Paul walked up beside her, placing his hand on her shoulder. He had to convince her to do this. “Lizzie, I need you to think seriously about my offer. You need to trust me when I tell you this will work.” Pausing to let his words sink in, he repeated, “Selling your paintings can help you and your family.”
“You need to understand, no one knows I do this. No one except you, Paul. And I trusted you not to tell anyone.”
Taking her by the shoulder, he spun her around to face him. “I haven’t told a soul about your work.”
He watched as she took in a deep breath and then exhaled. It hadn’t been until after he’d come to help with the Millers’ chores that the full extent of the their hardship had hit him. On the surface the farm looked like it was running well, but up close, Paul could see where the barns were run-down, in need of paint. And some of the equipment was in need of repair. This plan had to work. Lizzie selling her art could be the only way to help her family make ends meet. And like it or not, she was the only sibling left who could do anything to help her family. He had to make her see this.
She continued to shake her head. “I’m not like you. I’m not strong enough to go against my vader’s wishes.”
Her words stung him. Did she think his decision hadn’t been hard? “You are wrong about that. I thought long and hard before deciding on what would be best for myself and my family. You and I talked about this. You know how I felt.”
“I didn’t mean to insult you. I’m upset that my life can’t be what everyone thinks it should be. But I don’t want sympathy, either,” she explained, stepping away from him.
Dropping his arms to his sides, he realized something Lizzie didn’t see: she was far stronger than she or anyone in her family thought. He knew she could make this choice, but he didn’t want to push her so hard that she would retreat back to the safety of her home. Paul knew she rarely left the farm. He knew how she planned her trips to the village on days that weren’t busy ones. Just the other day he’d seen her waiting in the shadows outside of the general store, making sure the place was nearly empty before going inside.
He needed to tread lightly. So he tried a different tactic.
“Fair enough. How about this? We don’t tell anyone who the artist is. The intrigue of your anonymity would certainly add a certain mystery to the work.” He gave a shrug. “I think you might find that you do very well in my store.”
She remained silent, though he knew she’d been listening to him. Paul turned, walking back to the blanket. He heard a gasp and looked over to make sure Lizzie was okay. But then he saw what had caused her reaction. Toward the horizon, where the earth met the sky, was a row of soft, billowy white clouds. Brilliant rays of golden sunlight streamed toward the earth, folding them in a warm glow.
Hope surged through him, filling him with Gott’s love and peace.
Lizzie faced him. “I’ll think about what you’ve asked. Let me pray on this. Can you allow me that one thing?”
Feeling as if the weight of the issue had lightened a bit, Paul nodded. “Okay. But—”
She put her hand up. “No buts, Paul. You need to let me figure this out. My way.”
“I can do that,” he agreed, picking up the empty paper plates and packing them back in the picnic basket.
“Let me help with that,” Lizzie said, coming over to join him.
She grabbed the water bottles and tossed them into the nearest recycling bin. Their hands collided when they both reached for the salad container. Paul felt her jolt of surprise, yet still he allowed his touch to linger on her hand for a few seconds longer than was proper. She tilted her head, looking into his eyes. A hint of a blush appeared high on her cheekbones. He captured her gaze with his. He saw her doubts and fears mingling with something else...hope.
“This is all going to work out.” Lowering the tone of his voice, he whispered, “I promise, Lizzie.”
She moved away from him, busying herself with putting her paints and watercolors away. “We need to be getting back.”
“Ja. I don’t want your parents to worry,” he agreed, and then added, “Before you make up your mind, will you at least come by and visit Burkholder Amish Furniture Store?”
They worked together to fold the blanket. Then Lizzie took the blanket from him, saying, “Ja, I can do that.”
* * *
There was a bit of morning drizzle the next day, followed by a severe thunderstorm. Lizzie stood at the only window in her bedroom, watching as the remnants of the dark clouds blew across the sky. The willow tree in the side yard bent in the wind, its light, feathery branches dancing along the rain-soaked earth. Tiny rivers of water flowed in front of the barn, trailing along the driveway. She knew the neighbors who still came by to help her vader on the farm were waiting out the storm. Since everyone would be getting a late start, she decided to take the extra time in prayer.
Kneeling beside her bed, she folded her hands and closed her eyes, and she said a silent prayer. “Gott, thank You for the rains to keep our crops growing. Thank You for watching over my vader. Give him the strength he needs to continue to heal. Bless my friends and family. Watch over my friend...” She paused, thinking of the hard choice Paul had made to take his furniture business into the village. She worried about this idea of marriage that both of the men had. Lizzie didn’t know how to pray about that. Then she thought about the path Paul wanted her to take, with her artwork in his shop.
Lizzie so wanted to do the right thing. Framing her thoughts, she continued with her prayers. “Please watch over my friend, Paul Burkholder, and guide him in the way You see fit. And please show me the path You want me to take. Amen.”
Pushing her hands against the mattress, which was covered in a simple yellow bedspread, she rose, brushing her hands down the front of her dress. A sliver of sunlight spilled through the windows, bringing light into the room. The storm had finally passed. Going downstairs, she went into the kitchen and began to gather the ingredients for the loaves of bread that needed to be baked. Because of the two risings needed to get the loaves just right, the process would take most of the day. Lizzie planned on having the dough set for its first rise before the next round of workers arrived.
Before she knew it, a few hours had passed. She was in the middle of making honey butter when there came a light tapping on the front door. After grabbing a dampened towel from the edge of the sink, she wiped her hands on it as she made her way to the door. A smile popped onto her face when she saw not only her cousin, Rachel Miller, but her friend Sadie standing on the other side of the screen door.
“Come in! Come in!” Stepping aside, Lizzie beckoned them to enter. She saw right away that the women hadn’t come empty-handed. Sadie carried in a wicker basket full of fresh vegetables, while Rachel brought in big clear jugs of what looked to be iced tea.
“I wasn’t expecting anyone to stop by this soon. I’ve just put today’s bread loaves into pans for their last rising.”
Lizzie looked at Rachel, who seemed to be beaming with joy. Her light blond hair was swept up in a bun, with her prayer kapp resting neatly on top of it. With her wedding only a few weeks away, she imagined Rachel must be getting excited.
She patted Rachel on the arm. Looking into her pretty hazel eyes, she said, “I’m so pleased you came by.”
Sadie, in her usual spirited way, pushed past them, bustling into the kitchen. “We’ve come to lend you a hand. I imagine it isn’t easy cooking for all those hungry men.”
“There’s only about half the crew we had the first week after my vader’s illness. He’s starting to do simple chores again, Gott be praised,” Lizzie told them as she took the basket of vegetables from Sadie and set them on the countertop near the sink. Then she took the iced tea from her cousin, thinking about her happiness at finding someone she loved to spend the rest of her life with.
“The day is drawing near for your wedding, ja?
You must be getting excited.”
“I am. Jacob and I are going on a train trip for part of our honeymoon.” Rachel’s eyes lit up with excitement. “It’s going to be my first time on a train. But we just found out that my aenti, Rebecca, is unable to come to the wedding. She fell and broke her hip last week. She’s the one I was most nervous about Jacob meeting. I know we’re not supposed to have favorites, but she’s my most beloved aenti.”
Hearing the lilt in Rachel’s voice and seeing the joy on her face gave Lizzie a pang in her chest. Her cousin had been most fortunate to marry for love. Arranged marriages were not all that uncommon within their communities. Arranged or not, Lizzie knew her chances of having a wedding of her own were slim to none. Not wanting to think about that anymore, she busied herself by preparing to get the loaves of bread into the oven.
She took off the damp cloth from the tops of the bread pans and set them aside. The air immediately filled with the pungent yeasty scent. Though she was tempted to poke a finger into the spongy dough, she knew better. In about an hour they would come out of the oven a delicious golden color, ready to be eaten. Behind her, Sadie and Rachel chattered away about weddings and the latest gossip. Lizzie had been so busy with her daed over the past weeks that she’d little idea what had been happening in their community outside their farm.
“And then I heard that Paul’s brother, Abram, is considering rumspringa.”
This declaration came from Sadie. “Did Paul mention this to you, Lizzie?”
Lizzie spun around, nearly toppling over a sheet pan that her mamm had left on the stove top. Reaching out, she managed to catch it before it fell.
“I haven’t heard this.” Slowly she turned to find both women staring at her. “What? You both think that Paul and I have been gossiping together?”
“Maybe there have been other things going on, like the beginning of a courtship.” Rachel wiggled her pale eyebrows at Lizzie. “He has been spending a lot of time here.”
Lizzie’s hands trembled, as she was reminded of Paul’s conversation with her while they were on their picnic. She hadn’t spoken to anyone about her feelings on the matter of a courtship, other than Paul.
She made a half-hearted attempt to shrug off Rachel’s suggestion. “He’s been putting in his fair share of time helping on the farm and he’s been busy working on his new furniture shop in town.”
Having been her closest friend since they were small children, Sadie noticed her discomfort first. Her brow furrowed in worry, she put her hand on Lizzie’s forearm. Guiding her across the linoleum floor, she urged her to sit down in one of the wooden chairs that surrounded the plank table.
“Es dutt mir leed. I’m sorry if our chatter has upset you.”
“Nee,” she assured them, mustering up a tiny smile.
While Sadie gathered two more chairs to bring them into a little semicircle, Rachel took three glasses from the cupboard and filled them with the iced tea she’d brought. Lizzie took a deep breath, fighting the urge to break down and have a good cry.
“Look, Sadie, you of all people should know that there can never be anything more than friendship between Paul and myself. I can’t be with him in any other way.”
“I think you’re wrong. This is a tight-knit community and no one would ever want to see you get hurt again.”
Lizzie picked at her apron, and Sadie placed her hand on top of hers. “You need to think about getting married, Lizzie.”
Tears sprang to her eyes as remnants of her recent conversations with Paul swirled through her head. “Who would want me? Who would want to wake up every morning and look at this?” Lizzie gave Sadie and Rachel a full view of the scarred side of her face.
“Lizzie!” Sadie’s voice rose a notch. “No one cares about your scar.”
“Listen to what Sadie is saying.” Rachel tried to calm Lizzie with a soothing tone of voice.
“I am listening. And don’t either of you dare give me the ‘Gott wouldn’t give you more than you can handle’ speech.” The words came out in a choked whisper.
Sadie frowned as she said, “Lizzie, we’re just trying to be helpful.”
She hated the hurt she saw on their faces. Her stomach felt as if it were twisting into tight knots. Sadie and Rachel sat in patient silence, waiting on Lizzie. But she remained silent.
Finally Sadie spoke. Her soft, melodic voice quoted one of their community’s favorite sayings. “Life is too short to stay mad for very long.”
“I feel like I’ve been in limbo for a very long time,” Lizzie admitted.
She’d been thinking about Paul’s offer to her. He was giving her a way out; she only had to find the courage to take it.
“Maybe it’s time to think about making some changes.” Once Rachel and Sadie were situated, and they’d all taken a sip of their tea, she looked at her friends.
“Lizzie, we know it’s been rough at your house. How is your daed doing?” Rachel asked.
“Much better, danke for asking.”
Sadie leaned in a bit to scrutinize Lizzie. She shook a finger in front of her face. “Nee, nee. This is not about your daed. I know you’ve got the strength of an ox when it comes to this sort of thing. This sadness is about something else. Am I right?”
Lizzie blew out a soft breath, finally answering, “Ja, you are recht.”
“Rachel and I will keep your confidence. No matter what. You can trust us,” Sadie added. Both of the women nodded at her.
Lizzie realized she wasn’t ready to tell them about her artwork and Paul’s shop yet. She needed time to think about everything. If the plan to sell the paintings didn’t work out, then no one else would be the wiser. Still, Sadie and Rachel both sat forward on the edge of their seats, as if waiting for some big revelation.
“Paul and I went on a picnic.”
“You and Paul went on a picnic!” Rachel let out a squeal as she clapped her hands together.
Sadie echoed her sentiment. “A picnic—you and Paul! Well, it’s about time.”
“It’s not what either of you are thinking.”
“Oh, yes, it is. This is the beginning of your courtship,” Sadie quipped.
She wrung her hands together, feeling the tension set in her shoulders. “No.” She shook her head with such vehemence that she nearly knocked her prayer kapp off.
“Then tell us what happened, Lizzie,” Sadie said.
“Paul and I discussed the courtship idea everyone is so set on, and I told him the same thing I’ve been telling everyone else. It’s not going to happen. We are good friends, that’s all.”
“I don’t think that is all,” Rachel chimed in.
Lizzie knew she could count on these women for anything, but on this subject, she would remain steadfast. There could be no future for her and Paul.
“I’m fine with our decisions. I’m fine with being an alt maedel.”
“I’m so sorry,” Rachel offered, shaking her head.
“Don’t be sorry for me. You are going on an adventure with your new husband. I don’t want you to worry about me.” Lizzie’s heart swelled with happiness for her cousin.
“While we’re gone, I’m going to write to you every chance I get, and you will let me know how things are going with you and Paul.”
“There will never be a ‘me and Paul.’”
Silence descended on the trio of women. Lizzie bowed her head. Sadie continued to pat her hand. The clock on the living room wall struck three times at the same time the buzzer on the oven signaled the bread needed to be checked. Lizzie stood to shut the timer off and, using a pot holder, pulled the rack with the bread out of the oven. Normally seeing the golden color gave her such delight. But today not even the sight of the perfect freshly baked loaves could lighten her mood.
Behind her, Rachel said, “I have to be going. I promised Jacob I would stop off at his grandmothe
r’s house to pick up a wedding gift she has for us.”
After Rachel left, Sadie and Lizzie stood alone in the room. Shrugging her shoulders, Lizzie said, “I need to keep my hands busy. I think I’m going to bake up some cream puffs as a special treat for the workers. Can you keep me company while I do that?”
“I’d like nothing better.”
When she went to the pantry to take out the ingredients, she realized there wasn’t enough baking soda for the dough.
“Ach! I’ve got to get better at making sure I stock up on my ingredients.”
“I have to go into the village for a few things myself. We could walk together,” Sadie suggested. “Besides, some fresh air might give you a different perspective on what we were talking about.”
“I’m not so sure it will change anything. But a walk into town would be nice. Besides, I told Paul I’d stop by his new shop. Let me find my parents to let them know we’ll be going. I think they are out in the garden.”
She let Sadie go out the back door ahead of her. And after following the pathway around the side of the house, she found her parents outside, tending to the vegetables.
“Sadie and I have to go to the village. I need some baking soda. Do either of you need anything while I’m there?”
Her mother gave a quick shake of her head. “Nee. Danke for coming to ask.”
“We shouldn’t be too long.”
She felt Sadie’s hand brush along her arm. “We need to get going.”
Saying their goodbyes, they headed off. At the end of the driveway, Sadie tugged on her arm, pulling her to a stop. “Now that we’re alone, do you want to tell me what’s really going on?”
Chapter Seven
Paul opened the door to the Burkholder Amish Furniture Store, stirring up a thin cloud of dust motes that danced along the sunbeam coming through the front window. He’d have to see to sweeping and dusting again. Already he’d found out that running a business took a lot of energy. But he had more than enough to spare when it came to seeing his dream come true.
A Love for Lizzie Page 7
