We’d barely crossed the threshold before Ben lunged at me, smothering my grunt of surprise with his beautiful mouth. I shoved the front door shut with a bang and kissed him fervently. Coats plopped to the floor, and my fingers finagled his tie off as he unclipped my suspenders from my waistband.
“I really liked those, by the way,” he said as I tossed his tie to the floor.
I cackled. “Me, too.”
Attached at the mouths, we stumbled across the living room, unbuttoning dress shirts. I yelped when the back of my knees crashed into the couch. I fell to the cushions as my top billowed open. I ripped the thing from my body as Ben shrugged off his baby-blue button-up. When he hesitated, as if he wanted to fold the damn thing, I snatched it from his grasp with a growl and threw it somewhere behind the couch.
Sitting up, I loosened his belt as his breath escaped in choppy gasps, but before I could undo his pants, he stopped me.
He captured my wrists and halted my progress in unbuttoning his slacks. I smacked his hand away, my jaw set, but he didn’t back down. “Silas, wait.”
“I’m fine, Ben.” I buried my face in his stomach, his undershirt smelling strongly of spring soap and sweat. “I promise, I’m fine.”
He crouched before me, kissing each of my palms in turn, and my gut clenched. “Listen, I have an idea.”
“If it’s a no-pants idea, then I’m on board.” I agreed readily, trying to kiss him, but he swerved out of reach with a chuckle. “Benjamin, I’m gonna lose my shit—”
“Just wait.” He pushed his index finger to my lips and shushed me. “I do have an idea that I think will help.”
Air whistled through my nose as my shoulders slumped. I pecked the pad of his finger. “Okay.”
Framing my face with his hands, he kissed me sweetly, his lips sliding across mine in a light, teasing manner. I smiled, allowing him to have his way, and when he added pressure to my torso, I eased onto my back, the couch cushions pillowing my landing.
We tried to kiss and arrange ourselves simultaneously and failed. I laughed as Ben grabbed my hips and slid my body to the end of the couch.
After removing his undershirt, he crawled after me, and I opened my legs to allow him space to maneuver. Instead of slithering between my thighs, he shifted my legs until he straddled one of them, one of his knees wedged between me and back of the couch while the other settled between my legs. He grinned, suddenly shy at hovering over me with his pants open and drooping.
“Well, Sherlock, what’s the plan?” I feigned nonchalance as I circled one of his nipples, and it hardened under my touch.
When he arched a rebuking brow, I dragged my fingers down his sides, and he squirmed, releasing an adorable giggle.
“Don’t tickle me when I’m trying to be sexy,” he whined, and I threw my head back, guffawing. “Stop laughing!”
He bent over me and swallowed my laughter with his lips. It was too easy for him to distract me, and I soon forgot my amusement as our tongues parried. The moment his fingers grazed over my nipples, I arched off the couch with a wanton moan, and Ben shuddered.
“Silas, you’re so beautiful.” His teeth caught one of the silver balls by my ear, and I snickered as he tugged lightly.
“You make me sound girly.” I bit my bottom lip when his thumb and index finger rolled my nipple hard enough to sting.
“Being beautiful doesn’t make you a girl.” He blazed kisses down my neck, his breath heating my skin. “You’re all man, and I thoroughly appreciate it.”
I moaned, my cock swelling in my jeans as he sucked on the nape of my neck, leaving a mark. “Well, good, ’cause I don’t plan on exchanging my dick for a vagina.”
“Stop talking,” he muttered, and I tangled my fingers in his hair for purchase and forced his mouth back to mine.
The heat built as he kissed me like he was claiming me, and I scooted lower on the couch until I could rub my erection against his thigh. Pleasure sparked through my blood, and I gasped against his mouth as I undulated again. Fucking finally!
“That’s not my idea,” he panted, gripping my hip to still me.
“Well, then, hop to it. I’m not a patient guy.”
“This, I know.” Lifting his weight off me, he rubbed his thumb over my waist as he chewed his bottom lip. “Um, anyway, since Monday, I’ve been thinking. I did a little research, too—”
I scowled, the sexy mood plummeting. “Research? What did you Google? How do get your wussy boyfriend off?”
He wasn’t amused, but he didn’t address my sass. “Anyway, I was thinking that since my hand triggers you, we could try, um, well, we could…”
“Just spit it out,” I commanded impatiently, and he flushed to the tips of his ears.
“We could use your hand.” The words rushed from his mouth, and my eyes widened. “Instead of mine, we would use yours, and I’d, well, help. I’d be a part of it to help reprogram your brain to not see me as a threat. Like, replacing bad memories with good ones.”
With an awkward chuckle, I waggled my eyebrows. “You want me to jerk off in front of you?”
He nodded, his face beet-red. “Yes, I want you to jerk off in front of me.”
My stomach coiled as I studied his hand on my bare waist, his fingers drawing nervous circles over my hip bone. “I don’t think that’ll work.”
Avoiding his gaze, I fingered his Adam’s apple, and he angled his head in hopes of arresting my wandering eyes. “Why not?”
Somehow, this was more humiliating than admitting Ben’s hand on my cock sent me spiraling. This was worse. Who couldn’t touch themselves? Who was afraid of their own arousal?
“I can’t, Ben.” I prayed he understood without me having to voice it, but he cocked his head in question.
“Can’t or won’t?”
I stared meaningfully. “I can’t, Ben.” His eyes flared, and I shrugged in mortification. “Not for lack of desire, but, uh, it doesn’t work out well for me.”
“Holy shit, you can’t… how long has it been?” He cupped my cheek as I rolled my eyes, and he winced. “Since…?”
“Yes, since. I tried a couple times, but no luck.”
As he settled his weight on his knees, he released a breath through pursed lips. “Damn, that’s a long time.”
An uncomfortable silence descended, and I propped myself on my elbows, the mood officially obliterated. Ben was deep in thought, his eyes far away as his fingers drummed against my thigh. It was sweet of him to want to help me, but some things were too humiliating, too difficult to tackle.
“We can just, like, watch a movie.” I waved at the TV, and he blinked back to the present.
“Or we could try,” he countered. “You’ve only tried alone, and maybe having me here to help might make a difference.”
Cringing, I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and gnawed on it. “And if it doesn’t work?”
“Then we stop and try again another time,” he answered matter-of-factly.
My lip threatened to split as my teeth picked at the tattered flesh. “I’ve never, um, had an audience before.”
Ben’s shyness melted away as his eyes heated. “For what it’s worth, I wanna watch you. I think—” He cleared his throat as he tentatively drew swirls over my ribs. “I think it’ll work for me.”
Of course, his forwardness turned me on, and I shifted on the couch as my jeans constricted my hard-on. “You want to watch me touch myself?” I crooked my finger with a naughty smirk.
He crawled over me again with a nod. “Yes.”
“You want me to work my cock for you?” He shuddered at my dirty words, and power flooded my veins.
“Y-Yes.”
He hovered an inch from my lips, his breath fanning over my mouth, and I licked my lips as my palms framed his face. “Okay. I’ll, uh, I’ll try.”
“You’re amazing.” His lips touched mine briefly, and I snorted.
“Amazing? Oh, yeah, that’s me.” He pecked my cheek and then my ear, over my pierc
ing as I rambled. “I could join a circus. The Amazing Boy Who Can’t Masturbate. I’d be a hit.”
“I’d be your biggest fan.” He snickered in my ear, kissing the spot below my ear.
Chortling, I wrapped my arms around his neck and delved my fingers into his hair. “My main event would be me screaming in terror at my own erection.”
A beat of silence followed my proclamation, then Ben lost his composure completely. He roared with laughter, his body vibrating, and the whole couch shook as I joined him. Tears leaked from the corner of my eyes.
Ben pressed our foreheads together, alternating kissing me and choking on guffaws. “I can’t stop picturing it.”
I swiped at the moisture gathering in his eyes, and he tucked a tuft of hair behind my ear as he squashed our grinning mouths together. Teeth clacked and tongues tangled. Soon enough, our amusement morphed into want. We were young and male; it didn’t take much.
“So, uh” —I gasped as Ben nibbled on my jaw— “do I just, you know, go to town down there? Or is there a certain etiquette to choking the chicken in front of your boyfriend for the first time?”
Ben grunted into my neck, his teeth nipping sharply. “Maybe you shouldn’t talk so much. You’re ruining the mood.”
“Oh, fuck you. I’m just trying to figure out the protocol here.” He rewarded my whine with a harsher bite to my shoulder, and I jolted, groaning as the pain crackled down my spine and landed in my groin.
“Stop thinking so much, and just go with the flow.”
With a kiss to the bite mark he left on my shoulder, he twined one of my hands with his and guided it down my torso. My labored breathing hitched when we reached my belly button, and he paused. I welcomed his tongue in my mouth as a distraction as he circled my navel with our fingertips.
“Who’s touching you, Si?” he whispered into my desperate mouth, and I trembled.
“Huh?”
“Look down. Who’s touching you?”
I obeyed, glancing between our bodies as he directed my hand to the waistband of my jeans. Chills skittered over my skin, and I swallowed thickly. It was okay; I could do this.
“You are, Ben. And me, too.”
My voice shook, and Ben peppered my face with quick kisses. “That’s right. I’m right here. And I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.”
“I know.”
It was the one fact holding me together. Ben would never hurt me, not like Eric did. And I trusted him. It terrified me, this vulnerability, but the way he looked at me… He was worth the risk. Even if we weren’t forever, even if we broke, I wouldn’t regret sharing myself with him. This, right now, was worth it all.
“I know,” I repeated, locking eyes, and he smiled. “I know.”
“You okay?” he asked, and I nodded.
I was okay. Nerves fluttered in my gut and fear licked at the back of my brain, but I was safe in my Ben-bubble. Ben was here, and he’d fight off the nightmares.
“See? Told you.”
As I furrowed my brow, he chuckled and directed his stare to our clasped hands, and I followed his gaze. We were touching my cock. Holy shit!
I hadn’t noticed him moving our hands, but their dual weight covered my demanding, jean-clad erection. The temperature in the room jumped ten degrees, and sweat prickled over the back of my neck. God, that felt good.
“Shit, Ben.”
When he captured my lips in a punishing kiss, I arched my back and clung to his side with my free hand. His hand, and subsequently my own, rubbed circles over my groin, and I moaned embarrassingly loud. Like liquid fire, the pleasure rushed through my veins, and the back of my head met the couch, my eyes drifting shut.
“More.”
The desperate plea was all it took. Belts clinked and zippers clicked, and then there was nothing but harsh breath and heady moans. Lost to the fervor, we gasped each other’s air. Electricity buzzed over my skin as I climbed higher, thought and fear fading in the distance. Ben whimpered my name, face buried in my neck as his hand worked his own arousal, and I lost it.
Keening loud enough for my poor neighbor Mrs. Kolkowski to hear, I surrendered. I hovered for the briefest of moments, like the pause before the drop, the last breath before the plunge. Then I tumbled down the rabbit hole. Curses mixed with Ben’s name, rolling from loose lips, and Ben stiffened, plummeting after me as his release joined mine on my stomach.
This was heaven.
Moist lips met mine, and I sighed, indulging in the slow, sultry kiss. Together we floated until I settled into my bones once more, and we parted. Spearmint coated my tongue, and I chuckled, entirely blissed out.
“Well, fuck me sideways,” I slurred, grinning like an idiot as Ben snuggled into my neck with his own satisfied sigh.
“Maybe later.”
We giggled like children, ignoring the fluid drying between our bodies. When he raised his head, I blinked to shield myself from the brightness of his blue eyes. Alight with sated happiness, he gazed down at me with nothing short of adoration, and my heart hiccupped in my chest.
“Hey.” His lopsided grin forced his dimple out of hiding, and I traced the indent with my fingertip.
“Hey, yourself.”
“So, um, I might have, uh, made a mess of you.” And timid Ben returned, cheeks fire engine red, neck and chest coloring to match. “Sorry.”
Investigating said mess, I cackled and shrugged. “Boys are messy.”
He snatched one of our discarded undershirts—mine, of course—from the floor and wiped his hand, then my stomach, clean. When he offered the shirt to me, I took it with a tame grunt of disapproval and rid my fingers of the evidence of our activities.
“This is my shirt, you know?”
“Oh, I know.” He winked, and I punched his shoulder lightly as he sat back on his heels, his weight settling on my leg. At this angle, his softening penis was on display, and he tucked it back into his boxers with an embarrassed squeak. I had no such qualms over him seeing me and did nothing to hinder his interested gaze as I cleaned my softening cock.
“You don’t have to hide your cock, you know? It’s a nice cock,” I said conversationally.
Darkening to magenta, he crossed his arms over his magnificent chest, and his lips thinned. “Always so crass.”
“No, being crass would be saying, I can’t wait for your massive hog to smash in my back barn door.” I added a Southern accent for good measure, and Ben covered his face with his hands.
“Oh my God, Silas!” he cried, scandalized, as his shoulders shook with mirth. “That’s a terrible analogy for anal sex.”
We fell into another laughing fit, both of us crying as we fought to gather our bearings. My stomach ached, and Ben circled his waist with his arms as if to hold himself together. With teary eyes, we shifted to sitting on the couch as light flashed across the wall from the lightly curtained windows.
“What was that?” I couldn’t see from my spot on the couch, but Ben could, propped on one knee.
“A car in your driveway.”
I shrugged, wadding my soiled undershirt into a ball. “Probably someone turning around.”
“It’s an SUV, and it’s parking in your garage. And, no, that’s not a euphemism.” He pointed out the window, one brow arched in confusion, and horror crashed over me like ice water.
“Oh my God, that’s my dad!” I shrieked, jumping to my feet in panic. “Get dressed!”
We sprang into action, Ben tripping in his haste and tumbling from the couch with uncharacteristic clumsiness. I shoved my flaccid dick back into my pants and hopped in place to get my jeans back on my hips. Buttoning and zipping them, I searched the floor for my clothes.
“Silas, where’s my shirt?” Ben crawled across the carpet, but I ignored him, too busy with my own hunt. “Where’s my shirt?”
“I don’t know, just find it!”
I shoved my semen-stained undershirt under the couch and snagged my black button-up from the floor. With one arm in the shirt and one
still bare, I heard the dreaded turn of the lock. Time slowed, like in a bad dream, and I watched the doorknob jiggle. Then it clicked. The door swung open.
Ben dropped out of sight behind the couch, and I made like a statue as my dad stepped through the doorway, fresh snow dusting his salty chestnut hair. He lifted his umber eyes to mine. I stared at him, eyes wide as his gaze flitted over my half-dressed body, sex-mussed hair, and mortified expression. His thick brows drew down in a puzzled frown.
“Hey, Dad.” I grimaced as Ben leaped from behind the couch with a triumphant whoop, his shirt waving like a victory flag.
“Found it. It was behind the…” His voice trailed off as he noticed my dad, and his skin tinted puce. “Couch.”
I dropped my head into my hands. Fuck my life!
Sixteen
We stood in awkward silence as my dad’s focus ping-ponged between us. His expression of bewilderment bled swiftly into understanding then mortification. Paling, he schooled his features, masking his emotions, and something in me splintered.
“Silas,” Dad greeted, clearing his throat as he grudgingly addressed a still-shirtless Ben. “Silas’s… friend?”
Rendered mute, my round eyes locked on my boyfriend. He sent me a quirky grin as his embarrassment melted into his typical cool confidence. He straightened his shoulders before walking right up to my dad and extending his hand like he hadn’t just been caught half-naked with his other hand down my pants.
“Mr. Brigs, I’m Ben, Silas’s boyfriend.” A choked cough escaped my throat at his admission, but I was ignored as Ben flashed his most charming smile. “It’s really good to meet you.”
Dad’s eyebrows rose to the sky, and I waited on bated breath for his response. It was impossible to read his face past the overwhelming discomfort of the situation. My dad and I avoided the subject of my sexuality, and, though he’d never condemned me, he’d never spoken favorably, either. It was one of the many things we simply didn’t talk about, but there was no hiding from this. I had practically shoved his face in it.
Every Hidden Truth (Far From Ruined Book 2) Page 16
