me.
“Do I want to know why your brother picked this horse out for me? I mean, he doesn’t even go on these trips usually, so how would he know which horse is right for a particular rider?” I was being argumentative for no reason and I knew it. It wasn’t like I had a choice in the matter.
Lane pushed the brim of his hat back with the tip of his finger and gave me a pointed look. “You think you know, but you don’t. Cy knows more about the horses and livestock on this property than either Sutton or I could ever dream of.” He inclined his head toward the horse that was nudging my hand impatiently with his nose looking for a treat I didn’t have. “In fact, Boss here was one of the first horses Cy bought and trained specifically for trail riding. They go way back. When we were growing up, it was my dad who had Cy on the range and tending to the ranch day in and day out. My brother sits in an office now but that’s because someone has to and neither me nor Sutton have the patience for it. I hate paperwork and Sutton has other things occupying his time. No one ever wanted to be in charge when Dad got sick, but Cy stepped up because that’s what he’s always done. If he thinks you and Boss here are a good fit for the trail, then you guys will be a match made in heaven. Do you ever trust anyone or take anything at face value, Leo?”
His question stung and I realized Cy wasn’t the only Warner who was alarmingly perceptive. I shrugged and smiled as the horse puffed out a breath of air against my hand. “I took someone at face value once. It didn’t work out so well for me.” I was never going to let it be that easy to get to my secret, soft center again.
Lane made a noise low in his throat and took a step away from where I was silently berating myself for being such a coward when I was younger. Sometimes it really sucked to run away from the things that scared you and could hurt you. I would much rather be the type of woman who stood her ground and faced that fear head on. But so far, history had proven I was much more likely to beat a hasty retreat when threatened.
“Everyone mount up. We’re gonna circle the corral for a few minutes to make sure everyone can ride in a group and to make sure everyone can handle basic control of their horse.” Cy’s voice seemed even raspier and rougher early in the morning and he didn’t appear to be amused by the crushing teenager, who was whining and grumbling that her stirrups weren’t the right length. Begrudgingly, he fiddled with the buckles and leather until she declared things a perfect fit. Someone needed to tell her that there was subtlety in the art of flirting, that when you tried to bash the object of your affection over the head with your feelings, it missed the point and only left the other person with nothing more than a splitting headache. Again, I was annoyed that the girl’s mother seemed oblivious to her child’s inappropriate advances toward a much older man. I knew that if it continued, I was going to have to break my promise that I would play nice with others and lay down some hard truths at the girl’s expensively booted feet. Honestly, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. Someone had to save the poor girl from herself, and maybe I wanted to save Cy from having to be the bad guy as well. Something told me he was comfortable in that role. Even if it wasn’t one he necessarily wanted to play.
Left alone with Boss, I muttered nonsense words to him and checked the cinch on the saddle and the fit of the bridle. They were habits long unused but my hands skimmed over his soft, silver and black body like the big animal was an old friend. The gestures and the memories that came back from before I was afraid and from when I was more willing to take risks made me smile. It was nice to remember a time when I didn’t feel broken down and betrayed. I sighed and stiffened involuntarily when a pair of black boots—that were most definitely not cowboy boots—stopped on the other side of the horse. Cy’s big hand landed on th
e horse’s head between his twitching ears and the animal let out a nicker of greeting. The beast recognized the man and so did my stupid, out of control libido.
My breath hitched a little.
My skin felt like it tightened all across my body.
His rough palm grazed the back of my hand making my skin pebble in response as my spine tightened. It was like my subconscious was readying for battle or for bed.
My nipples pulled tight under the layers of clothing I wore, and places I thought would never tingle again more than tingled when my gaze locked with his storm-colored one over the polished leather of the saddle. Those tingling places pulsed deep and hard. They also fluttered in a way that no man had ever made them flutter before, and that made me blush. I felt heat work up my neck and into my cheeks. I pulled my eyes away from his unwavering and far too penetrating ones.
“He’s a beautiful horse.” My voice sounded like it did when I woke up in the morning next to someone I’d spent the night naked and wrapped around. Cy had that same effect on me, without any of the practiced moves or easy words other men used to arouse and seduce. If nothing more than his deep voice and steely eyes could make my body respond so fully and so effortlessly, I didn’t even want to imagine what the man could do if he actually put his mind toward being charming and getting a heated response.
“Boss is a good mount. He’s rock steady, won’t spook, and should give you an easy ride. He’s stubborn, though, so you need to stay on top of him. He wants to go his own way and he doesn’t like to stay in line with the other horses.” He sounded like he was proud of that fact.
I couldn’t hold back a little snort of amusement that had his dark eyebrows lifting up. It sounded like the big Appaloosa didn’t just have similar coloring to the man across from me. It sounded like they had similar temperament, as well. “I’ll keep that in mind. I’m good at staying on top of things that are a handful.” I made it clear I also wasn’t referring to just the horse. Because I said it loud enough that anyone and everyone could hear it, I hoped he knew I meant it.
Retreat Page 6
