by M. S. Parker
His voice trailed away. Sourly, I asked, “Perhaps what?”
“I’m just thinking that perhaps Kendra was right and—”
“Dammit!” Throwing my hands up in the air, I whirled back to face him. “Guess what, Edward? Kendra isn’t involved in this. She’s hardly even there when I need to talk and when we do talk, she’s too busy telling me what I did wrong to even listen to what I have to say. She’s concerned? About what? She doesn’t even understand what the hell is going on so she has no right to have an opinion about it!”
I cut around him to go to the door, pausing by the table to stare at the beautifully prepared dinner that would now go to waste. Bitterness lay on the back my tongue while a hollow ache set in my chest.
“I had the staff make your favorite dinner,” I said softly. “I wanted to tell you...” I stopped and shook my head. What was the point? “Never mind. I guess it wouldn’t be important to you anyway.”
Chapter 11
There were times when a woman needed to reevaluate things and figure out who her real friends were. I was starting to feel like I was at that point.
I needed somebody who would be excited for me, happy.
Immediately, my mom came to mind, but I was sort of saving that news for when I saw her face-to-face, and I couldn’t tell any of my siblings because there’d be no way they could keep it a secret, even for a couple days.
A few months ago, the answer would have been Kendra, but something had changed since then. I didn’t know if she had changed, or if I had, but regardless, nothing was the same and if I called her, I doubted her excitement would be real.
A face came to mind, but I didn’t even let that become an idea. He was the last person I needed to talk to.
Then, smiling a little, I reached for my phone. I’d grabbed it on my way out of the dining room and had been staring at cute pictures of cats and puppies in an effort to cheer myself up. It hadn’t helped, but this would.
Cody’s voice was cheerful when he answered, “Hey, sister-to-be. You about ready for the big day?”
“Yeah.” Before he could take that discussion any further, I changed it. “So, I’ve got super exciting news and I have to tell somebody.”
I’d gone into a small side room that was rarely ever used and settled in my favorite spot, a padded window seat that faced out over the sweeping sprawl of the lawn. It was dark outside now, but the landscape lighting let me see the koi pond and the trellis, purple clematis climbing up and winding around it. It wasn’t even close to as much land as my family had back home, but it was still beautiful.
“Spill. I love good news!” He paused, and then blurted out, “You’re not pregnant already are you?”
“Hell, no!” The answer popped out as something akin to dread shot through me.
“Whoa. Well, that’s emphatic.” Cody laughed. “I would have thought you’d love a few rug-rats, Gabs.”
“Oh, I do.” Confused, I rested my head against the cool pane of glass and closed my eyes. “It’s not that I don’t. It’s…well. I want us time first, okay?” I shook my head, not wanting to delve into Edward and my relationship. “Anyway, my news…you know I’m trying to get into screenwriting, right?”
“Yes…” He managed to make that single syllable last several seconds and I caught the tension hidden in his voice.
It spiked my excitement and some of the misery faded away. I smiled. “I was going through my email and one of the media sites I joined sends out this list—most of it’s pure junk, but sometimes, they have open calls when a studio is looking for new talent or interns—”
“Gabby, come on,” Cody said laughingly. “Just tell me. You’re killing me.”
Rolling my eyes, I muttered, “Killjoy. You know the name Benny Stern?”
“Well, yeah. I may not be into acting, but plenty of my friends are trying to make it. He’s a big deal around…son of a bitch. He’s looking for fresh talent—I heard about that! Are you—?”
“Yes!” Now it was my turn to cut him off with a near-squeal of delight. “Yes! He wants me to come in for an interview next week after I get back from the Catskills. We’d met once and he’d told me then to look him up once I had some experience. Well, I called him and he said to come in!”
“Damn,” Cody breathed out. Even over the phone, I could hear his happiness for me and it went a long way to ease the ache in my chest. “That’s amazing. Gabs, I’m so happy for you!”
“Thank you!” I jumped up off the seat, too giddy to stay still. I spun around...and froze. Edward stood in the doorway, staring at me. His face was shuttered.
On the other end of the line, Cody asked, “Man, what did Edward say? Is he like blown away?”
“Ah…” Still staring at Edward, I swallowed and then said, “He just now found out, Cody. I kind of need to go.”
“What? Gabs, you told me first? What the—”
“Don’t,” I said, anger breaking loose. I stared at Edward as I bit the explanation off. “I tried to tell him earlier, but he was too busy explaining about his lunch with my best friend where they talked about how concerned they were for me. I didn’t have the chance.”
Cutting the call off before Cody could respond, I tossed my phone down onto the window seat and crossed my arms over my chest. Our gazes locked and I lifted my chin.
A muscle throbbed in Edward’s cheek as he averted his face. “You must think I’m a total bastard,” he said quietly.
Well, that took the wind out of my sails.
Blowing out a sigh, I turned back to the window. “No,” I said softly. “I think you need to listen to me when I’m telling you something instead of talking to my best friend about me.”
When he didn’t answer, I looked over my shoulder at him. He still wasn’t looking at me, but I could see his jaw clenching. I kept my voice even as I explained myself further.
“Kendra is my friend and I love her, but that doesn’t mean she can explain me to you. Sure, she’s known me for a few years, but she isn’t me. Are we involved in a relationship, you and me? Or is it you, me and Kendra?”
“Gabriella…”
At the tone of his voice, I turned away again. Gazing out over the gardens, I tried to place what I was feeling inside. I threw away descriptions that didn’t quite work. The word that finally came to mind was misfit.
I’d been living in this house for a few weeks and I was supposed to consider it my home. In a few days, Edward and I would be married and it would be my house as much as his. Yet the only place I really felt at ease here anymore was in this room. This small, out-of-place room that no one else used. Even Edward’s office didn’t feel welcoming to me lately. As for our bedroom…
What am I doing here?
Part of me wanted to find the answer to that question. I just didn’t know. The wedding was rushing at me so fast and I kept spinning back to how little Edward seemed to understand me. It was enough to make anyone nauseous.
“I take it…well, that must have been your news. You’re clearly very excited. I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could share it with me.” The reserve in Edward’s voice made it hard for me to let my guard down.
He wasn’t sorry for talking about me with Kendra. For anything other than making me feel like I couldn’t tell him.
You’re clearly very excited.
This could be the gateway to my dreams and that was what he had to say? Excited? Up until a little while ago, I’d been walking on the moon. Right now, I didn’t know what I felt.
“What do you think about the interview?” I asked him softly. Forcing myself to look at him, I waited for his answer.
He came to me, moving slowly, as though he feared I’d push him away. I didn’t, but I didn’t reach for him either. His fingers were gentle and warm as he cupped my chin, lifting my face until our gazes locked.
“I think that if it makes you happy, then I’m happy. This is, after all, your dream.”
My dream…
I thought about the t
hings that my mother had wished for. My father had wanted them just as much as she had, because she’d wanted them. And she’d felt the same for him. They’d fought for each other to have everything possible. They’d worked together to make the dreams they’d shared come true. It hadn’t always worked, but they’d always done it, side-by-side. But Edward was happy if it made me happy.
I thought that maybe I was trying too hard to be unhappy about it, but I didn’t know how to fix the ache inside me. When he pulled me up against him, I didn’t resist.
“You had a lovely surprise for me earlier.” Edward’s breath stirred my hair.
I kept my eyes closed, breathing in the warm scent of him. His body felt good against mine, solid and strong. Everything I’d always wanted, right?
“I messed up your plans. Let me make it up to you.”
When he led me to the study, I managed to smile at the candlelight picnic he’d set up on the floor in front of the empty fireplace. The familiar smell of Indian food hung in the air. “Curry.”
“Naan. Curry. It’s our first meal,” he said, guiding me to the blanket he’d thrown on the ground. “I can’t cook and I didn’t want to try to pretend that I could fix what I’d already ruined, so I thought I’d try a different way.”
“It’s lovely.” I sank down next to him and when he fed me bits and pieces, I ate them willingly. He was trying so hard to make things right.
“Tell me about the interview,” he said after a few minutes of silence.
I flicked him a look, shrugging. My previous excitement was gone. “You heard what I said to Cody.”
He wrapped his hand around mine. “Gabriella, please. Talk to me.”
The way he watched me brought an ache to my chest, but it wasn’t the one I was used to. This didn’t feel like a love that was going to swell up and overtake me. I felt like I was drowning.
You’re just stressed over the wedding, I told myself. Forcing a smile, I started to talk.
I told him how I’d met Benny Stern, how I’d found out about the open call. Then I told him about the projects I’d been working on. The knots inside my chest didn’t untangle, although a few of them eased when I managed to elicit a laugh from him as I described one of my more colorful characters.
“How long does it take to complete one of these projects?” he asked as he poured me a glass of wine.
“It depends on the project. Some come like wildfire. Others, it’s like I’m pulling teeth.”
“I’d go with the ones that are wildfire. They sound more fun.”
He got up to start a fire. It was hot outside, but the air was blowing high enough to make the house chilly. I supposed that’s what came from having excess money. The ability to have a fire going in August just for the mood, while the air conditioner was running to keep things cool.
“They can all be fun. It’s just…some things don’t come as easy as others. It doesn’t mean they aren’t worth it.”
“I understand that very well.” Edward’s eyes met mine.
I wasn’t able to look at him long before I averted my gaze. Reaching out, I grabbed the wine bottle and splashed the rest of it into my glass. Between the alcohol, my full belly and the heat from the fire, I was a little more relaxed, but the warm, comfortable happiness I’d felt so often with Edward seemed to be missing.
Some things are worth fighting for, yeah, but sometimes, you’re just fighting. I didn’t know which of those two I was at, and the knowledge of that left me cold.
I’d emptied the better part of a bottle of wine when he turned to me, his mouth seeking. This, at least, was easy. He knew my body well and I knew his. When he guided me back to the floor, I went easily, willingly, even, almost desperate to find that connection between us again. If we could find it here, I had hope we could find it anywhere.
He came down over me, one hand curving to my waist, the other rising up to push into my hair. His touch was gentle, but I didn’t want gentle.
I dug my hand into his hair, dragging his head down to meet mine. His breath caught when I bit his lower lip and then it turned into a frantic, heavy pant as I slid my free hand between us and began to stroke him through his pants. Blue eyes held mine as I dragged his zipper down and shoved my hand inside. He groaned when I wrapped my hand around his cock and I smiled against his mouth. He was heavy and hard. Moisture seeped from the head as I circled it with my thumb.
A noise rumbled out of his throat and he began to pump into my hand. I squeezed him tighter and stroked up and down. My core ached. He rested a hand on my inner thigh, his fingers seeking. I needed more, needed to have him come inside me and fill the emptiness that grew with every second.
When he began to kiss his way down my torso with light feathery kisses, I twisted out from under him and urged him onto his back.
We were still dressed. His pants were open, underwear shoved out of the way so that his cock jutted up from the swath of cotton. I still wore the dress and my panties. And I didn’t care.
“Now,” I demanded.
Edward’s hands steadied my hips as I straddled him.
He helped me move aside my clothes, staring up at me with hunger in his eyes. I wrapped my hand around his cock and held him steady as I took him inside. I wasn’t wet enough, not yet, but it didn’t matter. The friction between his cock and my stretching pussy added to the desperation and I threw back my head, crying out as I felt the edge I craved.
He arched up, meeting each downward move of my hips with an upward thrust of his own. He pulled down the top of my dress, bringing my bra with it. Warm hands cupped my breasts and he stroked his thumbs around my nipples in slow, teasing circles. I covered his hands and urged him to squeeze, tried to communicate the need I had for something more.
Wetter now, I rode him, falling forward to brace my weight on my hands. His stomach tensed beneath my palms. Through a veil of my hair, I saw his head fall back, his eyes close. His back arched and he began to move, driving into me quicker, harder, each stroke sending sparks dancing through me.
“Yes,” I whimpered. “Like that.”
I didn’t know if he finally heard the need in my voice or if he was just giving in to his own, but either way, he flipped me onto my back and took me, driving into me with deep powerful thrusts. My back burned across the carpet as he pounded into me. I cried out and he swelled and the head of his cock stroked that spot inside me.
My eyes closed as we raced towards the precipice together. He groaned out my name, his face pressed against my shoulder. I lifted up, setting my heels firmly onto the floor so I could grind my clit against him. He swore and I squeezed my eyes tighter, continuing to move.
Involuntarily, a face swam before my eyes and in that moment, I hated myself.
I came hard, biting my lip to keep from crying out.
I didn’t know whose name I would’ve said.
Chapter 12
“I promise, Mom.” Phone in hand, I paused on the steps as I looked up at the old building where I’d lived with Kendra. I didn’t push the buzzer yet, mostly because I couldn’t. My hands were full of bags and the phone. As much time as I’d spent on the phone recently, I was starting to wish I’d invested in a bluetooth. “Kendra and I have everything under control, I swear.”
“Okay. I just…” On the other end of the phone, my mother sniffed. “Well, I always imagined being there and helping with everything for all my girls when it came to their big day.”
I understood where she was coming from. She and Suzanne had started planning her wedding three months after Suzanne had met Pierce. Mom had even helped Duncan’s wife, Allison, and her mother. I had no doubt she’d be doing as much as possible for Jackson and Amber. That was just how she was.
“You all have been a bigger help than you know, Mom.” My shoulder screamed in protest at the weight of the bags and I said, “Mom, I’m at Kendra’s now and these bags are killing me. I gotta go.”
“Okay. Send me pictures!”
I promised I would and
disconnected, shoving the phone into my pocket so I could hit the buzzer.
A moment later, Kendra’s cheerful voice came through. “Hello!”
“Open up,” I pleaded. “Better yet, come and help me.”
She laughed and the door unlocked.
I wasn’t even to the first step when she appeared on the landing, jogging down to take two of the bags I’d looped over my elbow. “Girl, why didn’t you have your driver help you?”
“I took a cab.” Making a face at her, I readjusted the weight of the other bags and sighed. “I had to make a couple of last minute stops and I didn’t want to risk Paul not being available if Edward needs him.”
I had to take a minute to acclimate when we went inside. “Wow.” The whole place had been painted, the walls a clean, fresh white, the old furniture replaced by a couch the color of a tropical ocean. It matched the rest of the accents and picked up the color in the rug that covered a huge part of the floor. The murphy bed had been replaced by a lovely real bed and there were shelving units that went perfectly with the color scheme, holding books and movies and pictures. There was also one giant TV.
“Damn, Kendra. If I’d known you were making this kind of money, maybe I would’ve stuck around.”
She grinned at me. “The landlord had to pony up for the paint job. I told him I could either press charges for the shit he tried to pull on us, or he could take care of some much needed upkeep around here. Once the painting was done, I decided I needed to update everything, and I’d gotten a nice advance from Bouvier, so I could afford it.”
“It looks amazing.” Dumping the bags onto the couch, I sank down onto it with a content sigh. “This is a lot more comfortable than the old one.”
“It’s a bed too. In case you ever wanna crash again.” She shrugged, her oversized shirt slipping down one bare shoulder. “For old times’ sake.”
I laughed. “If you’d made the offer with the other couch here, then I’d say hell no. But maybe…”
She grinned and clapped her hands. “We need to get to work.”
Did we ever.
