by Emily Mayer
"Shit." Jack managed to break free from my grasp, and once again moved toward the back of the trailer to release the ramp. I swear to God, this man who rode angry bulls on purpose, because he liked it, took a deep, fortifying breath before he unlatched the door and swung it open.
I let out a strangled, relieved laugh as five adorable goats casually trotted down the ramp, checking out their new surroundings.
"Oh my God, they’re adorable,” I gushed, watching them hop around their new home.
"Ha," Gabe barked, turning on his heel and storming off.
Mary joined the remaining onlookers at the fence, pointing to the goat closest to us.
"That’s Saffron. And Ginger. There's Rosemary and Basil in the corner. And last but not least, the little explorer on the roof is Cinnamon."
"All spices! I didn't think I could love this anymore." I whipped my phone out of my pocket and started snapping pictures.
"That's great, Mom. So what the hell happened to Gabe?" Ben asked. Both boys turned to face Mary, clearly way more interested in hearing her answer than watching the frolicking goats.
"Well, the goats needed a little convincing about getting into the trailer and Hank Williams wasn't helping things, you know. They kept hopping away every time we tried to herd them in, so Gabe had to lure them into the trailer with some treats. It worked great—they rushed right in, but Gabe got stuck in the corner and they sort of mobbed him." Mary winced. "He must have gotten some of the treats on his clothes. Anyway, I don't think he'll be going near the goats for a while."
I looked over to see both men vibrating with suppressed laughter. As soon as our eyes met, Ben erupted, shoulders shaking, which seemed to trigger Jack's own laugh to burst from his body.
Mary and I stood shaking our heads in silent judgment. She swatted both boys on the shoulder. "Now, you leave him alone about this! It was very traumatic. Hank even barreled through the goats to get them off him."
Even I snickered, imagining Gabe being mobbed by goats and Hank Williams coming to his rescue. Mary turned on her heel, satisfied that the goats were settling in fine.
"I'm going to go make that poor boy a pie," she said, her statement leaving more laughter in its wake.
Ben was the first to recover, just shaking his head and staring at the goats. "I don't know, man. I know you were pretty against these goats, but they're starting to grow on me.”
Jack turned to look at the little terrorists, shaking his head. "They might be okay."
I threw a fist into the air, giving it a little pump.
"Yes! Welcome to Team Goat! Letty is totally going to be on our team as soon as she sees these little nuggets. Pretty sure we have Margot too. Ooh, we should get shirts."
Ben looked at me like I was speaking another language. "On that note, I'm going to head back to the office. I want to get this done as soon as possible, before I start thinking goat shirts is a good idea."
"They are a good idea!" I fired at his retreating back.
Jack looped an arm around my shoulders, drawing me into him and dropping a kiss on my head. "I'd wear one of your shirts, baby."
I tried to focus on the other words, the ones that had come before “baby,” but it was the only one my brain seemed to understand. The rest of them tumbled around inside with the rest of my organs.
"You would?" I gazed up at him, a ridiculous smile plastered on my face. I was mildly impressed I had managed to get out that much.
"Nope." He grunted when my elbow connected with his ribs, and tightened his hold on my shoulders. "We should make Gabe one, though."
I gave his ribs another playful jab. "Be nice to him. He was jumped by a bunch of tiny goats."
I felt Jack's chuckle vibrating through my side. "Man, I would've loved to have seen that. Still good for tonight?"
I nodded, soaking up this moment. "Yep."
"Good. I'll let you get back to work. See you at dinner." He dropped another kiss on my head and walked back in the direction he had come from.
I almost asked him for a real kiss. I had turned into a beggar—always greedy for more when it came to Jack.
41.
When the smell of pie drifted into the office, Ben and I abandoned work under the pretense of helping Mary in the kitchen. We were both chopping carrots and eyeballing the apple pie when Jack walked in, covered in grease. Thank God I had stopped chopping long enough to pop a carrot into my mouth, or I’d have been down a finger. No one seemed to notice my heavy breathing.
"Got the tractor running?" Mary eyed Jack’s greasy hands, handing him some paper towels.
"I think so. Gonna get cleaned up before dinner." He dumped the mutilated wad of paper towels into the trash and walked out. The temperature in the kitchen dropped twenty degrees, and I assumed it was safe for me to start using sharp objects again.
Gabe walked in next, clothing all intact, and made a beeline for the apple pie. Cole, Margot, and Letty followed, increasing the volume of the kitchen tenfold. Letty climbed up onto the island to help me chop the carrots and ask me about the goats. Sam was the last to arrive, and he had a tub of vanilla ice cream in hand, making him everyone's hero.
When Jack strolled into the kitchen, free of grease, sporting damp hair and a long-sleeved thermal shirt that wrapped around his biceps like a koala, he walked straight to me, ignoring all the newcomers, and kissed my cheek. His hand dropped to the small of my back when he leaned over to check out Letty's pile of carrot pieces. I snuck a quick glance in Margot's direction to see her eyes practically bugging out of her head. She moved her head slowly from side to side, a wide smile transforming her face. I shrugged and shot her a sly grin.
Dinner was its usual circus, the boys taking thinly-veiled shots at Gabe, who took it all in stride in that good-natured way he handled everything. Letty chatted away in between bites of pot pie. Ben, Sam, and Mary carried on a conversation at the other end of the table, the sound of Mary's softer laugh mixing with the masculine voices floating around us.
I looked around the table, enjoying the chaos surrounding me and trying to commit it all to memory. A warm feeling spread through my chest that felt a lot like happiness and even more like love. I had a feeling that leaving this place was going to feel like losing a limb. The thought sent a wave of anxiety, tinged with what could only be called grief, crashing through me. I spent the rest of dinner pushing food around with my fork, my appetite gone.
Margot took Letty out to meet the goats, her mangled carrot pieces in hand, while Gabe, Sam, Cole, Jack, and I headed toward King's space. We were going to do this with an audience. Anxious energy buzzed around us as we approached the fence separating us from the horse of the hour. The rest of the group looked tense as we came to a stop, and Gabe actually shot me a thumbs-up.
Jack took me by the shoulders, forcing me to make eye contact with him.
“Here’s how it's going to go. You’re going to go in there, and you’re going to do exactly as I say.” I bristled slightly at his command, some of my anxiety falling away to be replaced by stubborn pride. “I mean it, Evelyn. You do exactly as I say. Got it?”
I nodded my head. “I got it.”
“I don’t want you getting hurt, so promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”
Geez, you’d have thought I was about to get into the ring with a bear.
“I promise, Jack. I’m not going to do anything crazy.” I gave him a reassuring smile. “I don’t really even know what would be considered crazy in this scenario.”
Jack pressed a quick kiss to my forehead and let his hands drop. He huffed out a breath, taking off his cap to run his hands through his hair, his signature frustrated move. Seeing how concerned he looked for me melted some of my annoyance and made me want to comfort him.
“Hey, trust me.” I bumped his shoulder with mine, trying to infuse some calm. “We’ve got this.”
He shot me a quick smile before moving to the gate and unlatching it. “Just walk a couple feet in so we can judge his reactio
n. The whole point of this is to get him used to you being in there with him.”
“Got it.”
After a deep, calming breath, I took a tentative step forward. I willed myself to move slowly but confidently. I sneaked a quick glance over my shoulder when I heard the gate latch behind me. Jack was standing at the gate, looking ready to pounce. Cole, Sam, and Gabe were all leaning up against the fence. Cole smiled at me and gave a little nod of encouragement.
“Hi, King,” I called in greeting. The horse was watching me curiously, swishing his tail back and forth. I kept moving forward, undeterred by the angry tail action. “So I thought I’d pop in and say hi tonight instead of our usual. I hope you don’t mind.”
I paused to gauge his reaction. His tail had stopped whipping around, and a soft snort was the only sign that he knew I was present. I took a few more steps in his direction, trying to keep my posture relaxed, my voice even and calm.
“It was time to take our relationship to the next level, don’t you think?”
King turned his whole body to face me. Somewhere behind me I heard Jack telling me not to go any further. I released the breath I hadn’t known I was holding and took another handful of steps. I heard Jack’s soft curse and the clink of metal, followed by Cole’s voice telling him to leave it. I kept my focus on King, trying to block out the background noise.
“Listen,” I whispered, coming a little closer. “I’m going to need you to work with me here. I’ve been talking you up to the guys over there, so help a girl out. I’d really, really like to show them up—you know, girl power and all that good stuff.”
I wasn’t suffering any delusion that King actually understood the words I was saying, but I hoped he sensed, on whatever level was possible, that I wanted to help him. I hoped he could sense that I was good, and worthy of his damaged trust.
We stood staring at each other for a small eternity, only the sound of our breathing filling the air between us. I had resigned myself to the fact that this might be all we accomplished today—then King started walking. His stride was steady and unhurried. I stood still, fighting the urge to do a little celebration dance, although I lost the battle against smiling. But my smile didn’t seem to upset King. He came to a stop less than an arm’s length in front of me, blowing a little puff of air in my face that I chose to believe was a ‘I’ve got your back’ in Horse.
I tentatively stretched my arm forward, because I didn’t know what else to do and my cheering section had gone quiet. I wanted to ask Jack what to do but that would require raising my voice. I couldn’t risk scaring King away. There was no plan for this. The plan had stopped at ‘walk inside a little ways and listen to me.’ And since ‘no plan’ seemed to be the theme of my life lately, I did what I always did—swallowed my panic and improvised.
I laughed as his warm breath tickled my palm. “You’re the best wingman ever! I’m going to give you so many apples for this, you know that, right?”
He nudged the back of my hand with his nose, and I moved it to gently stroke the soft part of his nose. When he seemed fine with my touch, I moved my hand to stroke his neck, taking inventory of his tangled mane and scarred coat. His muscles quivered under my hand, and I felt his breath on the side of my face, moving the loose strands of hair around. His tolerance ended abruptly, and he walked away as if the whole thing was no big deal.
I waited until he was settled into his corner, munching away on the patchy grass, before reluctantly making my way back to the gate. My gaze traveled from the smiling men on the fence to Jack, who was watching me with an intense expression I couldn’t read. Was he mad at me for not listening when he’d told me to stop? I felt my smile slip a little as I neared where he stood holding the gate open.
I turned to face him, bracing myself for a confrontation. Jack slide the lock home and then walked toward me like a man on a mission.
“I—”
Before I could get any more words out, Jack’s arms were around me, crushing me into his chest. He tightened his hold, forcing an oomph out of my throat. It took a second for the shock to wear off, but finally I wrapped my arms around his waist. Nose pressed into his chest, I breathed in the familiar scent of leather and sweat, and my whole body relaxed into him.
“I am so damn proud of you.” His voice was like gravel. I glanced up at him curiously, surprised by his words. He dipped his head, bringing his mouth to mine for a soft kiss that was way too short.
“I told you King liked me.” I couldn’t resist pointing out that I was right, but I softened my words with a smile.
He kissed my nose. “Sorry, city girl.”
I swatted his chest, earning a small laugh. Jack released me, but I was immediately pulled into Gabe’s strong arms, and he lifted me off the ground and swung me around.
“Evie, you are a fucking champion!” He dropped me back on my feet, giving me the full dimple treatment with that devastating smile of his.
“Thanks.” I felt my cheeks heat at the compliment or those dimples or some combination of both.
Cole and Sam were smiling at me. Happiness crashed into me as I stared at these four men, who were cheering me on and looking at me like they saw something in me that had been lost for a long time.
“I knew you had it in you.” Cole’s words confirmed my suspicions.
“You did?” I felt my eyebrows climbing my forehead. “Because I definitely didn’t.”
Gabe chuckled, throwing his arm across my shoulders, only to have it knocked off by Jack, who tugged me against his side. Jack shot Gabe a hands-off look that had me grinning like an idiot. Jealous was a great look on this man.
Gabe cheerfully ignored the warning, and shot me mischievous wink. “We never doubted you.”
I thought my insides were going to explode as we walked back to the house. I didn’t think it was possible for the human body to contain this much happiness. I was practically bursting with it.
I’d felt lost since I had walked away from my carefully crafted life. For a long time, I hadn’t recognized myself as I stumbled through life without a plan for the first time. But here, I felt grounded. I felt like someone had woken me up. And more than anything else, I loved who I saw reflected back at me when I looked at this group of men, who had unexpectedly become my friends.
42.
Our little group settled in on the porch for a celebratory drink. I had declined a beer, worried about a migraine since my head was already teetering on the edge after all the excitement with King, and went with a ginger ale. Wild times, for sure. I enjoyed listening to the easy banter that flowed between the three men on the porch, occasionally adding my own commentary.
Letty darted around the corner of the porch, followed by Margot, who smiled when she saw us.
“Hey, how’d it go?” Margot asked me.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I think it went well.”
Gabe made a strangled noise next to me, shaking his head.
“Okay, humble bee. King walked right up to her like it was no big thing and let her love on him.”
I laughed at his nickname and his version of events.
“It was something,” Jack added, smiling affectionately at me.
“That’s great!” She turned her gaze to where Cole was seated. “Babe, why don’t you take your child inside for some ice cream?”
“Ice cream?” Letty stopped in her tracks. “Ice cream ice cream ice cream!”
Cole reached for the bouncing child’s hand, leading her toward the house. Gabe got up, rubbing his hands together.
“You think there are any sprinkles, Letty-Lou?”
“Well, I can’t pass up sprinkles either.” Sam rose, seeming to take Margot’s hint.
As soon as the door closed behind them, Margot faced Jack, the last remaining male on the porch.
“Jack?” Margot said, her voice laced with sugary sweetness.
“Yes, Margot?” he answered, lifting one corner of his mouth in a small grin like he knew her tone meant trouble.
“Now why would I want to do that? I’m pretty comfortable right where I’m at, enjoying a nice cold beer. “
He tipped his bottle to his mouth, smirking around it as he took a pull. Margot grabbed him by his free arm and attempted to pull him up.
“Because I need to talk to Evie about you and that’s going to be hard to do with you here.”
My face instantly flamed. I sputtered, “Wh-what?”
Margot and Jack were too busy staring each other down, smiles plastered on their faces, to answer my question.
“I don’t know. I think I might like to hear this conversation,” Jack drawled, clearly enjoying this.
“Jack Danver, get gone!” Margot said in her best mom voice, pointing toward the yard.
Jack held his hands up, bottle dangling from his fingers. “Okay, okay.”
He stood and shot me a wink that made the heat rush back to my face. Margot took the chair next to me, turning it to face me, really driving home the whole interrogation vibe she had going on.
“So, dinner was interesting huh?” she asked, taking the casual route.
“Not really. Nothing exciting about pot pies.” Two could play this game. We were pretty well-matched, really. I had two older sisters and she had a toddler.
“Give it up, Evie.”
I rolled my eyes playfully and gave her the same recap I had given my sisters, filling in a few extra details since I wasn’t doing it over text this time around. Margot’s expression had transformed from eager puppy to giddy and slightly deranged by the time I finished.
“I knew it!” She clapped her hands together. “This is so great.”
I could actually see the wheels in her head turning.
“Okay, before you go planning the wedding, it’s new. We haven’t really talked about what this all means,” I cautioned. “I mean, I still live in Chicago and he still lives in Montana and there’s a lot of distance in between.”
