by Jessie Cooke
He hugged her tightly. “I love you too, Dallas, and I’m going to do better, I promise.”
30
Four Years Later
Badger was pacing back and forth in the hallway while Doc and Hawk sat in plastic chairs and watched him. “Why don’t you just go in there?” Hawk asked him.
“Because if that baby comes out addicted to drugs I might kill her on the spot. That other kid…he’s been nothing but trouble since he was born.”
Doc sighed. “That other kid” was two years old. He’d been born addicted to opiates, and Child Services had him the first year of his life. Then Molly got clean and they cleaned up the trailer they lived in, and they got him back. Doc often wondered if that was a good decision on the county’s part. “I thought she wasn’t using anymore? If she was, what were you doing fucking her? Jesus, man, imagine the diseases you’re going to end up with some day, not to mention all the damned kids you don’t seem to want.”
“I swear, Doc, I used a condom every time but one…” Doc shook his head; at least Badger had just shut up. He continued to pace, though. Doc’s head was pounding. He wanted to go home. But he was stuck at the hospital in the maternity ward with this dumb fuck that knocked up a junkie for the second time and wouldn’t stop talking about how he was going to strangle her if Child Services got called when the baby was born. Doc had sent people out to the trailer the woman – or girl, really – lived in. Molly was only twenty years old. Badger was thirty, and definitely old enough to know better, especially since she was barely eighteen when he started messing with her. After the first year, of thinking he was hiding the fact that she was a junkie, one of the girls caught her with a needle in her arm in the clubhouse bathroom. Doc had forbade Badger from bringing her around and for a while Badger had even insisted he wasn’t seeing her any longer.
Doc hoped it was true, but figured Badger would just find himself another junkie to replace her. The man wasn’t great-looking, his hygiene was questionable, and he had very few manners. Finding a woman had never been easy for him, until he figured out he could get himself a junkie, treat her like shit, and as long as he kept her supplied with whatever she needed to stay high, she’d still have sex with him. Molly was a beautiful girl with white blonde hair and big blue eyes. At least she was, the first time Doc met her. The last time he saw her, about two weeks ago when Badger finally admitted he was still seeing her and she was pregnant, she’d looked like hell. It was a safe bet that she was still using, and the kid would be born an addict. It was also a safe bet that Badger might just go through with killing her. Doc wasn’t there out of any compassion or empathy for either of them. He was protecting the club, as usual. Detective Brady had been sniffing around again, looking for cars that were stolen in what he was calling a “rash” of car thefts in South Dorchester. Doc and his crew had to scramble to get any trace of any car they’d taken off the streets out of the shop before Brady showed back up with a warrant…and now this bullshit.
“How the hell long does it take, anyway?” Badger said. “She’s been in there howling for over three hours.”
“Dallas was in labor with Dax for ten hours,” Doc said. “So why don’t you sit down, shut up, and relax?” Badger opened his mouth again, looked at Doc’s face, and closed it. He went over and sat on the other side of Hawk. They sat in blessed silence for a while until Hawk’s brand new, two-thousand-dollar phone began to ring from the holster he kept it in on his hip. Doc had been thinking about getting one himself; they seemed convenient. But Hawk looked so ridiculous carrying it around that Doc hadn’t been able to commit to it yet. He got one for his SA Mondo instead. Mondo had been his replacement for Coyote eight years earlier when he sent him out to California. The man didn’t have much of a personality, but he was definitely one you’d want to have your back in a fight. Since Doc didn’t go anywhere without one of his SAs, he’d gotten the phone for Mondo. He didn’t trust Badger not to leave it lying around where one of his junkie girlfriends might find it and hock it for a dime bag.
Hawk got up and walked a few feet away before answering the phone. Doc couldn’t hear what he was saying, but the conversation looked intense. Hawk kept shaking his head from side to side and after a few minutes, when he ended the call, Doc said, “Who was that?”
“Juice,” Hawk said.
“What the fuck does he want?” Juice was a biker from Connecticut, a loser that Doc couldn’t stand the sight of. He’d kicked him off the ranch once a few years back and he had no idea that Hawk was still talking to the man.
“His president wants a meeting with you. He had Juice call me because Juice told him we were friends, which we aren’t, Doc.”
“Funny that your ‘not a friend’ has your brand-new mobile phone number.”
“I didn’t give it to him. He called the club last week and that new bartender, Priscilla, gave it to him. She got it off the emergency list in the kitchen.”
“Shit, that’s got our private numbers on it. Why didn’t I hear about this?”
“Because I handled it. You had your hands full with Brady. Priscilla’s not on the ranch any longer and I made sure the girls all knew they didn’t give those numbers out to anyone, but it was too late. Juice already had mine. I told him you’ve got no interest in dealing with the Sinners.”
“What do they want?” Doc asked.
“They want to distribute on the Southside,” Hawk said, then he added, “Since we’re not.”
Hawk hadn’t been making a lot of noise about it, but lately Doc was getting the impression that his best friend and VP didn’t approve of the direction Doc was taking the club. He didn’t care what most people thought of him, or his decisions. He knew he was more intelligent than most of the world’s species. But there were a handful of people that he did care about…and Hawk was one of them. They’d been dreaming and scamming together since grade school, and Hawk was always Doc’s number one fan…until recently. At least that was the feeling Doc was getting.
“What did you tell them?”
“I told him when we had the time, I’d run it by you but I wasn’t going to ‘recommend’ you sit down with his prez like he wants me to, and for him not to hold his breath over any of it. You have enough problems.”
Something about the way Hawk said that Doc had “enough problems” gave him the feeling that there was a specific problem Hawk was referring to. But Doc didn’t say anything at that point, he just nodded. He would have to think on that some more before he talked to Hawk about it. Something was up with his VP, but Doc had learned the hard way over the years to not let his emotions drive his conversations or decisions. Sometimes it pissed off his old lady when she wanted to have a conversation and he’d wait for days before finally having a sit-down with her. But over the past three years he had done what he promised her he would when Dax was three. He was doing “better.” They didn’t fight as much, and he didn’t ride Dax so much about the little things, and they had all been happier as a family than they were for a long time before that…so, he must be doing something right. Running the club was a lot like running a family. He had to decide just how much rope to give his “kids.” If he tried to tether them too tightly, they’d turn and bite him as soon as he got close enough. Too loosely and they’d hang themselves on it. It was a delicate balance, always. He looked over at Badger, who was living proof of that.
“Mr. Miller?” The nurse stepped out of the room as she was removing her paper mask and hat. Badger jumped to his feet and when the nurse smiled, all three men took a collective breath. “Your son is here; would you like to come in now?” Badger looked at Doc and Doc nodded. He didn’t need Doc’s permission to go in and see his son…but it was all about how you tethered them.
Just like they did when Dax was born, and then Toolie’s daughter, and Badger’s first son, Keller, the club had a party the night that his second son Cody came into the world. Badger spent the rest of the day at the hospital and the first thing he did when he got back was find Doc an
d tell him, “The kid was perfectly normal. They took him for all the tests and blood and all that…and nothing.”
“Good. Does that mean she quit using, or she just hasn’t used recently?”
Badger shook his head. “She didn’t quit. She told me she did for a while but then I found her kit. I was so mad that I…” He caught himself. Doc had once heard about him punching one of the women he was dating in the face. Badger was taken out behind the woodshed over it. He couldn’t get out of bed for a week afterwards, and as far as Doc knew, he hadn’t put his hands on Molly…yet, anyway. “I told her she was going to be out on the street if she did it again. I’m paying the rent on that trailer and all the bills that go with it. But anyway, that was about two months ago. So maybe…”
Badger was a worrier. Doc put his hand on the man’s shoulder and said, “The baby’s here, he’s healthy, and Child Services didn’t show up. Things are good today, Badge. Go have a drink, pass out some cigars, and enjoy it, okay?”
Badger smiled. Dallas hated him. She told Doc every chance she got that she thought the man had an evil, black soul. But when Badger looked at Doc, Doc only saw worship – awe sometimes…and as long as he followed his rules, Doc wasn’t sure he cared what was in the man’s soul. He’d discipline him if he had to, if he put his hands on another woman, but until then, he was still a brother. “Thanks, Doc.”
“No problem. I’ll talk to Dal in the morning and see what kind of baby stuff we’ve got out in the shed. With two now, you’ll probably need more stuff.” Badger shook his head.
“Not sure where we’ll put it all.”
“Well, you could have taken me up on the offer of a house on the ranch…as long as Molly was willing to quit the needle for good.” Doc offered his men all the option of living on the ranch. He was still having houses built, but a lot of them had opted for trailers or fifth-wheels while they waited. Badger had chosen to keep the trailer that his old lady lived in when he met her. It was out in the country about ten miles from the ranch. Doc knew it had something to do with Molly’s addictions and he preferred they kept their own place rather than have her bring it onto the ranch.
Badger thanked him again and Doc told him he’d be out in a few. He just wanted to sit in the office for a minute and decompress…he needed some quiet time every now and again. He closed the door behind Badger and had just sat back down in the new leather chair the guys had chipped in and bought him for his last birthday when the phone rang. Only people on the ranch and a select handful of people Doc was close to had the office phone number. Thinking it was probably Dallas, checking in about the baby, he picked it up on the first ring. “Hello?”
“Doc?” The voice still gave him a little thrill in his core. He had only seen Abril twice since the time Dallas caught them together. They never talked about that day. He’d just shown up, like he always did about a year and a half after that, and they did what they always did. But after that, he had honestly tried to be a better man for his family. He had one slip-up about four months ago, one drunken night on the road, passing through San Antonio on their way down to Brownsville. He had tried to stay away from her, but that night as he lay on the bed in the Head Hunters’ clubhouse, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. He honestly tried not to leave in the middle of the night and go fuck her, but he hadn’t been able to sleep and he had a big ride the next morning…he needed to relieve some stress. That’s what he told himself at least, to try to justify it. That’s what had started the recent onslaught of calls from her as well, and he was just about ready to change all of the numbers in the club. Hawk usually intercepted her calls, or called her back so Doc didn’t have to. But Doc had never given her the private office number and he was sure Hawk wouldn’t either. So, the first thing he said was, “How did you get this number?”
“Well, hello to you too, Doc.”
“I don’t have time for this.”
“Wait! Please, I just need a minute. I’m sorry to call this number. I have caller ID and when I called a couple of weeks ago, this is the number where Hawk called me from. He said that he’d ask you to call me this time…but I had a feeling he was lying.”
Doc groaned. He would have to change the number to the office at least. Maybe it was time to change all of them. “Well, he didn’t tell me you called, Abril, but that’s probably because I told him not to. Our time came and went…you need to move on.”
“Doc, please just hear me out. I don’t want to come between you and your family…I really don’t. I’m not a bad person.”
“I don’t think you’re a bad person, Abril. But this thing between us…it was more obsession than anything else, and it’s gone way past its expiration date.”
“Wow, you talk about me like I’m a carton of expired milk.”
He sighed again. “Abril, people are waiting for me. I have to go. Move on with your life. Get a better job. Move out of that shithole you live in. Do something besides sitting there waiting for me, because I’m not coming, Abril. I’m done.”
“Doc, I’m having your baby. I’m pregnant.”
31
Hawk was sitting at the bar with his back to Doc when he grabbed him. Hawk dropped the glass he had in his hand and let out a wild curse as he was dragged backwards off the stool. The entire place went silent and all eyes were on them while Doc dragged his VP by the back of his shirt to the door. It took Hawk a few seconds to really react. When he did he said:
“Doc! Fucking let go of me. What the fuck?”
Doc let go, only at that moment realizing what a spectacle he was making. It would be all over the ranch now, and Dallas would want to know what it was about. Fuck. That’s what acting on his emotions got him. Fucking Abril was what acting on his emotions got him. “Outside, now,” he barked at Hawk. Then he raised his head and let his blue eyes take in everyone in the room who had stopped what they were doing to stare. Within a second, the music was back on and everyone was doing exactly whatever they had been doing before, except Hawk, who was trying to get to his feet. Doc spun on the heel of his boot and slammed out the door of the club. He lit a cigarette as soon as he was outside and started pacing.
“What the hell was that?” Hawk burst through the doors like he was looking for a fight. He might just get one.
“What the hell was that?” Doc repeated the question. “Oh, I don’t know. I was just thinking that maybe you were too stupid to get something unless it was beaten into or dragged out of you.”
“Are you drunk, Doc? Because I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.”
“When was the last time Abril called here?” Hawk’s face suddenly went white. “I was going to ask you next if she told you, but I can see that she did.”
Hawk held up his hands and said, “Wait a minute, Doc. Yes, she told me and no, I didn’t run straight to you with it. You have so much shit on your plate. It’s my job to do what I can to take some of the load off you, and that’s all I was trying to do. I told her I’d talk to you, and I’d call her back. Obviously, the crazy bitch has no patience, and no sense either, calling you with something like this.”
“Something like this? She’s pregnant, Hawk, with my baby.”
Hawk chuckled. “You’re a fucking genius Doc…please tell me that you can’t figure out that this is pure manipulation on her part. She’s desperate because you’ve decided you don’t need her anymore. How do we even know that kid is yours?”
Doc didn’t like the way that question made him feel. He was pissed that she was pregnant, but he hadn’t questioned whether it was his or not. He kept urging her to move on, but whenever he saw her, she would assure him again that he was the only one who ever touched her. He loved hearing that when he was fucking her. He loved having that kind of power. But maybe Hawk was right. Maybe she’d found some dumb shit to knock her up, just so she could pass it off as Doc’s baby. “So, what were you going to do about it, Hawk? Whether or not it’s mine is my problem. Keeping it from me didn’t help, it only ga
ve me less time to work on damage control.”
“I’m sorry, you’re right. I take protecting you too far sometimes. I haven’t just been sitting here doing nothing. I hired a security outfit in San Antonio to talk to her co-workers and neighbors and find out if she’s been seeing anyone else. They’re supposed to call me with a report in a couple of days. I was going to talk to you about all of this then, hopefully with more information for you then.”
Doc’s anger at Hawk was beginning to ebb and he felt like an even bigger ass for putting his hands on him in front of the entire club. He took a couple of deep breaths and ran a hand through his long hair and said, “Fuck, man, I’m sorry.”
Hawk took a step closer to him, put his hand on Doc’s shoulder, and said, “Everything I do, Doc…it’s about protecting you, your family, and this club. Please always know that.”
Doc nodded. “I do…fuck. What the fuck do I do now, Hawk? I don’t think Dallas and I can survive this.”
“Dallas doesn’t ever have to know. I’ll go out there myself tomorrow. I’ll take her to the abortion clinic myself…”
“Abortion? Does she want to have an abortion?”
“Did you talk to her about this at all?”
“Fuck, no. I hung up as soon as she said she was pregnant. I couldn’t see straight, and anything I would have said to her at that point would have been like throwing kerosene on the fire. It’s all I need to have her show up here…and find Dallas somehow…and destroy my family.” Somewhere inside of him, Doc knew this wasn’t Abril’s fault, at least not the destroying his family part. But it was easier to blame her than to think of himself as that stupid.
“Well, when I mentioned abortion to her, the only thing she said was, ‘That’s my decision and Doc’s, not yours.’ She wants you to talk to her about this. It’s her way of manipulating you back into her life, Doc. Don’t bite. Let me deal with it.”
