John sank under her hand. “I still love you.”
Trudy dropped her hand to her side. “No. You don’t. Neither one of us loves each other. I think we did for a while. But that was a while ago. Maybe we were doomed from the start because of the way we got together.”
“With that logic, you can’t love the guy you’re leaving me for,” John said.
Trudy shrugged. “Maybe. But I don’t feel like I cheated on you. It’s like my new relationship cancels ours out.”
“And everything should go back to the way it was?” John looked over at me.
Trudy smiled. “Ha! No. Even I’m not delusional enough to think you can go back after what we did. But I can move forward.” She motioned to all of us. “I don’t want any of this anymore. I tried so hard to make everyone like me, and it never worked. You people are tiring. I need a rest.” She pulled on her hair. “And as luck would have it, Gary and I are heading to Mexico next week.”
“I’m sure a nice tan will hide any leftover bruising by then,” I said.
Simon stepped on my foot. I knew I shouldn’t bring attention back to the fact I hit her, but I was seeing a sliver of why I’d been her friend. She’d been a decent person twelve years ago. Maybe she went in cycles. I wasn’t going to be her friend again, but maybe there was hope she wasn’t actually a demon from Hell. I still had my doubts—but maybe.
Trudy picked up her purse and walked out the door.
John watched her leave. “I don’t know,” he said slowly. “The kids need their dad.” He glared at Simon. “Their real dad.”
I threw my hands up. “You are such a stuck up, half witted, scruffy-looking Nerf Herder.”
Simon’s head popped up. “That wasn’t Shakespeare. That was Star Wars.”
“I’m too angry to be creative or literate.”
“I’m taking you to court,” John said. “I don't think there’s a judge in the state who’s going to like you hitting my wife.”
I put my hands on my hips. I hoped he couldn't see how hard I was trembling. “I didn’t hit your wife.”
“She’s still my wife. The papers aren’t final yet.” He tried to stand taller.
“I don’t remember hitting anyone,” I said. I leaned toward Simon. “Do you remember me hitting anyone?”
Simon shrugged. “We talked about hitting John earlier. I don’t remember talking about Trudy.”
I grinned.
I folded my arms tight to try to better hide my shaking. “Trudy won’t testify. She’s moved on with Gary. To Mexico, it sounds like. I bet you never see her again.”
“Judges still like fathers. Times are changing. People know how important dads are.”
I hugged myself tighter. Soon I wouldn’t be able to breath. “I’ve never stopped you from seeing the kids. I’ve even helped you. Paul and Tyler will testify to that.”
“They’re minors.” He waved his hand at me. “You’ll have your hands full with a new husband. I want full custody.”
“Paul and Tyler will have a choice even though they are minors and they won’t go for it.”
“James doesn’t have a choice.” He smiled smugly.
“How do you do this? How do you turn everything around on me?”
Simon took a step toward John. “Back away, John. It’s time to find someone else. Better yet, find no one else. You need to figure out how to be happy on your own.”
“Thanks for the advice, Doctor Freud.” He waved Simon away as well. “Where did you even find this joke, Grace?”
Simon took another step forward.
I put my hands out between both of them. “No. I’m done. Finished. Whatever the correct word choice is here.” I faced John. “There’s an old Polish saying that just came to mind: ‘Not my circus; not my monkeys.’ You aren’t my problem, John. I’ve put too much energy into not having a relationship with you already. I don’t want to do it anymore. Take me to court. Try it. I doubt you have the energy or smarts to do it now that Trudy isn’t with you anymore. You’re a sliver of a man, and I can’t be bothered one more moment. You may be a stupid monkey, but you’re not mine. Not anymore.”
I walked to Simon and looped my arm through his. “Let’s go throw all of these people out and go home.”
Simon kissed me.
“What am I supposed to do?” John asked.
We walked through the cafeteria door. “I just don't care.”
29
Somebody, by Depeche Mode, was playing, so I knew the dance was nearing its end. June was old school, and I appreciated her signal to me. Somebody always ended dances during my high school years. It should end every high school dance, always.
Rebecca and Justin walked over to us.
“Everything okay?” Rebecca asked.
I nodded.
“I didn’t see John leave.”
“We left him in the cafeteria. I’m not sure he knows how to leave.”
James came running up to us. I pulled him into my arms and hugged him. “Can I go to Mindy’s now? This is kind of boring.”
I took out my cell phone and texted Mindy’s mom.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stick around and help us clean up?”
James grabbed my phone. “Mindy’s mom is on her way.” He looked up at me. “I’ll help her.”
I took James back over to a table. “Will you sit here while Rebecca and I finish up?”
Simon pulled a chair out. “I’ll stay with him. We can play Words with Friends.”
“Isn’t that a little advanced for him?” Justin asked.
“His mom is an English teacher.” Simon pulled his phone out of his pocket.
I looked around the gym while Depeche Mode finished. I was glad I wasn’t five years out of high school anymore. I’d made so many decisions I was unsure about, but I was glad I was on this side of life. I was also glad I didn’t have my high school hairstyle.
June thanked everyone for coming and reminded them to thank Rebecca and me for putting this all together. People whistled and clapped and then someone turned on the main gym lights. The room went from being magical to being a gym with one flick of the switch.
“Feel free to fold up chairs,” I yelled, as Justin pulled out a dolly. People stood around and talked and exchanged numbers. About twenty people helped fold up chairs. Mindy’s mom showed up and took James with her. Before she left, she asked how the evening went.
“It definitely had its surprises,” I answered vaguely.
“I tried texting you about John, but you didn’t answer.”
“It’s fine. He’s James’s dad. There wasn’t anything you could do. But you are a life saver right now taking James with you.”
“Did John leave?”
I looked around. I didn’t see him. I shrugged my shoulders. “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
Mindy’s mom gave me an odd look and took James with her.
I walked over to Rebecca, Simon, and Justin. We started putting away chairs and tables. A couple other students were plating up leftovers to take home. I inched toward Rebecca.
“So did this turn out how you'd hoped?”
She looked at me out of the corner of her eyes. “I feel like asking you the same question.”
I folded up a chair and leaned it against the table. “Does anything ever really turn out the way we hope?”
“That doesn’t sound very optimistic.” She kept folding chairs and leaning them against tables. “I was wishing to end tonight on a high note.”
I stopped and looked at her. I looked around the room at the silver and gold stars that didn’t look as shiny as they did at the beginning of the night. I looked at the twinkle lights that were now unplugged and on the floor. The room seemed full of potential when I’d walked in earlier. Now it looked like a messy, high school gym. “The end of a party is always a bit of a letdown, isn’t it?”
Rebecca kept working. “That’s not what I meant.”
I leaned against a table and ran my fingers through
my hair. “I could look at those former students of mine,” I said, nodding at the people wrapping up leftovers, “and think of them as vultures for taking extra food. Or as really helpful people who are making less to clean up.” I studied the people at the sandwich table. “Cindy could be wrapping up sandwiches so she could sell them tomorrow for half price or she could be wrapping them up to help us.” I turned to Rebecca. “It’s all how you look at it.”
Rebecca watched them. “I guess.” She went to another table and began folding its chairs. “I think I wanted to end the day knowing what to do.” She shook her head but kept working. “I still don’t know. I wanted definite answers.”
Simon walked over with a dolly for us to put chairs on. “You two look deep in thought. Should I worry that a fight's going to break out?” he asked me.
I forced a grin. “My violent streak has ended for the day. Thank you very much. Rebecca and I were simply discussing expectations.”
Simon lifted two chairs and put them on the dolly. “There’s nothing simple about expectations.”
I brought over a chair. “Have your expectations changed after tonight?”
“You mean besides the fact I’m taking a kick-boxing class tomorrow?” Simon grabbed two more chairs.
“Something like that.”
“I think I’d rather hear your answer to that. I think Rebecca would too.”
“I’m unsure if this is the time or the place for a conversation like this.”
Simon turned a table over and folded in the legs. “Why not?”
“Yes, might even help,” said Rebecca, pointing to the dessert table. “It may take my mind off of the people taking all the leftover brownies.”
I turned toward the dessert area. A short man with long brown hair was scraping frosting off of a brownie tray and onto the top of a brownie that took up the whole size of the paper plate. “I wouldn’t mind having that brownie right now.”
“Maybe he’ll fight you for it,” Simon said without looking at me.
“Okay, you roguish rough-hewn harpy, you got your point across. I’ll answer your questions.”
Simon looked at me. “Back to Shakespeare, are we?”
I looked back at him. “I’m a little calmer. And my expectations haven’t changed. I am wholeheartedly looking forward to my future with you. I expect the rest of my life will be full of ups and downs, but the ups are going to be much higher than the lows of the downs. And they’ll be worth it.”
“Which?” Simon asked.
“All of it,” I said. I walked over to him and put my chin on his shoulder, forcing him to stop moving. I meant for it to look cute, but it may have also looked a little like an act of aggression after punching someone. “And you?”
He kissed my nose. “I have Great Expectations.”
I groaned.
“If you get to use Shakespearean insults, I get to make bad Dickensian puns.”
“You guys are cute,” Rebecca said. We both turned and glared at her. “What about past expectations?”
“They’re in the past,” I said. I grabbed another chair and folded it. “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
“Am I going to be hearing that every few minutes for the next week?” Simon asked.
I shook my head. “I’ll just get it tattooed on my arm instead.”
He stopped and stared at me. I smiled back and he exhaled with relief.
“But would you make the same choices again?” Rebecca asked.
“About getting a tattoo?”
Rebecca rolled her eyes.
“Isn’t that question a little cliché?”
“You punched your ex-best friend, and your ex-husband proposed to you in front of your fiancée and youngest son. I get to ask a cliché question.”
I nodded. “I’m unsure how that all adds up, but I don't feel like arguing anymore.” I carried another chair over to the dolly. “What’s the question again?”
“What would you have changed knowing what you know now when you were my age?”
“I feel like that sentence has too many clauses, but I’ll answer it anyhow.” I leaned against the dolly. “I wish Simon was the father of my kids. I think he is a better father to them than John has ever been. I wish he was with them from the start. I would give up a lot of wishes to have that wish come true.” Simon looked up at me. I smiled at him. He took two more chairs over to the dolly. “But he’s not, and I love my kids. I wouldn’t give them up for anything. I’m better off divorced from John than to have never met him. But I’m definitely better off divorced than still married to that cream faced loon. The guy is an idiot.”
“What am I supposed to do with that?” Rebecca asked. She looked over at Justin.
I followed her eyes and folded another chair. “You don’t do anything with that. Even though I wish I had never met John, our marriage and divorce placed me where I needed to be to be with Simon.”
Rebecca stopped moving and stared at me. “Nothing was good with John?”
“Things were still pretty good when I got pregnant with Paul. Then things were rocky, but I thought it had to do with having a young child. I knew I wanted Paul to have a sibling and John hadn’t had an affair yet. Once I realized it wasn’t just the fact we had young kids and I found out John didn’t believe in monogamy, we didn't have any more kids.”
“But you did.”
“Yeah. Birth control isn’t one hundred percent effective, and we were trying to work things out or whatever.” Rebecca kept watching me. “He confessed he’d had an affair. He’d never done that before. He said he wanted to make amends and work things out. He didn’t tell me it was Trudy. And even if he had, I wouldn’t have believed him.” I shrugged. “Or maybe I would’ve. He’d never confessed to an affair before.”
“How did you know he’d had other affairs?” Rebecca looked over at Simon to see if he was looking at us. He kept working.
The gym seemed even sadder than it normally did when an event was over.
“He was asked to quit from the management of a restaurant. I was friends with his assistant manager, and he told me there were rumors. And he’d seen John kissing someone else.”
“Why didn’t you leave him?”
“I had young children. I was a stay-at-home mom. I was scared. And I thought it would just be the one time.”
“But he got fired for it.”
“I was in denial. And we were a family. I was willing to fight for my family. I just didn’t know it was a losing fight.”
“How many other women were there?”
I looked around. There were only two people besides Cindy, Simon, Justin, Rebecca and me. I was surprised Justin was still here. “I only know of one other for sure.”
“How did you find out about that one?”
I slammed a chair down on the dolly. “She called me.”
“You’re kidding.”
“She wanted him to leave me and he wouldn’t. In his own way, he had some weird idea about family as well.”
“What made him leave you for Trudy?” Rebecca went back to folding chairs.
I started to make up an answer when Cindy came over to us. “Well, I’ve helped as much as I can, I think. I’ve wrapped up the meat and cheese. What are you going to do with it?”
“Do you want any of the extra meat? Could you use it? Can you resell it?”
“Not at the deli,” Cindy said. She looked at the cafeteria door as it opened, and John walked out.
“Maggots. Maggots. Maggots. Maggots,” I chanted.
Cindy looked down at the package of meat and cheese in her hands. “There are maggots?”
“I have vermiphobia.”
She looked at me blankly.
“Wormlike creatures freak me out.” I shook my head. “And that guy is a maggot.”
“He’s the guy from the deli earlier. He doesn’t look like a maggot. He looks lost. Did he not want to come tonight because he wasn’t a traditional-aged student?”
I guffawed. “No
. He graduated when he was eighteen. He came tonight to annoy me.” I turned my back to him. “But I’m not going to let him anymore. If he’s still here when we leave, I’ll call the police for trespassing.”
“I could help him get home,” Cindy said.
I put my hand on her arm. “No. Living above your deli, you may not meet a lot of men, but you don't want him.”
She shrugged. “He looks fine. I bet I could serve him day-old meat and he wouldn't care.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't think how to reply.
Cindy turned to me. “It would save me a lot of money to have a man I could feed old food to.”
I nodded.
“Would you be upset if I took him home?”
I tilted my head. “I wouldn’t be upset, necessarily. I just think he’s a maggot-pie and you don’t deserve a maggot-pie.”
“But would he eat a day-old maggot-pie?”
“This is really all you’re looking for? Someone to eat old food?”
Cindy moved her head back and forth. “I think that is it, for now. I’m not really looking for anything long term. And I could save some money. Plus, I don’t plan on ever marrying.”
“Why not?” Rebecca asked.
“Legal purposes. I don’t want anyone to get the deli.”
“Isn’t there a legal way to keep them away?”
“No need to risk it,” Cindy said.
“He comes with kids,” I said. “My kids and I’m overly-protective of them.”
“I doubt I’ll see them.”
“How do you know?” I asked. “His last wife tried very hard to be their mom.”
“I’m in my twenties. I have no desire to be anyone’s mom.” I let out a sigh of relief. Maybe there could be a happy ending to my story.
Cindy opened up her bag and took out a chunk of cheese. “Let’s see if he’ll take this.”
Rebecca and I watched as Cindy walked up to John and offered him some cheddar cheese. He took it, looked at it and ate it. Cindy smiled and said something to him. He nodded. He saw me watching and puffed his chest out. He placed Cindy's hand on his arm, and they walked towards us.
“Cindy’s going to give me a ride home.”
“Didn’t you drive here?” I asked.
Better Off Divorced Page 19
