But what reason did Jay have for staying? Another night with Tristan? A vulnerable moment where they admitted there was more between them than lust? A chance to ruin Tristan’s reputation with IA?
It didn’t matter if they’d formed a connection or started falling for one another somewhere in the middle of the Carana Desert. Life would only pull them apart. Prolonging it would make it more painful. The best thing Jay could do for Tristan was leave him behind.
An ache formed over his heart, but Jay ignored it. He smiled at the Qui.
“Thanks. I’d be happy to take your offer.”
Zanik grinned brightly and placed a friendly hand on Jay’s arm to direct him toward the docking bay. Jay allowed himself one final glance back at the common room, half-hoping he would see Tristan so he could explain what he was doing.
This is for the best. We both knew this wouldn’t work. You deserve something better than this.
But Tristan was nowhere to be found.
Jay looked back at the Qui beside him. Tristan said Zanik was a guy who liked to party and was only in it for a good time. He was the kind of person Jaybird the thief would love associating with. He was someone Heath Chapman would have found amusing but would grow bored with quickly. Jay didn’t know where he stood anymore, but maybe he could think of the Taziv party as the celebration of a new life and a fresh start.
Tristan was in the past, someone to push out of his mind and forget. He would give his attention to Zanik, revelry and alcohol, and maybe his mind would stop wandering to Tristan.
Maybe he could convince himself that he wasn’t losing something important by letting Tristan go.
Chapter Ten
When they arrived on Scillakor, a large group of Qui greeted them. They all hugged Zanik and pulled Jay into firm handshakes. The entire Taziv family gathered on the moon to rejoice in Zanik’s safe return. Jay was brought to meet Hezon Taziv within an hour of arriving. The Qui was a sharp-witted authoritarian, but he cared deeply for his family. His gratitude meant the Quis treated Jay like a member of the extended family. They said he could remain in the Taziv family home for as long as he wished. He tried to explain that he didn’t want any favors and that they didn’t owe him a debt, but it only endeared him to them. They considered his humility an honorable and respectable trait.
In the end, Jay gave up on the humble act and threw himself into celebrating with Zanik. The Qui could put the best UCAFD drinkers to shame and he never tired. He seemed unaffected by his time with the Kada’rah and saw the experience as a story to tell his conquests.
Sitting beside Zanik at one of the richest bars on Scillakor, Jay felt more alone than he ever had as Jaybird. Surrounded by the Qui’s personal guards, Jay allowed himself to get drunk for the first time in years. He hoped it would get his mind off the mission and Tristan—but it didn’t work. Alcohol only exacerbated the problem, making his thoughts stay fixed on the agent.
Was Tristan under investigation yet? Was he thinking about Jay? Was he disappointed that Jay had turned down his offer?
Jay had a hundred questions on his mind, and it mortified him to learn he’d rambled half of them to Zanik while under the influence. He’d told the Qui about his time with Tristan at the diner, what had happened on the mission and how much he missed the agent.
* * * *
When Jay woke up hungover in a hotel room the next morning and realized what had happened, Jay wanted to find his ship and fly the high-hell away from this corner of the galaxy. Zanik showed up before he could leave. The Qui didn’t suffer from hangovers and barged into the room while Jay was pulling on his jacket.
“You wake. Excellent. I have a fine gift.”
Jay’s head was pounding and he wasn’t in the mood. “I don’t need one.”
“You must accept. I have transport waiting.”
He gestured at the door where two royal guards were standing. Jay almost groaned. He still wanted to disappear and take his wounded pride with him, but Zanik was not someone who took no for an answer.
“Fine,” Jay agreed. “But I need something to wake me up.”
Zanik clapped his shoulder and laughed. “You need more to drink. We will get you used to the Qui way.”
Jay didn’t think he’d ever grow used to the ‘Qui way’, not unless he wanted to give up a healthy liver and sleep schedule. How the hell had Tristan kept up with the man while playing waiter?
Yet thoughts of Tristan made him fight back a wince. He had to stop thinking of the agent. Luckily, Zanik was a good distraction. He dragged Jay through the city, talking enthusiastically about the previous night. Jay tried to ignore him as he focused on the Qui version of caffeine. When he stepped out of the hovercraft twenty minutes later, the smells of the city were gone and in its place was grass and equine. He already had a bad feeling where this was going.
“Zanik, what did you do?”
The Qui grinned and walked through the front gates as if he owned the place. It was quite likely that he did. No one tried to stop them as they walked through the well-manicured gardens, past the various attendants riding or grooming equines, until they reached an elegant stable. Jay knew what was there long before Zanik presented them with a flourish. Brutus and Rinax were standing in luxurious private stalls beside one another. They made soft noises of happiness when they recognized Jay.
“Your fine steeds are returned!” Zanik explained. “No longer will you worry. The Taziv family will care for them for life.” He stepped up to Jay and squeezed his shoulder. “Visit whenever you wish.”
Jay brought up his fingers to pinch the bridge of his nose. He truly regretted getting drunk the night before. Jay didn’t know what he had said about the quaggas or how Zanik had found them, but he was glad the Qui hadn’t gone looking for Tristan. It was a disaster Jay wanted to avoid.
If he had to accept a gift from Zanik to make him happy, a comfortable home for Brutus and Rinax was a worthwhile option.
Lowering his hand, Jay forced a smile. “Thanks, Zanik.”
The Qui was bolstered and smiled widely. He patted Jay’s shoulder and left him alone to ‘reacquaint himself with his steeds’. Jay was just glad for some peace and quiet.
Stepping forward, he brushed a hand over Brutus’ forehead and smiled at the affectionate nuzzle he received. Rinax even came closer to the edge of his stall. Jay had to stretch, but he could pat both the quaggas simultaneously.
“Well, boys,” Jay murmured, “didn’t you get a nice retirement package?”
There was no reaction, but for a moment, Jay expected to hear Tristan drawl something sarcastic—but the stables were silent and he was alone.
Sighing, Jay dropped his hands. He couldn’t go on like this. Maybe it was time to put some distance between himself and Zanik? He should go to Asam and reclaim his ship. The sooner he had a way to leave the moons, the better he’d feel. The Taziv family were nice, but they were becoming a reminder he didn’t want.
He’d spend a bit of time with the quaggas then he’d head down to Asam. There was nothing left for him on the moons but frustration and regret.
* * * *
Jay went to Asam that afternoon. Zanik had been disappointed but hadn’t tried to stop him. Jay’s determination to leave didn’t falter until he was standing in the starport staring at his ship. The last time he’d been here, Tristan had been by his side. Jay tried to shake off the melancholy as he checked that everything was in order, but his ship hadn’t been touched. It was exactly the way they’d left it, right down to the co-pilot chair, twisted toward the door as if waiting for Tristan’s return.
Jay turned the co-pilot chair into a normal position and took the ship out of the starport. He’d planned to fly until Asam was a small dot in the distance, but he paused when he cleared the atmosphere. The IA ship was still in orbit. Tristan was there, somewhere.
What if he still planned to visit Zanik? What if he’d planned to find Jay?
It was a stupid thought. Jay hated himself for having it.
It was a recipe for disaster, but he just couldn’t leave. He returned to Scillakor. Jay didn’t know what he would do if he ran into the agent, but he was infatuated with Tristan. He’d tried to stay away once. He couldn’t do it again.
He would leave when the IA ship did.
It overjoyed Zanik to have him back, but Jay didn’t spend much time with the Qui. He checked in occasionally, just to see if Tristan had visited Zanik, but he preferred to explore the moon. He’d avoided Scillakor in the past, finding it too expensive and arrogant for his tastes. Now, it was a nice change.
He visited the quaggas, sent a message to Milton and even bought a few souvenirs.
Three days passed and Jay felt like an outsider who didn’t belong. He ended up in the cheapest, most rundown bar on the edges of Scillakor’s main city. He was in a well-worn jacket with another low-brimmed hat resting on his head. The barstool was uncomfortable and the alcohol looked ready to poison him. Smoke from three different alien cigarettes filled the air. The low murmur of conversation gave the bar a secretive atmosphere.
The bar was perfect for Jaybird—but he wasn’t Jaybird anymore. He didn’t know who he was, but he didn’t belong here.
Jay sighed and slumped over the bar. He felt more dejected than frustrated. Nothing was working, and he couldn’t just shake it off or leave. Tristan was holding him captive, just like he had at the diner. Jay needed to know all hope was gone before he could turn his back on the man who’d stolen his attention and affection.
Jay was at a loose end, spinning aimlessly. The bar was perfect for his mood—dreary and not promoting conversation. It would get rowdy during the evening, but it was early afternoon and Jay would be long gone by nightfall. It was for all those reasons that Jay didn’t expect someone to sit down beside him.
Jay ignored them, hoping they’d go away.
“For someone so skilled at hiding, I didn’t expect you to be easy to find.”
The familiar voice made Jay’s head snap to the side. He stared at Tristan with shock. The man was surveying the establishment with distaste. He was in casual clothes—a long-sleeved gray shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and slim-fitting black trousers. He looked like a respectable, carefree tourist, but Jay knew Tristan would be armed.
“What are you doing here?”
“I thought that would be obvious,” Tristan said, turning back to Jay.
It didn’t feel obvious. Tristan wasn’t dressed as an agent, so if IA had sent him, it was informal or part of a mission. Jay couldn’t believe Tristan was there to manipulate him. It meant Tristan was here of his own accord. A shiver of anticipation ran through Jay. Was Tristan here for the night they’d missed? Would he finally be able to have Tristan spend a night on his ship? The thought was tantalizing—but Jay doubted he could be so lucky. Tristan wouldn’t risk everything because of their attraction.
“It’s not,” Jay said. “Why did you come find me?”
“You didn’t give me much of a choice,” Tristan said. His eyes narrowed with annoyance. “Why didn’t you stay on the ship?”
Jay sighed and looked back at his drink. Now who’s missing the obvious?
“You know that was a bad idea, Tristan.”
“What idea?” Tristan asked, sounding confused and hurt.
Jay took a small sip of the alien liquor. It was potent and burned all the way down. Here he was with a golden opportunity to be with Tristan one more time, and he was throwing it away. He’d been hoping for this very chance, but when it came, he couldn’t take it.
Damn Tristan, and damn my conscience too.
“Us,” Jay answered. Tristan repressed a flinch, and Jay tried not to feel guilty. “You’ve got a good career ahead of you, and you’re a brilliant agent. I appreciate that you came and found me, but another round of sex before we go our separate ways won’t help anyone.” He finally looked at him and offered a sad smile. “You should be with your agency, not with me.”
“That’s the reason you didn’t stay on the ship?” Tristan asked, his voice blank.
“There’s nothing for us,” Jay said. “You go back to your life and I’ll go forward into mine.”
“Oh, and what a life you plan,” Tristan retorted. “Not a soldier, not a thief, but a bounty hunter. They’re more hated than an IA agent on most planets.”
“No matter what I am, I’ll be hated,” Jay rebutted. “And what the hell does it matter what I do? My past is still there, no matter how clean IA made me. I’m a black mark on a promising agent’s record.” He caught and held Tristan’s angry blue eyes. “I thought you understood that when we were on Asam?”
Tristan clenched his jaw. “I thought there was something between us on Asam.”
Tristan’s words were a dare, a demand that Jay either admit the truth or lie about their connection. Jay was sick of lying.
“You know there was,” Jay answered, feeling tired. “We both know that.” Jay looked back at his drink. “But that doesn’t mean we can—”
“No, that’s enough.” Tristan sounded furious. “I am not listening to any more of your self-deprecation and cowering.”
Jay was shocked and offended. He was saving Tristan’s career, and this was how he was repaid? He was sacrificing their chance at a relationship for Tristan’s future.
Yet, despite his indignation, Jay found himself amused and fond rather than mad. He’d miss Tristan’s blunt honesty. He’d also miss Tristan’s frustrated scowl and down-turned mouth. Jay wanted to lean in and kiss the agitation away, but a kiss was the last thing they needed.
“It’s not self-deprecation,” Jay said. “It’s the right thing to do.”
“Since when were you concerned about that?”
Jay shot the man a glare. “Since an agent with an attitude made me give a damn about him.”
Tristan blinked, looking momentarily shocked but he narrowed his eyes. Instead of a verbal reply, he closed the distance between them. Jay’s eyes widened a moment before Tristan pressed their mouths together. Jay groaned softly and cupped Tristan’s neck. Tristan fisted his hand in Jay’s jacket and tugged him forward. The kiss deepened with a nibble to Jay’s bottom lip.
It was the kind of kiss he’d been dreaming about for days. When he placed a hand on Tristan’s thigh, Tristan made a pleased noise in the back of his throat. It made Jay’s chest flood with warmth. He didn’t want to give this up.
If Tristan didn’t want to see sense and avoid a bad career decision, who was Jay to keep arguing?
When they broke apart for air, Jay didn’t go far, staying close enough to feel Tristan’s breath. Jay couldn’t resist moving forward and mouthing Tristan’s jaw. The brim of his hat must have annoyed Tristan, as a moment later, he shoved it away until it fell off his head. Jay laughed and nuzzled Tristan’s neck, scraping the skin with his teeth and making Tristan shiver.
It was a bad idea, but Jay was past the point of caring.
“My ship’s nearby.”
Tristan was already nodding. Jay pulled away from the agent so he could stand. He threw down some money for his drink and grabbed his hat, which had landed on the bar. Tristan was only a step behind him and they quickly exited, their arms brushing as they moved. Tension crackled in the air and Jay wished he’d parked his ship closer.
It might only be his third time with Tristan, but his ship had one thing their last two hadn’t had…privacy. No one would find or catch them. There was nothing to hold them back and no reason to look over their shoulders.
The walk seemed to take forever, but by the time they’d arrived, the energy and anticipation in the air had driven away all rational thought. The moment they were inside his ship and the door was closed, Jay grabbed Tristan by the waist and hauled him in for another kiss. Tristan responded instantly, bunching his hands in Jay’s jacket as he pressed in close and kissed him with desperation.
The world outside disappeared as Jay slid his hands up Tristan’s sides, admiring the muscles and strength in his wiry frame. Trist
an skimmed his hands under Jay’s shirt before scratching against Jay’s stomach. Jay shivered and the kiss broke. Tristan rested his forehead near Jay’s temple while he brushed the skin of Jay’s cheek in a fleeting kiss. Jay ended up with his back pressed against the wall of his ship but the cool metal did nothing to dull the heat of desire racing under his skin.
“You once told me that you had a comfortable bed on your ship, Jay,” Tristan whispered. “I’d like to confirm that.”
The original offer seemed like it was from a lifetime ago, when they had both been masquerading as different people. It felt right to finalize it now, when they both knew who they were choosing.
“I’d love to show you,” Jay replied.
He could feel the curve of Tristan’s smile against his skin. It disappeared as Tristan stepped back, but he was still smiling as he waited for directions. Jay went to grab Tristan’s wrist, but changed his mind at the last moment. He took Tristan by the hand and led him to the bedroom.
The ship wasn’t large, and Jay’s room was located near the front. It was designed so he could reach the piloting station quickly in case of attack or an emergency. The door to his room opened at a swipe from Jay’s fingers on the control panel. It revealed standard living quarters with a bed built into the wall. The mattress was large enough for two and was unmade. The sheets were tangled and bunched at the foot of the bed while his bright orange-and-white throw rug was lying half on the floor. It was the only untidy thing in the room. His clothes were in the closet and his weapons were in trunks with locked passcodes. There was a bench with a lamp, covered in maps and logbooks. The rest of the room was bare. Jay’s military training couldn’t be more obvious—order and neatness of one’s belongings was too engrained to completely discard.
It was the most personal place on his ship, and yet there wasn’t a single sentimental item. Would that bother Tristan? Jay shook off the thought. What did it matter? Tristan wasn’t here to debate his decorating choices.
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