by Jen Ponce
“I still feel your bird.”
“Yeah. I’m glad it left me with something.” I swallowed down the tears that threatened. “I’ll be okay.”
“You will. Where’s Tytan?”
“He was badly injured by Gaius. He went to be healed by Vasili and get his fingers back.”
Kroshtuka winced. “Did he harm you?”
“Gaius? No. Not really.” I leaned into him and hugged Bethany close with one arm, Liam with the other. “I need to sleep though. I feel drained.”
“Come. Liam and Bethany can find their teacher and I will take you for a nap.”
Liam squeezed me around the waist and Bethany kissed my cheek.
“Love you guys.”
“You too.”
They went scampering off and I went with Krosh to our home. When we got there, I laid in his arms and cried.
He understood and let me.
I kept feeling like the other shoe was going to drop. That Gaius’ spawn would come out of the woodwork and kill us all, or that Gaius himself would show up having figured out a way around my wish, but nothing came. Life was peaceful, it was good. My kids were flourishing, and I fell in love with Krosh a little bit more every day.
It was beautiful. Wonderful.
Why was I so restless? What kind of person was I to hate the peace?
Tytan had gotten everyone back to where they needed to be. Tytan had taken in my Skriven—though they weren’t my Skriven anymore, were they?—and he’d been holed up in the Slip, healing. Neutria had visited, taken one sniff of me and dismissed me as not a threat. That annoyed me a whole hell of a lot, but it wasn’t like I could do anything about it. Not now.
I missed having the power. I couldn’t imagine what Gaius was going through—he’d lived with power for thousands of years. I’d had it for a year, if that. It had been suitable punishment for us both. I just wished I’d figured out a different way to stop him. And I hated myself for it every time I thought it.
My dad came—Kali brought him. I could have brought him once upon a time, but now I couldn’t go anywhere I wanted with a thought. It sucked. He sat with me and watched the stars. Told me everything was going to be all right. Told me it would be better now that I was just me and nothing more. I wanted to believe him. I tried.
“If Tytan popped in and said he’d figured out a way to give you back that power, would you take it?” My dad handed me a slice of fruit, some green thing that we didn’t have on Earth. It tasted like blueberries and strawberries and bananas all rolled into one.
Yes, I said in my head, immediately. “I don’t know,” I said out loud, unwilling to admit how much I missed it.
He snorted. “You’re like an addict.”
“What? Excuse me. I’m not out there searching for more of it, thank you.”
“You’re lying about it. Addicts lie. You’re jonesing for it. Addicts yearn for their drug of choice. I’m not saying you’re a bad person for it. Just human.”
This time I snorted. “I’m not human, thanks.”
“You know what I mean.”
I did. “I would take it,” I said softly. “If he figured out how to get it back for me. Which is stupid and greedy and I want it anyway. Even though I know what kind of heartache it brings. Dad, what’s wrong with me?”
He sidearm-hugged me. “Nothing, sweetheart.”
I doubted it but I didn’t argue. Arguing with my dad was like arguing with a wall. “This sucks.”
“You saved your kids. Us. Everyone. That’s nothing to sneeze at.”
“I know. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” That was truth, though I played the scene over and over again in my head, trying to figure out what exactly I could have offered in exchange that wouldn’t have left me feeling bereft. I still hadn’t figured it out. “I’ve been so lucky. I know that too. Why can’t I just be grateful?”
He patted my knee and then stole the last bit of fruit from the platter in front of us. “You will be. Time, sweetheart. Change takes time to adjust to. It’s just the way it is.”
I knew that too. It just felt like shit now.
“What say you to some practice? Eh? It’ll help.”
Magic practice. Doing it the slow, hard way instead of the easy Skriven way. I made a face. Bethany was better than I was at this kind of magic. Liam was better at the Wydling transformation. I had a hard time keeping my bird in check now. It wanted to take me over. I had to fight it to keep control. Krosh said I didn’t need to fight it, that it wouldn’t consume me, but I didn’t like the feeling it was taking over my head space. And as long as I fought it, I had a hell of a time flying. “Fine.”
“Be enthusiastic, why don’t ya,” he teased.
“Psh.” I settled into my quiet space, something I could do better than when I’d first tried it so long ago. I conjured up the pathways that I was slowly burning into the new control space in my head. I liked the Skriven one better, but this one, I had to admit, was prettier in an organic way. My bird wasn’t sure about sharing its space with the alchemical tables I set up in there, with their potions and cheat sheets and hanging herbs. A few days ago, I realized I had replicated Vasili’s hovel in my head. I wished I could share it with him, then realized I’d never be able to just pop in and visit him anymore and that sent me into a small crying jag.
This sucked.
“Concentrate,” my dad said, breaking through my angst. He always knew when I started to drift.
“Yeah, yeah,” I whispered. I brought myself back to the moment and then followed his directions to create a protection bubble around us both. It wasn’t the same as the bubble I made before, but it was beautiful.
“Nice work, honey.” He reached out and popped it and I stretched, the ache in my back apparent now that I was no longer deep into my mediation. “How’s my grand baby?” He patted my stomach which was rounded now.
“Growing.” It had been four months already and I had felt him or her move, dance, jiggle around, whatever it was babies did. “Moving.”
“Got any names picked out yet? Because Morgan, you know, would make a great name regardless of gender.”
I laughed. “I got it, Dad. Not enough Liam’s middle name is Morgan?”
He sighed. “I don’t know why you couldn’t give them all my name. Bethany Morganna would have been beautiful.”
“Dad.”
“Fine, fine.” He helped me up and I brushed the dirt off my ass.
“Thank you, Dad. I appreciate what you’re doing.”
“Spending time with my girl?”
I concentrated and made a ball of energy bloom in my palm. “No, for giving me back some power. For making me realize I didn’t lose everything.”
“Honey, you didn’t.” He hugged me tight and kissed me on the top of my head. “Love you, sweetheart.”
“Love you too.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Two months later, Tytan came to visit. He had fingers again, though they were tender, he said. “If Gaius ever shows up, I’m removing everything that sticks off his body. Twice.”
I hugged him, glad to see him, glad to feel the power that emanated from him. It had been almost six months since I gave up my power to stop Gaius and I was mostly over it until Tytan visited or until I wanted to pop somewhere to do something. Then I had to breathe through the panic or anger or whatever weird emotion popped up.
“Your stomach is hard,” he said.
“Go on.” I guided his hand to the last spot the little bean had bumped. After a moment, the baby kicked, and Ty smiled.
“He’s strong. Warm. Healthy.”
I put my hand over his and our child’s awareness filled my head. All feelings, emotions, no real words, but it was beautiful. So beautiful. Like an 8D sonogram. I knew this child so well and hadn’t even held him yet. “You thought of any names yet?”
Tytan laughed and pulled his hand away. “I don’t think you want me naming this child.”
He said that every time I asked.
And every time I answered, “If you don’t help, Dad is going to convince me to name him Morgan.”
“Morgan isn’t a bad name.”
It was light banter, but it kept repeating, as if we didn’t know what to say to each other anymore. Maybe we didn’t. Maybe Tytan couldn’t bring himself to my level now that I was no longer an Originator. Maybe he had too much power to care—
“Knock it off,” he said. “Surely you know better than that.”
“Stop reading my mind, you dink.” I took his hand and we hooked to the Slip, something we also did every time he came. Vasili’s first, then a stop at the edge of the lake where Nex was ruling alongside Cazsada and Jack. The Witch’s Council was running smoothly. Everything was good. “Thank you.”
“I’m still looking for a way.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
“Your Skriven are still loyal to you.”
I swallowed hard. “They aren’t my Skriven.”
“Not all, no. But Kali and few others have pledged themselves to you. And there isn’t anything you can say about it, so don’t start,” he added when I opened my mouth.
“That’s stupid.”
“You’re still Originator.”
“No, I’m not.”
He tipped my chin up with a finger. “There’s nothing in the rules anywhere that say you have to have power. And that’s a good thing.”
“Why?” I moved my chin off his finger. “Why is that a good thing?”
“Because Baow is doing everything in his power to rectify this because he absolutely hates the thought of an Originator without power.”
I chuckled. It would make the cranky tree Skriven pissy to know I was still part of the family. Poor thing. “If the Source took away my power, how in the world can anyone give it back? And if I get it back, does that nullify the deal? I don’t want all this to be for nothing, Ty. I don’t want it back if it means Gaius—”
“I know.”
We’d had this conversation too. My world had become calm, predictable, safe. I still didn’t trust it, but I was learning to. “Want to take me to Earth?”
He nodded.
He’d made me another clone. He kept far from her having learned his lesson, I suppose, about what could happen if he dabbled that way. My brother was there too, living his life. He had a new girlfriend and they seemed to fit each other quite well. She liked me. Well, she liked my clone. That was the same thing, right?
“Is this wrong?”
“You’re asking a demon,” Ty said.
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t even.”
He studied the house where Dev Three was playing with Liam and Bethy in the backyard. Travis’ girlfriend was flipping a disc for Travis’ dog and Bethy Two and Liam Two were chasing each other around. Tom’s parents where there too, sipping fruity drinks on the deck as they chatted with Travis. “Doesn’t look wrong to me. They’re happy.”
“It’s a lie.”
“Is it?”
Technically yeah, it was. But I understood what he meant. Everyone was happy. Tom’s parents didn’t have the heartache of missing their grandchildren. They didn’t even know those kids out there playing weren’t really their grandkids. They looked like Liam and Bethy, they shared their memories. Was it wrong? I’d always felt bad about it, but maybe Ty was right. Maybe all that mattered was they were happy. Telling them the truth would hurt them and bring up all sorts of questions about Tom’s murder I didn’t want to answer.
“Thanks.” I always said this, too.
“Of course.”
He took me home without another word.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
It was time. My water broke an hour ago and the pains were coming more closely together. Lizzy was next to me, her voice soothing. Krosh sat behind me, his hands on my shoulders, running down my arms, my rock. On the other side of me, Ty held my hand pumping warmth and relief into the contracting muscles in my belly.
It was better than an epidural. No needles in my spine. No pain. Calm.
“Push,” Mina said. She was between my legs as I squatted on the birthing chair—also a great invention. I pushed, feeling the baby move down into the birth canal, feeling the power build and build between my legs. “Push.”
I settled down into my quiet place and pictured the baby sliding out with a gush of fluid.
“Okay, breathe,” Mina said. “The head is out.”
I let out a gust of air and then pushed again when she asked me. If birth was always like this in Midia, I wouldn’t mind having a few more kids. Birth on Earth had been … interesting to say the least.
“It’s a girl!” Krosh’s sister smiled up at me and put the bloody, naked baby on my chest.
“Girl?” I looked over at Ty, who shrugged, grinning. “You had me convinced.”
“She felt like a boy. What can I say?”
I looked down at her while Mina rubbed her back with a soft cloth. She was beautiful, her little face all peaceful and her yellow eyes staring right up at me. “Hello sweet pea.” Yellow eyes?
She blinked, her little body moving against me. I kissed the top of her head, bloody though it was and then turned my head to get a cheek kiss from Krosh.
“Um. Devany?”
“Hmm? She’s so … Oh! Mina. Please don’t tell me—”
“Push.”
It was the placenta. That’s all. The placenta and then I was done and … The pressure was too much for placenta. The pressure was the same as a baby. “Please don’t tell me—”
“Push!” she said.
I pushed. There couldn’t be another baby. Sure, I hadn’t had access to a sonogram but damn it, Lizzy hadn’t said a word about two babies.
“Another head,” Mina said. I heard the amusement in her voice and looked down at her hoping she was kidding. Then I reached between my own legs and discovered she was not. “One more push and you’ll have another baby.”
Damn it. I pushed.
“A boy.”
“There he is,” Tytan said.
I wanted to glare at him but couldn’t muster the annoyance necessary. Mina put him on my chest with his sister and they immediately wrapped their arms around each other. The little boy had red eyes just like Ty. Red eyes. Yellow eyes.
Holy shit.
“Uh, Krosh?”
He smiled. “They’re beautiful.” In my ear, he whispered, “I saw.”
Liam cut one umbilical cord, Bethy the other. I hadn’t thought they’d want to be present, but they’d opted in, though Liam had kept strictly behind me so as not to “see anything gross”. Bethy, on the other hand, had been Mina’s little helper. Not-so-little helper, I reminded myself.
“They’re so tiny,” Bethy said, her finger wrapped tight in her new little sister’s fist.
“And wrinkled like prunes,” Liam added, a curl to his lip. “Can I go now? I mean, they’re cool and all but …” He grinned at me. “Good job, Mom. Overachiever.”
“Thanks, kid.” He gave me a kiss and shot out of the birthing hut like a bat out of hell.
“Boys,” Bethy said with the world weariness of someone in her fifties.
“I know, right?”
She cooed at her little brother and sister, then shifted her attention to Mina, who walked her through the next steps as if she were studying to be a midwife. And maybe she was. She hadn’t decided exactly what she wanted to do with her magic yet, but she’d really taken to Krosh’s soft spoken sister.
I let Mina and Bethy take care of me while I coaxed the newborns onto a nipple. It was harder than getting one started because it seemed like I just got the boy latched when the girl let go and vice versa. “This is why women need more than two boobs,” I muttered.
“Would you like me to give you a few more?” Ty asked, amusement lacing his words.
“No, thank you.” I didn’t know if he could, but if there was a way, he’d probably try it and then they’d get stuck and I’d have eight boobs for the rest of my life. I didn’t even want t
o see the bra that would tame eight boobs. “Do you guys want to hold them so I can wash off and get dressed? Krosh? Ty?” I passed the boy to Krosh and the girl to Ty and enjoyed watching them coo over the babies. Nothing handsomer than hot guys going gaga over babies.
Mina helped me to the bathing room, though I wasn’t sore like I’d been after Liam and Bethy, just pleasantly tired. “I wish there was a way to bring that sort of help to women on Earth.”
Mina smiled. “Magic is wonderful.”
“You’re telling me, sister.” Once clean and dressed, I gave her a hug. “Thank you. For so many things.”
“You’re welcome.” Her smile made me happy. Everything made me happy, but I supposed that was the aftershocks of the easiest birth ever. I settled into my bed with the babies tucked in with me, each latched onto a boob for the moment and suckling peacefully. Their little downy heads were soft and clean—someone had bathed them while I was cleaning myself up—and they smelled like sunshine.
Krosh settled in next to me and brushed his finger over the boy’s cheek. “Tytan said he had a name to offer for the boy. Finnegan.”
I raised my brows. “Where did that come from?”
“His mother.”
His mother was long gone, but perhaps he’d discovered a way to talk with her. Finnegan was a cute name and I thought the little boy with black hair and red eyes could be a great little Finn. “And the girl?”
“Why don’t you want to name them?”
“Because I already got to name Liam. Tom named Bethy. I think you should name her because you haven’t gotten to name one of your own. And she’s definitely yours.” A couple of times already, I thought I’d heard her purr. I wasn’t sure if I was hearing things or not, but knowing how weird magic worked in Midia, I wouldn’t be surprised if my baby could purr, sprout fur, or even fly.
“Let’s name her Sephony, then.”
“After Ty’s mom?”
Krosh nodded. “She was a warrior of our People. Perhaps it’s fitting that she is honored now.”
I nodded and looked down at my little Finnegan and Sephony. Two surprises that I couldn’t imagine not having now that I’d gotten over the initial shock of finding out I was pregnant. So many things had changed, and the changes were sometimes terrifying and heartbreaking, but I was still here. My kids were happy, healthy, and alive. I had a man who loved me, a friend who would do anything for me, and a whole village of people I could call my family. I may have lost my power, but I gained so much more from losing it.
