by Erica David
Oliver Queen’s face beamed down at them from every available surface. His colorful campaign posters were plastered all over the walls and bulletin boards. The posters read VOTE QUEEN FOR KING! and featured Oliver smiling from ear to ear.
“Somebody wake me from this nightmare!” Zee said, annoyed. “It’s like he’s taken over the school!”
“ ‘Queen for king!’ ” Babs said with a snort of dorky laughter. She couldn’t help but appreciate the catchy slogan.
Zee was not amused. “When will Diana’s posters be ready, Jess?” she asked.
“In a couple of days,” Jessica answered. “The printer has the recycled paper in stock, but they’re still waiting on the eco-friendly ink.”
Zee scowled at the posters blanketing the walls. She was so focused on them that she almost didn’t notice the T-shirts. Almost. “What on earth?!” she exclaimed.
A large group of students walked by all wearing “Queen for king” T-shirts. Still more had Oliver Queen buttons pinned to their backpacks and jackets. Then there were the key chains, phone charms, and stickers. One lucky student even carried a program from the school play autographed by Oliver himself!
“Great guacamole!” Babs said. “Oliver is really good at putting his face on stuff.”
“Luckily for us, it takes more than putting your face on stuff to win a campaign,” said Zee.
“Does it?” asked Babs. “I mean, that is a lot of stuff.”
* * *
Diana carried her lunch tray over to where Zee, Babs, and Jessica were sitting with Kara and Karen. She wanted to meet with her friends during lunch to go over the next steps for her campaign. At least, that was the plan, until Karen used a napkin to wipe a bit of broccoli from her face.
“Stop right there!” Zee shouted.
Karen froze with the napkin still held to her mouth. She had no idea what was going on.
“I don’t believe it!” Zee gasped incredulously. “His face is even on the napkins!”
Sure enough, Oliver Queen’s image stared back at them from all the paper products in the school cafeteria.
“How in the name of spicy salsa did he do that?” asked Babs.
“Why did he do that?” asked Kara. “Who puts face on a napkin?”
Oddly enough, Diana seemed to like the napkin. “It is both helpful and absorbent.”
“I don’t think absorbent is what people look for in a homecoming king,” Karen said softly.
“Right you are, young Karen!” said Oliver’s voice.
“Oh jeez, the napkin’s talking!” Karen squealed. She quickly balled it up in her fist.
“It’s not the napkin, it’s me!” Oliver said. Karen turned to see him standing right behind her. “And you’re right, absorption isn’t everything. That’s why I’ve got a forty-seven-point plan for success!”
Oliver set his tray down and climbed up onto the table next to Karen. He cleared his throat and called for attention using the skills he’d perfected in the school play.
“Friends, Metropolitans, countrymen, lend me your ears,” Oliver began. “We are gathered here today to think about the choice we must all make when it comes to electing a homecoming king. I want to assure you that not only will I dance divinely and look dashing in my crown, but I will also work tirelessly to improve the school with my forty-seven-point plan for school beautification. Point number one: I promise you two-ply toilet paper in the restrooms….”
“He can’t possibly list all forty-seven points, can he?” Jessica whispered to Babs.
“Shhhhhh!” Babs said. “I want to hear about this toilet paper thing.”
Zee cut Babs an angry look.
“What? One-ply is scratchy,” Babs said sheepishly.
Oliver’s speech went on and on. Zee did her best to mask her frustration, but she wasn’t succeeding. Her face went from red to purple with rage. Diana’s cheeks remained a healthy pink, however. She found Oliver’s speech inspiring—all twenty-plus minutes of it.
“And so, my fellow students, in conclusion, I say this before you cast your ballots next week: ask not what your homecoming king can do for you, ask what you can do for your homecoming king!” Oliver said grandly.
The cafeteria broke out into wild applause. Students waved their napkins above their heads and chanted, “Queen for king! Queen for king! Queen for king!”
“Quickly, Diana,” Zee said over the cheering. “This is the perfect time to make a speech. Don’t let Oliver steal the show.”
Diana nodded. She liked the idea of addressing her fellow students and was eager to share her thoughts. She climbed up onto the lunch table and gazed out over the cafeteria.
“My fellow students. Citizens of Metropolis,” Diana said in a strong, commanding voice. “By Hera’s shining justice, it is my great honor to be nominated as your homecoming leader. A leader should be forged from the heart of battle and willing to conquer all obstacles. She should smite all enemies, like the mighty Hercules and the huntress Diana, for whom I am named. Guided by Athena’s wisdom, I have many ideas for improvements to this, our fortress of learning. It is my hope that we can summon the spirit of mutual school pride and forge a coalition of warrior-scholars dedicated to the renovation of our facilities—”
“Less Greek, more geek,” Babs whispered, tugging at Diana’s skirt. “Actually—and I never thought I’d say this—less geek, too.”
Zee covered her face with her hands. This was not going as she had pictured. And it kept going. And going. Diana kept talking.
“I pledge to lead with the strength of the hammer and the resilience of the anvil—”
“What’s an anvil?” Karen asked Jessica. Jessica shrugged.
“Life often presents us with challenges,” Diana continued. “Twenty-one challenges, in fact—”
“WE KNOW!” her friends said. Kara took advantage of the interruption to give Diana the wrap-it-up hand signal.
“In conclusion, I am also highly absorbent. Thank you,” she said, stepping down with an enthusiastic smile. Diana was proud of herself. Her chance to address the public was everything she’d imagined.
The entire lunchroom sat in stunned silence. They didn’t know what to make of Diana’s speech. Babs, Kara, Jessica, Karen, and Zee exchanged looks across the lunch table. They knew that something had to be done.
Suddenly, Babs sprang to her feet. “YEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Let’s hear it for Diana! She’s really got a way with words—which are the ultimate form of communication. Words are like sound and sense all wrapped up in one. They’re like the SONIC BURRITOS of our existence, and Diana SPEAKS BURRITO!” Babs pumped her fist in the air in time to a beat only she could hear. “I mean, who’s not up for a night of righteous smiting? Am I right?”
“Totally!” said Zee, catching on. “And did you hear Diana’s school improvement plan? It’s the smeltiest! Like, smelt city!”
“So smelty!” Karen chimed in.
The students in the cafeteria began to murmur. Moments later, the murmur became a buzz. Everyone was trying out Diana’s way with words.
“I’m gonna let slip the dogs of war on that math test.”
“If my locker keeps sticking, I’m gonna smite it with a thunderbolt.”
“And then Coach went full Gorgon on the basketball team.”
Jessica rose to her feet. “You’ve heard of a mic drop? Well, Diana’s going to totally drop the anvil of Hephaestus!” she said.
“Anvil drop! Anvil drop! Anvil drop!” Kara said, chanting. The other girls joined in, pounding the table. Soon, the entire cafeteria caught the rhythm. They chanted and cheered for Diana, which made even Oliver Queen stand up and take notice.
Selina Kyle wasn’t the type to sit around and lick her wounds. After her run-in with the super hero girls at Larry Stinson Jewelers, she’d learned a thing or two
. There were six of them and only one of her. The odds were not in her favor. The only way to even the score was to call on a few friends of her own. Selina used the term “friends” lightly, however. She knew that the old saying was true: there is no honor among thieves.
Fortunately, her fellow thieves were also her classmates. During science lab, Selina passed a note to Leslie Willis, Doris Zeul, Harleen Quinzel, and Pam Isley, asking them to meet her after school. The note was written in code, but the message was clear—this would be a meeting of super-villains. Capes and tights were required.
Catwoman was the first to arrive at the abandoned factory. When Leslie walked in as Livewire, the air crackled with electricity. She was followed by Doris’s alter ego, Giganta, who was always large and in charge. Then Harleen arrived as Harley Quinn, the wisecracking life of the party. She overshadowed Pam Isley, whose green-thumbed secret identity, Poison Ivy, liked plants more than she did people.
With everyone assembled, Catwoman got down to business. “My fellow villains,” she said, “I have a proposal.”
“Lay it on us, Kit Cat,” said Harley Quinn.
Catwoman told the girls about the Star of Andromeda. Since her attempt to steal the legendary sapphire, it had been moved to a new location. No one knew where it was, but Catwoman had a plan to find out.
“What’s in it for us?” Giganta asked. “I don’t need no stinkin’ tiara.”
“Even one that grants wishes?” Catwoman purred.
“Aw, you’d have to be nutso to believe that!” said Harley Quinn.
“Let’s hear her out,” said Livewire, sparks glinting in her eyes. “I get a charge out of a good fairy tale.”
“They say it grants the wearer one wish under the full moon every one thousand years,” said Catwoman.
“One wish? There’s five of us,” Poison Ivy pointed out.
“I can count. That’s why I’m suggesting we each take a turn wearing the crown,” Catwoman drawled.
Giganta folded her meaty arms across her chest. She was skeptical. Catwoman wasn’t known for sharing.
“Just think, Giganta. How’d you like to be even bigger and stronger than you are now?” Catwoman asked. “Even more…gigantic.”
Giganta’s mouth stretched into a greedy smile.
“Or you, Harley. Couldn’t you use a wish to meet the Joker in person?” asked Catwoman.
Harley Quinn’s eyes brightened at the thought.
“And what about you, Poison Ivy?” Catwoman said softly. “Imagine a world where plants rule and humans drool. One wish and it’s all yours.”
Poison Ivy perked up like a plant that had just been watered.
“Is that a spark of interest I see, Livewire?” Catwoman whispered.
“I don’t know,” Livewire said. “Who says this wish thing is even real?”
“Even if you don’t believe in wish-granting tiaras, there’s always the chance to make a bunch of your classmates sad when there’s no fancy crown for their little homecoming party,” Catwoman said. “And if the super hero girls happen to get in the way, well, you’ll get all the satisfaction of clobbering them.”
“Heh heh, clobbering,” Giganta snickered.
This was a point that all the villains could agree on—clobbering the super hero girls was more than worth it. This wasn’t the first time they would join forces against the good guys, and it wouldn’t be the last. Only, this time, it seemed like they were one villain shy of a decent heist.
“Hey, where’s Star?” Livewire asked.
“It seems that Star Sapphire’s obsession with Hal Jordan has clouded her judgment,” Catwoman said, rolling her eyes. “She wants the tiara all for herself. I’m afraid she’s just not willing to share.”
“Hal Jordan? What a dud,” said Giganta.
“I agree. He’s completely useless in battle. But to each her own,” Catwoman replied with a shrug.
With the matter settled, she laid out her plan to locate the tiara. To find it, they’d have to pay a visit to the man himself: Larry Stinson.
* * *
Diana Prince also had a proposal to share. But unlike Catwoman, she met with her friends out in the open, on the practice field at school. Zee, Karen, Jessica, Kara, and Babs set their backpacks on the bleachers and walked over to Diana at midfield. She was standing next to a row of football tackling dummies.
“Thank you all for coming,” Diana said.
“Sure. But who invited them?” Babs joked, pointing to the dummies.
“They are my special guests, Barbara Gordon. You will see,” Diana said. “But first, I must share something with you. In the cafeteria, I realized I will need more training to be your homecoming queen.”
“If this is about your speech…,” said Zee.
“No, it is not about the speech. As Barbara said, I have a way with words. This is about leadership and excellence,” Diana explained. “I must be worthy if I hope to win the crown.”
“Something tells me you were born worthy,” Kara said with a smirk.
“It is true that I am of noble birth,” Diana replied. “But leadership must be proven. And what better way to prove my leadership than a rigorous exercise in teamwork!”
It wasn’t exactly clear what Diana meant until she pointed to the tackling dummies on the field. They were part of an obstacle course she had set up. There were also hurdles, a tire run, a hand ladder, and even a few hoops to jump through. In the name of teamwork, Diana had designed a practice drill for the girls.
“You want us to tackle things?” Jessica asked.
“I want us to rely on one another and my excellent leadership skills to conquer all that stands in the path of justice,” Diana answered. “It’s the best training for a queen that I can think of.”
“It’s not really that kind of quee—” Babs reminded her.
Diana silenced her with a hand. “If we can work together at school on the field, then, by great Hera, we can work together after school, fighting crime on the streets of Metropolis!”
Diana lined everyone up at the start of the obstacle course. They would all have to communicate with each other if they hoped to make it through. Diana blew the whistle that hung around her neck to signal the start. Zee, Babs, Jessica, Kara, and Karen took off for the first obstacle.
“Wait! We need to strategize!” Diana called. But her friends didn’t hear her.
The first obstacle was a tire run. Jessica was the first to reach it. She lifted her knees high as she hopped through the tires. Kara was impatient, though. She caught up to Jessica with her superspeed and accidentally knocked her out of the way!
Babs was the next to run through the tires. As she reached the end, her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. She was completely unaware that Karen and Zee were right behind her. When she stopped, they crashed into her.
“We must communicate!” Diana shouted to her team from the sidelines.
The next challenge was the hurdles. Kara used her powers to fly over them, while Zee chose to magic them out of her way. But her spell backfired. The hurdles danced toward her and the other girls instead of away from them!
“Help!” Karen cried as three hurdles chased her.
Jessica powered up her Green Lantern ring and created a rope construct. She lassoed the three hurdles in an attempt to keep them from trampling Karen. But the hurdles bucked and reared like wild horses, dragging Jessica around the field through the grass and mud.
“By Hera’s crown!” Diana exclaimed.
Zee hurried after Jessica and the hurdles, casting spells left and right. One spell ricocheted and hit Kara, freezing her so that she couldn’t move! Eventually, Zee stopped the hurdles, but unfreezing Kara was more complicated.
Only Karen had made it far enough to reach the football dummies—the last obstacle in the course. She squa
red her shoulders and ran straight toward them, hoping to drive them back. Unfortunately, her toe caught on a bit of loose turf. She stumbled and ended up sprawled out on the field. Meanwhile, Babs, having finished her phone call, ran toward the last obstacle. She didn’t see Karen, though, and tripped right over her. That set off a chain reaction of bumbling and stumbling that left the girls piled up in a tangle of arms and legs.
From the bottom of the pile, Karen peeked out and saw Diana’s feet approach.
“This was not what I had in mind,” Diana said. She helped her friends up. Everyone dusted themselves off.
Kara, newly unfrozen, was first to speak. “So much for teamwork.”
Diana was puzzled. She and her friends worked together all the time. Just the other day, they had foiled Catwoman’s attempted robbery. She’d thought her obstacle course would only improve their cooperation. “Maybe I should lead you in the Amazon way,” she told her friends. “Our training produces legendary warriors.”
“What kind of training is that?” Jessica asked uncertainly.
“First, we quarry one thousand pounds of stone from the mines of Hephaestus. Next, we muck out the stables of Chiron. Then we clean up after Cerberus.”
“We don’t have mines,” said Babs.
“Or stables,” said Kara.
“Or a Cerberus,” said Karen. “What’s a Cerberus?”
“Hmm, this presents a challenge,” Diana said. But true to her nature, she found the challenge exciting. She looked out over the field, deep in thought. That was when she saw the old greenhouse behind the school gym and was struck by a brilliant idea. “We will fix up the greenhouse!” she said. “I will lead you, and we will work together to improve the school. It is the perfect training!”
“I like it,” said Zee. “After all, school improvements are your campaign promise.”
