Retreat

by Jay Crownover

  “You think so?”

  I nodded and felt the crown of my head bop into his chin. “I know so.” God, I hoped so. If Sutton was the only thing keeping Emrys tied together right now, then I needed him to pull through. He was a good man, and good men deserved more than that kind of ending. “And you won’t let anything happen to that little girl. She’s your family and you protect your family, Cy. You won’t let her go, regardless of what happens with Sutton.” I knew that with certainty; that went all the way to my marrow.

  He hugged me again, and finally pulled away but didn’t let me go all of the way. His long fingers curled around mine and he tucked me tightly into his side like he’d hated every minute it took me to get out of the woods and back to his side. I had never been the type of woman who was strong enough for someone else to lean on. My foundation was weak and the ground I stood on was full of hidden crevices that went deep and dark into my soul. For this man, I could be a pillar. He taught me how. He showed me I could stand and not fall, even with someone else’s considerable weight leaning into me for support. I could be just as unmovable and as strong as he was. I could hold him up effortlessly, because I knew he would do the same for me and I knew his need for someone to prop him up was temporary. He bore the weight of responsibility for everyone and everything all the time, with his little brother on the brink of dying, there was no way his ballasts weren’t taking on more than they could handle.

  “The DEA and the FBI have been all over us the last few days. Endless questions, endless paperwork. I can’t get my head around how they make this all seem like it’s nothing more than business as usual.” He sounded irritated at the fact, and as if to prove his point, Wyatt and Grady both climbed to their feet as we approached.

  Both men offered their hands to shake and I let my eyes drop to the older man’s shiny badge as I took his hand. “They let you go back to work?”

  He chuckled and lifted a hand to rub at the back of his neck. “Yeah. I’m technically on a probation period but this bust is going to lead to bigger fish, and since Wyatt was the lead and refused to work the case without me, they had no choice but to let me take my badge back.” He shrugged. “But that badge comes with a job behind it that I have to do. You’re going to have to give us a couple hours to go over everything, Ms. Conner.”

  His use of my formal title startled me and made Cy growl in warning. It was actually Webb who came to the rescue. For a guy who had spent time behind bars, he was actually pretty good at playing hero.

  “Grady, chill. We had to wrestle scared horses back to the ranch. None of us even stopped to take a breath before we hustled our asses here. You’re lucky we took the time to shower. Leo isn’t going anywhere as long as her girl is stuck to the cowboy. You can grill her later.”

  Cy nodded. “Much later.” His gaze shifted down to me and a frown pulled at his now heavily whiskered face. He looked good with a beard, way more like an actual cowboy, but I was pretty sure I was going to forever think he looked good no matter which way he came. “You haven’t slept in a real bed in two weeks.” It was a statement not a question.

  “Nope. Ten’s an even tougher trail boss than you are, but she got everyone, human and equestrian, back to the ranch in one piece. And she took care of Webb, well enough that his arm didn’t fall off.”

  Everyone’s gaze shifted to the younger man as he involuntarily rotated his busted up shoulder. “I guess, I should get this looked at since I am in a hospital.”

  Ten snorted and rolled her eyes. “You think, city boy?” There was concern under the sarcasm, and the glint in Webb’s eyes let me know he didn’t miss it.

  I was forcibly turned around by Cy’s heavy hands on my shoulders. His slate colored eyes bore into mine and everything inside of me wanted to curl around everything inside of him and latch on.

  “We have a bunch of rooms rented out at the hotel next door. Let’s get you in to see your girl for a little while, and then I’ll run you over and you can get some sleep . . . in an actual bed. Nothing has changed with Sutton for the last few hours, so there’s no reason for you to be uncomfortable while you wait with the rest of us.” He was trying to be sweet. He must have missed the part where I was here to help him shoulder the entire world that was sitting on his shoulders at the moment.

  I pushed some of my hair off of my face and gave him a soft smile. “Cy, I’m not going anywhere until we know for sure your brother is on the mend. I do want to see Em but if you’re here, I’m here.”

  He opened his mouth to argue but I could clearly see the appreciation in his eyes. Cy stood for everyone, he deserved someone to stand for him, and with him . . . even if I could only do it for this moment.

  His dark head bent and his lips touched mine so lightly that if it wasn’t for the scrape of his beard across my face, I might have missed the kiss all together.

  “Never had anyone to lean on before, Sunshine.”

  I kissed him back, harder, so there was no way he could miss it. “Lean away, Cy.” He gave me a little nod and then walked me over to a seat next to the one where Lane was propped up against the wall. Brynn turned her head and gave us a watery grin before burying her face back in the crook of Lane’s neck. His arms visibly tightened around the leggy redhead and it was easy to see the need to protect and comfort in him as he held the woman. The waiting room felt a hundred times bigger when Ten and Webb left with Grady and Wyatt to go to the hotel in order to do their interviews with the agents and to catch some real sleep. Webb’s shoulder was now wrapped up like a mummy, and he was sporting a fancy sling and a bottle of painkillers that indicated his injury was far from being healed. Pain carved deep lines next to his mouth, which only lightened slightly when his brother promised to take it easy on him over the next few hours. The overwhelming relief the siblings had that the other was alive and well was palpable, but so was the push and pull that existed between the brother in the suit and the one in tattered jeans, sporting a flannel with more than one bullet hole in the fabric. They promised to bring real food back with them and they made us promise to keep them updated on Sutton’s condition.

  I curled into a ball on the hard, vinyl covered seat and rested my head on Cy’s shoulder. I let my fingers play with his while he sat perfectly still and silent, his jaw clenched, and a furious tick moving in his cheek. We sat that way for hours, only moving to get terrible vending machine coffee or to take a bathroom break. I wanted to see Em, but she refused to leave Sutton’s bedside and they wouldn’t let anyone else in the room as long as she was in there.

  Finally, after what felt like an eternity, one of her nurses came out and told us they were taking her back to her own room so they could check her bandages. Cy got to his feet so he could go through the lengthy process of getting himself scrubbed up to go sit with his younger brother.

  I wasn’t sure what to expect when I walked into the hospital room but Emrys’s face sporting more tiny black sutures than I could count, and her chest being wrapped up in what appeared to be miles of white gauze and bandages, was enough to make me take a step back. I hadn’t been able to fully see the damage done to her when I was trying to get her out of that tree, but now that the carnage to my beautiful best friend was laid out in front of me, it made my stomach turn and my hands curl into fists.

  Her eyes wouldn’t focus on me and I couldn’t tell if that was from the trauma or the painkillers she was on. According to the nurse who was delicately handling her, Emrys was actually ready to be discharged from the ICU. They were simply keeping an eye on her because of her erratic behavior and her unwillingness to leave Sutton alone for more than a few minutes. The nurse said the doctors all agreed that Em and Sutton were good for one another. There was something to be said about how a smaller hospital handled their patients. If Em had been acting this way back home, they would have drugged her up and put her on the street, regardless if she was ready to be unsupervised or not.

  After the nurse left, Em curled up on her side on the bed away from me. Sh
e wouldn’t talk to me and refused to look in my direction. I asked her how she was feeling and told her I would be happy to go and get her anything she needed, but all I got in return was stony silence. She was shutting me out, surrounding herself in her pain and her suffering. There was no way in hell I was going to let that slide, so after a few minutes of talking to her back I took off my shoes, pushed my hair out of my face, and climbed up onto the narrow bed behind her. She flinched when I wrapped my arms around her in a hug that wouldn’t be broken, but she didn’t push me away.

  Apply pressure.

  Webb’s words rang clear and true in my ears as I held her tighter as she began to shake in my hold.

  “Eventually, you are going to walk me through everything you’ve been through, Em. We are going to battle the nightmare together.”

  I whispered the words into her inky hair and was stunned when she responded back with, “You can see my face, Leo, and there are places under these bandages that are even worse. The nightmare is carved into my skin, there are a few places that feel like the cuts go all the way to my bones. I’m going to look at it every single day, so it won’t ever go away. No matter who is there to try and help me through it.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Em.” It was the same thing I told Cyrus, only the time frame with Emrys was infinite. I hated that. I wanted to be the one he leaned on forever as well, but we didn’t get that, at least we didn’t get that just yet.

  She lapsed back into silence but some of the tension in her long, lean body started to uncoil as I ran my fingers through her hair and gave her every gentle word I could think of. It felt like calming a wild horse down that had broken free of its tethers. She was obviously skittish and afraid, but she needed the contact and the reassurance to know she wasn’t alone and that someone else was there to keep her safe. I rolled my eyes because Cy now had me comparing women to horses and I was silently amused that he was right about the two creatures having more similarities than not.

  I lost track of time lying there with her. The light in the room faded from bright afternoon glow to a dim nighttime shadow. I don’t think she ever fell asleep, but she never responded to anything else I said to her as we lay there in the encroaching dark. The nurse came back in and asked Em if she wanted dinner, but all she got was a negative head shake in return. At the mention of food my stomach growled, and finally a normal response escaped Emrys’s pursed lips. She let out a strangled little giggle and told me she would be fine while I went and got something to eat. I took it for the dismissal it was and climbed out her bed to my feet. I wasn’t surprised at all when she followed suit and told me she was headed back to Sutton’s room. She insisted that he shouldn’t have to spend the night alone since she was the reason he was laid up in the ICU with a hole in his chest.

  I didn’t bother trying to tell her it wasn’t her fault. I knew she wasn’t in a place to listen . . . just like I hadn’t been when she dove in to save me from drowning in my own ocean of guilt and regret. Eventually, she would be ready to grab onto something to keep her from going all the way under, but today wasn’t that day and I seriously doubted tomorrow would be that day either.

  I followed my friend down the hallway, watching her step gingerly and hold onto her side. Em was always the type of person who moved with poise and grace, but now she was barely shuffling along. The damage done to her was more than the marks that were etched into her skin and pieced back together. This experience had altered the way the woman carried herself. That broke my heart and had my brain scrambling for any kind of solution to get her back to her normal, bossy, and ballsy self. While I was contemplating that, suddenly all the medical personnel around us leapt into a flurry of activity. It was like someone had sounded an alarm only the doctors and nurses could hear. They all scrambled out of doorways and from behind desks in a mad rush toward one room on the ICU floor.

  Emrys tripped a little bit in front of me, so I reached out a hand to steady her. She brushed me off and gave me a panicked look over her shoulder. “That’s Sutton’s room they all went into.”

  Her gait was still awkward and not as fluid as it normally was, but there was definite purpose in her steps as she picked up the pace and moved to the room that was now crawling with what seemed like half of the emergency medical staff. Just as we reached the doorway, only to be told not to come any closer unless we were in the proper gear, Lane came stumbling out of the room, pulling down his paper facemask with obvious tears in his eyes.

  His breath was whooshing in and out between his parted lips and his head snapped back as Emrys latched onto the front of his shirt and gave him a shake. “What happened?!” She sounded frantic and hysterical.

  Lane reached his hands up and circled her wrists as a single, fat tear started to roll down his handsome face. “He opened his eyes.” The words were a whisper, but they shouted things like hope and optimism. He shook himself loose from Em’s hold and looked at me over the top of her head. “I have to go tell Cy and Brynn. We are far from out of the woods but everyone in there,” he hooked a finger over his shoulder toward the hectic room behind him, “seems to think it’s a good sign. If his blood pressure stays stable throughout the night, then they want to roll him into surgery first thing in the morning to get the rest of the bullet fragments out. There’s one close to his spine that they’re worried about shifting and causing some serious damage.”

  Lane practically bowled both of us over on the way to his family, but I couldn’t blame him and I had my hands full keeping Em from pushing past all the doctors and nurses in her way so she could get to Sutton’s side. They didn’t want anyone who wasn’t necessary in the room as everyone raced around to keep the middle Warner brother awake and well. He had so many tubes and cords running all over him that I could barely make out his form in the center of the bed but Em seemed to know right where to look.

  “He’s looking right at me.” Her words were so soft I wasn’t sure that was exactly what she had said. However, she turned to me and repeated them, her heart in her eyes and hope clear on every feature of her face.

  I felt a warm hand settle on the base of my spine and didn’t have to look to know that it was Cy. Every part of me recognized him, because he was the only one who had ever made me react to something as simple as the brush of fingers along my spine. All of me wanted all of him, so whenever he was close, my nerves fired up and my senses honed in on his nearness.

  “Seems like good news.” His voice was gruff in my ear but I could hear the hesitant relief in it.

  Brynn was bouncing up and down on her toes next to me, clapping her hands together. “Of course, it’s good news. He’s awake.”

  Lane put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “One step at a time, darlin’.”

  The brothers didn’t want to get their hopes up to have them dashed if Sutton’s condition crashed again. They were bracing for impact.

  Abruptly, the body in the middle of the bed started to jerk and twitch. Cy swore over the top of my head and Brynn gasped so loudly that one of the nurses closest to the door where we were lurking turned to look at us with narrowed eyes. Lane rubbed his hand roughly over his face and I jerked forward to grab Em as she lurched toward the door.

  “Is he having a seizure?” When no one bothered to answer her, Emrys shrieked the question again at the top of her lungs, which had one of the doctors exiting the room. He took one look at her face, pale and patch-worked together with a million stitches, and put a hand on her arm that she immediately shook off. “Is. He. Having. A. Seizure.” She enunciated each word coolly, and crossed her arms over her chest.

  I was secretly elated that she was standing her ground. It made me hope against hope that the road back to the old Em wouldn’t be super long and twisted.

  “Not a seizure. He was reacting to the breathing tube and all the lines we have running into him. He’s in a lot of pain, and all that thrashing around isn’t good for that bullet still stuck inside of him.” The doctor looked at the brothe
rs. “His situation is still critical but this is a big step in the right direction.”

  Lane looked down at the ground and sighed deeply, while I could feel Cy dip his chin down in acknowledgement. “Let us know how we can help, Doc.”

  “Don’t give up on him yet. They build cowboys tough out here. I have faith your brother will pull through.”

  We all turned to look at the nurse, who had been scowling at us after Em’s outburst, as she poked her head out of the door and interrupted our little party.

  “He’s trying to say something, but he can’t talk around the breathing tube. It’s agitating him, do you think we should pull it?”

  The doctor shook his head. “No. I don’t want to move anything until we get that last shard out of his back. If it hits his spine we could be looking at a whole new problem. Get him something to write with or give him a phone and see if he can type out a message on that. Frankly, I’m stunned he has so much fight in him after the blood loss and the trauma to his body.”

  Lane snorted. “He’s a stubborn bastard.”

  There was movement around the bed, and without warning, a phone beeped. Cy looked at Lane. “I came from the middle of the forest with him in the helicopter. I haven’t seen my cell phone in a month.”

  Lane pulled a phone out of his pocket and read over what was on the screen. He frowned, looked at me and then at Emrys, before silently handing the cell over. “Keep in mind he’s been through hell and has God only knows what kind of drugs pumping through his system right now.”

  Em gasped and the phone fell from her fingers, as she dropped it like the device was covered in shards of glass. Lucky, Cy had quick reflexes and managed to move forward and grab the device before it hit the tiled floor. Em put her hands to her face and turned her back on all of us as she slowly started to make her way back down the hallway toward her room.

  “Em?” I called her name and moved to follow her but stilled when Cy put his hand on my shoulder and handed me the phone.