“It’s going to be okay,” I say. “We’ll get you a flight home. We can all pray for him. It’s going to be fine.” I try to make my voice soothing and confident like Kara’s.
We go straight to the villa to look for Shannon, who is studying with Eva in the room they all share. Lily starts crying uncontrollably when she sees Shannon. Eva pops up to comfort her, but Shannon motions for her to back away.
Shannon turns to me, livid. “What did you do to her?”
“Her brother was in an accident. That’s all I could figure out. She’s been hysterical.”
Shannon seems concerned for a second, and then narrows her eyes at me. “Wait. Where did she hear that?”
Suddenly, I remember we weren’t supposed to make any phone calls and Shannon had specifically told her not to call home. I don’t say anything about Andrew giving her the card—he’s been in enough hot water. Lily is hysterical again. Shannon rubs her back, glaring at me the entire time. Eva, seemingly bored by the lack of attention, leaves the room.
“Remember what we talked about?” Shannon says to Lily as if convincing a child of something through a series of easy questions. “Remember what we studied about family? Luke 14:26?”
“Yes,” Lily whispers.
“Remember your soul, Lily. You don’t want to lose everything, do you?” Shannon prods. Lily looks down at the floor, nodding her head as tears stream down her face. “No,” Lily whispers. Shannon guides her to lie down on the bed and gently covers her with a blanket.
Shannon turns and motions for me to leave. “Go,” she snaps.
I look at Lily, who is calm now. She stares vacantly at the wall, her expression serene, but silent tears continue to fall down her face.
I can’t get this vision out of my head as I walk back to my room.
The Deep End
Kara is digging through a Tampon box full of her mix tapes when I walk in. Still dumbfounded by what I just witnessed, I try to convince myself I misinterpreted their interaction. Kara looks up at me. “Whoa,” she says, her eyes widening as she stands. “What happened to you?”
I try to ignore the weight on my chest—the pressure that makes it so difficult to breathe. If only I could get Lily’s dazed expression out of my mind. She looked dead-eyed, saying yes or no like an automated response. My anger surges like a rising heat as I think about the way Shannon treated Lily. But within seconds, my mind begins to rationalize Shannon’s behavior—maybe she was simply trying to calm Lily down by reminding her to focus on our mission. My thoughts are like an uncontrollable tug-of-war.
“Hey,” Kara says, her head tilted with concern. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I …” Ugh. I don’t even know where to start. What if Kara goes over and agitates Shannon, making it even worse for Lily? “I’m okay.” I swallow awkwardly.
“I think I know something that will cheer us both up,” Kara says.
“And what is that?” I ask, wary of her possible suggestions.
Kara in her duh voice: “The pool you found?”
I let out a laugh because I can honestly admit I wasn’t expecting that. “Do you even have a swimsuit? Besides, there was a man there cleaning it. Don’t you think the owners might care?” I’m not up for a spontaneous adventure with Kara, especially after what happened with Lily. Kara’s mood seems mischievous, and so far breaking the rules hasn’t been working out. Still, I would love nothing more than to get far away from the events of this day.
Kara looks at me like I’m an idiot as she closes the box of tapes and carefully puts it back in its hiding place. “Emily. First of all, we’re in Europe. You don’t even need a swimsuit to go to the public beach, and you said the old guy was Italian. He’s probably the caretaker. Most of these villas are rentals.” She opens a plastic case and inserts a tape into her Walkman. “We can sneak over there tonight as soon as it gets dark. He’ll be long gone by then.”
“But what about Lily?” I say instinctively.
Kara puts her headphones around her neck impatiently. “Look. It sounds like you need to tell me what happened today.”
“There was an accident. Something happened to Lily’s brother and she got really upset in town—”
Kara’s eyes grow big. “Emily. How did she know this?”
I freeze. I really thought I was helping Lily—I didn’t realize it would be such a big deal to everyone else if Lily called home. “I may have … helped her call home.”
“Shit,” Kara mumbles. Her expression grows serious. “Tell me exactly what Shannon said. Word for word if you can.”
“Shannon got really mad at me, and then she told Lily to remember Luke 14 something. Do you know what that means?”
“What verse?” Kara asks agitated.
“I can’t remember. She said something about family and that she didn’t want her to lose everything.”
Kara inhales with anger. “It figures….” Her voice trails off as she shakes her head.
“What?” I ask Kara.
She pauses as if considering what to tell me and then climbs onto her bunk without saying anything. After a few seconds of silence, Kara starts reciting the verse. “‘If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.’”
“Why in the world would she say that to Lily right now?”
“You really don’t understand how this works, do you? Shannon is a lifer. Her parents are Boston lifers. They are hard-core when it comes to discipling. Gray areas do not exist with them.”
“That’s … awful. My DP in Boston was pretty hard-core, but I can’t imagine her ever quoting a verse like that.”
“Only because you were never in Lily’s situation. If she felt like you had to choose sides, you’d be surprised by what she’d say.”
I remember how I wasn’t allowed to call my dad that first day. A pit deep down in my stomach forms; it tells me that what Kara is saying is true.
“Are your parents lifers?” I ask.
An awkward pause follows. “Dusk. That’s when we’ll sneak off to the pool,” Kara says, ignoring my question. “And don’t worry about Shannon,” she reassures me. “I’ll talk to Will. You won’t get in trouble.” She clicks play to end the conversation, sending muffled tones through her headphones.
* * *
When the pink and orange sky starts to color the hills, we slip out of our villa and I lead the way to the pool.
“If anyone sees us, we say we’re going to our spot for BT. Got it?”
“Got it,” I say. My stomach is turning somersaults. What if we get caught? After seeing how Will yelled at Andrew, I don’t want to find out how he would react. And yet I left with Kara without a fight because she seems so reassuring, as if she has control over the others. Seeing how Shannon treated Lily made me grateful for Kara as my DP, thorns and all. I’m taking Andrew’s words from our last conversation to heart: Why don’t you just shut up and appreciate it?
The air is crisp and earthy. Our footsteps are barely audible as we make our way up the hill. Distant lights from the city twinkle from miles away, as if mirroring the stars. Anticipation and excitement surge through me. Who knew it would feel so good to get away for a while?
The pool seems menacing in the dark, much different than I remember it. The quiet trees seem to watch us. I start to walk over to where I can see the nearby villa. The sound of Kara’s huge splash stops me mid-step. Her clothes are in a jumbled heap near the shallow end, but she’s in the middle of the pool. I hear her swoosh to the surface. “What are you waiting for? Hurry up!” She dives back underwater and swims to the other end.
I pull my clothes off into a neat pile and ease into the cool water of the deep end. I push off the ladder backward and stare up at the stars. My skin tingles all over, and I let out a tiny squeal as I swim to the other side of the pool. The water is cold, but also comforting at the same time. It feels like home.
My feet scrape the shallow end where Kara is sitting on the lower steps, the water all the way up to her neck. I shift onto my knees in the shallow end, keeping a respectful distance. She seems deep in thought.
“Hey,” she says. “Why are you here?”
“Because you made me bring you?” I can hear the playful sarcasm back in my voice. Here in the water, so far away from Will and the others, I embrace the sense of freedom. I’m feeling more like myself than I have since I got here.
“Stop!” She splashes water in my direction. “I’m serious. Why are you here? In Italy.”
“I’m here for the mission. To make us better than we were before. To save others.”
“Really. You buy that?”
“There’s nothing to buy,” I say, now letting frustration creep out. It’s almost like Kara wants to prove I was wrong for joining. “I was saved, and now I’m better. Much better.”
“So, the whole ‘Sin List’ thing. You made one, right?”
I pause. I don’t even like thinking about the Sin Lists, much less discussing them out loud—naked. I can’t stop the small laugh that escapes from my lips. It’s funny: Compared to the “trust games” and having someone leave a random snake on my bed, sitting in this pool naked with Kara seems downright normal.
“Doesn’t everyone have to make a Sin List?” I ask. Now I’m curious.
“That depends on how you define ‘everyone.’”
The words I overheard Kara say to Will replay in my mind: My entire existence is a sin. I try to gather the nerve to ask her about it, but she interrupts my thoughts.
“So you believe your sins went away—just like that?” Kara asks.
“I watched them burn. And all I know is that it made me feel completely free from them. Like I could start over.”
“It’s amazing how much some people will believe total bullshit.” Kara sounds bitter, not unlike Andrew the other night.
“Kara, stop …”
“What? I can’t say the word ‘bullshit’ to describe bullshit? You’re naked in someone else’s pool right now. It’s a little late to be uptight about the rules, don’t you think?” She laughs.
I swish around in the water. “Hey. I was baptized in a swimming pool,” I say, trying to shift the conversation to a lighter mood.
“Naked?” Kara jokes. “I’ll bet everyone loved that!”
“No.” I laugh. “But you’re my DP and you told me to do this. One hundred percent imitation, right? You’re completely responsible for me.”
“Good defense. Maybe you’ll be an attorney someday after all.”
“What do you mean?” I ask her.
“Like your dad. Right?”
The way she says it makes me uneasy. And there’s something else. “I never told you what my dad does,” I say.
She pauses, running her hands over her wet hair. “Em. If you haven’t figured out that we are all open books here, then God help you.”
I swim away from her to hold the edge of the pool at the deep end. I try to remember what I told anyone about my dad. Heather and Josh are the only people I can think of, but I don’t think I ever said what he does for a living. An unsettling feeling sends a wave of chills through me. I clench my jaw to keep my teeth from chattering.
“Don’t worry. Your secrets are safe with me.” She swims to the middle, closer to me.
“I don’t have any secrets,” I challenge, slipping back down farther into the water.
Kara’s smug smile is a victory in itself. “We all have secrets.”
I hang on to the ladder and try not to shiver. Kara seems to enjoy throwing out random disconcerting facts on a daily basis.
“We could leave, you know,” Kara says brazenly over the sound of her arms treading water.
My stomach flips at her suggestion. “What?”
“It’s really never crossed your mind?” She swooshes back playfully, moving toward the shallow end.
“No,” I lie. I think about Josh, and the guilt hits. I didn’t come here just for him. “We’re all here for a reason, Kara,” I say, hearing my own doubt.
“Oh, come on. You and I both know this mission will never work. Boston already knows it. You think even a handful of Italians are going to chuck the Catholic Church and sign on to a mission that requires complete and total control of their lives? What would the Pope say? What would their mothers say? Besides, that’s not what this is all about anyway. This is all about Will making himself look good to the Leader so he can keep moving up—and clearly that plan isn’t going very well.”
“That’s not true. I mean, I don’t feel that way.” I try to think about my time with Heather, about what first pulled me in, about my own mother.
“Why did you join?” Kara asks, as if she can read my thoughts.
“What—you don’t already know? I thought you said we’re all open books,” I spit back. Kara isn’t budging, though. She stares at me, waiting for my answer. “I wanted to be saved.” Then more quietly, “I want to see my mother someday.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry.” Kara’s expression softens. “What happened to her? I mean, I know she …”
“She drowned when I was little.” I say it matter-of-factly, reaching for the necklace around my neck. My eyes brim with tears, so I turn away.
“Hey. I’m really sorry. I wasn’t thinking, and I’m really sorry I brought up your family,” she says.
“It was a long time ago.” I plunge myself underwater and swim back to the shallow end. I push my hands into the bottom of the pool and bolt into a back flip, like I used to do as a kid. I do it again and again. I’m dizzy, yet the thrill of being disoriented feels good as I exhale a violent spiral of bubbles into the dark abyss.
Suddenly, the water brightens like spotlights on a football field, only lit from underneath. I squeal through the water and surface for air. Expecting the old Italian man, I’m surprised to see a group of strangers towering over the edge of the shallow end. A tall guy in the middle casually holding an enormous basket-covered bottle has a half-smile on his face, while the others are frozen in surprise with their glasses of red wine and mismatched towels draped over their arms and shoulders.
“Looks like we have visitors,” the guy with the bottle says.
Everyone is quiet as I sink down and turn to swim into the deep end, trying to hide the fact that I’m naked. Kara swims past me in the other direction where the strangers are still standing. By the time I get to the deep-end ladder where my clothes are strewn, I hear Kara say, “Thanks.” I turn to see her wrapping the bottle guy’s towel around herself. “Kara,” I say under my breath. The others settle into lounge chairs as if nothing odd is going on.
“Nice ink,” he says to Kara.
A girl with black-and-blond streaked hair picks up my T-shirt beside her chair and tosses it to the ladder. “Thanks,” I say.
“Are you guys backpacking or something?” the guy sitting beside her asks me.
“Um—” I start to say.
“Yes,” Kara answers.
“Hey, Kevin,” someone says. “Check out this tattoo.” A stocky guy with a goatee wearing a plaid button-down shirt strolls over.
Kara grips her towel and tugs it around her chest then walks around to the deep end. I’d already slipped my T-shirt and shorts back on in the water, and now I’m somehow afraid to get out. Kara clearly does not share my apprehension.
“Tattoo? Oooo. I wanna see,” the streaked-hair girl says.
Expecting Kara to walk over to show the girl, I freeze when I notice her toes curl over the edge of the pool. She drops her towel, arcs her arms overhead, and plunges deep into the glowing water in lightning-quick succession, but not before revealing the largest, most elaborate tattoo of a snake I’ve ever seen—the tail resting on the topmost region of her inner thigh, its body curving up all the way around her hip and disappearing around her back.
“Jesus. Christ. Where’d you get that done?” the girl who handed me my clothes asks Kara just after she surfac
es from the dive.
Kara treads water in the middle of the pool and answers, “Africa.”
Eva’s Apple
Kara’s bunk is empty when I wake up. It’s so early that it’s still dark outside. A sense of dread creeps through me. I try not to panic. Yet.
Maybe she’s at the main villa taking a shower. I figure it’s fifty-fifty at best. I sensed a spark between Kara and that guy, as did the quiet girl in the group who claimed to be too jet lagged to swim and chose to sulk at the edge of the pool, refusing all invitations to get in.
I remember walking back alone last night, dripping the entire way. When Kara refused to get out of the pool with her new friends, I came back for fear we’d get in trouble. Everyone was drinking wine and playing Marco Polo when I left, and I doubt they even noticed when I said good-bye. What if she didn’t come home?
I climb out of bed and get dressed, reminding myself I’ll have to be careful not to run into anyone, in case Kara isn’t there and someone asks where she is.
The main villa is quiet and still, just one window alight with a shifting glow. I try to remember whose room it is as I tiptoe up to the side of the building. I hold my breath when I hear Ben’s voice.
Will sounds perturbed. “We’re running very low.”
I strain to hear the muffled words. I take a few more steps and crouch down as close as I can to the window.
“Kara only brought one box,” Ben says. “I can go into town and see if I can find a pharmacy, but I don’t speak Italian, or know the local protocol for buying them, for that matter.” Ben’s voice is level and calm, like someone who doesn’t care how this apparent dilemma turns out.
I lean forward, listening through a blooming silence.
Will’s voice is low like a growl. “Figure it out.”
I hear a door slam, then the creaking chair of an angry person sitting down. I carefully back up and peek around the corner to see Ben walking toward the road. His stride is not one of anger; it’s one of surety, almost cockiness.
Those Who Prey Page 16
