by Ann, Bry
“A knife? How the hell did she get a knife?! She was in a secure facility!”
“I know, Agent Parker. I know.”
“Did she ever wake up?” I whisper.
“I was told she woke briefly in the ambulance, but they sedated her immediately.”
“Why?” I don’t want to know this.
The man shoots me a nervous look.
“She tried to bash her head into something. I don’t know the details, but she was actively trying to hurt herself. So they put her out.”
“Jesus Christ.” My voice cracks.
He nods. “If there’s anything we can do, let me know.”
“There is. Make sure Edna is taken care of. Let me know personally if she needs anything.”
He nods, understanding. “Will do.”
Now I have to face Collin and my mistakes as an agent, all while trying to suppress the pain and fear I feel as a man.
* * *
“Collin Fox,” Collin answers in a groggy voice. He was clearly sleeping, as he should be at this hour.
… And suddenly, all my panic, all the days I’ve spent with Essie, watching her laugh, smile, and break, hit me.
“Boss, someone got in Essie Taylor’s room. She—she slit her wrists. She’s alive, but… Fuck! This is my fault. I—”
“Landon, calm down. Is Kyle there?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, tell Kyle—”
“I’ve already talked to Kyle. He—he told me to get the report from the local PD and call you.”
“Good, he’s on it. I want you at the hospital, but give her space. No seeing her ‘til I say.”
“I have to see her when I get clearance. I'm not waiting! I need to see that she’s alive and—”
“Don’t argue,” Collin demands. “I want Kyle to find out the trigger and Carson on the tech side. Find out if there’s any way someone got in touch with her. Clear?”
“Clear,” I whisper.
“And let Brad know. He’s working this case, too, from a different angle. His team should be alerted as well.”
“I’ll call him.”
“Good. I'm headed back. Landon, do as I say. Clear?”
“Yes, sir.”
Click. I glance up to see Kyle in front of me.
“I’ve called Brad,” he says, reading my mind. “He’s on his way.”
“Collin says I can’t see her ‘til he gets here.”
“You need space from her, Landon.”
“She can’t die.”
“She won’t. Man, she won’t die, alright? Don’t get yourself any more fucked than you already are. Hey!”
Kyle grabs my shirt suddenly and jerks me to face him.
“You made a promise to the badge, Landon. A badge that means protecting everyone. Not just one woman. I know she’s touched you, I know you like her, but this,” he insists as he yanks his badge out of his pocket, “is bigger than us. There are hundreds of women hurting. Essie is the key to saving them. Don’t forget.”
“I know, I know. I haven’t.”
“It needs to be your number one priority.”
“I know.” But it’s not. “But someone has to put Essie as their number one priority. She’s not just a tool. She’s a woman, too. She survived all this shit with Sage and all the other women.”
“We all agree, but we need her. We aren’t using her, Landon. Remember that.”
I give him something resembling a nod and bite back my snide remarks.
“Collin wants you to investigate what could have triggered Essie to do this and to confirm that this wasn’t strictly emotional. He wants Carson on the tech side of things.”
“Alright, I'm gonna get on that immediately. You gonna be good?”
“I’ll be fine. You know me.”
Kyle shoots me a skeptical look, but does start to leave.
“Landon, I have my phone if you need me.”
“Got it. Call me as soon as you know something.”
“I will, but Landon, don’t call us a hundred fucking times. I’ll call you when I know something.”
“Sure thing.”
Not. Gonna. Happen.
Chapter Sixteen
Landon
Tammy needs to get her Z’s.
Tammy needs safety for her and her animals.
Tammy can’t do it anymore.
Keep thinking, Landon.
Tammy needs to get her Z’s.
Tammy needs safety for her and her animals.
Tammy can’t do it anymore.
Keep thinking, Landon.
Tammy needs to get her Z’s.
Tammy needs safety for her and her animals.
Tammy can’t do it anymore.
Keep thinking, Landon.
What am I missing? Who scared you, Essie?
How did you get the knife?
You’re too fucking smart for me, Essie! I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me!
Ugh!
“Landon.”
Heat builds in my body at the sound of Collin’s voice. I charge him.
“Who did this, Collin?!”
“I don’t know, Landon. I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. We’ll get ‘em, but I need to know what you do. Calmly.”
Shit. This is where I get fired, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is the woman with her wrists stitched.
“Alright. Collin, Essie wasn’t as bad off as she led us to believe.”
Collin’s mouth literally falls open for a moment before his lips quickly pull into a scowl.
“Landon, you better get talking right now, ‘cause I'm two seconds from suspending you.”
“I know.”
I take a deep breath and reflect back on visits with Essie even I didn’t give much weight to, or think to explain, until this moment.
“I suspected it around my third visit. She was catatonic and said weird random shit like described, but on my third visit, I fell and scratched my arm pretty bad. It sounded worse when I hit the ground than it was. I looked at her after I fell on instinct. There was shock on her face. A bit of annoyance and worry as well. If she were truly incoherent, that wouldn’t have been there. I pretended not to notice. It was subtle, after all.”
I still remember that. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I thought maybe it was just in my head since I wasn’t sure.
“I became more aware of her from there on out. The more I read her file from before she was trafficked, the more suspicious I became. The woman is a certified genius. She managed to trick her captors into believing her name was Tammy. Is it possible she’s tricking us?
“The answer is yes and no. Yes, she faked some of her issues. But no, it wasn’t all fake. She really did have a psychotic break, but she started recovering sooner than she was ready to. So she lied to keep it going.”
“What interests me, Landon, is why you wouldn’t tell me about this.”
I look down at my feet while my heart pounds harder.
“She begged me not to,” I murmur.
“And you do know who employs you?”
“Yes… I just…”
Collin holds up a hand.
“I know you like her, Landon. Part of me gets it. You know I do.”
Collin is in the middle of his own personal drama. His cheating ex, Arabella Byerly, was recently in a serious accident and I suspect that is stirring up some unresolved feelings for him. So yeah, he does get it to some degree, I'm sure.
“But you crossed a line. Essie is the key to taking down a major trafficking ring. A ring multiple departments are involved in.”
I'm so sick of hearing this. I KNOW. I agree. Just… don’t Essie’s feelings matter?
“A ring that has taken over a hundred women, sold them, and used them just like they used Tammy. If she’s well enough to talk, we need to be building her up emotionally so she can start talking to us. I wonder how many girls were taken from their families in the time you spent not doing your job.”
�
�I know. I just… she got to me, boss.”
“We can’t afford that on this one, Landon.” Collin’s voice softens, but his demeanor remains certain and authoritative. “I'm sorry, man. We can’t afford it on this one. You’re off this case until further notice. Stay away from Essie.”
Fire rolls through my veins. I'm not off this fucking case! I’ve invested more time in Essie than anyone! I know more about her than anyone!
“You can’t take me off this case! I’ve worked it harder than anyone!”
“Yeah, I know,” Collin states flatly, unimpressed. “And you made it show. Not in a good way. You’re off. What do I need to know to take over?”
Fuck. Him.
Hear that?
Fuck Collin Fox!
“I need air,” I growl, before I literally chew out my boss and friend.
I storm out of the hospital and pace the grounds. There’s no way, none whatsoever, that Collin won’t need my help. I’ve been the sole person visiting Essie, studying Essie, learning the ins and outs of her condition. No way he can catch up on all that in a day.
I grab my phone and stare at it as I pace outside by the tables. Come on, Collin. Come the fuck out. Don’t be stubborn.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
I glance at the caller ID. Collin Fox.
Thank fuck.
“Don’t be cocky,” he warns me as soon as I answer.
“Knew you’d need me. I’ll be up in two.”
I run inside and across the cold, grey halls of the hospital at an indecent speed, thinking through how I'm going to approach this. No. No matter what she looks like, no matter what happens in there, I'm gonna approach her how I always have. With lightness.
No matter what.
Even though I'm shaking as I open the door.
The first thing I feel is Collin’s disapproving gaze on me. I'm gonna ignore him. After taking a deep breath, I force a smile on my face, a smile I learned after my parents died, after Evie got sick, and turn to face Essie.
There’s an IV in her arm, and she’s curled up on her side with her wrists hidden by her face. She’s mumbling to herself about birds, I think. She’s no longer sedated.
“Hey, Essie, Miss me?”
I feel Collin’s disapproval from across the room, but I keep my smile light and take a seat, planting my elbows on Essie’s mattress, like I used to when I visited her before.
Essie’s big green eyes turn to me, wide and so full of pain and anger it takes everything in me to stay playful and light.
“Seems like you’re giving my boss some trouble, baby doll?”
Her mouth slips open and her eyes sharpen. She recognizes me. With a big swallow, she mutters, “Bugs everywhere, I—”
I cut her off by grabbing her lips and gently running my thumb across her cheek. Essie, why?
“I know you’re lying, Essie Taylor,” I murmur, pushing back in my chair. “We need ya to talk, sweetheart. You hurt yourself. How did you get the knife?”
Essie moves slightly, and with that, I get a glimpse of her two bandaged wrists… and I lose it.
“What kind of danger are you in, Essie?” I snap, planting my hands down on the mattress on either side of her.
I lose her.
Her face goes blank, her body sinks into the mattress, and she curls into a ball, turning away from both of us.
One day after Essie’s suicide attempt: no answers.
But I’ll fucking get them.
* * *
One Week Later
Collin had to go back out of town. He tried to stay, but his ex and her sister are having serious problems and he couldn’t. No matter how much Collin pretends to hate Arabella, he doesn’t. With her being paralyzed and her sister just recently escaping an extremely abusive relationship, Collin couldn’t emotionally cope with leaving them.
I get it.
So, while he’s away, he put Brad in charge of the case as a whole, Kyle in charge of our team specifically, Carson on the tech side of things, and me in charge of Essie’s security. That was not on accident. Collin is a smart man. He knows there’s no one better to protect a victim, a survivor, than an agent invested. Now, it’s not smart, but he doesn’t have the option to do this case without me, so he’s taking advantage.
Works for me.
On the case or not, I would have made sure Essie was the most protected woman on this side of the country. At least until I know what exactly the threat is. Z, Marcus, and Sty are no longer a threat. Officially, they’re missing. Unofficially, we know Nix killed them when he saved Essie and Sage.
Anyway, everyone on this case is with me that something, or someone, triggered this suicide attempt. It wasn’t random or PTSD or psychosis, or any of the other more seemingly obvious reasons.
I’ve calmed down a bit since the moment I found out. Essie came to yesterday for the first time since that brief moment with Collin a week ago. She didn’t say anything, but her eyes were on me, brimming with rage. Today, I find out why.
“Guess who?” I push the door to her room open, giving the guards outside her door a nod.
As if on cue, Essie turns and props herself up on the pillows and glares daggers into me. I don’t respond right away. I first take my usual seat and watch as her eyes follow me across the room. I stare right back, wordlessly, for several minutes.
Like I was hoping, she breaks the silence. She’s different than before. Angrier. Colder.
“Why are you here?” she hisses.
My teasing mode drops immediately. This isn’t the Essie from before. Something is wrong. Very, very wrong. She wears her anger as a shield. She’s wielding that now. The question is, why?
“I just wanted to check on you.” My eyes flicker to her wrist. “See how you were doing.”
“Bullshit. You want to ask questions.”
“I do have questions,” I say slowly. “But I want to see how you are more.”
“Great. Leave.”
“I can if you’d like, but… I was worried, Essie. Real worried.”
For a brief moment, she softens. But it’s so brief I almost miss it.
“I'm fine.”
She extends her arms to the side in a mocking gesture. Her IV is out but her wrists are still extensively bandaged, so her words fall short.
“You’re a great liar, Essie Taylor,” I murmur, slowly capturing one of her arms. Her lips tighten, but her eyes widen.
I trace my thumb over the bandages. “I got your note.”
She tries to pull away and I let her. I won’t physically restrain her in any way. Ever. For any reason. She immediately brings her arms to her chest. She looks so small and afraid.
“How about I come back tomorrow, sweetheart?”
She glances up at me, all traces of anger gone. Just big, green terrified eyes. She nods.
“Yes. Go see your sister.”
My heart jumps at that. She remembers, despite this nightmare.
“I will, but I’ll be thinking of you, Essie.”
She grumbles. “Don’t think such horrific thoughts.”
Ignoring that comment, I push to my feet and take her chin between my thumb and forefinger.
“I don’t know the story yet, but I'm still thinking, baby doll. I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”
She yanks her chin away.
“Focus on what’s possible, agent. Saving garbage doesn’t help anyone.” She traces her thumb over my wrist gently. “I think you’re capable of big things. Think harder.”
Her voice is barely a whisper, but before I can respond, she turns away and curls up. I'm clearly dismissed. I'm left more confused than when I came in. Confused, and not to mention, hurt by how little she thinks of herself.
More than anything else, determined.
Day eight after her suicide attempt: still no answers.
* * *
Knock. Knock.
I don’t think Essie hears me knock. It’s late. Way later than I usually come, night in fact, but I had to meet with
security and tighten a few things as we get ready to move her back to Dogwood. Benefit of being in the FBI: getting visitation at all hours. Well, at hospitals at least. Evie’s place is not so generous, unfortunately.
Slowly, I push the door to her room open. She wasn’t expecting me. At all. Essie is in the middle of her hospital bed, tucked in a tiny ball, rocking back and forth with her hospital gown wrapped around her, open in the back, revealing her entirely too visible spine.
“Essie,” I murmur.
She glances up at me with a mix of shock, anger, and pain lacing her expression.
“Hey,” I whisper, since it’s dark and quiet here at the hospital. “Sorry I'm late. You’re going back to Edna soon. I got the privilege of making sure everything was ready for you. So sorry about that.”
“It’s fine,” she mutters, wiping tears that never fell out from under her eyes.
I let the silence hang for a moment. There’s something to her that wasn’t there yesterday. Her shield is down and she’s raw, vulnerable.
“Essie, what happened? You can trust me. God, I swear. You’re too fucking smart for me, sweetheart. I’ve thought and planned and strategized and I can’t figure out your note.”
The tiniest of smiles appears on her face.
“Dude, and I thought this was my specialty. Boy was I wrong. You’re embarrassing me in front of my boss.”
“Gotta step up your game.”
“I did. I fucking sprinted up my game and I still don’t know. Look at me.”
Hesitantly, she does, all curled up and afraid.
“You can trust me. You can fucking trust me. I'm not gonna hurt ya. I promise on my life. On my sister’s life.”
Her eyebrows raise.
“You can’t fail,” she whispers.
“I won’t,” I state with steel behind my words.
