A Curse So Dark and Lonely

by Brigid Kemmerer

  Grey has been pouring me water like a servant, so I pick up the pitcher and fill a glass for him. “Are you happy with how everything is going?” I say. “I don’t think Rhen expected this kind of response.”

  “I am pleased that you have found comfort and friendship. I am pleased our people seem united.” He hesitates. “I am not pleased that our time grows short.”

  Because Rhen hasn’t broken the curse.

  “I’m sorry, Grey,” I whisper.

  He sighs and looks away. “You owe no one an apology. You were brought here against your will. You have done more for us than anyone could rightly expect.”

  “Ah, yes,” says a woman’s voice from the shadows. “Princess Harper and her alliance have been quite a boon for the people of Emberfall.”

  Tension grips my spine, but I force myself to turn and face Lilith. She steps out of the shadowed corner. Tonight’s gown is red, a deep crimson bodice that falls into a hundred sheer layers of silk spilling to the floor, where they fade to white at the hem. Rubies glisten everywhere, like drops of blood scattered across her skirts.

  “What do you want?” I say.

  “I wondered if you were still so intent on returning home,” she says. “For I bring a message.”

  “Like I would trust a bargain with you after what you’ve done to Rhen.”

  “What I’ve done?” She laughs, a beautiful, childlike sound that hurts like a steel poker through my eardrum. “My dear girl, I merely showed him the state of his people.”

  “You’re awful,” I spit at her. “You are despicable.”

  Lilith is unaffected. She stands before me, her lips twisted into a bemused smile. “Do you know what I find despicable?” she says. “A prince who had the perfect opportunity to break this curse, time and time again, yet chose wrongly every single time. He could have ended this curse on the very first day, if he’d only seen what was right in front of him.”

  My breathing has gone shallow. “Rhen would never love you.”

  “Maybe not now.” Lilith reaches out a hand to touch the scar on my cheek. “But perhaps once. Did you know that I bribed Grey to gain access to the prince’s chambers?”

  I knock her hand away. I don’t believe a word she says. “Don’t you touch me.”

  She draws back a hand to slap me. I see the swing coming and barely have time to brace myself for the impact.

  But Grey steps in front of me and catches her wrist. His dagger sits against her stomach. “I am under no orders here,” he says. “And you will not strike the princess.”

  She glares at him. “If that blade breaks my skin, I will make you pay.”

  “Is that your greatest threat?” he says. “Because there is truly nothing more you can take from me.”

  Then he slams the dagger home.

  She half crumples, but he grasps hold of her arm, keeping her upright. Blood spills around the blade to mingle with the rubies.

  “Kill her,” I say.

  “I have tried,” Grey says. “I cannot.”

  “What if you cut her head off?”

  His voice is grim. “It will rejoin her body.”

  Lilith smiles, and there is blood on her teeth. She pulls the dagger out of her abdomen, and blood spills freely down the front of her dress as she staggers, still held upright by Grey’s grip. “I cannot be killed by simple steel.” She flings the bloodied blade to the ground. “Not on this side, silly girl. Magic seeks a balance. Do you not know this yet?”

  I can’t decide if her morbid invulnerability is more disturbing than the blood pouring down the front of her gown. “I’ll find a way to kill you,” I say. “I don’t care what it takes.”

  She laughs. A hand presses to her abdomen as she coughs blood. The scent is on the air, copper mixed with something bitter. “You? You stupid, broken girl. You did not even listen to me. You did not ask for my message.”

  “What message?”

  “Your mother. Your brother. So sad.”

  Your mother. Your brother.

  So sad.

  I feel like I’m the one who just took the blade to the gut. “What happened?”

  She lifts her bloodied hand and presses it against the cheek she cut.

  The arena disappears. I’m in my family room with Jake. He’s on his knees, his hands clasped behind his head. An unfamiliar scar bisects his eyebrow, and he looks slightly bigger somehow, as if he’s been working out or gaining weight.

  I can’t pay attention to any of that because a man stands over him, holding a gun to his head.

  “You’ve had enough time.” The man cocks the hammer.

  “My mother might not last the night.” Jake’s words fill me with relief and terror simultaneously. “I’ve been telling you for months, I don’t know where my father is.”

  “Then you’d better find him.”

  “Please,” says Jake. “My mother is in the bedroom. You can’t be here. Can’t we have—”

  “Do you hear me, kid? You know how this works. We’ve been waiting long enough. We’ve got our orders.”

  Then a faint voice, from somewhere else. “Jake? Jake, what’s going … what’s going on?”

  “It’s okay, Mom!” Jake’s voice breaks. His face twists. “Please. One night. My mother. Please. You owe me that, Barry. You know you do.”

  Barry inhales, then sighs. “You have until nine a.m. That’s all I can give you.” He pauses and his voice is bizarrely amiable. “If you don’t get the money by then, I’ve got to do it.”

  “Nothing is even open!” Jake rages. “I don’t know where my dad is! What are we going to do before—”

  “What, you think you’re gonna get a bank loan?” Barry sighs. “That’s it, kid. That’s all I can give you. Say your goodbyes. I’ll be back.”

  Lilith lets go of my cheek. The vision disappears.

  “Family tragedy,” Lilith says. “Such the pity.”

  Rage builds in my chest. “Grey. Stab her again.”

  I don’t expect Grey to obey, but he does. His blade flashes in the light and buries itself in her shoulder. She doesn’t cry out, but a small sound escapes her lips.

  The expression on her face isn’t pain, though. It’s closer to euphoria. “I would so enjoy visiting you tonight, Grey. But I believe I have a better idea.”

  She is so messed up. My thoughts won’t work in any direction.

  “What do you want?” My voice cracks. “What do you want to send me home?”

  “From you? Nothing.” Another cough. “Do you know why I granted Grey the ability to cross over to your side?”

  I can barely think straight. “What? I don’t—no. I have no idea.”

  “He is not trapped by the curse. He can leave at any time, but he will not. Not even when I gave him reason.”

  “I still don’t understand.”

  “Commander Grey will not yield,” she says. “Not even when I described how his family would die.”

  His expression is frozen, his eyes stony. He says nothing.

  “I did not kill them all,” Lilith says. “You had so many brothers and sisters. I likely did your wanton mother a mercy.”

  Every time I think Lilith cannot grow more terrible, I discover I am wrong. “Grey,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I forswore family,” he says. His voice is tight and dark.

  He told me that once before. I never really thought about what it might mean.

  “It is by virtue of Grey’s loyalty alone that Rhen does not need to prey on his own people,” says Lilith. She smiles up at him. “I truly underestimated you, Commander.”

  “Your mistake.”

  “But it wasn’t a mistake. I believe your loyalty will work in my favor.”

  I don’t understand. I’m so shaken by the image of my mother and brother that I can barely focus on what she’s saying right now.

  Then she says, “I will grant Grey the ability to cross the veil between worlds at his whim. He can return you home at any time, Princess.”
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  “You—what?”

  “He can return you home. You need not bargain anything from me. The person you must bargain with is Grey.”

  With that, she disappears.

  I can’t stop shaking. My mother has been dying for months—her death was at the end of this tunnel before I even arrived in Emberfall. But this is more than my mother. This is Jake.

  I stare up at Grey. His eyes are closed off.

  “Please,” I say.

  “If I return you home, the curse has no chance to be broken.”

  I put my hands against his chest. “Please, Grey. My brother has no one.”

  “This is our final season. Our final chance.”

  He’s right. I know he’s right. There are people depending on us. On me. But I can’t erase the sound of my brother begging from my ears. “Please, Grey. Please.”

  He looks away. A clear refusal.

  “You broke your oath before,” I say desperately. “She said you took a bribe—”

  He whips his head around, fury in his eyes. “It was a coin pressed into my palm, from a woman I’d seen share his affections in the Great Hall. It was silly. Frivolous. A hundred other guardsman had done it before me. I was young and tired and bored. So yes. I took her coin and I allowed her to wait in his chambers. Instead of spending the night alone, he spent the night with her. If you think I have not regretted that moment for every minute of every single one of these seasons, you are wrong indeed.”

  “Please,” I whisper.

  “No.”

  The door at the end of the arena slams open. Rhen bursts through, slightly breathless. “Harper! I have good news! A messenger has arrived with word from—” He stops short, and everything positive drains out of his face. “Something has happened. Tell me.”

  I open my mouth to tell him.

  Instead, I burst into tears.

  Rhen moves before me. “My lady. Please—”

  I jerk away from him. Blinded by tears, I run from the arena.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  RHEN

  I find Harper in her chambers, crying into her hands while Freya strokes her hair back from her face.

  “Please, my lady,” Freya is whispering. “Please tell me what has happened.”

  I stop in the doorway and put up a hand before Grey can announce me. The sorrow in her posture is so potent. Fear and grief have swept over her so quickly.

  “Freya,” I say. “Leave us, please.”

  Freya gets to her feet and gives a short curtsy. “Your Highness.”

  “No,” says Harper. Her voice shakes and fresh tears fall. “Rhen. You go. I can’t—I can’t do this right now.”

  Freya hesitates, clearly torn between following my order and hers.

  “The princess has received distressing news about her family in Disi,” I tell her.

  Harper laughs, but there’s no joy in the sound. “Distressing. Yeah.”

  “Leave us,” I say again, and this time my voice is final.

  Freya bobs another curtsy and quickly ducks from the room. The door closes with a heavy click behind her.

  “My lady,” I say quietly.

  Harper looks at me through her tears. “So Grey told you?”

  “He did.” I cross the room and stop by the bench where she’s curled up. Her cheeks are flushed and damp, and there’s blood on her chemise. “May I join you?”

  She ignores the question and says, “I started to forget.”

  “To forget?”

  “I started to forget them.” She gazes up at me, torment in her eyes. “They started to feel like a dream. Another life. I was happy here. And now—now I know exactly how bad their lives are. They’re going to die, Rhen.”

  “I know.” I ease onto the bench beside her.

  “It was ten seconds and it was awful. The sound, the smell—I could feel Jake’s fear. I don’t know how you put up with that for days on end.”

  I stroke her hair back from her face. “My lady.”

  “I begged Grey to take me back. He won’t do it.” She sniffs and presses a hand to her stomach. “The worst thing is that I understand why.”

  “Do you?”

  “Of course. I don’t even know if I’d do it. It’s your last chance. I’m the only one who can break the curse. You’ve got all this going on with Karis Luran. I just—I just—I—”

  “You do not love me.”

  “It’s not about not loving you. It’s about loving them.”

  The room is so warm and dim and we’ve spent countless hours right here, yet this conversation feels more intimate than any we’ve shared. “You want to protect your family.”

  “Yes.” Her voice breaks. “I’m probably being selfish. There are thousands of people here at risk. They’re two. And my mother is living on borrowed time. But there’s no one to help Jake. No one, Rhen.”

  “As I said, we are not always presented with the choices we want, but choices exist nonetheless.”

  “I know. And I know why Grey made the choice he did.” She presses her hands to her face. “Even though I hate him a little bit right now.” She draws a shaky breath. “Lilith is so awful, Rhen. The way home is right there, and I have no way to get it.”

  “Yes.” My voice is grave. “She also knows that if we trap you here, you will never love me, and she will win. Yet if you return home, the curse will go unbroken, and she will win.”

  “She wins either way.”

  “Indeed.” I run a finger along her jaw and tilt her face up. “Which is why I’ve ordered Grey to take you home.”

  She grabs my wrist. “What?”

  “I have ordered Grey to take you home.” I pause. “You mentioned some kind of issue with debtors, but that, at least, is something I can assist with, so I will have a satchel of silver, or jewels, if you prefer—”

  Harper launches herself off the bench and throws herself against me. Her arms are tight against my back, her face pressed into my shoulder. “Thank you,” she gasps. “Thank you.”

  Unlike our moment in the hallway in the inn, I am no longer at odds with how to respond to this. My arms fall against her back. I drop my head to speak along her temple. My throat is tight, but I speak through it. “You act with such surprise each time. I told you I would give you anything within my power to give.”

  She jerks back to stare up at me. “But—Karis Luran—”

  “It will be fine,” I say. “You received word about your mother’s declining health, and so you had to return to Disi. We knew this could happen. We planned for it.”

  “You plan for everything.”

  Untrue. I had not planned on how it would feel to let her go.

  She is right. Lilith is awful. No matter what I do, she finds the cruelest way to torture me at every turn.

  “I’m sorry,” Harper whispers. “I’m sorry I didn’t break the curse.”

  I lift a hand to brush the tears off her cheeks. Oh, Harper.

  I wish she had. Not because of the curse, or because of Karis Luran, or because of Emberfall.

  Because I have fallen in love with her.

  “You’re being so kind.” She falls against me again. “I didn’t—I didn’t know this would be so hard—”

  “Shh,” I whisper. “You’ve done more for me than I could have asked.”

  She takes a breath and looks up, her dark eyes boring into mine. “I’ll miss you so much.”

  She is breaking my heart. “And I you.”

  “I’ll think of you all the—”

  I lean in and kiss her.

  I’m slow, and gentle, and it’s barely more than a brush of lips at first. A question, not a command. I wait for her to hesitate, to pull away, but tonight her lips part and her hands find my face, and then she’s kissing me back.

  I pull her against me, tangling a hand in her hair, losing myself in the sweetness of her mouth and the heady warmth of her scent.

  This, I keep thinking. There is no need to be sure. This is sure. This is real.
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br />   I never want this moment to end.

  I’m terrible. I’m selfish. My hands find her waist. Stroke the length of her side. My fingers resent the lacing of her vest, the way her chemise is so securely buckled under her dagger belt.

  Her hands slip under my jacket. Pull my shirt free. Her fingers brush my side. This moment is worth an eternity of suffering. I gasp into her mouth.

  Then she makes a squeal of pain and jerks back.

  She’s staring at her fingers. Blood decorates the tips. She’s blinking in confusion. “What—what—Rhen?”

  She’s breathing heavily. So am I. We stare at those streaks of blood.

  Then I jerk my jacket to the side, pulling the rest of my shirt free.

  Scales of blue and green, luminescent and shimmering in the firelight, have grown over my skin in patches.

  I stop breathing.

  Scales. I cannot remember a time with scales. Fur, for certain, in every color imaginable. Reptilian skin in greens and browns. Exposed bone. Quills. Never scales.

  I touch a hand to my side, where the largest patch has grown. The scales are deceptively sharp, with knifelike edges that slice at my fingertips. I jerk my hand away and gasp. Small stripes of blood well up on my skin.

  Silver hell. Of course Lilith would offer her an escape this day. Of course.

  Harper draws away. “What is it?” she whispers.

  I cannot breathe.

  “The change,” I say. My voice is rough with too many emotions to name.

  “The change?”

  I draw a shuddering breath. “The creature.”

  She swallows. “The monster.” A pause for her own shuddering breath. “The monster that comes every season.”

  I cannot meet her eyes, but I must. Hers are hot with betrayal.

  And fear.

  The fear allows me to hold her gaze. They all show fear eventually. I don’t know why I thought Harper would be any different.

  “Yes, my lady. The monster.”

  She says nothing. The silence between us could expand to fill the entire castle.

  I remember our whispered promise. No more secrets.

  “So you see,” I say, “if you have not fallen in love with me yet, I cannot see how your heart would change once my form does.”