With teary eyes and a beet-red face, she husked out a mortified apology, and the man faced the front with a barely placated grunt. The moment he turned his back, Esther punched me in the shoulder. I cowered away, cackling like a witch.
“You’re the worst,” she hissed, her voice deeper and huskier than normal as she cleared her throat noisily. “That was humiliating.”
I swiped away tears of mirth as she curled into herself, her eyeliner smeared in the corners, and my humor dissolved. “Are you mad? I didn’t mean to make you spit your water.”
“I know. It’s still embarrassing.”
As she pouted, I huddled close and plopped a wet kiss on her cheek. She shoved me away with an exasperated growl, but her lips twitched. Ignoring her annoyance, I rested my head on her shoulder, and she relaxed. I was forgiven.
When the lap pool emptied and the judges took their seats near the diving pool, we both straightened in our seats. Ben stood beside Julian, talking with Coach Kane, and when he searched the bleachers, I stood and flailed my arms like a wild man until he found me.
His face brightened, and he waved, his teeth gleaming. Julian smacked him on the back of the head and pointed to the pool.
“Get your head in the game, Ben,” I mocked Julian’s likely reprimand under my breath as I sat back down.
Central’s team had three divers pitted against our two, and it was clear from the first dive, Ben held the advantage. He and Julian were going to sweep the pool floor with them.
And that was exactly what they did.
Finishing first and second, Ben and Julian earned enough points to cement our lead. The only way we’d lose was if the swimmers did an atrocious job in the last few races.
They didn’t, and we won with flying colors.
Esther and I stamped our feet on the bleachers, cheering loudly as our team celebrated the win.
“In your face, Central!” I bellowed, poking Esther in the belly, and she shrieked with laughter.
“I was rooting for you,” she justified as I mocked her.
“Do you ever root for your own school?”
As she considered the question, we traversed the dangerous bleachers to escape the humid room. “Well, when I play for competition, I do.”
“What sport do you play?” I asked before I thought better of it, and a jeering chuckle scraped her throat.
“I don’t play sports, Silas. What team would let me?” The bitter bite in her tone sounded wrong coming from her mouth, and she cringed in apology. “I play in the orchestra.”
“Oh? What instrument?”
“Cello.”
We lounged against the wall, waiting for Ben and Ronnie to come out of the locker rooms. A full head shorter than me, Esther’s head was the perfect height to lean on my bicep. As my arm pillowed her cheek, I tugged on the end of her sweatshirt.
“The cello? That’s cool. You any good?”
“I’m not bad.”
“Well, my mom tried to teach me piano, but it never took. You playing any instrument is impressive to me.”
“Maybe we could play together.”
I barked a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah, we can rock a Chopsticks duet.”
The hallway bustled with parents and students alike, and Esther took refuge against my side every now and then when people sent her strange looks. Since she’d come out during the summer, it must have been a jarring transition for both her and the ones she went to school with.
She’d ended her sophomore year a male then returned a girl. In places like this, smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt, changes like that garnered infamy.
Unfortunately, that kind of fame was hard to shake.
Capturing her hand in mine, I squeezed her fingers in support, and she nuzzled my arm in thanks. “Well, if you ever do want to play together, there’s a piano at my house.”
“You really don’t want to hear me play the piano. Trust me.”
“Just ask your mom to teach you again.”
The joking mood plummeted, and it was my turn to chuckle bitterly. “Well, I haven’t seen her in six years, so chances for piano lessons are pretty slim.”
“Oh.” She strengthened her grasp on my hand, lending me comfort. “Sorry.”
“Shit happens,” I dismissed, relieved when Ronnie’s obnoxiously tall frame lumbered down the corridor in our direction. “There they are.”
Ben shoved Ronnie aside, his smile wide as he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off my feet. “I’ve never gotten that high of a score before! Did you see?”
“No, I didn’t. I was too busy checking out all the other half-naked guys in Speedos,” I sassed as he spun in a circle. “Of course, I saw, you idiot. You did amazing!”
When he kissed me square on the mouth, my neck heated under the stares we received, but Ben was impervious to the attention. “I couldn’t find you, at first. I thought you didn’t come.”
“I said I would.” I furrowed my brow, almost offended. “You think I’d stand you up.”
“Of course not.” Our foreheads met, and his eyes splashed with delight. “I’m just glad you came.”
I pecked his mouth and winked. “Well, you’re very welcome to be graced with my presence.”
“Smartass.” With his arms around my shoulders, he addressed Ronnie and Esther. “You guys wanna go by the drive-in?”
“Better than Alex’s after-party,” Ronnie harrumphed. “We’ll meet you guys there. I’ll let Julian know.”
I twined my fingers with the hand hanging over my shoulder. “Do you have to take the bus back?”
He shook his head. “Car’s at the school. I was gonna ride with Ronnie.”
I snorted when he missed my forehead and landed a sloppy kiss on my eye. “I’ll drop you by the school to get your car.”
“The drive-in’s close to your house. I’ll follow you there then take us to the drive-in.”
That didn’t make sense. “Or I can just meet you there. Why the extra driving?”
Bashful, he worried his lip as his cheeks warmed. “I just like driving with you. But you’re right, it’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. It’s lame and sappy, but it’s sweet.” He glared, but I kissed him anyway, ignoring his malcontent. “I’ll wait at my house for you, and you can pick me up like we’re going on a date.”
“I owe you a lot of dates, don’t I?” he mumbled against my mouth.
I nipped his bottom lip punishingly. “You don’t owe me anything. We do fun stuff together and hang out all the time. Those are dates.”
We huddled close as we walked outside, the later winter air freezing my lungs, and Ben scowled, genuinely distraught. “But we’ve never gone on a legitimate date! I’m a terrible boyfriend.”
“You’re the best boyfriend, and we have gone on a date.” I released his hand as I rounded the nose of my truck. “You took me to breakfast, remember?”
“One time, two months ago!”
Deeply disturbed, Ben hunched in his seat, glaring at the dashboard as I guided Mabel out of the parking lot. “Ben, we do lots of stuff together, but if you want to do more date-things, then we can. I have that certificate for the movie theater from Aunt June. We can go to the movies.”
His demeanor lifted. “And I have a gift card to that Mexican restaurant. We could do dinner and a movie?”
“Yeah, that sounds fun.” I chortled at the instant happiness overtaking him, and though it was highly inconvenient, I let him hold my hand on the gear stick, even when I shifted. “What’s gotten into you?”
Ben wiggled his shoulders nonchalantly. “Today’s been a good day.”
The rest of the trip passed in silence, and true to his word, Ben followed me back to my house where I parked Mabel in the driveway before hopping into his car.
I’d barely shut the door when he lunged at me, his mouth desperate and excited.
“Oh, that’s why you wanted me to ride with you?” I teased between enthusiastic kisses. “You wanted to make out
in your car?”
“I always want to make out with you in my car.”
We spent a good fifteen minutes fogging the windows before I ordered him to take us to the drive-in. As much as I loved attaching myself to his face, I wanted a blue moon shake. Plus, the others were waiting for us, and I didn’t want to show up with sex hair, flushed cheeks, and a boner.
It was a fun change, hanging out with Ben’s friends as opposed to mine. Our groups had merged somewhat, but there was still a separation of sorts that existed. Ben was louder, more opinionated, and even Esther spoke more often. We hung out until the drive-in closed, snacking on ice cream and curly fries.
When Ben pulled back into my driveway, the clock hovered around midnight, and I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt as I studied the dark windows to my empty house. Dad wasn’t home till Sunday evening, and I wanted to invite Ben to stay the night. We joked about sex sometimes, but we’d never exactly broached the subject.
To be honest, I was more than ready, but seeing as Ben had never slept with a guy, I didn’t want to rush him. I loved him, more than I’d ever allowed myself to love anyone, but that also meant locking down my hormones for his sake.
Hopefully, he was ready for that last step. We’d done pretty much everything but back door play. Maybe he wasn’t interested? Or was that simply my insecurity talking?
As it stood, there was no time like the present to take advantage of my empty house, but if he didn’t want sex, I still hoped he would stay. I loved sleeping next to him, and I missed his scent on my sheets.
“Thanks for coming to my meet.” Ben put his car in Park, and faced me with a beaming smile. “I love when you watch me dive.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I love watching you dive, too.” My entire body buzzed like bumblebees had built a hive in my cardiovascular system, and my stomach flopped around like a fish out of water. I swallowed the lump in my throat and feigned confidence, refusing to be a coward in this moment. “Do you wanna come inside?”
Something flickered in the depths of Ben’s baby-blues as I blurted out the invitation, and the gears turned in his head. “It’s getting kind of late.”
“Yeah, it is.” I grazed the tip of his nose with mine before repeating my question. “Do you wanna come inside?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed, and his gaze dropped to my mouth. “If I come in, I don’t think I’m gonna wanna leave.”
The crests of his cheeks colored a pretty shade of coral at his confession, and I smiled sinfully. “Then don’t.” I brushed my fingertips over the back of his hand with a significant arch of my brow. “Stay with me.”
After a long stretch of expectant silence, he teased my palm with his index finger. “Like a slumber party?”
I chuckled at his rueful grin and shook my head. “Not exactly. Unless you just want a slumber party, which is fine.”
“Or?” he prompted.
My neck heated as I leaned over the center console, my lips hovering over his. “Or, you could stay the night with me in my bed, and we could have sex.”
His eyes widened like saucers, and I cringed at my indelicate delivery. I wasn’t subtle and had about as much poise as a drunk elephant. Oops.
As his breath puffed over my mouth in short bursts, I tracked the blood flooding his cheeks until they shone apple-red.
“Oh, that kind of slumber party,” he husked, and I chuckled darkly.
“Stop saying slumber party.” I slid our lips together briefly. “It’s not sexy.”
“Sorry.”
I opened my mouth to tell him not to apologize, but I never got the chance as the trill of a phone rang through the air. Ben jolted, blinking away the stars in his eyes as he patted his pockets. Releasing the breath I held, I leaned back into my seat.
“Shit, sorry. Um, it’s Aunt June.”
“It’s fine. Take the call.” I unbuckled my seatbelt, and I opened the door. “I gotta… pee, but I’ll leave the door unlocked, if you wanna come inside.”
Not giving him a chance to respond, I exited the car and wrapped my coat around my shoulders. When I reached the steps to the porch, I glanced over my shoulder where Ben sat in his idling car, phone to his ear as he watched every move I made.
I smiled and unlocked the door, shutting it behind me as I took a deep breath.
My body flooded with nervous energy, and I abandoned the door and sprinted up the stairs. I didn’t know how much time I had, but there were things I needed to take care of before Ben came inside.
Checking my side table, I verified the supplies inside before rushing into the bathroom. I wasn’t positive about logistics. Though I hoped Ben was keen on either position, I didn’t want to assume. I liked both, so it made sense for me to prepare to take it. After all, the other option would only result in awkwardness; nothing killed the mood more than pausing for a hygiene break.
“Oh, you want me to take it, tonight? Hold that thought while I go clean my ass.” Yeah, definitely not sexy.
Once I was finished taking care of everything in the downstairs department, I washed my hands and ran my fingers through my hair to bring my messy strands under better control. I leveled my reflection with a hard stare and wet my lips, my eyes too bright and manic to be normal.
“Don’t be a pussy,” I growled at Reflection Silas. “Get it together and don’t act like a bumbling virgin. We want him to want to have sex with us after this so don’t fuck this up.” I took a deep breath before nodding sternly at the mirror. “Okay, good talk.”
I reapplied deodorant and brushed my teeth before checking my reflection once more to ensure I looked attractive enough to seduce my boyfriend. Once satisfied, I exited my bathroom and hurriedly cleaned up the small amount of laundry scattered on the floor of my bedroom. I turned on the bedside lamp to cast the room in a subtle glow before doing another quick scan of the room.
Clean floor, relatively clean sheets, and nothing smelled weird. We were good to go.
I scrambled down the stairs, hoping to make it to the living room where I could plan a sensual pose of some sort, but luck was not on my side. Ben stood in the entryway, his lips spreading in a smile as he watched me almost slip on the last step and fall on my face. I caught my balance at the last minute and straightened my stance, exuding a cool confidence I did not feel.
“Hey,” I blurted, my voice cracking like a prepubescent boy. I flinched and cleared my throat, trying again. “Hey.”
“Hey.” His amused grin was hard to smother, and he turned away to remove his coat, biting his bottom lip as he tried not to laugh at me. Asshat. “I told Aunt June I wasn’t coming home tonight.”
And cue the fireworks in my stomach. Was it hot in here? I should turn the thermostat down. It was ridiculously warm in this house.
“Okay, cool.”
I sauntered across the living room, pausing behind the couch as Ben hung his coat on the rack and slipped out of his shoes. With nothing left to preoccupy his attention, he faced me, holding eye contact as he stretched his hand to the door and turned the deadbolt with an audible click.
When neither of us spoke, Ben swallowed thickly and rubbed the back of his neck. He chuckled to dispel the nerves he obviously felt, and my anxiety leaked away at the sight of his lopsided grin. This was Ben, my Ben, and even if I totally botched this, he would still like me.
With newfound peace, I turned off the living room lamp, plunging the house into darkness save for the light in the stairwell. I held Ben’s gaze with an encouraging smile and offered my hand in invitation.
He meandered around the couch, stopping a foot in front of me with a shaky smile. He slipped his hand into mine, his palm cool and slightly clammy. I gave his trembling fingers a reassuring squeeze as I stepped backward, slowly leading him toward the stairs.
Twenty-Three
I opened the door to my bedroom as my heart hammered in my chest like a bass drum. Gripping Ben’s hand like a lifeline, I led him over the threshold, wondering briefly whether the sweat coll
ecting between our palms originated from him or me.
It was probably a combination of us both.
Ben’s nerves made sense. Mine, not so much. It wasn’t like I was a virgin, after all.
The door shut behind us with an expectant thud, and my stomach flipped. I eyed my hurriedly tidied room before turning to face my anxious boyfriend.
His frenzied expression knotted my gut, and I squished his clammy fingers.
“So, uh, this is my room.” I grimaced the moment the words left my mouth. “Which you know, because you’ve been here like a million times.”
As I scrubbed my face with my free hand, Ben chuckled. “It looks nice. I like the subtle ambiance.” He pointed to the lamp with a teasing smirk. “I was hoping for candles, though, or flower petals on the bed. Kinda disappointed.”
Jerking out of his hold, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Wow, and I thought I was high maintenance. You want romance? Bring your own damn flowers. This is all I got.”
Ben drew me into his arms as I muttered incoherently under my breath. “I don’t need romance. I just need you.”
The last part was spoken in a hushed tone, and I thawed as pink crept over his cheeks. “Well, I’m right here.”
With a shy smile, he rubbed my biceps, his hands following the lines of my body until they found my hips. “Then I’m good.”
“Stop being romantic.” I closed the minuscule distance between us, our chests brushing as I slid my arms around his waist. “You’re making me look bad.”
“Impossible.”
My lips grazed his jaw as his fingers flexed on my hips. The slight tremor in his hands gave me pause, and I rested my forehead on his chin. “Are you sure, Ben? I don’t want you to feel pressured or—”
He tilted my head with two fingers under my chin, and the intensity churning in his eyes nearly blinded me. “I want this. With you. I’m just” —he cleared his throat— “nervous, I guess. Which is stupid.”
“It’s not stupid.” I rubbed his sides, the back of my neck heating. “I’m nervous, too.”
“Are you good? If you’re not—”
Every Hidden Truth (Far From Ruined Book 2) Page 24
