by Erin Trejo
“Heard that part. Why do you think?” Crow says breaking into my moment.
“Same people? What the hell did she do when they had her?” I ask myself. Thoughts swarm me. She’s been on their radar. She had to be if this guy knew who she was and he fucking knew exactly who she was.
“I need to talk to her,” I mumble, dropping the blade to the floor. Turning on my heel, Crow watches me.
“Yeah, you do but what are you thinkin’? This shit isn’t addin’ up, brother.”
Nodding my head, I know that part all too well. I don’t like it either. I don’t like leaving loose ends and I don’t like when I’m not in the know of things. It makes my nerves worse, and when that happens, I can’t handle what happens after that.
“She had to have done somethin’. I don’t know what but they knew who she was. They singled her out. I’m goin’ to find out what the fuck is goin’ on,” I growl as I walk toward the door.
My body is wound up tight. I want blood, but my mind is drifting to everything else under the sun. Stepping into the heat of the night, I will myself to calm. It doesn’t work so well and I didn’t expect it to.
“You okay?” Draven asks, offering me a cigarette. I take it and shake my head.
“How did you know what you felt for Lia when you met her?” I ask not knowing what the hell is wrong with me. My head’s a mess because something isn’t adding up, but seeing that pained look in her eyes gutted me.
“I don’t know, just felt right. This about Kira?” Nodding once, I inhale the nicotine into my lungs.
“The thing is, she’s started to open up to me. Lettin’ me see glimpses of a Kira that I don’t think many have had the right to. She showed me pieces but when we came out of that club, she was gone, man. She wasn’t there and there was nothin’ I could do to get her back. It’s like a piece was ripped off and thrown in the trash,” I tell him.
“And you hated it. I know how that feels, man. Lia was like that. The thing is, these girls are stronger than we give them credit for. Hell, I thought Lia was a goddamn cop, Ruger!” He chuckles. “At the end of the day, she was just another person. My woman. She was just where she needed to be.”
I let his words settle in me. Maybe he’s right. Maybe she is where she needs to be, but I’m not sure my head’s in the same place.
“Thanks, brother. Gonna go see what she knows.” Draven nods as I walk away.
Flicking the cigarette to the ground, I head straight to the house. Everything within me wants to claim her. I’ve never had that feeling before in my life. I’ve never wanted a woman before, but Kira makes me feel alive. She makes me feel like I have more to give than I thought. Stepping into the house, I notice her bags sitting on the floor. Is she heading back to the clubhouse? Had enough of being around me? I’m about to find out when she walks out of my room with tears streaming down her face. She looks up and catches my eye before quickly looking at the floor.
“That’s not the girl I met,” I say softly.
Kira looks back up, her eyes searching mine. Kira slowly shakes her head, the tears still flowing. Taking the few steps to close the distance, I grab her chin in my hand forcing her to look at me. With the thumb on my other hand, I wipe at the tears, bringing them to my lips.
“You’re closin’ down. Shuttin’ out all the hard work,” I tell her. Her eyes dance with mine. She can feel it within herself. She has to know what she’s doing.
“You don’t get it. I thought I was stronger than that. I thought I was over what they did, but you were right. I’m weak. I can’t handle a man touching me. I can’t do this,” she says, making my heart break in two. She doesn’t realize just how far she’s really come or how much she is actually affecting me.
“You let me touch you. You let me put my tongue inside of you. You took me for who I was and now you’re backin’ out? Fuck that, Kira.” Dropping my hands, I take a step back away from her. She watches me intently but doesn’t know what to say. Fuck, neither do I!
“I told you I wasn’t looking for anything. You said the same thing, Ruger. This was a test and I failed it,” she screams at me. Her eyes widen, waiting for me to respond.
“A test? Fuckin’ me was a test? You’re right. Maybe the first time it was, but every time after that? What the fuck was that about, Kira?” I roar. I want answers. I want to know why the hell she thinks she can come in here, into my world, tear it apart and then walk away from me.
“Don’t do this, Ruger. You won’t like the outcome. We both know we aren’t that kind of people. We don’t do relationships,” she reminds me.
“We don’t, but somewhere along the line you fucked that rule up for me! You took things I wasn’t willin’ to give and distorted it, Kira. How the hell do you want me to walk around that? How do you want me to just forget all of it?” I snap. She makes me want to snap her neck. The urge is calling me but there is more to this. More to us. I don’t care how she feels, I know what I fucking want.
“No, if you gave up a part of yourself, that’s on you! I couldn’t take what wasn’t offered!” Her words are like a knife to the chest. Each one just digs it in deeper. “You warned me, Ruger as much as I warned you. We aren’t the same kind of people no matter how much we think we are. The only way this would end is in disaster. We both know it. We knew it the day I stepped up and challenged you.”
As hard as she is making me, my stomach is twisted in knots. Everything out of her mouth is true. We couldn’t work. We wouldn’t. We both know it so why the fuck am I willing to fight about it? Why risk my own sanity over her?
“This how you want it?” I ask her, stepping back another step.
“It has to be, Ruger. You were right. I wasn’t ready for this. I should have never come here.”
Another twist and my heart nearly falls to the floor. I nod my head, crossing my arms over my chest as I watch her. Kira ignores me, picking up her bags and walking past me. Her scent lingers as the door closes. Shutting out all the feelings, all the hate, all the fucking rage. I can’t shake it. I can’t deal with her walking away from me. My body is on high alert. My nerves are firing off. I want nothing more than to grab her and throw her down on my bed, force her to her knees, and fuck her little mouth.
Chapter 13
I wanted to go after her. I thought about it, but when Hawk called and said he got her to calm down and stay at the clubhouse, I let it go. I couldn’t handle it. I wanted to go to her and tell her that she had to come back to my house but for what? She was right after all. I don’t want a relationship. At least I don’t think I do. Kira has fucked up something that I held tightly to in my world: My goddamn sanity. She ripped it out of me and walked away with it. What the hell do I do now?
I grab my laptop and drop onto the couch. I need to go over some feeds and check out a few closed-circuit cameras that we’ve had an eye on lately. As I wait for it to load, my mind drifts. If Angie is alive out there, I need to find her. I need to have her back in my life because that’s the only time I feel like I have any control of myself. She’s my stability. I hated life when we were younger. I hated the way every touch and every slap took another piece of her light. She slowly burned out until she got out of that place. But she slowly started to come back to me and the world around her once she was able to break free. I watched her thrive and become a woman. She became the person she was meant to be.
“Come on, show me somethin’,” I mumble as the screen comes to life. Flicking through the cameras, I see nothing. Grabbing my beer off the table, I take a long pull before setting it back. The screen flickers between multiple cameras, and that’s when I see it. I sit up further, replaying the same frame over and over.
“You son of a bitch.” I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Grissom Shaw, my favorite little fuck toy. Walking up with a stack of papers in one hand, he shakes hands with another man. I zoom in and try to get a good look at him, but he doesn’t seem familiar to me. I click the mouse in different spots, trying to get a look at the rest of
the men standing around.
“It’s a warehouse.” Grumbling under my breath, I keep watching. Clicking the mouse a few more times, I shove myself off the couch and head toward to the door, laptop in hand. My body vibrates with anger. I have no idea what to think about everything that’s happening right now, but after that little flicker of a cut I saw, I need to talk to Hawk.
Rocks crunch under my boots as I stomp toward the clubhouse. I wasn’t expecting to see any fucking other MCs in the middle of this. And fucking Shaw? Yeah, I will be visiting that motherfucker again really soon. I knew he was twisted. I knew he was fucking lying to me too, but now I have all the proof I need to make my move on him. Pushing the side door open, I walk inside, not at all surprised that it’s nearly empty. It’s around two in the morning and everyone has gone to bed except me. I can’t sleep. I need this. I need the adrenaline rush. I head toward Hawk’s office in the off chance that he might still be up here. I should have gone to his house, but he’s a lot like me - a night owl.
“Yo, Prez?” I thunder the closer I get to the door. It pops open and a red-eyed Kira steps out. Her eyes find mine even through the tears. My mouth opens, ready to say something, anything but nothing comes out. Hawk walks out behind her, his hand landing on her shoulder before he glances up and finds me standing here.
“What the hell is goin’ on?” I ask, my tone bordering on rage.
“Just talkin’. What’s goin’ on?” Hawk asks. My eyes jerk from Kira to Hawk and back again.
“I found somethin’ I think you need to look at.” Kira watches me, instantly reaching up to wipe her eyes. She narrows her gaze on me, moving them to my laptop.
“Oh yeah? Bring it in,” Hawk says walking back into his office. Moving past Kira, I step inside when the door closes behind us. I lower my head and blow out a huff trying to reign my anger back in and not lose it all on her.
“Let’s see what you got.” Hawk motions for the laptop in my hand. I look up and shake my head.
“She’s out.” My voice thunders through the room. I don’t miss the way she sucks in a breath behind me. I don’t miss the snort that Hawk just shot off either.
“She ain’t out,” Hawk says so surely. Who the hell does he think he is? He can’t just force me to hold her goddamn hand like a baby and walk her around with me.
“She’s fuckin’ out, Hawk. She can’t handle it! I’m not a goddamn babysitter. I have shit to do that doesn’t involve carryin’ some snivelin’ little shit around town!” The harsh tone of my voice should be enough to get him to back off, but it wasn’t enough to get her to back down. Kira wipes her eyes, steps up in front of me, and loses her goddamn mind.
“You know what? I was wrong! I hesitated! I fucked up, Ruger, but I can tell you that it will never happen again. I know what I need to do. You will not shut me the fuck out of this.” Her hands are balled at her sides.
I find myself chuckling at her, which only pisses her off a little more. Before I can process the anger in her eyes, she swings. Her tiny fist connects with my jaw before she steps back screaming in pain. Hawk and I share a glance before I laugh. I can’t control it. She has lost her goddamn mind. Kira stands to the side, her left hand balled around her right.
“I’ll get some ice,” Hawk grumbles as he walks past us and toward the door. When I hear it click shut behind me, an awkward silence surrounds us. Neither of us know what to say to the other and that hurts.
“Let me see it,” I give up and tell her.
“Fuck off, Ruger.”
I move toward her, reaching out and pulling her hand into my mine. We’re making baby steps here. She didn’t pull away so I suppose that’s good. I hold her hand out in front of me as I examine her swollen knuckles.
“Gonna bruise pretty good, but I don’t think you broke them.”
“It’s your fault. You shouldn’t have a jaw of steel,” she says but never looks up at me. I reach with my left hand, keeping her other hand in my right, lifting her chin so she looks at me.
“You said it yourself, Kira. We would never work. You are better off without me.” Kira’s eyes sparkle with unshed tears. She opens her mouth to say more but she has nothing. We have nothing. As much as I’d love to keep her, I can’t and we both know it even if something deep inside of me may want to.
Chapter 14
“What the hell?” Hawk asks as I play back the video footage. Kira’s eyes widen when she takes a step back.
“You see that cut?” I ask Hawk, letting Kira take a minute. She needs space to deal with all of this and I plan on letting her have that.
“Yeah, but I don’t know who the fuck that is! Not from around here?” he questions as I shake my head, running my hand through my hair.
“Hard to say without seein’ the whole fuckin’ cut. Didn’t look familiar though. You see that goddamn Doc again? That son of a bitch is gonna love me when I show back up.” I chuckle as I take a step back but when I see Kira’s face, I know something more is going on.
“What is it? What did you see?” I ask. Her eyes slowly come to mine but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person so white from shock. “Kira?”
“That guy. The big one with the bald head. He’s the one.” She starts but she doesn’t finish. The one? The one what?
“Kira, I need more than that.”
“He’s the one who took me before. He’s the main one. He’s the fucking leader.” Her teeth grind together. Her eyes are unfocused as they dart around the room. Her body begins to tremble before she slowly slides down the wall, hitting her ass on the floor.
“You get back on the doc. He knows them. He lied and I want his ass on the line for it. Son of a bitch sat in your face and lied! Maybe he needs somethin’ a little more than your dick,” Hawk chuckles under his breath. I turn my head, locking eyes with Hawk.
“As soon as the sun comes up, I’m on it.”
He nods once and heads to the door before he looks at me and says, “Take your time, brother.” He nods at Kira. I give him a nod back and wait as he leaves.
Once the door clicks shut, I move to her. Kneeling in front of her, I lift her face in my hands.
“You know his name?”
She nods slowly, lost in a past that she can’t get away from. A past that I slowly drug into her present. Fuck, this is my fault too. “I need his name, darlin’. I need whatever information you have on him.” Kira shakes her head no.
“No? What the fuck do you mean no? You want him to come back? You want him to take you again? Gimme somethin’ here, Kira!” My voice rises and startles her. With a slight shove to her face, I stand up and start to walk away. If she doesn’t want to give me the answers I need, fuck her. I can’t do anything to help her if she holds back on me.
“Don’t you walk away from me twice!” There she is. There’s the girl I knew was deep inside of her. That smart mouth that I’ve grown to have feelings for.
“You won’t talk. I don’t do sign language. I don’t read fuckin’ minds. You won’t tell me, fuckin’ figure it out yourself. I’m done tryin’ to kiss your ass, Kira. I’m done fuckin’ chasin’ after somethin’ that I can’t have. This is bullshit. I’ve tried. You don’t want me? Good, fine. Walk the fuck away, but that isn’t gonna stop me from goin’ after the motherfuckers who took you and my sister. You got it?” I snap. I completely lose control of my emotions and let it all spill out in front of her. I just left my heart on a goddamn pedestal for her to take or leave, and I pray to fucking Christ she takes it. My emotions are all over the place with her and something in this moment feels like it’s a turning point with the two of us.
We watch each other silently for a long second. When she doesn’t speak, I shake my head, huff, and leave her in the room. Walking through the clubhouse, not a sound echoes around me. It’s too quiet for me. I need the noise, the music, the muffled talking. The chatter keeps that bastard inside of me at bay while I handle club business. Heading behind the counter, I grab a beer from the mini-fridge and pop the t
op off, taking a long pull.
“You didn’t want this either.” Her small voice sends a tremble through my heart.
“What’s the difference?” I ask taking another long pull.
“Ruger, I’m sorry. I wish I could be different for you.” Shaking my head, she doesn’t get it. Any of it!
“Listen to me good cause this won’t get said ever again. You are who you are. Life changed you. It made you somethin’ else. It made you who you are and I wouldn’t want that to change. Do I like that you cowered when I came near you? Fuck no I didn’t, but you came out of your shell. The Kira I was watchin’ unleash and let her guard down is the one I wanted. The girl who shut down isn’t you. You know who you are deep down, but you are lettin’ your past hold on to you. You can’t move forward with that on your shoulders. You want in? Fine, you’re in, but when this is over, you walk. Understand?” Her eyes fill with tears but she straightens her shoulders and holds her head high. I watch her throat bob as she swallows hard.
“His name is Damion Ortega. He has connections all over the world,” she says. I nod my head, making a mental note of what she’s telling me.
“What did you do that they wanted you back?” Kira rolls her head from side to side trying to loosen the tension that sits on her shoulders.
“I heard too much. I saw too much. Damion had a thing for me. He…he planned on keeping me. I knew that it had to be safer than wherever he was sending the other girls so I played along. I played his game. He treated me the same but I slept in his bed every night.”
I don’t know how much more of this I want to hear. Fuck! The thought of that asshole putting his hands on her, on my property.
“He was up late one night. I acted as though I was asleep but I wasn’t. I listened in on his phone calls. He was making plans to sell a few of the girls to someone here in the states. I didn’t hear who but from what they were talking about, it was bad. Torture chambers and all. So, when he left the room to go get the girls ready, I followed him. I got caught by a few of his guys. Damion didn’t know how much information I had on him because shortly after that my dad and Hawk got to me. I kept it to myself. I didn’t tell anyone shit, because being honest? I didn’t know any more than I just told you. Damion didn’t know that though.”
