by M. E. Carter
“I notice your roommate hasn’t moved in.”
I turn my eyes away, ashamed to have been caught in my lie.
Nicole scoots forward until our knees are touching, the contact making my body tingle. But I resist touching her back. I’m no good for her.
“Kade, I know you’re trying to protect me by sacrificing your own happiness. But that’s not how this works.”
Deflect, deflect, deflect…
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I think you do,” she argues. For the first time, I’m starting to think she may not let this go without a real fight. “I think you love me so much you’ll do anything for me. Even if it means making up a story about your old roommate coming back so I’m forced to move somewhere that you think I’ll be safe.”
I stand up quickly, unsure how to feel about the fact that she pegged my motivations so easily.
“The crazy thing is,” she continues as she stands up as well, “The safest place I’ve ever felt is here, with you.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“It’s not.” She moves close enough to put her hands on my chest. “Kade, I love you.”
In my shock, my eyes whip up to look into hers.
She loves me?
“You love me?”
“So much.”
I slowly point a finger at my chest, thoroughly confused. “Me?”
A smile graces her beautiful face. “You.”
“But why?”
“Because you’re kind and caring. You’re hard-working and funny. I love playing video games with you even if I’m terrible at them. And I’ve never felt so safe with anyone in my life. I know you’d rather cut off your arm than ever hurt me. You always put me first and you can read me like a book.”
I take a step back, overwhelmed by this… this… list she’s made of my attributes. None of this is any big deal. It’s just human decency. She can’t love me because of basic things that everyone should do.
“Kade, I know this is scary, but the world is scary. All of it. The only time I’m not scared at all, that I’m totally reassured everything is going to be okay, is when I’m with you.”
I shake my head, still in disbelief of everything she’s saying. “You should be with some rich guy who can drape you in the finest clothes and cover you in jewelry. Who can give you a house behind a gate.”
“No Kade,” she forces herself back into my space and I’m powerless to stop her now. Being away from her has been torture. I don’t think I can resist her for much longer. “I should be with the man who loves me as much as I love him.” She bites her bottom lip and I’m a goner. Yet I can’t find it in me to care. “That’s you, isn’t it?”
Staring at her lips that keep inching closer, I nod. “Yes, that’s me. I love you, Nicole.”
I can’t stop the words. Can’t stop the movement. I should resist, but I can’t. I don’t want to. It hurts too much to be without her.
“I know.”
Our lips finally fuse together and it’s as if everything she’s said, every argument she’s made as to why we are supposed to be together finally sinks into me on the cellular level. As we kiss, everything suddenly makes sense. And I know with everything in me that she’s right.
We’re meant to be together, so together we will be.
I’m so deep into the feeling of her lips on mine, her tongue caressing mine, her body next to mine, it comes as a shock when her cold hands touch the skin on my back.
“Holy shit,” I accidentally exclaim making her giggle.
“Sorry. Should I warm them up first?”
I unwrap her arms from around my waist and cup her small hands in mine, blowing warm air onto them and rubbing her fingers until they’re warm. She bites her bottom lip, never taking her eyes off mine and something stirs deep inside me. It’s a longing like I’ve never felt before. I don’t want to push her, but if she’ll have me, every single part of me that no one has ever had before, I’ll never be able to let her go again.
“There. That’s better.”
I release her hands and she immediately slides them under my shirt again, feeling every inch of skin, all the way up to my shoulders. When she reaches the top, she pushes at my shirt and before I can think too much about it, I help her take it off.
Standing before her, I feel my cheeks begin to flame. I’ve never taken my shirt off in front of anyone before. Not even to go swimming. I’m hardly naked, but I feel exposed. She’s seeing the parts of me that I keep hidden for a reason.
“What?” She is always able to gauge my mood more than anyone. “Why won’t you look at me?”
“I just…” I stammer as I try to keep myself under control. I want to throw my shirt on and run away but I’m trying to concentrate on the fact that we might have sex and I don’t want to miss it. “Um… my muscles are just really shy and like to hide under all the fluff.”
Nicole’s face breaks out into a brilliant smile, but then her eyes darken a bit. There’s a hunger in them. She licks her lips and I know instinctually that I need to prepare myself for what’s about to happen.
Slowly, achingly so, she kisses my chin… my neck… the spot right under my ear that has me letting out a groan I didn’t know I had in me. But she’s not done. She continues her kisses and small nibbles down my chest where she lightly bites my nipple.
“Oh, God!” I call out and I can feel her chuckle as she keeps going, down my lack-of-abs and right to the happy trail I’m sporting.
She finally stops to look up at me and holy hell, just knowing how close her mouth is to my dick makes me closer to coming in my pants than I feel comfortable with.
“Uh… what are you… I mean… what…”
Her fingers slide into the waistband of my pants, so deep I can feel the heat of her fingers on my tip. My eyes roll back before I can stop them, but Nicole doesn’t go any further. Instead, she has pity on me and stands up to kiss me again.
Hand still in my pants, she leans back. “Have you ever done this before?”
My breath comes in pants as I shake my head, too amped up on sexual adrenaline to care that I just admitted to being a virgin.
“Do you want to do this?”
I nod rapidly, my eyes glued to hers, wondering what she’ll do next. What move she’ll make that will be my undoing.
“Do you have a condom?”
I pause to think. Is the box still in my nightstand, stored there based on a hope and a prayer that someday I’d need them? And are they expired at this point? “I think so.”
She runs her other hand up my arm and around my neck, playing with the short strands of my hair. It’s a good thing she asked the condom question already because my brain has officially shut off.
“It’s okay. We can have some fun without them this time, if we need to.”
My mouth drops open at the suggestiveness of her words. This is a side of Nicole I never expected to see. My beautiful, gentle, would never utter a curse-word girl is a sex kitten when she gets turned on. And she’s turned on by me!
All I can do is nod again, dying to know what she means by fun without birth control. The visual images I conjure up do nothing to calm my hormones. Oh shit, this is going to be quick. I already know it.
Walking backward, Nicole leads me by my waistband to my bedroom. Not that she needs to keep ahold of me. I’d follow her no matter what, but I’m glad she did. There is something wildly sexy by her guiding me around with her hand on my fly.
I’ll have to explore that thought later, maybe when I’m not about to have sex for the first time.
“Where do you think those condoms are?”
I point to my nightstand, completely incapable of forming sentences at this point.
She finds them quickly, immediately scanning the package like she read my mind about the expiration date issue. By the quirk of her eyebrow, I can only assume they’re still good.
“Well,” she tosses the package on the bed. “Looks like we can have
as much or as little fun as you want. What do you want, Kade?”
I swallow hard and croak out, “You.”
“Good.” Her facial expression immediately changes and the girl I’ve come to love is back. “Listen, if you don’t want to go all the way, we don’t have to. This isn’t about sex. I love you, Kade. That’s what it’s about. Nothing more, nothing less.”
If I wasn’t already putty in her hands, I certainly am now. “I love you, too. And I want to. I really do. But what if I’m no good at it?”
“Then we have reason to practice more, right?” She shrugs slyly. “Sex isn’t about good or bad.” She thinks for a second. “I mean it is… sort of. But not in the way you think. Not for me anyway. It’s about love and connection and two people who are the best of friends taking their feelings for each other even further. That’s what it’s about for me.”
“I understand. I do. I just… want to be better than anyone you’ve ever been with.”
There. I said it. I admit to having a slight bit of jealousy that she’s done this before with other people. I have no idea where that caveman thought process even came from but it’s true.
Nicole, understanding as always, reaches up on her toes to kiss me softly.
“I’ve only been with one other person, Kade. And you know how that ended.”
My nostrils flare as Jeremy’s name flashes through my mind. Fuck him for taking such a precious thing from her and taking it for granted in the worst way.
She cups my cheek. “But he’s not here. Kade.” She waits for me to make eye contact. “Don’t bring him in this room with us.”
I take a couple of seconds to center myself because she’s right. Nothing and no one should be in this room with us. This is about her and I.
I lean down and take her lips again, no longer nervous to lick the seam and tangle her tongue with mine. I stay focused on the feel of her as any thoughts I had fade away again, focused only on the woman that I love.
Sensing my continued hesitation at doing something wrong, she takes a few steps back and pulls her shirt over her head. I practically choke on my tongue at the sight of her pale pink bra, so thin I can see the color of her nipples through it.
“Holy shit,” I breathe.
But she’s not done. She wiggles out of her pants revealing matching panties. My eyes travel back and forth between the nipples I can see and the neat line of hair revealed between her legs.
I feel myself sway for just a second, overcome by the gravity of this moment and how she’s baring herself, her whole self, to me. No hesitation, no concerns, sheer love in her eyes.
Slowly, she reaches behind her to unclasp her bra. When it falls to the floor in front of her, I almost pass out from the vision. When the panties are gone, any thoughts disappear with them. I’m a goner. I am one hundred percent in her control now. There’s no going back. Everything I know, everything I feel for her has changed. The intensity of my emotions is nothing I’ve ever felt before. And we haven’t even had sex yet.
Her hips swaying as she moves, Nicole returns to me and makes quick work of removing my pants. For one split second, I realize I’m naked in front of someone for the very first time and I consider sucking in my gut. But then she grabs my dick gently and it feels like a lightning bolt just flashed through my entire body.
Somehow my forehead ends up resting on her shoulder as she strokes me up and down. “That feels so much different than when I do it.”
“Better, I hope.” There’s a hint of amusement in her voice.
“So much better. Maybe a little too good.” I don’t want her to ever stop, but I also know there’re even better things to come if I don’t, well, come. “I don’t want it to end like this.”
I groan as she removes her hand and grabs both of mine. “Then let’s move this to the bed, shall we?”
I stumble for a second, forgetting my pants are still down around my ankles. Quickly, I get them all the way off, dying to know what she has in mind for our next step. I don’t have to wait to find out.
“I know you’re nervous about this being good for me.” I nod because yes. It would absolutely suck to know I’m a terrible lover, especially the first time I try it. “Would you like me to take the lead this time?”
“Yes, please.”
Her answering kiss is all I need to know it doesn’t matter if I’m a passive participant this time. She’s going to make sure it’s wonderful for both of us.
“Lay down on your back,” she demands, my eyes widening for a brief second before I do as she says.
Climbing over top of me, she kisses her way up my chest as my eyes stay trained on her breasts, swaying with her movement. Taking a chance that I can’t do this wrong, I reach up and brush my fingers over her hard nipples. When she gasps, I can only assume it’s in pleasure, so I do it again.
She situates herself on my lap, my dick so close to her core, I can feel her heat, and closes her eyes while I play with her beautiful tits. I rub her nipples between my thumb and forefinger, watching the reactions on her face as I find what she likes.
So engrossed in my exploration, I jolt when her hand finds my dick again and she rolls a condom on. Somehow in my enjoyment of just touching her, I didn’t even notice her reach for the box.
My hands drop to the bed as I wait with anticipation to see what she’s going to do next. I’m not disappointed. Sitting up on her knees, she raises me up and lines my tip with her entrance. Moving it back and forth, she coats me with her wetness before sinking down on me.
I groan loudly as she lowers herself all the way until we’re hip to hip. And then she stills.
When I’m finally able to open my eyes again, I look up at her. She’s quite pleased with my reaction to this moment which makes me puff out a chuckle. The movement causes me to move inside her and I gasp at how such a small move can bring me such a massive amount of pleasure.
“Congratulations on being deflowered,” she jokes and I dare not laugh again for fear this will be over before it has even really begun. “I’m going to take this really slow to try and make it last, okay?” I barely nod, trusting her to do all the moving.
She sees it though, and ever so slowly, lifts up drawing me right out of her, before slowly sitting again. She continues with her movement, a look of ecstasy on her face and I have to close my eyes from the visual images that are assaulting me and just feel.
My whole body is strung tight and I’m not sure how long I can last. Especially when she moves her hips side to side, riding me with such precision I can’t stop myself from grabbing her hips and pulling her tight to me.
My hips begin moving, tiny thrusts I can’t control as she rocks and sways, her fingertips digging into my chest to steady herself.
“Nicole… I… Oh, god…” I pant, feeling a change coming that I’m unable to stop or slow down.
“I know. Don’t hold back,” she breathes heavily. “I’m close, too. Give me your hand.”
I obey and she licks my thumb before placing it at the juncture of her thighs, never slowing her movement.
“Rub,” she demands and like the obedient man I am, I do. “Gently. Oh, god that’s good. Keep doing that.”
My thumb moves faster and faster, my hips still thrusting, and in what seems like no time at all and yet forever of anticipation, she cries out, her insides squeezing me as she comes.
Two thrusts later, an explosion like I’ve never felt runs through my entire body, my brain bursting with sparks only I can see.
As I linger in the intensity of my first sexual experience, unable to form complete thoughts, I know deep down to my core that I will never be the same. I am done for. She is mine. And I will never let go of her again.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Nicole
Tangled up in the sheets with Kade is exactly where I was hoping to be. I can tell he’s still a little nervous, but he’s definitely more relaxed since having an orgasm. I’ll have to remember that for the future.
I
giggle to myself at the thought.
“What?” Kade’s fingers lightly graze my shoulder as we rest.
“Nothing. Just thinking about how I’ll have to do that again next time you’re tense.”
He guffaws. “Uh, I have no problem with you doing that again for any reason.”
I turn my head on his shoulder so I can look up at him. “Was your first time everything you imagined it would be?”
“Nope,” he says with no hesitation.
“What? Seriously?”
“Yep. It was so much better.” Kade pinches my chin between his thumb and forefinger and leans down to kiss me again. A girl could get used to this.
Laying back down I sigh heavily. “I don’t want to get out of this bed.”
“Wanna do it again instead?”
I snort with laughter. “You’re already recovered enough?”
I’m not totally sure since I’m at an awkward angle, but I’d bet money the look on his face says I’ve lost my mind.
“I have been waiting my entire life to be naked in bed with the hottest woman I’ve ever known. I am absolutely recovered enough. Watching you come was more amazing than any porn I’ve ever watched. You’ve ruined those movies for me.”
I try hard not to cover my face with embarrassment. I am fully aware that I’m a lady on the streets and a vixen in the sheets.
“Wait. Don’t you have class?”
I grimace even though he can’t see me from this angle and definitely not without his glasses. “I sort of skipped today.”
“Nicole!”
“It was too important to make things right with you. Besides, I have a ninety-seven in the class so far. I’ll catch up.”
“Fine. I’ll let it slide this time. But please don’t let me be your excuse for not following your dreams. Promise me.”
His words warm my insides. Knowing he wants me to be the best version of myself that I can be, isn’t that what every woman wants from the man they love?
“I promise.”
“Good. But tonight, that means staying in this bed, naked, since there’s nowhere else we need to be.”
“Well, at some point, when we both have a night off, we need to take down that dead Christmas tree out there. I know the holidays are far from over, but that sucker didn’t make it.”
