“It was the best I could do without outright lying.” His fists clench. “I wanted to wring his neck more often than not lately.”
“You had a long, complex relationship.”
While one person after another walks up to leave a rose on Jacob’s casket, I study the people around us. Who was a true friend to him and who used him? How many of them helped him buy drugs, gave him drugs, or watched him shoot up?
Which one was with him in those last moments before they left him on the sidewalk to die?
Chapter Sixty-Three
Chaser
Grief’s a complicated emotion all on its own. When the person who died could be a real shithead sometimes, the grief comes tinged with guilt, resentment, and a whole lot of anger.
But how can you be mad at someone who’s dead? And am I really mad a Jacob or myself? I should’ve stuck with him that night. I knew he was on a downward slide. But I left him and now he’s gone.
Once we’re alone in the car together, I reach over and rest my hand on Mallory’s leg. “Thank you.”
“For?”
“Being here today.” I open and close my fists. “He was really awful to you at times, and—”
“He was your friend for a long time and now he’s gone. It’s normal to be shocked and sad, even angry.”
I turn her words over for a few miles before responding. “I’m definitely angry.”
“Just don’t let it eat you alive.” She gives me a sad smile. “I know you’re a big, strong man, but give yourself permission to feel what you feel instead of holding it all back.”
“What I feel is guilty for being mad at him.”
She sighs again. “Death doesn’t erase the effect someone had on other people. Good and bad. It’s okay to be angry about some of the things he did while sad that your friend is gone.”
Her words finally loosen some of the knots in my chest. “We don’t have to go to this,” I say as she pulls into the parking lot behind The Palace.
“I think we should.”
Alvin grabbed a ride with Garrett, and we meet up with them at the back entrance. “You two okay?”
“No.” Garrett tosses his cigarette on the ground and stamps it out. “But Jacob would be insulted if we didn’t get shitfaced at his memorial.”
The club’s somber. Low music, soft lighting, food, and drinks. Rich, the owner, welcomes us and gives us our favorite round booth in the back. On stage, a single light shines down on a life-size photo of Jacob.
Alvin and I side-eye each other.
Rich leaves a bottle of Jack Daniels at our table. Garrett and Alvin immediately start pouring shots for all of us. A few minutes later, Thom slides into the seat opposite me and leans forward. “I know you don’t want to talk about this now—”
If he mentions the tour, an album, or anything business-related, I’m going to strangle this motherfucker.
“Don’t fucking do it,” Alvin warns. “Not today, Thom.”
“We need to—”
I slam my glass on the table, making everyone jump. “Go, Thom. Now.”
Grieving or not, my scary biker scowl still works. He hauls his ass out of our booth, fading into the growing crowd.
Garrett slides out of the booth and Alvin scoots closer to Mallory and me. “Are we planning to sit here all night and pretend Jacob wasn’t an addict who almost got us all killed more than once?”
I snort and reach for the bottle, pouring myself another shot. Under the table, I pat Mallory’s leg. “Tell him what you told me on the way over.”
She hesitates before repeating her earlier advice.
“Fuck.” He thumps his back against the booth and stares at the ceiling. “That’s profound, Mallory.”
“I think you’re a little drunk,” she says. “There is no right response to death. Allow yourself to feel the cocktail of emotions without blaming yourself, okay?”
He rolls his head our way and smirks. “You said cocktail. In a bar.”
“I did.” She pushes her shot glass away. “Maybe I should ask for some water.”
“Hey, guys,” a deep voice tinged with sadness pulls our attention up.
“The fuck you doing here?” Alvin sits up straight, glaring at Andrew.
“I just wanted to come over and say I’m sorry.” He shifts from foot to foot and glances at the empty space next to me.
I point to the opposite side of the booth. “Sit. Over there.”
“You have fucking nerve,” Alvin says.
Ignoring Alvin, Andrew leans forward, clasping his hands on the table in front of him. “Listen, I wanted to tell you this in person. They caught the guy who shot me. I had to fly down to Texas to testify.” He hesitates and briefly closes his eyes. “Just like when I made my original statement, I left Jacob out of it.” He glances down at the table. “What happened to him was bad enough. No need to drag his name through the mud more than it has been.”
Alvin finally settles down. “Thanks.”
Andrew squirms. “Uh, can we talk…” He shifts his gaze to Alvin. “Just the three of us?”
“Alvin knows all about it, so speak freely.” I smirk at him.
Mallory scowls at me and I shrug.
“Fine.” He shoots another look at Alvin. “I took Mallory’s advice and found another therapist. I wanted to apologize.” The whole time he hasn’t looked at Mallory once, but his gaze finally lands on her. “I’m sorry. Truly.”
“Thank you.”
“What do you want, Andrew?” I sit up, leaning over the table. “You wanna come over and play Scrabble? Hold hands? Go fishin’ together? Ride bitch on the back of my bike? What?”
Whiskey shoots out of Alvin’s nose, spraying the table. “Aw, fuck! That burns.” He lays his head down, laughing and pounding his fist against the table. “Jesus Christ, Chaser.”
Andrew doesn’t seem to find it as amusing. “None of that. We’re still in the same business. I’m trying to…” he waves his arms in the air, “…extend like, an olive branch, or whatever.”
“Business.” I scoff. “In case you haven’t noticed, our band’s done.”
Andrew’s mouth turns down. “I know, man. I’m sorry.”
Alvin picks his head up off the table. “Vandals are done too, right?”
“Uh,” Andrew’s crazy eyes dart around the room. “Looks like it. I can’t talk about it, though.” He lifts his chin at me. “What’re you going to do? Go back to New York?”
Fuck, what am I going to do? I guess now would be a good time to head home. My father could use the help with the club. But how can I ask Mallory to leave when she just landed a part on a new show?
Mallory turns her questioning eyes my way. Guess she had the same thought.
“Mallory starts filming a new show soon.” I curl my arm around her shoulders, and she leans into me. “We’re not done with Hollywood yet.”
Chapter Sixty-Four
Chaser
Months ago, I promised Mallory we’d run away to have our private beach wedding. But after Jacob’s death, taking off to celebrate our marriage felt fifty kinds of wrong.
By the time I pulled myself out of my spiral of grief and remorse, she was already busy filming Ocean Ave. Six days a week. Not exactly the time for a honeymoon. So, I didn’t bring it up. And neither did she.
Alvin’s renting a house not too far from us and I spend most of my days hanging out with him. Not really talking or even working on new music. Sometimes we ride up the coast and reminisce about when we first moved out here. How different it is from where we grew up.
Garrett teamed up with Vinnie Price to form a new band. They asked us to be a part of it, but it was too…strange. What were we going to call it? Vicious Kickstart? Three-fourths Kickstart and a Vandal? Who would we find to front such a project?
Alvin and I both declined. There were no hard feelings. I’ll be first in line at Tower Records to pick up a copy of their album—if they ever record one.
Slowly, I started retur
ning phone calls, beginning with Mark Cutter. He sets me up with several artists. Writing songs. Contributing guitar solos. It’s lucrative. I don’t have to go out on the road and be away from Mallory for extended periods of time. And I’m finally having fun creating music again.
By the time the last week of filming for Ocean Ave starts, it’s time to set new plans in motion. The show’s been picked up for another season, so I only have a few months to work with. It hasn’t escaped my notice that Mallory’s turned down all offers to work over her summer break.
Maybe she knows what I have planned.
Mallory
“Bye.” Madeline hugs me in front of my car. “I’m going to miss you! We have to get together and have lunch or something, okay?”
“Sure. You have my number.”
“I’m filming up in Canada, but I’ll definitely call you when I get back.”
She hugs me again before taking off. I’d been offered a small part in the made-for-television woman-in-peril movie Madeline was starring in but turned it down. I can’t shake the feeling that I somehow abandoned Chaser when he needed me by starting filming so soon after Jacob’s death. He’s never hinted that he feels the same.
It seems like Madeline stars in one of these low-budget films every couple of months, so I’m sure I’ll have another opportunity. If not, that’s okay too.
Some things are just more important.
Chaser’s bike is in the driveway. A grin the size of California stretches across my lips. I shove the car door open and jump out.
He steps outside to meet me, grinning from ear to ear.
“What’s that look on your face?” I call out, running up the sidewalk so fast, my feet barely touch the concrete.
Without answering, he sweeps me into his arms, smashing his lips against mine. “Missed you today,” he murmurs. “How’d it go?”
“Great.” I open my mouth and fake a wide-eyed, shocked expression. “We left it on a cliffhanger. Will they or won’t they leave sunny San Diego and move back to Nebraska?” I gasp and pretend to bite my nails.
Chaser’s rumbling laughter warms me all over.
“I kind of feel bad for our fake dad,” I continue. “He has this great job opportunity back home and all my ‘brother’ and I did was nag him about staying in L.A. to work on our tan lines.” I scrunch my nose. “It was shameful.”
“Can’t wait to see it.”
He’s vibrating with an electric energy I haven’t seen in months. Once we’re inside the house, he can’t contain himself any longer. “Pack your bags.”
“Why? Where are we going?”
“You’re done filming, right? Today was the last day?” Concern creeps into his questions.
“Yes.”
“Good.” He picks up an envelope off the entryway table and hands it to me.
Slowly, unsure of what’s happening here, I pull open the envelop and slide two tickets out. My heart pitter-patters. “Kapalua?”
“White sand beaches, sparkling blue water, exceedingly private.” He hands me a brochure featuring stunning photos of everything he described. “Will you run away with me? Vow to love, honor, and fuck me until the day I die?”
“Yes!” I give his rock-hard shoulder a little shove and the corners of his mouth twitch.
“I’m sorry to spring it on you, but I couldn’t wait. We can pick up a bathing suit and whatever you need when we get there.”
It’s time for my own sly smile. Disengaging from our embrace, I hurry into the bedroom. Quickly, because Chaser’s bound to follow me in here, I pull out the pink satin pouch tucked at the back of my top dresser drawer and peek inside. The fanciest swimwear I’ve ever seen, let alone owned is neatly folded inside. I’ve been saving it in anticipation of our beach wedding. Hopefully, I’ll be able to figure out how to get myself into it without Chaser’s assistance.
“Ready?” Chaser asks from outside the doorway.
I jump and shove the pink pouch into my suitcase.
Curiosity piqued, he strolls into the bedroom. “Whatcha hiding?”
“Nothing.”
I stop him with a hand against his chest as he reaches for my suitcase. “It’s rude to go through your wife’s clothes, Chaser. Let there be some mystery.”
A smirk flirts with the corners of his mouth. How I’ve missed his playful, teasing expressions. He curls one hand over my hip and tugs me closer. “No mystery. No secrets between us.”
“I want you to be surprised. When I walk down the aisle, I want your jaw to drop so hard, you’ll have a mouthful of sand.”
He chuckles. “Doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. I’m always in awe of you.” He tilts his head. “Wait, you already have your wedding…whatever?”
“Yup. I’ve been ready whenever you were.”
His expression softens. “I’m sorry it’s taken so long.”
I loop my arms around his neck and reach up to kiss him. “This is better. We have the whole summer together. How long are we staying in Hawaii?”
He shrugs. “We have the resort for the week. We can go island hopping. Whatever you want.”
When we arrive, we’re whisked into a car and driven about an hour from the airport. “Everything’s so beautiful.”
“We’re not doing the spend the night before our wedding apart thing, are we?” he asks.
“Seems kind of pointless.” I narrow my eyes at him. “You can’t see me before the wedding, though. You’ll have to get dressed somewhere else.”
His lips twitch. “Fair enough.”
“You’re sure…” I glance at our driver who doesn’t seem to be paying any attention to us. “No one will find out?”
“I was assured absolute discretion. They’re not even going to be fully staffed to minimize the risk. But they do this sort of thing for celebrities all the time they told me and never had an issue.”
“Chaser, it must have cost a fortune.”
“Nothing’s too good for my girl.”
The tang of sea-salt greets us at the resort. We’re shown to our room. Soft, white curtains billowing in the breeze frame a picturesque ocean view.
“I love this.”
“I thought you might.” He nods to our suitcases. “You want to unpack? Day after tomorrow’s the big day.” He slaps his hand over his eyes. “I promise I won’t peek.”
“It’s bad luck, so you better not.”
The playful expression vanishes. “We’ve had enough of that.”
Chapter Sixty-Five
Chaser
The morning of our wedding, I slip out of bed early to check on everything. Lush flowers decorate the bannister of the staircase. Mallory said she wanted pink and purple flowers and that’s what they are.
“Perfect,” I mutter.
“Are you trying to escape?” Alvin greets me downstairs.
“Fuck, when did you get in?” I give him a quick hug. “I was worried you weren’t going to make it.”
“Just now.” He cocks his head toward the door. “Audrey and Doug just got here too.”
“Great. Mallory will be so excited.” I slap his chest. “Come check the wedding site out with me?”
The officiant with the hotel is a kind man with a genuine smile. He shakes my hand and gives me a few encouraging words as I inspect the area.
“Do you have a ring?” Alvin asks.
I pat my pocket. “Yup.”
“You want me to hang onto it?”
“Nope.”
“If you’re keeping this a secret, aren’t people going to notice a wedding ring?”
“Nah.” I pull out the small blue velvet box and show him the slim diamond band. “It should fit right under her engagement ring. I’ll buy her a matching one to stack on top when we do the big, public thing.”
Since we’ve spent so much time together over the last few months, Alvin knows all the details about Mallory’s father and why this secret wedding is so important to us. Mallory and I trust him not to share that knowledge with anyon
e.
A path down to the beach has been marked off by large green palm fronds, seashells, and pink flowers. No chairs. The ceremony won’t be long and the guest list is short.
On the way back, we run into Doug and Audrey.
“Thank you for coming.” I hold out my hand to Doug and give Audrey a quick embrace.
“Where’s the bride?” she asks.
“Still sleeping.” I nod to the beach. “I wanted to check on all the stuff I asked for.”
“You planned this?” Audrey searches my face. “By yourself?”
“I didn’t plan much. I paid them a lot of money and told them what we wanted.” I shrug. Thank you, Mitchell Howard, for asking me to play on three more songs for your new album. Even if he never uses them, at least the checks cleared.
“Mallory finished filming, so I whisked her away.”
“Wow, Chaser. I never would’ve pegged you as such a romantic when we first met.”
I shrug again, uncomfortable with the turn our conversation’s taken. “Had no reason to be before Mallory.”
Mallory
Waking up alone isn’t how I thought I’d start my wedding day.
There’s a note on the pillow next to me.
Beautiful Bride,
“No bad luck today. Everything will be sent to your room. I’ll meet you at the altar.
Love,
The Groom
“Chaser,” I whisper.
First, breakfast is brought to my room.
While I’m finishing that, someone knocks and opens the door. “Hey, Bride!”
I blink and almost explode with happiness when Audrey walks in. “Oh my God! What are you doing here?”
“We happened to be at the resort next door.” She squeezes me tight. “What do you think? We’re here for your wedding!”
“Thank you.” Tears sting my eyes. “When did you get here?”
“This morning. Don’t worry. We’re not crashing your private honeymoon. Doug’s taking me to Lanai tomorrow to look at a property he’s thinking of buying.”
Wheels of Fire (Hollywood Demons Book 3) Page 35
