by Leigh Landry
Kelsey stared at the phone vibrating in her hand. She should answer it. Maybe. She still didn’t know what to say. But Natalie was right. He would call and text until they talked this out. And she owed him…something. The truth. Or a truth, if not all of it.
“Hey.” She could hear the hesitance in her voice, despite trying to make her greeting sound casual and carefree.
“Hey.” His own voice was shakier than hers. It sounded odd coming from Eric. “Got a sec?”
She looked at Natalie. “Yeah, what’s up?”
“I just…I’m sorry about Friday night. I shouldn’t have—”
“It’s fine,” Kelsey blurted out. She was using that word a lot lately. The more unfine things got, the more she tried to convince herself and everyone else that they were fine. “I mean, it’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay?”
“Are we?”
They were both silent. What did that mean? So many things. And there were so many factors Eric didn’t know about yet. How could they be okay?
She glanced at Natalie again for a boost of support. “Eric, I’m not sure what to say. How I feel about all of that.”
“No, I get it.” His voice was rough and choppy, lacking the smooth, melodic tone it usually had. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. No matter how much I wanted to, I pushed too fast. I dumped a lot on you and didn’t give you time to process it.”
“Thanks. For understanding, I mean. And I am. Still processing.”
“I get it.”
“And you…you just broke up with someone,” Kelsey said, while Natalie gave her a nod of encouragement. “I think you might need some time to process, too.”
There was a long silence. “I don’t think you know just how long I have been processing this. But I get that it seems sudden to you.” He took in a loud breath. “I just want you to know this isn’t me being impulsive or rebounding or anything. I’ve been thinking about this—you, us—for a long time. I don’t think I ever stopped thinking about us.”
“Eric—”
“But I can give you all the space and time you need.”
Kelsey took a breath and relaxed. Time. She needed time. “Thank you.”
“Well, maybe not all the space. We still need to work on that song.”
Her stomach clenched. “Right. I was actually making notes just now. Or trying to, at least.”
“That’s the other reason I was calling,” he said. “When do you want to meet again? Next Friday?”
Something about another Friday not-a-date session felt weird to her, but she wasn’t sure how to explain that. “Well, that would be Thursday rehearsal, then Friday writing, then Saturday gig all in a row.”
“Or we could work for like an hour or whatever after the gig Saturday?”
She relaxed. “That sounds good. Yeah, can we do that?”
“Sure. Absolutely.” Another awkward pause stretched through the call. After what felt like an eternity, Eric said, “Well, I’d better get back in there before Aunt Yvette comes looking for me.”
“You hiding in your mom’s sewing room again?”
“You know it.”
Her mind flashed an image of him smiling back at her, and she couldn’t help smiling despite herself.
“Okay, well, I’ll see you at rehearsal.” Kelsey placed the phone on the couch beside her and stared off at nothing in particular.
“Well?” Natalie’s voice cut through her train of thought. She’d almost forgotten her friend was sitting right there. “That sounded…okay?”
Kelsey nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Bought yourself some time at least.”
“Yup.” Kelsey was still staring at the phone. She wanted to hear his voice again. To call him back. To see him again before Thursday. Four whole days away.
But that would be a mistake. A huge, terrible mistake.
She already had no idea how she would handle Thursday. And the gig. And now hanging out with him after that.
Not to mention the emotional roller coaster of writing this song.
She sure didn’t need to add more emotional complication to her plate.
Kelsey shook her head and grounded herself back in reality. She grabbed her controller from Natalie and said, “I believe we were killing things?”
Chapter 5
Eric stood to the side of the short platform that served as a makeshift stage for the band and adjusted his Panama hat to wipe a bit of sweat from his forehead. He’d spent the last break making his rounds—smiling at guests, smooth-talking hosts, and playing the part of the delightful paid entertainer. He and Robin were usually responsible for making contacts, handing out cards, and drumming up more business. Depending on the gig and the crowd, he generally enjoyed his role at these things. He was always happy to meet new people, and he was good at this kind of marketing. God help them all if the role ever fell on Nat’s shoulders.
Since he’d shaken hands with everyone already, he and Lauren were spending this last break drinking water and chatting. They’d discovered that her boyfriend’s former roommate, Darren, was a guy Eric had graduated high school with, and Eric was catching up on what Darren was up to now and getting to know Lauren a little better. She was so quiet, it was easy for her to get lost in the band sometimes. Especially when Eric had been so preoccupied lately with another band member.
He was listening to Lauren, trying to give her his full attention, but his eyes kept drifting to catch glimpses of Kelsey, who stood in a tight pair of faded jeans near the ice chests with Natalie. She looked good today. A little red-faced even though the stage was shaded, but it seemed like the fresh air was agreeing with her. She was smiling and laughing with Natalie as she held her dark hair in a twist with one hand above her neck. He wished he was a little closer so he could hear that low, throaty laugh of hers for himself. Even better, so he could be the one making her laugh.
He’d hardly spoken to Kelsey all day, and she’d shown up late to rehearsal earlier that week. He was usually the last one to get there, because his last lesson ended late on Thursdays and the drive to Robin’s place from the music school took almost forty-five minutes. But last night, Kelsey got there even later than he did. No explanation, just an apology. And she ran out the second they wrapped up. Didn’t even wait to walk out with Natalie or Lauren. She just bailed. If he hadn’t known better, he’d have thought she was avoiding him.
Or maybe that’s exactly what she was doing. It was what he deserved.
Still, he couldn’t live with the what-if for the rest of his life. He had to find out if there was one last chance for them. Maybe he’d blown that chance a long time ago, but he had to know for sure. And they weren’t going to get anywhere with all of this tension between them.
A breeze pushed the aroma of boiling spices over to where they stood, and Eric smiled as Lauren took in a loud, deep breath to inhale them. Cayenne. Garlic and onion. Bay leaves. That hint of clove and coriander. His mouth watered with the promise of a spicy free lunch as part of their payment once they finished this last set.
Antsy to get on with this gig and the rest of his plans, he looked around for their intrepid leader. Robin stood near the big boiling pot talking to the guy who’d hired them. Although that wasn’t a fair description. This was a guy Robin had known for years, and Robin had some sort of weird in-law relationship to him that Eric wasn’t entirely clear on, but also one that he got the feeling he wasn’t supposed to ask about either.
Eric caught her eye and tapped his wrist at his imaginary watch. She nodded, then waved at Kelsey and Natalie and walked back toward the stage.
“Ready?” Robin asked Eric and Lauren.
“Sure thing,” Lauren said. “I’m starving.”
“Me too, Sugar Bee.” Robin turned to Eric. “Let’s drive this puppy home and get some grub!”
“Amen to that,” he said.
* * * * *
A couple hours later, the band got up from their folding chairs and started the less fun part of their job:
packing up. Eric stuffed his bass in its gig bag and zipped it shut. He rested it gently on the ground, then steeled his nerves as he turned to Kelsey.
“Can I help you tear down?”
Her eyes flared with panic, but a second later she pasted on a cheerful smile. He knew the difference between a genuine smile and a fake one by now. Forced, at the very least.
He vowed to earn a genuine one from her again. One day.
“You in a hurry to see my crappy lyrics?” she asked.
His fingers went to work unscrewing the top of a cymbal stand. “You and I both know they aren’t crappy.”
“You haven’t seen them yet.”
“I don’t have to. You’ve never written a crappy word or note as long as I’ve known you.”
He unscrewed the stand amid the awkward silence and stared at the cymbal, afraid to look at Kelsey. Afraid of her reaction, which was probably a combination of lingering past disappointment and future fears. If he looked at her, if he saw even a glimpse of that, he’d never go through with what he had planned today. What he was pretty sure they both needed. What their friendship needed. And their friendship was the most important thing now. As much as he wanted something more with her, he needed her to be comfortable with him again. He needed to earn her trust and friendship again. Nothing else would ever work if they couldn’t even get to that point.
So they worked together in silence, tearing down her kit and carrying it to her trunk. When everything was loaded, she was the one who broke the silence.
“So, I’ll meet you at your place?” Her voice faltered at the words your place. “Since you have the piano. Or do you want to go to a coffee shop or something and just work on lyrics today?”
He gave her a smile, putting in as much effort as he could to ensure it was open and inviting but relaxed. He probably looked like the Joker. “I have a better idea.”
“Somewhere else?”
“We can work later. Wherever you want. I’ve got something fun in mind first.”
Kelsey recoiled slightly. “Eric, I don’t know. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea right now.”
He tried to hide his disappointment. Still, even if she wasn’t ready to move forward with him, they needed this. “There’s been so much tension between us lately, so I want to fix that. I want to do something fun and relax so we can get back to being friends and work on this song. It’s never gonna come out right if we’re…” He waved his hands between them. “Like this.”
She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it and stared at him for a few seconds. It was the longest they’d made eye contact in weeks. Maybe months. He wanted to hold her gaze for as long as it took for her to believe him. To believe in him again.
Her strong shoulders released some of their tension. “What did you have in mind?”
His grin widened, and now he was sure he looked like the Joker. But he didn’t care. He was going to hang out with Kelsey. They were going to chill and have a good time and talk about things that weren’t them, and he was going to get back on the right track with her. He didn’t give a damn what his face looked like.
“It’s a surprise.”
* * * * *
Kelsey wondered where on earth Eric could be taking her. She was hesitant to be alone with him like this, but she wasn’t in a hurry to be in a room alone with him to write music either. A year ago, she’d have loved this whole process, but writing with Eric now was…complicated. He was right. A break and some fun would probably do them both good.
Still, she had no idea where they were going. They’d already eaten at the gig, and it was the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday, so probably not food-related. But the gig had been way out in the next town, and Eric was taking side roads instead of getting on the highway. They passed the movie theater. The batting cages they’d been to a few times were in the opposite direction. What the heck kind of fun were they going to have out here?
They turned onto a side road, and when she spotted the metal building on the right, her stomach sank to her toes then bounced back up to her throat like it was tied to a bungee cord.
No.
No, no, no.
Eric pulled into the tiny gravel parking lot in front of a little patio with cypress picnic tables. A few people hung around outside, enjoying the weekend sunshine and fresh air, while a couple were having a smoke off to the side.
Shit.
“Surprised?”
Kelsey swallowed the lump forming in her throat. “Yup. Definitely surprised.”
“I know how much you love tours. And I remember how you said you’d never been on a brewery tour.” Eric looked like an expectant cat who’d just dropped a dead mouse at her feet. A happy cat. A really handsome cat. But no matter how much she wanted to pet him and tell him he was a good boy, he was still a cat with a dead mouse.
“Yeah, I did say that, didn’t I?”
She got out of the car, and he grabbed his Panama from the back seat. He positioned it over his short hair with the high fade, and the cream color of the hat popped against his dark skin and the deep navy of his linen shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
“I’m sorry.” Confusion blanketed his face. “Was this a bad idea?”
“No.” She shook her head and stalled. She couldn’t think of a single reason on the fly to get herself out of this situation. “It was a really thoughtful idea. I’m just…I’m surprised you remembered that.”
She racked her brain trying to come up with a reason why she didn’t want to be here anymore. And really, it was a great idea. She loved facility tours like this. But the tour itself wasn’t what she was dreading. The real terror was the part where she’d have to explain why she didn’t want to test out microbrews with him.
Eric tilted his head, now taking on more of a puppy vibe than a cat. “Of course I remembered. I remember everything.”
“There was a lot of not-fun stuff to remember.” Shit. She didn’t mean to blurt that out.
Before Eric and after a childhood of being bounced from family to family, she’d wondered if she’d ever feel like she was truly wanted, and her fear of disappointment and rejection drove her to keep everyone at a distance. But Eric had changed that. She’d let him in, and he’d showered her with love and made her feel safe, secure, wanted.
And then he took all of that away.
“I know,” he said.
You could have taken a photo of his anguished eyes and crestfallen face right then and there and slapped a copy of it next to the word “guilty” in the dictionary. And really, she didn’t mean to make him feel bad. It’s just that she didn’t want any revisionist history between them. Sure, they could be friends. Or whatever. But there was no painting over the fact that their history wasn’t all fun and games.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I do appreciate that you remembered.” And she did. She appreciated it more than she could let even herself acknowledge. Because acknowledging how much that meant to her opened the door for more appreciation. And there was a lot to appreciate when Eric was around.
“I’d better sign us in before they start. I knew I was cutting it close, and this is the last tour of the day.”
While she watched his long legs carry him forward, she felt that old familiar flutter in her chest. The one that led to nothing good.
Okay, that was a complete lie. There had been so much good between them. That’s why everything else had hurt so damn much. That’s why the idea of a fun afternoon with Eric was so damn appealing.
And so utterly terrifying.
* * * * *
Kelsey stood close to Eric and stared up at the giant fermentation tank, while the tour guide answered a question about their use of dry hops. Even after a long day in the sun and with the wind blowing in through the open warehouse door behind them and the yeasty foam escaping into a bucket beside Eric’s foot, she could still smell his cologne. Spicy and clean. Eric’s scent.
Her mind went to places it shouldn’t as she felt her body dr
awn to his. All she wanted to do was step just a little closer, wrap her arm around his, and rest her head against his shoulder.
Instead, she took a step away and refocused her attention on the guide, who was now motioning for them to follow him to the brewing tanks around the corner.
“Want a taste?” Eric held out his glass. “This is the new one they just put out today.”
She’d managed to avoid ordering a beer to drink on the tour by claiming she’d gotten too much sun during their gig. For once, being pale as a ghost had a payoff.
“No thanks. Getting a headache.”
His smile faded, and concern settled into his brow. “I’m sorry. This was a bad idea.”
She shook her head adamantly. Then, without thinking, she did slip her arm around his. “No, really. It was a great idea. This is all fascinating.”
He looked down at her hand gripping his arm. Kelsey began to pull away, but he put a reassuring hand on hers, wrapping his long, rough fingers over top.
Together, they followed the heavily bearded man still talking about beer, and as interesting as it had been up until now, Kelsey could barely concentrate on a word he said. They finished the tour and everyone gathered back in the taproom.
Eric put his empty glass on the counter and gestured at the register. “Still not in the mood for anything?”
She glanced at the chalkboard menus on the wall and wished they were standing here a few months ago. She’d have loved to try that new brew with the tart cherry, strawberry, and cranberry. It sounded perfect for spring. But that wasn’t an option for her. She’d been feeling better the last couple days, like maybe she’d turned a corner with this whole morning sickness thing, or it was at least isolated to mornings now. Unfortunately, feeling better only meant she really wanted that beer.
“I’m gonna pass. I don’t want this headache to turn into something worse.” Saved by a history of migraines. Who knew pregnancy would make her grateful for pale, sunburn-prone skin and debilitating headaches?
“I’m sorry. We should go if you aren’t feeling well.”
