“Brynn is family. We love her and she loves us. She’s beautiful and just happens to be a redhead, but she isn’t Cy’s. She isn’t any of ours.” There was something there that made me think the youngest Warner brother would change that if he could. He looked at me with shrewd perception and masculine knowing shining out of his gunmetal-colored eyes. “I don’t talk about my brothers’ private lives but Cy is stubborn and he is always his own worst enemy. He wouldn’t say anything about Brynn even while he’s looking at you like you’re the first drop of rain to hit after years of a drought.”
I frowned at that smartly worded revelation and pulled my gaze away from his. “I’m not interested in giving up whatever it is your brother might want from me.” Even though I selfishly wanted to know everything there was to know about the enigmatic man who fascinated me.
Lane laughed under his breath and reached up to settle his hat more fully on his head. This time he made sure his voice was soft, practically whispering as he muttered under his breath, “You’re a smart woman, Leo. You know what he wants and you know that he’s not going to stop until he gets it. Gotta admit, it’s gonna tickle me pink watching you try and outmaneuver him for the next few days. Cy’s really good at getting his way.”
My eyebrows dipped down to a point over the bridge of my nose. It was hard to admit the truth out loud, which was part of the reason I had been so sullen and miserable lately, but I liked Lane and I liked the open and relaxed way he had about him. Before I could stop them, the words that had been haunting me for the last few months tumbled out, sounding just as sharp and pointy as his had a moment ago. “I recently got out of a relationship with a man who was also really good at getting his own way.” I gulped and fought back the surge of foul-tasting regret and choking recrimination that worked its way up my throat. “Getting his way meant that he fucked me and then went home to a wife and his kids in the suburbs that I knew nothing about. It went on for six months. I didn’t want to date him when he first showed interest me. I didn’t want to care about him, but he out maneuvered me and all I got when I finally figured out I was being played was enough embarrassment to drown in and so much guilt that it nearly suffocated me.”
“Ouch.” Lane’s quietly murmured word and the sympathy clear on his face had my heart pressing tightly against the barbed wire I had wrapped around it. “That sucks, but sometimes the heart just chooses wrong. All you can do is wait for it to figure that out and hope it picks better the next time around.”
I gave him a look that spoke volumes about what I thought about that. “You can absolutely choose who you care about. If you’re smart about it.” Which I intended to be from here on out. I would let my brain lead and my irresponsible, reckless heart could take a backseat. The poor thing had been kicked around so much there was no wonder it wasn’t functioning the way it was supposed to.
He shook his head at me and started to pull his horse back so that he was no longer next to me. “You’re wrong, Leo. Love isn’t logical or reasonable. Our hearts make no sense.”
I watched him with narrow eyes as he dropped back and forced the dismissive dad to do the same thing and leave Emrys’s side. She gave the youngest Warner a relieved smile and nudged her horse so that she was closer to me, as Lane forced the middle-aged philanderer back in line so he was riding in front of the two other men who hadn’t said a word to any of us or to each other all morning long.
“Thank you, Commander Cockblock. For the last half an hour I’ve been envisioning kicking him off his horse. If I had to listen to his catalogue of his investments any longer, I was going to throw myself off the side of the mountain.” She sounded disgruntled and properly disgusted. “I can’t believe he was hitting on me right in front of his wife and kids. The man has no shame.”
I nodded in agreement. “And no class.”
She muttered a dirty word under her breath as I swatted at a mosquito that landed on the side of my neck. The hotter it got, the more the bugs decided I was a feast and I hadn’t had enough time this morning to slather myself in bug spray. I was going to have to add a coat to all my visible skin when we finally stopped for lunch at midday. The brochure said we would picnic in a scenic valley that the trail led through, surrounded by wildflowers and that was often used as a resting place for much of the region’s wildlife. I didn’t care about wildflowers or wildlife, but I did want a chance to stretch out my sore muscles and the opportunity to eat some more of Brynn’s amazing food. Lunch today was the last meal that we were supposed to get without working for it. Aside from granola for breakfast and beef jerky in the case of emergency, we were really supposed to fend for ourselves for the duration of our time on the trail. It made me wish I had paid closer attention when I agreed to fly to Wyoming. I had only smuggled a jar of peanut butter into my bag just in case. I’d never caught a fish in my life and I got snippy and short tempered . . . well, snippier and even quicker to blow a fuse than normal when I was hungry.
“The wannabe Donald Trump isn’t the only one throwing out some game. I saw the way Cy grabbed your leg this morning. You two are throwing off enough sparks that I’m slightly worried you’re going to ignite a forest fire around us.” I shushed her and looked around with wide eyes hoping no one else was paying that much attention to us. Luckily Cy was talking to Meghan and the kids and Lane had the dad engaged in a low hum of conversation. The two oddly silent men hung at the way back of the pack, and every time I’d caught sight of them throughout the day, they’d had their heads bent together like they were engaged in serious conversation.
Sighing, I let my words exit on the same breath, keeping them as quiet as I could. “Gotta have fuel to start a fire and for it to burn. I’m all tapped out, Em. I don’t have anything left to go up in flames, not even a tiny bit of kindling left inside of me. I was burned once and it won’t happen again.”
She made a noise low in her throat that had her horse prancing a little closer to the edge of the trail than I was comfortable with. I watched, with a stalled breath, until she pulled the animal back in line and only exhaled once she seemed to have total control again.
“You’re not only ridiculous but you’re also oblivious. There was no spark with Chris. There was no fire and definitely no heat. He spoon fed you his perfectly crafted persona, knowing you wouldn’t fall for someone that lit you up and pushed all your buttons. He knew you wouldn’t jump into bed and let anyone in your life that consumed you and forced you to put them first. You’re full of things that are dry and brittle and you have been since you were old enough to figure out that your mom didn’t want you. The right guy isn’t going to just make you burn, he’s going to scorch all that useless shit inside of you, turning it into nothing but ash, once and for all.”
My shoulders stiffened and I pulled my gaze away from her. “You think an ill-fated vacation fling with a guy, who I know nothing about and who definitely isn’t an actual cowboy, will fix everything that’s wrong with me, fix everything that has been wrong with me from the start?” I couldn’t keep my incredulousness or how absurd that idea sounded to me out of my tone.
“Nothing is wrong with you, Leo. Nothing has ever been wrong with you, but I’ve known you a very long time and I know how reluctant you are to take any kind of risk. You like things predictable and staid. That isn’t any way to live, because no matter how hard you try you can’t control everything. Look at the situation with Chris. You let him in because he was all the unassuming and simple things you told yourself you wanted. Maybe the sexy, not quite a cowboy is exactly the kind of outrageous and unexpected experience you need so you can see not all risks will end up with you getting hurt. Then maybe you’ll realize that even if you do get injured, sometimes the experience on the way to the pain was worth suffering through. I see you on that horse, Leo; we both know you shouldn’t have given riding up just because you got thrown one time. You’re a natural.”
The discomfort that came from sitting in the saddle too long definitely didn’t take away from the
fact I really did enjoy being mounted back up. I knew my granddad would be so proud of me for eventually conquering my fear. A pang of regret stabbed into me that I was too late to show him that I could overcome the fear that always held me back. He had passed away a few years ago after a valiant fight with a heart that just wouldn’t work right anymore. He’d passed peacefully in his sleep. After my grandmother got their affairs in order, she had surprised both me and my mother by packing up her entire house in Nor Cal and moving it all to a swanky retirement community in Florida. I never thought of my grandparents as elderly or old, but with granddad gone, she insisted the house and its upkeep was too much. She’d outright laughed in my face when I offered to move back to help her out so she didn’t have move all the way across the country from me. She told me it was her job to raise me well enough that I could live out in the world on my own, and she wasn’t interested in going backwards or reversing roles where it was my turn to take care of her. She told me she fully intended to have a life on her own terms and that meant being around people her own age and out of the middle of the constant tug of war between me and my mother. She loved us both (I liked to think she loved me more) and that was much easier for her to do with some space between all of us.
I’d promised to visit as often as I could. So far, I’d been to see her twice. The last time was after I broke things off with Chris and knew I needed to get out of the city so I didn’t do something I’d regret, like show up at his house in the ’burbs, pulling the curtain off his double life and breaking his family apart in the process. It might have made me feel better, but I knew what it was like to be a child with a parent who was nothing more than a stranger. I didn’t want to be responsible for putting Chris’s kids in that situation. So far, my mother had yet to get on a plane and I don’t think my grandmother was at all surprised. I know I wasn’t.
Lost in thought, I was glad Boss was paying attention to the horse in front of me as he pulled his head back and came to a halt. I didn’t even notice that the trail had dumped us into the center of a postcard. The mountains rose in the background, tall and majestic, as a riot of colorful flowers blanketed the ground under a sky that seemed bluer than any blue I had ever seen before in my life. There was a brook that was actually babbling, and like the brothers had purposely set the scene so that their guests wouldn’t be disappointed, a doe lifted her head from the water where she was drinking as we all came to a stop. I could have sworn she looked right at me before she startled and leapt over the water, disappearing back into the trees. I didn’t think places like this actually existed outside of landscape calendars at mall kiosks and screen savers on the computer.
Lane pulled out of his place in the lineup and rode up next to Cy. The brothers exchanged some words and Lane took the leads attached to the mules and grabbed the bridle on Cy’s horse as he started toward the water.
Cy put his hands on his hips and told us, “You can all hop off the horses. Take them over to Lane. He’ll take care of them while you all eat lunch. Remember, it’s the last prepared meal, so what you catch here in the brook or later on tonight by the river is what’s going to be for dinner.”
“Can you help me down?” Evan’s voice had a practiced whine to it and I couldn’t help an eye roll as I worked myself out of the saddle.
I didn’t hear Cy’s response. My yelp of surprise as blood rushed to cramped muscles and hit sore places I didn’t know could hurt so badly, drowned out everything. My knees almost buckled and I almost hit the ground but hard hands caught me around the waist and pulled me back into an even harder chest. He smelled like sunshine and man, without even a hint of horse or sticky bug spray. He felt solid and real behind me, like someone built to bear his fair share of burdens and never break under the weight of the responsibility.
“I have Tiger Balm in one of the packs. I’ll dig it out for you, but it stinks like hell and it’s greasy as fuck. You won’t be able to wash it off until we hit the camp the day after next, but it will help with your muscles being saddle sore.”
I put a hand over his where it rested against the soft curve of my belly and couldn’t ignore that where he touched me did indeed get warm, then hot, then something hotter than hot. Through my clothes, his touch burned and smoldered against my skin. He was made of fire and Emrys was right, I was made up of things that wanted to go up in flames whenever he got close to me.
I sucked in a breath through my teeth and tried to straighten up. It involved a lot of grumbling and swearing, but eventually, my knees stopped shaking and my glutes quit screaming at me. Cy held me up throughout the ordeal while Emrys watched with a smirk and the crushing teenager watched with murder in her eyes. I kept waiting for a snide remark or something mean to come out of Cy’s mouth. After all, I had started off questioning his authenticity. It was clear he could sit on his big steed all day without an ounce of discomfort, whereas I was a hot mess and barely able to stand. He didn’t say a word, just waited until I was back in control of my jelly-like limbs and held me up.
I turned around in his hold so we were face to face and told myself not to lean in to him. He might be all kinds of fire and flame but I wasn’t going to let myself melt. I put a hand in the center of his rock hard chest and pushed a little so that he got the hint and took a step backwards, letting me go as he went.
“I’ve got it. Thanks.”
He dipped his chin down and then leaned closer to me so that his lips were almost touching my ear. His breath was warm but it made me shiver as he told me, “If you need help getting the ointment on the hard to reach places, let me know.”
I shivered at the suggestion and at the image his words brought to mind. I cleared my throat so I could get a response out. “I think I’ll be able to reach.”
“Good, because you handle it yourself or you ask me, but you do not ask my little brother. He flashes that smile of his and women fall at his feet, but he is not for you and you are not for him.”
I stiffened and planted my hands on my hips, fully prepared to tell him he could take a long ride down a short trail, that he didn’t get to decide who was for me or who I was for because he didn’t know a damn thing about me. All my righteous feminist indignation prickled and riled up, ready to flay him in half with barbed words. However, what came out of my mouth was, “At least Lane knows how to smile, even if he uses it to make women fall.”
Cy’s raven-colored brows shot upward and his very unsmiling mouth twitched at the corners. “I can smile.”
I huffed, “When?”
He bent close again and my whole body wanted to press into his. “I smile when something makes me happy.”
“What makes you happy?” I couldn’t picture him as the jovial, cheery type to save my life, but I really was curious about what would make that stony expression he always wore turn into something more approachable. A smile from him would mean heartbreak and devastation. I wouldn’t just melt, I would dissolve into nothing more than particles that were made up of desire and need for this man and this man alone.
“Behave and you’ll find out soon enough. Go take care of Boss so he can keep on taking care of you.”
He walked over to Em and all I could think was that whatever it was that made a man like him smile was bound to be nothing but trouble for the woman he was smiling at.
Not So Alone
Emrys wasn’t lying about knowing how to fish, which was a good thing, because I didn’t have the patience that it took to bait the hook, cast, and recast for hours upon hours in order to secure dinner. I was bored out of my mind after the first fifteen minutes. But she declared that if she was going to feed both of us then it was going to be my job to clean the catch. I almost threw up when I watched her do the first fish. However, when my reaction made not only the kids, but also the Warner brothers, and the two silent men laugh at me, I sucked it up and managed to power through the next few slimy, fishy executions without making a mess of it. Em told me that she was proud of me and oddly enough, I was proud of myself as we
ll because that was the kind of thing I would typically walk away from. I hated not knowing what I was doing and I was paranoid about doing things wrong.
Ethan, who complained the entire time that he would rather be playing Xbox, also managed to pull in quite a haul. It didn’t go unnoticed by any of the adults in our group that it was Lane who congratulated him and told him job well done rather than his father.
With enough provisions secured for dinner, Cy declared it was time to get back on the horses and ride to the riverside clearing where we were bunking down for the night and setting up camp. Once there, I begrudgingly took the small glass jar of ointment he offered me and found a secluded spot where I could work my jeans down around my hips so I could work the potent salve into my skin. He didn’t lie. It smelled to high heaven and it made my skin slippery and slick under the denim. Emrys wrinkled her nose at me when I made my way back to the horses. Boss made a noise that I swore was one of disgust when I went to climb up onto his back. You could smell me coming from a mile away. The situation wasn’t going to be helped at all when the smoke from the campfire that night and the bug spray I slathered all over myself was added to the mix.
After taking care of the animals and making dinner, that was followed by a surprise dessert of campfire s’mores that Lane seemed to pull out of nowhere. I was so tired I could barely see straight. Em and I went to crawl into the tiny pop-up tent that we were to share for the week, even though everyone else was still up and gathered around the campfire chit chatting, everyone except for Cy. The big man had wandered off about the time Lane busted out the surprise sweets and hadn’t come back to camp by the time I was ready to call it a night. I was pretty sure his disappearing act was prompted by the fact Evan was stuck to his side like a blood-sucking tick. It was his way of spurning her advances without being outright rude. Lane was right, his older brother really wasn’t much of a people person.
Retreat Page 8
