A Merciless Year One

by Eva Brandt

  “We wanted to see if you were okay,” Sariel explained. “We know Metatron and Ariel. They’re not the most hospitable people in the realm.”

  That would have actually been kind of sweet and I might have even felt grateful had they not been my enemies.

  “I don’t need you to worry about me,” I said between gritted teeth. “I’m fine.”

  “Really?” Sariel arched a brow. “Is that why you’re wondering around naked? Not that we mind, but it just doesn’t seem something you’d usually do.”

  “You don’t know anything about me,” I shot back, flustered.

  “I know you were embarrassed when we pointed out your nudity.”

  I grimaced and had to concede the point. “Look, it’s not that complicated. I just… happened to lose the dress you made me. I didn’t have anything else to wear. My swim suit is gone, and the only thing I could find in this wretched place was the sheet.”

  To be fair, I hadn’t looked that carefully and hadn’t been thinking clearly at the time. Maybe there had been something in the room and I just hadn’t seen it. But that didn’t matter anymore.

  The Watchers didn’t take my explanation well. Yeqon’s smile vanished so suddenly it almost gave me whiplash. Sariel narrowed his eyes at me. Azazel’s expression darkened. “You can’t just lose a dress made by a Watcher, especially not in The Celestial Realm. Did someone attack you?”

  As Azazel spoke, they all flew up to me. So far, they had kept their distance, perhaps intending to respect my boundaries. Right now, they were apparently alarmed enough that they no longer cared about such details.

  “No, no one attacked me,” I replied, before this could escalate any further. “And even if that had happened, why would you care?”

  “Do we need a reason to?” Sariel asked, instead of providing me with a real response.

  “Of course! Everyone needs a reason, for everything they do.”

  Yeqon hummed thoughtfully. “I guess that’s true. We do have a reason, but that’s for us to know and for you to find out. In the meantime, at the risk of sounding like Metatron, why don’t you tell us the truth about what happened? We can help.”

  “You really can’t. Leave me alone.”

  I started to back away from them, feeling trapped once more. Of course, because that was just my luck, I ended up tripping again.

  Like earlier, in front of the Mirror of Truth, Azazel caught me. This time, there was nothing to distract me, though, and to top it off, I wasn’t even wearing anything that could help me. I was basically naked in the arms of a stranger I despised.

  “Let me go. Let me go right this instant.”

  Azazel did—sort of. He still held onto me, as if he was afraid I’d fall over. By now, my earlier calm had disappeared and I was very close to panicking again. I wasn’t quite in the state I’d been in earlier, but I wasn’t doing well either.

  “What kind of sick mind games are you playing? Why won’t you leave me be?”

  “Because you’re human and you died, Delilah,” Sariel answered, almost brutal in his honesty. “This might not be what you want to hear, and we might not be the best possible people to help you, but up to a point, we do understand.”

  A sharp bark of laughter escaped my lips as I freed myself from Azazel’s hold. “You… You understand? How dare you say that? You can never… You can never understand!”

  I was nearly incandescent with fury and grief, so wild in my anger that I couldn’t even see straight. “Who cares about what happened to me? I’ll never see my parents again, not properly. Even if I do earn my wings—and that seems doubtful at this point—I’ll never get to talk to them, to apologize for judging them, for hating them.” As I shouted at the Watchers, my spine started to tingle so badly it felt like I was burning alive, but I ignored it. “I’ll never get to say goodbye. And I’ll always remember their screams. So if you want to do me a favor or help me, keep your fucking distance and leave me be.”

  Clutching my sheet, I returned to my bedroom and slammed the terrace door behind myself. I wanted to believe the trio would listen, but unfortunately, I got the feeling my problems were just beginning.

  It was only when I dropped my sheet that I realized why my spine had been burning earlier. Over my formerly human back, I could now see two wing stumps—or rather, two tiny wings, now in their incipience.

  Well, shit.

  Lessons of Life and Death

  “You’re making excellent progress, Delilah. At this rate, you’ll be able to join regular classes soon.”

  I opened my eyes and smiled at my teacher. By now, I was used to her stoic demeanor and didn’t find it as off-putting as I had in the past. Having been created a celestial being, she didn’t understand human psychology. But that wasn’t a bad thing, since her slave driver ways kept me on task and prevented me from having to think too much about things I desperately wanted to forget.

  I hadn’t tried to take a bath or even a shower again, and I didn’t intend to. If I could slowly drift away from my past, maybe I’d be able to truly turn into the angel I was supposed to be and fulfill my part of the bargain.

  For the moment, I still had a lot of work to do, though. “Do I need to grow wings before I can start the other classes?” I asked Ariel. Somehow, I didn’t see that happening anytime soon.

  “No, of course not,” Ariel replied. “Wing growth is a process that takes time and it echoes the connection each individual celestial being has with The Celestial Realm. It’s just that, in order to be able to participate in the other classes, you need to have a basis.”

  That made sense, although it also made me wonder why I’d first started discovering my wings when I’d been arguing with the three Watchers. No matter how you looked at it, it was strange. Was it because I’d held my own against three creatures who were practically demons? That didn’t seem right.

  Sariel, Azazel, and Yeqon had been keeping their distance from me since our argument, just like I’d asked them. I did occasionally catch glimpses of them during my classes with Ariel, but they never got close.

  I suspected they’d also told other Watchers to keep their distance, because no one else had tried to approach me.

  I appreciated that, because half the time, when I thought about them, I became even more infuriated than before. I didn’t know what they were playing at, trying to seem nice, but they were on my permanent shit list. Hopefully, I’d find a way to deal with them that wouldn’t make me incompatible with angel-hood.

  I shook myself and pushed back my useless thoughts. Right now, I needed to focus on Ariel, not those three pests.

  It was a good thing too, because Ariel seemed to be feeling generous. “We can start out small. I’m holding a class today, so you can join us. Even if you don’t participate, you can see how we deal with things, maybe even meet some of your fellow students.”

  “Really? You think I’m ready for that?”

  “I wouldn’t have offered otherwise.”

  I didn’t feel ready, but I hadn’t felt ready for dying or trying to become one with The Celestial Realm either. Compared to that, facing a class full of potentially hostile fallen angels was nothing.

  “All right. I look forward to it.”

  By now, Ariel had learned to not call me out on my tiny, white lies. She just arched a brow at me, as if silently saying ‘No, you don’t.’ Still, when she extended her hand toward me and I took it, her grip was warm and steady, and she didn’t judge me for my slip up into human practices.

  Her wings expanded and light erupted all around us. The process still took a lot of getting used to, and I couldn’t do this sort of thing on my own. But Ariel, just like other angels, could turn into pure currents of divine energy, which allowed her to travel anywhere in The Celestial Realm.

  It wasn’t as unnerving as it had been when I’d first arrived, but on occasion, I did feel like I was about to throw up.

  Today, she took me far away from The Halls of Truth, although I only realized that
because of how long it took us to stop. As a rule, this method of transportation was almost instantaneous, but this time, I estimated at least a minute must have passed before we materialized again. Time and space had very little meaning in The Celestial Realm, but I was learning to interpret it more accurately.

  When we finally arrived, Ariel seemed pleased. “You’re doing better with travel too. Excellent. Come. Walk with me.”

  We were in a grove of sorts, surrounded by flowers that, shockingly, were not white. In front of us, a crystalline river glittered in all the colors of the rainbow.

  It was a beautiful place, and it didn’t fit Ariel at all. Or so I thought.

  “You’re probably wondering what today’s class will be about,” Ariel said. “Before the students arrive, I’ll give you some background information.

  “My primary affinity, as an archangel, is nature. I encourage the bonding between celestial beings and nature itself. This isn’t always necessary, as most celestial beings are already attuned to such things. But Watchers are different.

  “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but for centuries, Watchers lived under a very powerful curse. Part of the reason why they’re here is because in their current state, they lack the ability to connect to what is natural for us as celestial beings.

  “But Watchers are individuals too. Some have an easier time than others, depending on their past choices, decisions, and most of all, their closeness to Lucifer.”

  A shiver ran down my spine at her words. I didn’t like where this was going. “Closeness to Lucifer?” I repeated numbly.

  Ariel nodded. “I’ll be frank with you. We’re all aware of your issues with the Brightest Star, and they are justified. They are a problem that will have to be addressed eventually. And you will do so, soon, with Archangel Zadkiel. But in the meantime, I need you to be prepared and understand the people you’ll be coexisting with. The Supreme Being decided they deserve a second chance and we can’t argue with that.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her. “Archangel Metatron seems to disagree.”

  “He doesn’t. It’s just that Sariel, Azazel, and Yeqon are particularly difficult. He mentioned the fact that they were Lucifer’s lieutenants, correct?” When I nodded, she continued, “Well, that complicates things quite a bit for us. The Brightest Star has made many mistakes, but he still has plenty of people who are loyal to him, even among the Watchers. Sariel, Azazel, and Yeqon have also had contact with the current queen of Hell, Alyssa Morningstar, formerly Michaelis. She’s considered very dangerous.”

  “Why?” Here she was again, this mysterious queen of Hell. “Why is she so important?”

  “I’m afraid I can’t go into detail about it,” Ariel replied. “But if you’re here, I believe it must be because you have as much potential as Alyssa did. You just have to remember that and not allow those three to throw you off your path.”

  “That isn’t going to happen,” I assured her.

  Ariel nodded, although I couldn’t help but feel that she was a little skeptical. I didn’t blame her for it. The truth was that I hated all the Watchers involved in my parents’ death. Sariel, Azazel, and Yeqon weren’t that special.

  As if on cue, flares of light appeared in the grove, the Watchers slowly materializing in front of us. There were so many of them. Ariel had mentioned it, yes, but it was still a little surprising.

  Sariel, Azazel, and Yeqon didn’t show up together. Azazel and Yeqon appeared first, with the bulk of the group, but Sariel was late. “Where’s your friend, Watcher Azazel?” Ariel asked.

  “Oh, you know Sariel. He always gets distracted with a new book. He’ll be here.”

  It was true. Sariel popped up last, still carrying a massive tome that looked like it was going to fall apart any moment now. I wondered what kind of books angels read here. I’d never heard anything about a library. Was there a different method to create books, something specific for celestial beings? I’d have to remember to ask.

  If Sariel and the others were surprised at my presence, they didn’t show it. Their eyes did linger on me, but it was only for a moment.

  Ariel was already moving on, seemingly unsurprised by Sariel’s behavior. “All right, Watchers. Today, we have a guest. Her name is Delilah. She will be observing you, so I expect you to be on your best behavior.”

  “Of course, Archangel Ariel,” Azazel answered. The rest of the group echoed him, some with more enthusiasm than others.

  What followed was a lesson in confusion and frustration. Ariel waved a wing, and ghostly spirits popped up in the grove. They looked like animals, but they were obviously a different kind of life form—if they even counted as alive, that is. In fact, if I wasn’t mistaken, each Watcher was assigned a different creature, all of which were extinct on Earth.

  I watched Sariel pet the head of a saber-toothed tiger and idly wondered if this was the right way to fix the problem the Watchers had. Nobody seemed to have trouble with their particular creature. Yeqon was even laughing as a ghostly raptor tried to chew on his wing. What was I missing here?

  “Keep your distance from the creatures, for now,” Ariel warned me. “They’re not exactly safe to be around.”

  I nodded, and she must have believed me, because without another word, she left, joining the fallen angels. The instructions she gave me weren’t what I would have expected.

  “Yeqon, I’ve told you a million times, these creatures aren’t your pets.”

  “Sariel, stop analyzing the tiger and bond with it.”

  “Azazel, don’t even think about flying off with that eagle.”

  “Kasdaye, what do you think you’re doing?”

  “Penemue, stop poking that bear and try connecting with it.”

  Each individual Watcher—including the ones I hadn’t met until now—was doing their own thing. They weren’t exactly disobeying her, but their disagreement was, for the most part, harmless. Ariel was not happy.

  “We are bonding with the creatures,” Sariel pointed out. “We just have our own way of doing things.”

  “And it’s not the right way. Fix it.”

  I squinted, trying to see what was bothering her so much. At first, I couldn’t distinguish anything at all. The whole scene was like a glorified, ghostly petting zoo—a sort of mimicry of Jurassic Park, The Celestial Realm version.

  But the longer I stood there, the more obvious it became that it wasn’t quite so simple. Every time the Watchers made contact with the creatures, short bursts of energy were released. The creatures were unharmed and showed no distress over it, but the power echoed into the Watchers in some strange way.

  By the time class ended, I was more confused than ever and deeply uncomfortable. I got the feeling that I’d witnessed something I shouldn’t have seen. It certainly didn’t help that, as soon as the creatures disappeared, several Watchers decided to approach me.

  “We just wanted to welcome you officially,” the one Ariel had called Kasdaye said. “Not that we don’t enjoy the presence of archangels, but it’s nice to have some variety.”

  “Is it true that you were a human?” another asked. “What did you do to end up here?”

  I decided I didn’t want to share my background with the rest of the Watchers, not when there were at least two dozens of them around. Maybe I’d tell them, eventually, but now was not the time.

  “Thank you for your welcome,” I said. “And yes, it’s true that I used to be a human. I’m here to learn how to be a guardian angel.”

  “And they dumped you here for that?” Kasdaye whistled, his eyes glinting with amusement. “Wow, that’s cold, even for archangels.”

  “I’m sure I’ll be fine,” I answered, just as coldly.

  “All right, that’s enough,” Ariel said, manifesting by our side in a rush of light and silent anger. “Go on to your next class. Professor Grim is waiting, and he doesn’t have time for your nonsense.”

  I instinctively jerked at her comment. There was only one person she could be referring
to. The Grim Reaper was at the school, and was teaching a class.

  “Can I go too?” I heard myself ask.

  Maybe I shouldn’t have done it. I wasn’t ready to face other classes, especially after what I’d seen in this one.

  But that was just it. Sometimes, I still wondered if this was all a dream, if I’d wake up and find myself on the deck of my parents’ yacht. Maybe if I spoke to the Grim Reaper again, I’d be able to process it a little better.

  Ariel frowned, not fully against it, but not completely on board either. “Hmm. I don’t see why not. It’s a theoretical class, so you should be able to handle it fine. But I’m afraid I won’t be able to take you back once the class is over. I have duties elsewhere.”

  “We can handle it, Ariel,” Azazel offered. “We’ll make sure Delilah is safe and sound. In fact, if you want, you can be on your way. We can take Delilah there ourselves.”

  I expected her to refuse. She’d made it clear that she didn’t trust Azazel, Sariel, and Yeqon. But after a small moment of hesitation, she nodded. “Very well. Remember to return her to her quarters immediately after her class.”

  “Yes, milady.” Yeqon saluted mockingly. I was beginning to think he was always like that. He simply couldn’t stop himself from provoking people.

  Azazel let out a sigh and took my hand. “You should be used to this by now,” he said, “but try to relax anyway. It’s a little tougher to go to the Reaper’s domain than to other places, even here, in The Celestial Realm.”

  I still didn’t trust him, but I’d signed up for this, and it was a little too late to turn back. And so, I held onto him, and when he enveloped me in his wings once again, I tried to not tense up.

  As it turned out, he was honest in that our ride was a little bumpier than before. For a few seconds, the currents of energy flowed smoothly, our spirits traveling naturally through The Celestial Realm. It was almost too comfortable, since it allowed me to feel Azazel’s power and individuality a little more intimately than I’d have liked. And then, we hit something that felt an awful lot like a barrier or a speed hump. We had to slow down, and for the first time since I’d arrived in The Celestial Realm, I felt alive.