by Erica M Kim
Frustration pent up in me bursts into flames, and I’m suddenly pissed. Why does he always need to stop this? Why is he so wary? My pride is hurt, and I turn around in a fury, desperate to get out of Lio’s presence before he realizes that I’m hurt.
“Are you mad?” Lio asks without missing a beat and forces me to turn back around.
“You always stop. Why? Am I not good enough? I thought all you wanted to do was devour me completely?” I bark at him more harshly than I mean to. “I feel like a fool every time you stop when all I want to do is . . .” My voice wanders as I struggle to find a decent word to say. There is none. “Fuck.” I complete my sentence with no shame. Whatever. Call it what it is.
“Lunis, you don’t think I feel the same way? You don’t think that every time I see you, all I want to do is climb on top of you and claim your body as mine? You don’t think that I don’t feel this magnetic force between us, that’s unworldly and inexplicable? Why else do you think I come to find you every day? I’m addicted to being around you. I have wanted nothing more in this world than you, to have you and to be yours.” Lio runs his hand through his hair in irritation as he continues.
“We are still getting to know each other. You told me earlier, this is your first time dating anyone—so let’s not rush into this. I’m just trying to do what’s best for us, not just give into pure, maddening, physical desire, which I would love to do, trust me.” His voice softens as he says the last part. He’s frustrated too, I can see it. And I feel bad for getting mad.
“Okay,” I resign. “You’re right.” I turn around to unlock my car and get inside. “Good night, Lio. See you in the morning.”
“Good night, baby.” I shut the door, start the engine and drive off with Lio still standing on the sidewalk.
Every time I step closer to Lio, I know that the end will be only more painful. But I’m like a moth attracted to the light in the night sky. It calls so brightly, it enraptures so completely, and then it just burns. Instead of flying away, I’m stuck until all that’s left are ashes. Darkness envelopes my heart as it accepts this truth.
22
Suffering through the bleak, dawn-lit morning, I toss things that I think I’ll need for the day into my black handbag. The weather app tells me that it’s a chilly fifty-four degrees in San Francisco. I wrap a dark-gray cashmere scarf around my neck, on top of my black leather jacket, and double-layered long sleeve shirts. I put on my black combat boots, the most comfortable of my boots to walk in, and sit down on the sofa fighting drowsiness with healthy gulps of coffee. I’m not even in the mood for breakfast.
True to Lio’s word, Daniel called me last night and walked me through a detailed plan for the shop, which I then relayed to Ramon. Daniel’s own daughter, Elizabeth, would be coming to the shop to help wash dogs for the day. Lio will be compensating her, and I don’t even want to ask how much.
I’ll be going a little bit deeper into Lio’s world today. The thought of meeting Alex still makes my stomach churn, so I store that worry for later. And despite my nervous excitement to learn more about Lio, I can’t help but feel hesitation. The deeper the wound, the harder it is to heal. Every time I see Lio, my heart makes more and more room for him. When this comes to an end—because it will have to end—will there be a dark, vacuous hole to fill? Will I ever be able to live life alone, after my heart knows the feeling of love? Dare I even call it love?
This is too heavy for me at 6:45 a.m., and I again shove that thought out of my sleepy head. After setting my mug on the coffee table, I close my eyes and lay down on the couch for just a second. It feels like only a minute goes by before I hear a knock on my front door. It’s seven o’clock on the dot. A stupid grin is plastered on my face as I open the door.
“Good morning, sleepyhead. Latte for the lady?” Lio cheerfully says as he holds out a Starbucks cup.
“Thanks,” I say, taking the cup graciously. I’m going to need all the caffeine I can get my hands on.
Santa Monica Municipal Airport is perhaps the smallest airport ever built. I didn’t even know it existed. After parking, Lio leads me straight to the runway, where a midsized jet is waiting for us. The jet is a sleek dark gunmetal color without any words written on it. It has a sharp nose, and I count seven circular windows. It looks like a spaceship that is ready to take off to Mars, and my heart thumps in anticipation.
“What kind of jet is this?” I try not to sound nervous.
“It’s a Gulfstream G-200. She’s a beauty, huh?”
“Yeah, she is . . .” I fail at sounding casual despite myself.
A tall, middle-aged man with broad shoulders approaches us from the jet. His ginger hair is cut in a short military cut. His face is serious, but kind with a sort of boyish charm. He has the greenest eyes I have ever seen, and as his face breaks into a courteous smile, I see a row of straight teeth.
“Lunis, this is Daniel Manfred. Master, at well, everything quite frankly.”
“Ah, the infamous, Daniel,” I say with a smile.
“What type of lies have you been spreading about me, Lio?” Daniel says with a smile as he shakes my hand. Cold and firm. Not surprised about that. “Let me take your bag, miss.”
“Lunis, please. And I can carry my own bag, thanks. And Daniel, thank you for asking your daughter help at Hair of the Dog. It means so much to me to know that I have someone trustworthy there.”
“You’re welcome. Anything for Mr. Manos.”
Within a couple of minutes, we are walking up the metal staircase and into the spaceship, and as we enter, my breath is taken away. Despite its tight confines, the jet is decorated with the utmost modernity and style.
There are three rows of seats, with two seats in each row. The seats are upholstered in black leather and basically, looks like those eight-thousand-dollar massage chairs. The cabin is trimmed with gray birdseye maple wood with aluminum accents to give the entire cabin a contemporary feel. Behind the seats, there is a full-length sofa that faces a massive TV, larger than the TV in my apartment. And beyond the sofa, there is a door which opens to a small bedroom. Damn. It’s hard not to feel insignificant around so much lavishness.
Without much warning, we are greeted by a high-pitched feminine voice.
“Welcome aboard, Mr. Manos. We are so glad to see you again.” The voice matches the woman. She is wearing a tight blue blouse and pencil skirt, and her blonde hair is perfectly coiffed into a chignon. Her lips are painted a dainty pink color, and her eyes are sparkling blue.
“Please take your seats while we prepare for takeoff. What can I get for you and your guest to drink?”
“A bottle of Cristal, Lisa.”
“The 1996?”
“Sure,” Lio responds as he leads us to the row of seats in the front. Lio and I sit next to each other, and Daniel takes a seat on the opposite end of the plane.
I hear the pop of the champagne as I buckle in my seatbelt, two glasses appear on the armrest that we share. It feels too early to be drinking, but I take the flute anyway.
“To our first trip together,” Lio says with a giant grin plastered on his face. I feel giddy just looking at him.
“Cheers.”
I’ve never had Cristal before, and I don’t know if I can ever have anything else ever again. I quickly drain my glass and smack my lips unintentionally.
“That good, huh?”
“That was pretty damn tasty. More please.” Despite the warmth creeping up my face, I hold out the flute, and Lisa appears out of nowhere.
Halfway through the second glass, I am certainly buzzed from the bubbly. We haven’t even begun to take off, but the nagging nervousness I was feeling earlier has dissipated.
“If you’re tired, you can go take a quick nap after takeoff,” Lio suggests after looking at me for a couple of seconds.
“And miss out on this? No way, Jose,” I say as I snuggle in closer to Lio’s arm. The champagne’s making me do it. I swear.
Despite my protests against taking a
nap, I doze off, and I feel a tender caress on my face, pulling me out of my slumber. No. I fight it. I want to stay asleep forever. I ignore the hand and try to focus on finding sleep again in my mind.
A moment later, I feel Lio’s warm lips against mine, and I am instantly awake, even though I keep my eyes close. His tongue coaxes my lips to open, and they acquiesce. A small moan escapes from my throat as our kiss deepens, and I hungrily grab Lio’s head to bring it closer to mine. Much to my dismay, Lio abruptly pulls away.
“Good morning, sleepyhead. That certainly woke you up,” he says in a playful tone. I open my eyes and realize that we are on Lio’s jet and that there are other people aboard this place, although they are nowhere to be found. Thank the gods.
“Come on. Daniel is waiting for us in a car outside.”
After patiently wading through traffic for an hour, we approach the City by the Bay, and the weather forecast turns out to be accurate—a thick blanket of fog covers the beautiful cityscape. I look out the window and marvel at the modern buildings climbing up and cascading down the steep hills.
“I’ll be done in about an hour and a half or so. Daniel is going to take you around Union Square; then we’ll meet Alex for lunch. Do you like Mediterranean food?” Lio asks as we pull up to a tall building. It must be at least thirty floors high.
“Yeah, I like anything, Lio.”
“Have a good time. Don’t look so sullen. Daniel is great company, and Alex is going to love you.”
“Good luck with your meeting.”
“Thanks, baby.” And with a quick kiss, he was off.
23
Within the first hour, I realize that San Francisco is a vastly different city than Los Angeles. First of all, it’s wickedly cold. The frigid winds whip around me, and the multitude of layers I have on aren’t enough to keep out the chill. The sloped streets are lined with sky rise buildings that kiss the fog. Bicycles and buses seem to be the main mode of transportation and all in a furious race with one another.
All in all, I like the different flavors that the city offers. The smell, though, I could do without. Putrid sewage lingers around every sidewalk we venture on.
Daniel and I are both introverts, and we don’t have much conversation at first. I’m not particularly uncomfortable, but I do feel pressure to break the silence between us as we casually peruse through shops in Union Square.
“So . . . how long have you been working with Lio?” I ask as I inspect a pair of black riding boots. The gleaming leather is supple and smooth.
“Over a decade, Miss Kendall.”
“Please,” I say dead seriously, looking at Daniel straight in the eye. “Call me Lunis.” Daniel responds with a slight nod and a small smile.
“What exactly do you do for Lio?” I signal to a sales associate. “Size seven, please,” I say as I point to the riding boots.
“Whatever Mr. Manos needs of me.” Ugh. The vaguest answer ever.
“And that entails . . .?”
“It entails things like security, meetings, overseeing business transactions, and sometimes babysitting,” he says the last bit with a smirk. Mr. Suit knows how to joke. I instantly like him a little more.
“Do you enjoy being employed by Lio?”
“A job is always a job. But yes. I am very grateful to have Mr. Manos as my employer. He changed my life in many ways. For the better.” As Daniel says this, his eyes darken and tell me there’s more to this story than I will ever know. Lio must have saved this man somehow. And now he’s indebted to him.
I decide that I like the boots and carry them to the register and pull out my wallet.
“I don’t think so,” Daniel says as he forces my wallet back into my purse. “Mr. Manos gave me strict orders not to let you pay. For anything.”
“Are you being serious?” I say, glaring at him.
“Yes. I am,” he says as he hands a black American Express credit card to the sales associate. The judgmental look on the sales associate’s face makes me want to shrivel up and die, but I know there’s no way around Lio and his antics. Not wanting to make a scene, I concede.
“Well, then I’d better make sure he gets his money’s worth.”
Over the next few hours, I learn more about Daniel’s daughter, Elizabeth, who is currently a sophomore at Pepperdine University. He doesn’t mention anything about a wife or Elizabeth’s mother, so I don’t ask. Despite his taciturn presence, I enjoy Daniel’s company. We have a similar sense of dry humor, and I find myself chuckling at his witty responses quite frequently. Turns out, Daniel is actually a pretty good shopping companion too. He gives frank feedback without hesitation, which I appreciate. Two pairs of boots, four shirts, and one jacket later, Lio finally calls Daniel.
“Mr. Manos. We’re still in Union Square. Yes. We’ll come get you shortly.”
I use the car ride to check in on Hair of the Dog. Ramon answers immediately and reassures me that all is manageable and that Elizabeth has been fantastic help at the shop. My anxiety steps down a notch after talking to him.
A short ride later, and we’re back in front of the tall building where we last left Lio. Within minutes, he cycles out the revolving door, and by the ease of his strides and relaxed grin, I know that his meeting went well. He enters and unabashedly plants a huge kiss on my lips. I momentarily freeze then forget about my shyness.
“Meeting went well?” I ask breathlessly.
“Yes, very well. Can you tell?”
“You’re in a great mood.”
“Why not be in a great mood? I’m in a wonderful city, with the most beautiful woman on my way to see one of my favorite people in the world,” he says as he strokes my cheek. His hand glides down my neck and parks itself on my thigh. His thumb caresses me, and it sends shivers down my spine. Emboldened by desire, I also rest my hand inside of Lio’s thighs. Two can play at this game.
Lio instantaneously freezes, as a grin takes over his face. Without saying a word, Lio inches his hand closer between my legs. I can feel the heat from his hands. My breath quickens, and I feel like I’m going to faint or explode. Whichever comes first.
Bravely, I move my hand closer in between his legs. I eye the final destination, and I can see him respond through the thin, wool material of his slacks. Holy shit. Lio doesn’t move. In fact, I don’t even think he’s breathing. We stare at each other, daring the other to make the next move. I decide I’ll do it. I let my pinky finger graze its target.
Suddenly Lio clears his throat and shifts. I giggle, knowing that I won the game. But victory does nothing but leave me wanting for more.
Daniel coughs, reminding us that he’s just two feet in front of the dense sexual tension between us, and announces that we’ve arrived. The nervousness returns, and like that, all traces of lust evaporate.
Alex hasn’t arrived yet, so we’re seated first. Daniel conveniently vanishes after dropping us off, so it’s just Lio and me at the table. I peruse the menu, although I can’t seem to process anything I’m reading. My mind is racing with a billion thoughts per minute. What kind of person will Alex be? Will she like me? What does she know about Lio’s past girlfriends?
Lio starts to wave beside me, and his face has a giant smile. At the entrance is a woman with blonde wavy hair in an oxblood leather jacket and metallic boots. She is tall and thin in the way that makes most girls envious. Her face breaks into happiness as she recognizes her brother.
“Lunis, this is my beloved and rambunctious sister, Alexis Manos. Alex, this is Lunis Kendall.” I get ready to shake her hand, but instead, Alex’s long arms beat me to the punch and she grabs me for a hug.
“I’m so happy to meet you finally, Lunis!” Her voice is feminine, just like her face. At a closer look, her blue eyes are identical to Lio’s. Aside from the difference in hair color, their facial structure is very similar—which makes her gorgeous. “You have no idea, Lunis,” Alex practically squeals. “I have heard so much about you from my brother. It’s no wonder. You're stunning! M
y brother never talks about women. I thought for certain he was swinging the other way if you know what I mean. Not that I have anything against that, but I am certainly surprised that he finally is introducing me to someone. Lio has never brought anyone home before. He’s so secretive, you know,” she says with a wink. I smile as my mind tries to absorb the amount of information that Alex just word-vomited on me.
“Alex, that’s enough revealing about me,” Lio says.
“See what I mean?!”
“Yes, I do know,” I say with a smile. Her genuine warmth seeps right through my cold, dark heart. Lio was right. I do like Alex already. A lot.
Soon, we’re all seated with a bottle of Syrah opened, after ordering enough dolmathes, baked feta, grilled octopus, roasted lamb, fried shrimp, and hummus and tzatziki to feed us for a week.
“So, Alex, I hear you are studying to be a doctor. Where are you going to school?” I start the conversation so I can try to do some digging.
“I’m in the Stanford medical program, in my second year now.”
“School must be really hard and competitive.”
“It is! I am constantly exhausted, but I love it. Eventually, I want to specialize in pediatrics, so I have many years left!”
“Alex is very good with children,” Lio adds.
“It’s true,” Alex agrees. “I’ve loved children ever since I was a teenager. I would volunteer to babysit without getting paid,” she says with laughter, soft wrinkles enhancing those crystal blue eyes. Her laugh is musical, and I find myself smiling at the sound of it. “I do miss Los Angeles, though, and being close to my brother.” She gazes adoringly at Lio. It’s obvious that they have a very close, loving relationship. I can’t help but feel a tinge of envy as I’m suddenly reminded of my loneliness.
“I hear from Lio that you own a pet-grooming business.” Alex turns the light back to me, but I don’t mind her questions. She put me at ease in a strange way.
