her.
I greeted all with the hand and while I was entering house I thought: God, prays you, do what another time doesn't happen!
We had had to bear a very rigid winter.
A lot of snow and anchor it was fallen toward the first days of the month of April the hills around the city you are bleached.
In the lawns, even though to work, it was begun to glimpse the first erbetta, while the sky started to be again cheered by the flight of the birds.
The days he was lengthening and the sun was pleasantly warm, despite we had still had to assist to the spring rains.
To the morning, when I went out for going me to the university, the air it was still fresh but bearable because in every case we approached us to the beautiful season and you/he/she had returned the desire of walks and days to the open one.
Unfortunately I didn't have a lot of time to devote to the relaxation because I spent times and times on the books. Some times, even they were my parents to invite some house to go out me, because they saw that I always studied. They didn't perhaps understand of it the motive but me I was me appointed of the precise objectives and above all I had remained impressed by what had happened me around one year before.
They had almost cancelled that memory by the memory, or they preferred not to remember him/it however, because I had noticed that they never spoke of it or if he reached the discourse they tried to change matter.
I, didn't succeed instead in doing, as them, however the university, Mark, the photo and the friends distracted me for the most greater part of the time and therefore, I didn't sometimes think it.
And then, there was really him, Mark, that was source of life reason to exist for me. One day didn't pass without I thought about the good that I wanted him; we had wasted so much time and we wanted to recover him/it to all the costs.
We were in love and I would have given anything to be able to spend the whole life close to him.
My parents had insisted so much to accompany me, even if I had said theirs that was not the case.
Doctor Smith had fixed me an appointment for that Thursdays afternoon, therefore is mother that dad had abdicated half day of job to assist me in the usual visit of control.
I had repeated them more times that Mark and Laura would have accompanied me but you/they had not wanted sentir you reason.
«In certain moments we prefer to be you near, even if it is a simple visit. We have suffered the punishments of the hell last year and we also know how much you could have suffered you, therefore we don't want to leave you alone, even in these cases» my mother was justified.
Hardly joints to the study of Ivan, the secretary very cordially greeted us and made us arrange in the room of aspect.
I started to unwillingly skim through a magazine of trips and at that time I thought to how much pleasant to organize a vacation with Mark in some tropical heaven forgotten by everybody would have been.
The voice of Ivan brought me with the feet for earth.
«Good morning gentlemen, hi it Feels happy.»
«Hi Ivan.»
I immediately noticed the empty expression and almost absent of his/her face.
It was not happy and witty as the other times, rather it seemed rather serious, and worried, as if something tormented him/it.
It made us arrange in the study; he/she sat him on his/her armchair with the cross hands under the chin and after one timecourse that seemed me endless, been decided to speak.
«Mr., it Feels happy, I/you/they have always been sincere very with you and The have never tried to divert to problem making I know many turns of words.»
«Ivan we know him/it and we appreciate a lot it» I told him, while anxiety started to attack me.
«Very well.» It made a break, the voice cleared him and after having looked straight me in the eyes, started over speaking.
«I have here the reports of the last visit that you/he/she has been done you and, there are not doubtful unfortunately. It feels happy, I regret a lot but, despite doesn't succeed in explaining me as can have happened, you have again a tumor to the head.»
It said all of this with a lot of coldness and without taking breath between a word and the other, perhaps not to risk to jam.
I immediately didn't understand the meaning of those words; I looked at him/it in face, then I looked at my parents that in the meantime you/they were holding me for hand, until I succeeded in opening mouth.
«Thing?»
«I didn't succeed in even not believing us I, have made to refer the analyses three times, but the result has always been that. You don't know how much I am sorry.»
«As you/he/she is been able to happen?»
«Has happened and it doesn't have nothing to do with the intervention of last year. That has perhaps been a warning.»
I was disorientated, another time, and I hoped to wake up again me from that ugly dream from a moment to the other.
«You have not felt any pain in these days?» Ivan asked me.
«Nothing of detail. no, it waits. Some days ago I have warned a light headache, really here where I had been operated. I have immediately gotten scared but then I have attributed that pain to the fact that I was legionary from a long run in the snow and I had gotten tired too much» I answered with naïve air.
«Certain, you could not think that it was a bell of alarm» it said Ivan.
My mother's cheeks he was bathing of tears, while my father was massaged the face with the hands, to hide what was perhaps trying.
I remained without words, I didn't know thing anymore to think.
As it was possible? I had all of this that a person can desire, I was beloved, I knew what I wanted to do of my life and, for the second time, my castle collapsed and was undone to my feet.
You give my eyes they started to go out the first tears, warm, salty, hot.
My mother embraced me, my father supported me a hand on the head caressing me the hair.
Ivan had to assist for another turns to an agonizing scene, however it was in silence and it respected our pain.
It drew near to me as soon as my mother freed me from his/her desperate embrace and took me the hands.
«It feels happy, you are strong, not to do this way. We will try to take care of you, to do the possible one.»
«Because, Ivan, because you say that you will try to take care of me?»
It tried to lower the look but I forced him/it to look me in the eyes.
«Because this time is harder, it Feels happy.»
«Thing you intend to say? I don't understand you!»
My parents were embraced and for an instant I thought that I would have had to thank to have accompanied me to them and to have shared with me that tragic moment.
«This time the tumor can be malignant and not asportabile.»
The nothing fell me I set.
The destiny has wanted so, therefore there is not anything to be done.
Stretched on the bed, the shutters and the window opened wide for making to enter those that could be the last rays of sun that will heat me the face, the notebook on the legs, I/you/they have reached the conclusion of the story of my brief life.
The desk is submerged as always of books and clipboard, because, despite everything, I have decided not to abandon what I was me preset to get from this existence; I will keep on studying, until I will have the strength to turn the pages and, if God will want him/it, I will also succeed in graduating me.
You, because it is not correct to abandon his/her own ambitions for the simple fact what someone has put us to the current one of the moment in which our heart could stop beating.
I will live day for day as if it were the last, I will undertake me in every thing that I will do, I will give all myself to whom will be around me and above all I will never think about the fact that, among so many people, an incurable illness has chosen me.
My parents are not given peace, because they know that they will have to
survive to their only daughter; Laura and Stephen are desperate because they don't succeed in believing in what has happened me and every day they hope that has dealt with a joke; Mark is destroyed.
The ugly one of this situation is that the people that love you know that they will have to lose you within a certain time and perhaps this timecourse that not that it is more unbearable that will follow your departure. It is a true torture for them, perhaps more than for me.
The physicians have decreed that, perhaps they will still stay me two years of life, if the tumor will be clement with me.
It is useless to describe the state of depression in which I fell after a news of the kind, because whoever would react in the same way.
I tried to convince me that it dealt with a dream, of a nightmare, that I would wake up after a few minutes, but when I pinched me the skin I heard pain and then I was certain that that pits the reality, pure and simple.
I have tried to be me under some care but when Ivan has put me to the current one of the fact that every attempt would have been vain, I have decided to suspend everything and to leave that my life took its natural course.
I don't want to reach that day as a to be unrecognizable, tried by the cares and by the suffering.
I want to look in face the death with these eyes, to feel the moment in which it will attack me, to make I count me of the instant in which it will tear me from the terrestrial life.
I want to be able to face her/it with my same strengths, always if he/she anchors I will have of it, because I don't want that I/you/he/she catch me as a spider it attacks a poor fly that is fallen in
My place in the life Page 22
