After Maxine and Teddy begin arguing during one of their premarital counseling sessions, Pastor Atwater reminds them, “You should each be a safe place where the other can demonstrate or express your passion and personality. You seek shelter in each other, not from each other.” Do you have a spouse or close friend who is your safe place? Are you a safe place for someone else? Why is this so important in relationships?
JD warns Maxine, “The truth isn’t your enemy.” Evelyn believes that living a lie “affects generations.” Mama Ruby tells her, “You young people today talk about your truth and what’s real to you. Don’t you know it’s either true and real, an opinion or a lie? Truth don’t change. It don’t need to be processed, just believed and accepted.” Why does it sometimes feel safer to hide the truth? What are some benefits of having the truth come to light, even if it’s painful or unpleasant? In a world filled with relativism, do you still believe in this absolute? How might a lens you have—the way you were raised or something you experienced—affect your views?
Mama Ruby likens her special pork roast recipe to a marriage: “A lot goes into it, things you can’t anticipate or know about ahead of time—sweet, sour, savory,” all of which works together to make a good marriage. What are some of the “sweet, sour, savory” things that have gone into your marriage or family? Do you agree that they work together for good?
Maxine feels she’s “not enough” in many ways, and she isn’t sure of what her “whole self” will look like when all the pieces of her life are stitched together and the truth is revealed. What would you say to her if you were Vivienne or Lilian or Reverend Atwater? Have you ever felt “not enough”? Who or what are some of the more memorable parts of your life story, past or present? Are there chapters you wish you could rewrite? What are some new chapters you’re looking forward to?
Maxine thought she was making a fresh start when she was baptized in that church in Valdosta, Georgia. But “even saved [and] sanctified” hasn’t stopped Maxine from responding to challenging situations by shutting down or running away. Mama Ruby reminds her: “Trusting God is an act of the will. It isn’t easy to fight your nature. Worryin’ and fussin’ over a matter come easy to you. That don’t mean you do nuthin’, but that somethin’ may mean standin’ still. Believers spend much of their time waitin’ and watchin’.” What’s your go-to response when you’re looking for answers to questions life throws at you? Read Luke 9:23. How often must we deny our true nature? What does Maxine need to do to truly start over? What does waiting and watching look like to you?
When Teddy bails on a date with Maxine, she wonders, “How can you really know me without learning about all the puzzle pieces—my friends and my family—that make up my life?” What advice would you give to Maxine and Teddy as they go through premarital counseling? Do you have someone in your life who knows all your puzzle pieces? Or are parts of the puzzle hidden from certain people?
Both Vivienne and Maxine make difficult choices for their daughters’ sakes. How does what Vivienne did with Maxine affect Maxine’s decisions for Celeste? Was it right for Vivienne to reveal the truth to Celeste without Maxine’s knowledge or approval? What regrets does each woman have? What life-changing decisions have left you with regrets? Have you ever faced a situation where you felt utterly inadequate to the task ahead? What happened?
When Maxine was fourteen years old, Vivienne told her mothers and daughters can’t be friends. Do you agree with that? Is there a point at which parents and children can become friends or will parents always be “better than a friend” because they give what their child needs rather than what he or she wants?
Maxine views her scars not as battle wounds but as testimony about the God who loves her. What scars or marks have been left on you? How do you view them? Can you see how they provide evidence of God’s love for you?
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'Til I Want No More Page 34
