by Emily Mayer
Celeste shook her head enthusiastically.
"Yes, sooo pwetty Aunt Evie!"
"We thought we'd say goodnight to you, right, Celeste? Do you want to tell your auntie what we did today?"
Celeste started jumping up and down, waving her little arms around like a maniac.
"Yes! Yes! We went to the zoo! And we saw lots of amnals and daddy let me have two drinks of his soda."
"So fun! What was your favorite animal?" I asked.
She responded almost immediately. "The manadees!"
"Manatees are very cute,” I agreed. Ted sat down next to Corinne and bent down to wave into the camera.
"Hey, Evie. Great pictures. Looks like you’re enjoying Montana more than you thought you would. What are you ladies talking about?"
"Manadees! They are my favorite,” Celeste told her dad.
"Oh yeah? We like the manatees now. What happened to the elephants? I thought they were your favorite,” Ted asked the little girl, who was now busy pulling a shirt onto a teddy bear.
"They were, but I like manadees now because they are like Mommy."
"They’re like Mommy?" I asked, genuinely confused by the comparison.
"Uh huh. They have big middles and are soooo slow."
I heard a strangled noise followed by a low chuckle and then an "oomph."
"Mommy! No hitting! Say sorry to Daddy."
I was biting my lip so hard to keep from laughing that I thought I might draw blood, but I couldn't keep the tears from leaking out of the corners of my eyes or my shoulders from shaking.
"Mommy's hand just slipped. Right into Daddy's stomach."
I heard a distinctly masculine chuckle come from the doorway. My eyes snapped up to see Jack leaning against the door, his body just inside the room. His smile widened as my eyes found his, and my smile faltered. I forgot about the family on the screen halfway across the country as this man stood watching me. Not scowling. Not pretending like I didn’t exist in his space.
Corinne's voice broke the spell his smile had cast over the room. "Anyway, we better say goodnight to Auntie Evie. Night, Evie, we love you!" Corinne said, blowing me a kiss. Celeste leaned into the camera to kiss it like she always did when we said goodbye.
"Night-night, Aunt Evie, love you." Her sweet little voice brought back the smile that had dimmed when I’d seen Jack in the doorway.
"Night-night, baby girl, sweet dreams! I love you the most!" We ended our conversations the same way every time we talked. The first time I had forgotten to add the most to the end, Celeste had asked, "you love me the most, right?" My heart had almost exploded. Ever since, I made sure to add the most. It was pretty much the truth. I really did love her the most. I’d figure out how to handle the addition of a baby brother, since I’d love that kid like a crazy person too.
Corinne leaned forward as she scooted to the end of the couch to stand.
"And for the record, I totally agree with Elise. Those pictures were great, but I’d much rather see a picture—"
"OKAY BYE CRAZY LOVE YOU TOO!" I shouted loudly over her, snapping the laptop lid shut before Jack could hear her say his name.
I looked from the desk toward the door where Jack had been standing. He stepped fully into the room, uncrossing his arms to slide his hands into his pockets. My gaze lingered on his jean-clad thighs maybe just a few seconds too long. We stared at each other for one heartbeat, then two. His chin dipped down before he said in that deep, almost raspy voice, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop."
I could have sworn his cheeks turned just the tiniest bit pink. I did my best to smile at him warmly, hoping this might be a turning point.
"It's fine. I didn't mean to be in here for so long. I got carried away checking emails and then my sister called."
"Was that your niece?"
"Yeah. She's three and totally brutal. My sister, Corinne, is super pregnant." I felt like I should defend her after the manatee comment.
The sound of his warm chuckle rumbled through me. I really, really liked that sound. So much so that I would probably spend too much time later on, thinking of ways to make it happen again. After I was done fantasizing about the sound. Obviously.
An awkward silence settled over the room. I scrambled to come up with something to say, though I was terrified of breaking this temporary truce. There was also a very real possibility that I would word-vomit again and we could both relive the horror of the urban farming verbal onslaught. So many great options. I looked down at my hands, which were busy taking out their anxiety on the hem of my sweater. Nervously clearing my throat, I prepared to make small talk.
"I was just going to update some paperwork, but it's nothing that needs to get done right now." I breathed out a small sigh of relief that Jack had spoken up first. "I can come back later."
"No, no, I was finished working. Let me just grab my stuff and I’ll get out of your way." I was already busy scooping up notebooks, pens, and highlighters into my arms, and balancing everything precariously on top of my laptop. I stood and moved toward the door, cautiously skirting around Jack without making eye contact, as if he were a wild animal I didn’t want to upset. I held my laptop pressed close to my chest, like it could shield me from one of his fierce scowls, which I had become all too familiar with over the past two days.
He just stood silently watching me make my exit. No longer smiling, but not scowling—just watching with a neutral expression on his face. I smiled hesitantly.
"Okay, well, umm… have a good night then,” I fired off, turning so quickly to flee that I caught my shoulder on the edge of the door frame. Groaning inwardly, I shuffled quickly to the side to avoid a second run-in before hustling out the door and down the hall, conscious of the throb in my shoulder.
I made my way back to my bedroom, carefully avoiding the voices drifting through the house. The run-in with Jack was enough for tonight. I did not want to get cornered by Rodney. I had done an excellent job of avoiding him today, and that was a winning streak I didn’t want to break.
Safely back in my room, I quickly changed into my pajamas and snuggled under the covers with my Kindle. Reading was a love I had rediscovered after my career plan went down in flames. I’d pretty much stopped reading for fun during law school. After the massive amount of reading I had to do for school and internships, the last thing I wanted to do was read more. I’d kept a running list of books I wanted to read after I graduated, but the list had remained untouched until I’d started working for Ben. I was making up for lost time now, though. I was crossing at least a book a week off my list. My Kindle had become an accessory I never left home without, safely tucked into purses and totes and suitcases. The list had also been responsible for several burned dinners, one flaming pancake, and a casserole that sat in an oven I forgot to turn on for two hours. Honestly, the line between hobby and addiction was getting pretty thin these days.
A few pages in, I heard a series of small thuds at my door. I put my book down just as another series of thuds was followed by a sad, sad whimper. Hopping out of bed, I padded over to the door and opened it just wide enough to let my four-legged visitor in.
"Hi, Hank Williams." I gave him a good scratch behind the ears. "Are we going to make this a regular thing?"
Hank ambled over to the bed, leaping up and settling into the warm spot I had just left.
"You know there are rules about this kind of thing, right? I think it's three dates before you sleep with a guy now. I don't know. It's been a while since I dated, but I’m pretty sure you’re at least supposed to buy me dinner first. And you’re definitely supposed to ask what side of the bed I want if there’s going to be a sleepover."
I slid in next to the already sleeping dog, reaching over his body to retrieve my Kindle. Snuggled up next to Hank—who had stretched out even more and begun to snore—I didn't make it more than a few pages before my eyelids got heavy and I caught myself reading the same words over and over again. Giving up the fight, I sat my book down and snuggled closer to Hank.
&n
bsp; I would be lying if I said one of the last thoughts that drifted across my tired brain before I fell asleep wasn't the sound of that warm chuckle that seemed so at odds with the man who owned it.
10.
The next few days fell into an easy routine. I spent most of each day working on a new proposal with Ben or answering emails, and spent the rest exploring—usually with Hank Williams in tow.
There was a flood of email to respond to after the article about Ben was published, and I got pretty creative with ways to say ‘thanks but no thanks’ to the various requests. I did my best to hide the worst ones from Ben after I overheard a heated conversation between him and Mary about the article. Mary was not happy to read about all the scandals Ben was somehow connected to, but she also seemed really concerned about his feelings. Ben also hinted that he had "caught shit" from some of the guys on the ranch about the article.
While I spent a lot of energy avoiding Rodney, I had gotten to know Cole, Gabe, and Sam better. I learned that Cole's mother had died when he was little. Cole was quieter and less of an outrageous charmer than Gabe. He reminded me of the workhorses I saw on the ranch, steady and reliable, and it drew me toward him. He was married to his high school sweetheart and had a two-year-old daughter who was basically the sun in his sky.
Cole’s father Sam had never remarried after his wife’s death. Sam had worked on the ranch most of his life, and Mary had been like a mother to Cole. He was a treasure trove of embarrassing stories about Ben, which I exploited as much as possible, like any good employee would.
Gabe was definitely the character of the group. I was beginning to think he purposely went out of his way to make me blush—which honestly was not that difficult. After almost a full week here, I still couldn't handle myself when he brought out both his dimples. He had also become an ally in helping me avoid Rodney and his grabby hands. One night at dinner, he had inserted himself into the tiny space between Rodney and me, shooting me a wink that made my stomach flip a little. He even readily agreed to pose for a picture to send the girls, as long as I gave him complete "artistic control" and read him the responses. I had to hand him my phone to read the text messages, because there was no way I could read them out loud and ever look him in the eye again. Yeah, the girls were not disappointed.
Even Jack and I had managed to find a comfortable routine where we both tried our best to avoid being in each other's presence, though he shot an impressive array of glares and scowls in my direction when we accidentally found ourselves occupying the same space. That night in the study when we’d shared a smile had apparently changed nothing. By the next morning, Jack was back to being irritated by my existence. And it really was me. I saw him laughing with the guys, giving Mary a quick kiss on the head before heading out in the morning, forcing a smile through one of Rodney's stories. I watched him patiently work on training a new horse, smiling and patting him affectionately. It was only me who seemed to bring out his grump. Sure, he wasn't necessarily Mr. Personality in general, but he didn’t treat anyone else like they were a human rash.
I tried not to let it bother me too much. Some people were just never going to like you, no matter what. I could still be pleasant while hoping he stepped in horse poop. I was an adult.
The desire to avoid another awkward breakfast had me grabbing a muffin to go with my cup of coffee and heading out the door before anyone found me. The sun was just coming up and once again I was in awe of how pretty it was here. It was the kind of peaceful that settled deep in your bones. I ate my muffin sitting on one of the rockers, just taking it all in. After finishing the homemade muffin—which put all other muffins to shame—I headed out to the paddock where King was still being kept. From what Gabe had said, Jack wasn’t having any luck getting King to eat much, or getting near enough to examine the horse’s sores. I tried to stop by at least once a day to say hi to King.
I didn't know a lot about horses. I’d spent a couple of summers at riding camp as a kid, but I figured that probably made me the least qualified person in all of Montana. But for whatever reason, I felt like King should know there were nice people here. People who thought he mattered. All living things needed that, right?
So I told King about Chicago, about deep-dish pizza, and about the book I was reading. I even told him that Jack might be a grumpy jerk, but he was really trying to help him. I counted it as progress in our relationship that King had stopped pawing the ground whenever I leaned up against the fence to have our talks, and that he didn't pin his ears back as soon as I started talking anymore. He was either starting to like me, or was giving up hope that I would ever leave him alone. Either way, it was progress, and beggars can't be choosers!
"Good morning, King,” I called softly to the horse. I leaned up against the fence facing him, coffee mug cradled in my hands. "They just don't make mornings like this in Chicago. I could get used to waking up to Montana mornings. I mean, I might need to get an espresso machine because I miss my lattes, but I could really get used to this place. What do you think, King? Could you get used to this place?"
King watched me warily, ears alert.
"I really think you should give it a shot."
We eyed each other cautiously for a minute, and then King took a tentative step in my direction. I gasped. King startled at the sound, pausing momentarily, but then took another small step toward me. This was the first time King had responded to me with anything other than a snort or pawing at the ground. He came a few steps closer before stopping. My heart was beating wildly in my chest as we stood there looking at each other.
Don't mess this up, Evelyn. Oh God, can I look him in the eye? I don't think you’re supposed to look dogs in the eye. A horse is pretty much a big dog, right? All those Planet Earth shows I watched and I retained nothing!
My thoughts were racing as fast as my heart. I took a few deep breaths, trying to mentally get my shit together before I scared us both. Slow as a snail, I moved one foot forward in the dirt, the other foot following. Slow. Slow. Slow, I chanted in my head as I crept down the length of the fence in King's direction.
"I’m going to be honest with you, King. I don't know anything about horses,” I said in a quiet, soothing tone I usually reserved for babies. "But I’m trying really, really hard not to mess this up, because I feel like we just took a really big step in our relationship. This is like getting a drawer in the bathroom or taking someone home to meet your mom."
Inching forward as I tried to gauge King's reaction, I kept my voice steady despite the frantic pounding of my heart. This little bit of trust felt important—like the most important thing in the world. A few more steps in his direction and we would be so close. Close enough that if I leaned over the fence, I could touch him.
King had different ideas though. My last steps sent him retreating back to the far corner. I sighed, disappointment replacing the excitement I had felt earlier. I leaned against the fence, giving King a sad smile.
"It's okay, big guy. I think we made some serious progress here this morning. Rome wasn't built in a day, and I promise I'll be back tomorrow. I know you would miss our little chats even if you aren't ready to admit it yet."
I sipped on the coffee that had been forgotten when King took that first step forward. When Gabe told me that Jack wasn't making any progress with King the other night, I didn’t ask him what exactly counted as progress. Gabe had said King was still barely eating, and he hadn't been able to look at his sores yet. I had a feeling that I was having better luck with King, which obviously confirmed that horses were excellent judges of character.
Sure, I knew nothing about horses besides the basics and what little I remembered about those summer camps from over a decade ago, but I really felt like I could help King. Helping him felt like something I had to do. I couldn't explain it. I just felt this overwhelming need to see him healthy and happy. But since I knew next to nothing about horses, I also realized I was going to need help. And help meant Jack. Getting Jack to agree to let me help King wa
s going to be climbing-Mount-Everest hard. I was going to need a really convincing argument to get him to agree to the idea rapidly forming in my head.
"You’re a lawyer, Evelyn!” I said out loud. “Or were a lawyer. No, technically you still have a license to practice law so that makes you a lawyer. This is not a big deal. You just have to convince the grouchiest man on earth, who also happens to hate your guts, to let you help him out. Easy peasy."
Liar, liar, pants on fire. I needed a plan and a backup plan, and backup plan for my backup plan. But planning was what I did best!
11.
Coffee finished and plans made, I headed back to the house with way more energy than was normal for a human being this early. I swung open the kitchen door a little too hard, sending it crashing into the wall.
"Oh, hi, sorry,” I said on an exhale. Mary, knife in hand mid-chop, was staring at me with a startled expression on her face. "Have you seen Jack?"
Mary blinked at me a few times before clearing her throat.
"Uh, I think he’s out in one of the barns. He wanted to get an early start riding along the fences today. Are you okay, sweetie? You look a little flushed and you missed breakfast. Ben thought you might have a migraine."
"No, no, I’m fine. I grabbed a muffin,” I answered, already turning back toward the open door. I needed to keep moving before my nerves caught up with me. The longer it took to find Jack, the more likely it was I would talk myself out of pitching my idea to him. "Thanks, Mary. Bye, have a good morning!"
Almost jogging, I stuck my head in the first barn, looking for any sign of the man I usually worked so hard to avoid. Looking around, I didn't see any sign of him. I stepped into the barn and called out.
"Hello? Jack?"
Only the sounds of horses enjoying their breakfast answered me. I turned to head out when I heard a noise coming from the far end of the stables. I made my way toward the tack room, giving myself a pep talk along the way. With equal parts dread and eagerness, I stepped into the surprisingly large room. The white walls were decorated with saddle blankets, bridles, and other things I didn't have names for, and lined on all sides by saddles. The room smelled like leather and horse. It was a strangely delicious and soothing combination. I inhaled deeply, letting the smell calm me.
