by C. A. Gray
Nick snarled at Alec, “Jackson just saved our lives back there with exactly this line of reasoning. So you will shut your mouth and listen.”
Alec muttered something that sounded like swearing under his breath.
“Thank you,” I told Nick, and turned back to Alec. “Let’s look at the facts,” I said, ticking them off on my fingers one by one. “None of us are dead. The agents do not necessarily know who we are. We now know one plan of attack that will not work, so we can cross it off and focus our efforts elsewhere. Jean and I gathered parts for Kate’s frequency jammers, which should give us a far less conspicuous alternative to the ski masks in the future.” I looked around. “So while it didn’t turn out quite like we’d hoped, the trip was far from useless, and certainly not catastrophic.”
I thought Alec was about to flip me off; probably fear of Nick was the only reason he didn’t. He turned his back on me after a moment and started walking without a word. With a moment’s hesitation, the rest of us resumed our pace behind him. The sound of our feet thudding against the forest floor seemed louder than usual.
Presently we slowed to a more reasonable pace, and Will fell into step beside me.
“You know you come off totally preachy and annoying, right?” he asked me under his breath.
I laughed shortly. “I’ve been told that before, but I’ve never been able to figure out how else to say what I think.”
“I mean, don’t get me wrong. Thanks for standing up for me and everything.”
“It wasn’t just for you,” I said. “Alec’s temper might become dangerous at some point. He’s got to get a handle on his emotions.”
Will nodded and said nothing. We walked in silence for a moment. Then he added, “I just think people might be more willing to listen to you if you’d show a little weakness occasionally. You do have a weakness somewhere, don’t you?”
At this I laughed outright. “So this is your repayment for my standing up for you, huh? You’re giving me social advice?”
Will looked nettled. “Forget it.”
“No, I’m interested! Kate told me she thought I came off annoying sometimes too.”
He perked up at this. I thought he might. “She did, huh?”
“So now all your incentive to help me went right out the window.”
Will scowled again. “Look, you’re impossible to compete with, all right? In the time I’ve known you, you’ve single-handedly rescued the lot of us from the Crone, fed the tribe, you just saved Nick’s life and maybe all of ours, and then this whole superior, ‘truth or a lie?’ thing. It’s so… smug. Is there anything you’re incompetent at? Anything that makes you just a little bit human?”
I suppressed a smile, resisting the urge to say, ‘truth or a lie?’ to that. “Let me deconstruct what you just said,” I told him. “You are comparing what you know about yourself from a lifetime—strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures—against what you’ve learned about me in the last week. On top of that, you’ve only seen me in my element so far, doing the two things I do better than anything else: live off the land and see past a worldview to interpret reality. So let me ask you—do you think that’s a fair comparison?”
Will blinked at me. “You just can’t help yourself, can you? You always have to be one-up.”
I chuckled. “Maybe you just found my weakness.”
He shook his head. At last he said, “I really want to hate you.”
“But?” I glanced at him.
He sighed. “But for some reason I just don’t.”
“Glad to hear it.”
We walked in silence for a few more minutes. Then Will said, “If I asked you to stay away from Kate, what would you say?”
“I’d say I thought you told me she broke off your engagement.”
“She didn’t exactly define her terms,” Will growled. “So it’s contingent upon that, then?”
I thought for a moment, weighing how to answer. The truth was, while I’d begun to care for Kate when I thought she was single, from the moment Will came back into her life my only thought had been to distance myself from her as much as possible.
But if it turned out she was single again after all? In our tiny community, with Will ever-present, and all of us relying upon each other for survival? Was she worth it?
I really didn’t know. But I wasn’t about to promise Will anything one way or the other until I at least heard it from Kate where she stood.
“If you’re still together, I won’t get in the way,” I hedged at last.
Will didn’t reply right away either. Finally he said, “I guess that’s about the best I can ask for.”
The first person we saw from camp was Molly, who burst through the clearing and made a beeline for Nick, throwing her arms around his neck. I always had to smile when I saw how much they loved each other.
“We’ve got to pack up,” he told her and the others as they gathered around behind us. “We’re heading for Beckenshire right away.”
The group clamored with protests and questions, and Nick fielded them, explaining what had happened. “Those agents have a general idea where we are now. Our only chance is to get to Beckenshire—they’ll never expect us to go there…”
My eyes sought Kate’s, and she raised her eyebrows at me. I nodded, holding up my satchel. She smiled. I moved toward her, but Molly intercepted me with a forceful hug.
“Thank you for bringing my husband home to me,” she told me, with tears in her eyes. “He told me you saved him. He’s all I have left.”
“I’ll always have his back,” I promised her.
Over Molly’s shoulder, I saw Will intercept Kate in her path toward me. She hesitated awkwardly before she hugged him. They said a few words, and then she moved toward me again. Will’s face darkened.
Molly pulled away from me meanwhile, wiping her eyes and moving back toward her husband. I glanced at Kate as she approached, and she looked at me with her heart in her eyes. I glanced at Will again, still watching us intently.
What was I going to do about this?
Kate put a hand on my shoulder, and for a moment I couldn’t tell if she was going to hug me or not. I didn’t want to initiate it with Will watching, and evidently she didn’t either, so she dropped her hand and just stood there.
“Thank God they’re still using fake bullets,” she murmured at last. “They shot at you again?”
“At all of us.”
“I’m—so glad you’re safe.”
“Thanks.” I took the satchel off my shoulder and handed it to her with a half smile. “Your ‘loot,’ m’lady.”
She grinned. “Did you get it all?”
Before I could answer, Will appeared at her side, and cleared his throat. “If you’re gonna try to put those together, you’re gonna need my help.”
Kate looked at him in surprise, and her mouth fell open. Then she looked back at me.
“I didn’t tell him. He guessed,” I said, with my hands in the air.
Kate turned back to Will. “You guessed?”
“I know you a little better than you think, Kathryn,” Will said dryly. “No matter how ‘different’ you think you are all of a sudden.”
Something compelled me to add, “He was very helpful too. He told me where to find the parts I needed.”
Will shifted his stance, still watching Kate. “So you want my help then, or not?”
“I—don’t see how we’d have time if we’re leaving right away for Beckenshire,” Kate said at last. “And—won’t you be busy coming up with the next strategy once we’re there?”
“Whatever it is, it’s probably going to require these things after all,” Will told her. “Turns out your idea was a really good one.”
A look of hesitation flitted across Kate’s face, and she said, “Thank you, Will.”
That appeared to be my cue. “I’m going to go help the others pack up,” I said, turning away before Kate could respo
nd.
Chapter 13: Kate
My stomach growled. Nick impressed upon all of us the importance of leaving right away for Beckenshire, so we’d eaten very little of the dinner we’d prepared for the hunters’ return before packing up and moving on.
“Geez, he’s such a slave driver!” grumbled Violet, who insisted on walking next to me no matter how hard I tried to lose her. “First Nick sends me, like this,” she gestured at her round belly, “into harm’s way to get a bunch of supplies, and then he forces me to knit all night and miss my sleep, which I need, by the way! Now it turns out the whole thing was for nothing, and I hunted and cooked all day for a dinner I didn’t even get to eat, and now we have to miss sleep again? I swear, I’m gonna just fall over dead pretty soon, and I bet he’d just walk over my body and keep going without missing a beat!”
I rolled my eyes, but she couldn’t see me because we both faced straight ahead. I glanced at Jackson’s back, who led the group beside Nick and Molly, and wondered what he’d say to Violet if he were listening to this diatribe. He’d probably say something penetrating and eloquent.
But alas… I didn’t do penetrating and eloquent. So, I settled on, “Stop complaining, Violet, we’re all just as tired as you are.”
“I beg your pardon?” she balked, gesturing yet again at her belly. “Have you ever been pregnant? You have no idea what I’m going through right now!”
“No. You’re right, I have no idea, and I can’t sympathize at all. Why don’t you go complain to Molly, I know she’s had a kid before.”
Violet huffed. “Molly is just as bad as he is!”
“Then why don’t you go back to the Republic? I’m sure you’ll fit right in there.”
She gasped, but apparently I’d succeeded in offending her so thoroughly that she actually let me speed up without matching my pace.
Success. All I’d wanted for hours now was to be alone with my thoughts. I knew Will was somewhere behind us with a few of the other hunters, because Violet had probably scared him off too—other than that, he’d been my little shadow from the moment the hunters had returned. I hoped he wouldn’t see me unoccupied and speed up to join me. I just needed some space.
I hoisted the satchel Jackson had brought back higher on my shoulder, and listened to the noise inside my head. Several equally important trains of thought battled it out for my attention. The jammers: Will would help me build them. Well, that was good, although I’d really wanted to build them by myself, just to prove I could.
But this wasn’t about me; I needed the jammers built no matter who did it. We needed them built of course, too, but also, I needed them. Because I was going to get Charlie the second I could. I was going to send that broadcast, one way or another. I was…
A shaft of moonlight up ahead illuminated Jackson, Nick, and Molly. I felt a pang and closed my eyes, remembering last night.
When Jackson offered to help me build the jammers, I realized he was trying to keep me safe, just like Will would have done. But unlike Will, Jackson also supported my purpose. He wanted to let me help.
The words that had almost slipped out of my mouth were, I think I’m falling in love with you.
I’d only just stopped myself. I hadn’t even fully known it until that moment.
But as soon as I did know, I couldn’t be Will’s fiancee anymore. It wasn’t fair to him, or to me.
After that, I’d taken the long way back to where Will and I had made camp, trying to work out what I’d say to him. When I arrived, Will knew exactly where I’d been. He was waiting up, livid with anger. Finally I’d choked out the words I’d rehearsed.
“Will, you and I are different people now.”
He whipped his head around to face me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I bit my lip. “The girl you fell in love with… she still believed in her government. She looked to you to keep her safe, and really to make all her decisions for her. And you—for heaven’s sake, since then you’ve killed a man in cold blood!”
“I did what I had to do,” he said through gritted teeth. “I did it for you!”
“I know that, and I’m not blaming you,” I said, almost pleading. “I’m just saying, we’ve both been through some major life-altering events here.” It’s what Jackson had told me, and it made sense. “Ever since my memories of McCormick came back, I feel like the rebel I was back then again. I’m different. You’re different.”
I saw his jaw lock. “What are you saying, Kate? Spit it out.”
“I’m not saying anything definitive, except that maybe you and I should… slow things down a little.” When he didn’t reply, I added, “Get to know each other as we are now.”
His silence terrified me more than anything else he could have said.
“Fine,” Will said at last. Then he stood up and walked out into the night without another word.
We’d said a terse goodbye before the raid this morning. But the Will that returned this evening was a person I hardly recognized. He was trying to win me back, I got that much. And even though I hadn’t said anything to him about Jackson, he knew. Of course he knew. Worse, I was sure Jackson knew, too.
Well, so what? I thought, deliberately throwing my shoulders back. Not like it mattered anyway. I wasn’t planning on throwing myself at Jackson—I knew there were bigger things going on right now, and none of us could afford to be distracted. That was actually part of why I said what I did to Will last night—I just couldn’t stand the guilt anymore. I wanted to be emotionally free to do what I needed to do, and that was to focus on building the jammers, finding Charlie, and sending a broadcast to the citizens of the Republic to tell them the truth. I wished I wasn’t falling in love with Jackson, but since I was, at least I needed to not feel responsible for Will’s jealousy anymore.
I bit my lip, staring at the back of Jackson’s head—trying not to feel too humiliated that he could see through me to my backbone. I knew he didn’t feel the same way, and that’s a good thing, I told myself fiercely. If he did, there would be a whole new set of problems, what with Will and our tiny community…
As it was, the problem was entirely mine. And I was tough. I was the scrappy little Kathryn Brandeis that got shipped off to McCormick for rebellion.
I could handle this.
“Look where you’re going there.”
I started, and felt a hand hook on the inside of my elbow, pulling my face out of the way of a bare tree branch just in time. I blinked, seeing Jackson at my side, though I’d never heard him approach.
“I think I was actually falling asleep on my feet!” I told him.
“I think you were too. That happens when it’s four in the morning and you don’t have anybody to keep you awake.”
We walked in silence for a few minutes after that. I tried to think of something to say, but came up blank.
“So… what happened with you and Will?” he asked at last.
My heart sped up. “Oh. Um… well, it was like what you said in the forest. We just have to get to know each other again as we are now.” He didn’t reply at first, and I added, “Also, it was just getting exhausting, trying to keep it together when we had so many other things going on—all of us.”
“So you didn’t actually break up, then? You’re just… scaling it back, or whatever?”
I shrugged. “No. I guess we’re broken up. I didn’t think of it in those terms, because it’s not like we’re not going to see each other, you know? And I mean, who knows what will happen when this is all over and the world is different. If we even both survive.”
Jackson nodded, thoughtful, and still didn’t say anything for a long moment. “You know Will thinks it was about me.”
I felt the blood rush to my face. Even though he probably couldn’t see it in the moonlight, I knew he knew anyway.
“He’s just looking for someone to blame. That’s typical Will,” I said with a short laugh. Then I prayed he would drop it. Leav
e me some dignity, even if everybody knows the truth.
Maybe he heard me. Jackson said, “So he’s going to help you build the jammers though? That’s helpful, it’ll go a lot faster that way.”
I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “Yeah. And once we’re in Beckenshire we can probably scavenge anything we want with no risk at all—”
“Shh!” Jackson hissed, putting out an arm in front of me, and then he said in a slightly louder voice that somehow carried, “Everybody stop!”
The whole group of us froze. Nick tiptoed back to Jackson, a look of concern on his face.
“What is it?”
We all listened, but I couldn’t hear anything. I closed my eyes and tried to tune in like he’d taught me, but all I heard was the wind in the trees.
“We’re being tracked,” Jackson whispered to Nick. “But there aren’t that many of them.” He pulled his automatic weapon out of its holster and loaded it, gesturing to Alec, who did the same.
Jackson turned back to Nick. “Stay here and stay quiet; we’ll take care of this.”
I shivered as Jackson and Alec disappeared into the trees. Most of the group didn’t move at all, but we were all wide awake now. Molly tiptoed over to Nick’s side and wrapped her arms around him as he stroked her hair, but all of us kept our eyes glued to the spot where Jackson and Alec had disappeared.
We stood there for what felt like hours, until the chill crept into my bones. At last the sound of gunshots rang out.
Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam.
I jumped with every one, and dug my fingernails into my palms. After a minute I tasted blood and realized I’d bit through my lip.
We waited and waited. No one came.
“How much longer are we gonna wait for them?” Rachel asked in a whisper. “What if that was them getting shot and the Potentate’s men are coming after us? We have to get out of here!”
“Shh,” Nick told her sharply. “Jackson and Alec aren’t that easy to kill. They’ll be back, and we are not leaving without them!”
“If we stay here, we might all die!” Sam protested. “If they’re alive, they can find their way to Beckenshire without us—”
