by Amy Lloyd
The girl slides around the side of the pram and tries to take its brake off without shaking it too much. Iris stirs, and the girl moves very slowly, carefully trying to wriggle the pram out between the tables. But every movement brings Iris closer to consciousness and even while her eyes are still closed her face begins to twist and grimace and little grunts of unhappiness pierce the quiet.
‘You can leave her with me, if you like,’ I say.
The girl looks uncertain.
‘No need to wake her up,’ I say.
The pushchair’s wheel catches on a chair leg and Iris throws her head to one side with a groan, wrinkling her whole face up.
‘I be two minutes,’ the girl says. She rolls the pram forward and pushes down the brake. ‘Thank you. Two minutes.’
She half runs to the toilet and looks back one more time before she closes the door. I stare at the sleeping Iris, her hands clenched into fists like she’s ready to fight. Then I can’t look at her. I have to look away or I will cry. And when I look away I see two policemen, peering through the window of the café, looking right at me, and then they are coming through the door.
40
Her: Then
The next morning the policeman asks us what we want to eat but they only have horrible food and I don’t want any of it. So they just give Auntie Fay a tea in a squeaky white cup and then leave us alone again. Auntie Fay isn’t talking to me; instead she just stares at the wall and every time her fingers move on the outside of the cup it squeaks. Then the policeman comes back and he has a whole variety pack of cereal and says I can choose whatever one I want so I choose Coco Pops.
The policeman brings me some paper and some pens so I can draw while we wait for the interview to start. I draw a picture of the gap where my and mum’s house used to be and then I draw me and Sean in the middle, holding hands. I put smoke at the top of the picture and then some fire. Then the policeman comes in to get us.
Me and Auntie Fay sit on one side of the table with a man who is our solicitor and says he’s there to help us and make sure we get home. He says I don’t have to answer questions if I don’t want to and to ask him if there’s anything I don’t understand. I nod even though I am already confused and want to know what kind of questions they will ask. Is it like a test? How will I know if I say the right answer? But the man is scary, like a head teacher, and his face looks grumpy and I don’t want to make him angry.
Two policemen come in then and sit the other side except they don’t look like policemen because they’re not wearing uniforms. They ask us if we want anything to drink and I ask for cherry pop but they say they don’t have that and bring me a lemonade that isn’t fizzy any more. It makes my mouth feel wrinkly. Then they explain that they are going to record everything we say and so I need to say yes and no instead of nodding or shaking my head. They ask if I understand and I nod and one policeman laughs.
‘Say yes or no out loud, OK? If you just nod then the tape can’t record your answer. Do you understand?’
I look at the solicitor man and he tells me to say yes so I say yes.
The policeman presses a button on the tape recorder and says the time and the date like we do at the top of our exercise books in school before we start work. They ask me silly questions like how old I am and if I understand why I am there and I say yes even though I don’t know why I am here. I think it is because Sean and I snuck out last night and then Sean told them we had been to Mr Sampson’s house but I’m not sure so I don’t say any of that in case they don’t know we snuck out. The solicitor man doesn’t even seem like he’s listening, he’s just writing in a notebook; the bit of black ribbon to mark the page is stuck to his grey trousers.
‘Can you tell us again, from the beginning, what happened on the day Luke went missing?’
I look at Auntie Fay.
‘She’s told you this,’ Auntie Fay says. ‘Several times! Every time it gets more and more traumatic for her.’
‘We just want to make sure we have all the details right. You can be brave, can’t you? Can you tell us one more time?’
I nod.
‘Out loud please,’ the policeman says.
‘Yes.’
There is a little bit of quiet and the tape recorder makes a whirring noise.
‘So what happened that day?’ the policeman says.
‘When we were in the tunnel we saw Mr Sampson and he was holding Luke’s arm.’
‘Before that. Can you go back and say what happened right from when you woke up,’ the policeman says.
I look at Auntie Fay.
‘She can’t remember all that!’ Auntie Fay says. ‘I bet you couldn’t tell me what you had for breakfast a month ago. And after everything else that’s happened—’
‘Let her try,’ the policeman says. ‘Can you try and remember for us?’
‘Um. I was at home. Auntie Fay wakes me up but it wasn’t really early that day because of the summer holidays. I have cereal for breakfast almost every day. I’m not allowed to watch telly unless I’m dressed first so I got dressed and then I watched telly.’
‘Good. What happened then? Did you stay in all day?’
‘No,’ I say. I don’t know why they’re asking because they know I didn’t. ‘Then Sean called for me and asked if I wanted to go out to play.’
‘Where did you plan to go?’ they ask.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Where do you normally play?’
‘Nowhere. We just go around and then we find things to do.’
‘Like what? What kind of things do you normally do together?’
‘I don’t know,’ I say.
‘Have you ever been to the park?’
I nod.
‘Out loud, please,’ the policeman says.
‘Yes,’ I say.
‘Is there anything else you both do? How about dares? Do you ever dare each other to do things?’
I shrug. ‘Sometimes,’ I say.
‘What sort of things?’ the policeman says.
‘Why are you asking this?’ Auntie Fay says to the police. Then she asks our solicitor if this is normal and everyone argues a little bit and then the police ask me again about what dares we do.
‘Like to take something, in a shop or something,’ I say and Auntie Fay is so angry that she’s glowing and I can feel her glaring at the side of my head but I can’t look at her.
‘What about daring each other to go into people’s gardens? Have you ever done that?’
‘Um,’ I say.
‘It’s better to tell the truth,’ the policeman says.
‘Yes,’ I say.
‘Whose garden have you been in?’ they ask.
‘Um … Mr Sampson’s garden.’
‘This was bloody years ago!’ Auntie Fay says. ‘What’s that got to do with Luke Marchant?’
‘We just want to get an idea of what happened the day Luke went missing.’
‘We weren’t in Mr Sampson’s garden then,’ I say. ‘Honestly! Auntie Fay! We weren’t!’ I almost start to cry and Auntie Fay tells them off again.
‘All right, fine. So you went out with Sean and what did you do when you went out to play?’
I tell them about the playing fields and about our den we were building by the back fences. I have already told them all of this but they are pretending they can’t remember. Then we left the den because it was too hot and we wanted ice lollies and so we went back to Sean’s house and had Sun Lollies. It was hot in Sean’s flat too and we said we wished there was a swimming pool and Sean said he knew where there used to be one and that he would show me it. So we walked all the way past the big estate and to the tunnel but when we got into the tunnel we could hear crying and that’s when we saw Luke at the end of it with Mr Sampson and Luke was trying to get away from Mr Sampson but Mr Sampson kept pulling him back.
We went up and we asked Luke if he was OK and he said he wanted to go home so we tried pulling him away but Mr Sampson shouted at us and pulled him ba
ck harder. Mr Sampson had his shopping trolley with him that he always has and it was full of rubbish. It’s really hard to understand what Mr Sampson says because he doesn’t have any teeth and he talks funny but he was really mad and he pointed at us and he said he’d get us if we told anyone we saw him. That’s what we think he said. Luke asked if he was taking Luke home and Mr Sampson nodded but when they walked away they walked in the opposite direction to home, towards the place where me and Sean were going to go and see the old swimming pool. We were too scared to go there any more, and we went home. Sean went to his and I went to mine because we were scared.
‘Is that the truth?’ the policeman asks.
‘Yeah,’ I say.
‘Do you think you’ve missed anything out?’
‘No.’
The policemen sigh and look at each other. Then they carry on asking me loads of questions, like what happened when me and Sean went into Mr Sampson’s garden before and if we felt bad that we’d scared an old man or if we were mad at him because he caught us. Auntie Fay has a go at the police for asking the questions and they ask her to be quiet.
‘Have you been to Mr Sampson’s house since the time you saw the bike?’ the policeman asks.
I don’t know what to say so I don’t say anything.
‘Like we said, it’s better if you tell us the truth,’ one policeman says.
‘Sean has already told the police the truth,’ the other one says. ‘He stayed up really late last night because he wanted to tell them everything because he felt very bad about what has happened.’
‘What did he say?’ I ask.
‘We can’t tell you that, because we need you to tell us the truth first. Do you understand the difference between telling the truth and telling a lie?’
‘Yes,’ I say.
‘Is telling lies good or bad?’ the policeman says.
‘Bad,’ I say.
‘So it’s good that Sean told the truth, isn’t it?’
‘What did he say?’ I ask again.
‘He told us the truth,’ the policeman says again. ‘That’s all you need to do: tell us the truth. Let’s start with what happened last night, when you went to Sean’s house.’
I tell them about the Chinese and the hard chips and Sean’s messy floor and waiting for Sean’s dad to go to bed.
Everyone is looking at me. The solicitor man has stopped writing and Auntie Fay is ripping little pieces off the top of the cup and dropping them on the floor, which she would never do at home.
‘And what did you do when Mr Jenkins went to bed?’ the policeman asks.
‘We wanted to go out and play,’ I say. ‘So we did.’
Auntie Fay sniffs.
‘In the middle of the night?’ the policeman says. ‘Where were you going to play in the night?’
‘I don’t know,’ I say.
‘Whose idea was it to go out and play?’
‘I don’t know,’ I say again.
‘You can tell us the truth,’ the policeman says. ‘Remember, Sean has already told us the truth. Whose idea was it to go out to play?’
‘Sean’s idea,’ I say. I don’t want to tell them about the plan because then I’ll have to tell them about Luke’s thing, the thing I accidentally took.
‘Did he tell you where you were going?’ they ask.
‘Yes,’ I said.
‘Where did he say you were going to go?’
‘To Mr Sampson’s house,’ I say. Then Auntie Fay does a big cry and the police say that we will give her time to calm down. We wait while Auntie Fay has some tissues and a cup of water.
‘Did he say why you were going there?’ they ask.
‘We wanted him to be locked up,’ I say. ‘So we were going to search the house.’
‘Is that true?’ one says, like he knows it’s not.
‘Yes,’ I say. It is mostly the truth.
‘What were you searching for?’ they ask.
‘I didn’t know,’ I say.
‘Have you ever seen this before?’ one policeman says and then he gets out a clear bag like the kind Auntie Fay puts my sandwiches in and inside is the little red car. I can hear myself swallow in the quiet of the room and the policeman smiles a little bit.
‘I don’t know,’ I say.
‘It’s OK,’ the policeman says. ‘No one will be cross with you for telling the truth. That’s all we want. OK?’
‘Yes.’
‘Yes what? Have you seen this before?’
‘Yes.’
‘Where have you seen it before?’
‘It was Luke’s.’
‘How do you know it was Luke’s?’
‘Because he used to carry it everywhere with him.’
‘And was he carrying it the day that … the day you saw him in the tunnel with Mr Sampson?’
‘I think so.’
‘Did you see him carrying it?’
‘I saw it on the floor.’
‘Why was it on the floor?’
‘Because he dropped it.’
‘And when he and Mr Sampson walked away, did they leave the car on the floor?’
‘No. Yes. I don’t remember.’
‘Did Luke pick it up before he left?’
‘No.’
‘Did Mr Sampson pick it up before he left?’
‘… Yes.’
‘Did he really?’
‘Yes. I think so.’
‘Do you remember yesterday, when you did the finger painting?’
I nod.
‘Out loud, please.’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, when we do that we get what’s called a fingerprint. Do you know what that is?’
I look at the solicitor but he isn’t looking at me, he is looking at the policeman. The policeman tells us all about fingerprints. They make me look at my fingers and I can still see the black ink in the lines he is talking about. The lines are so small and it seems like they swirl all over the place and the policeman says no one has the same pattern on their fingers, not even identical twins.
‘Why?’ I ask.
The policeman goes quiet for a moment.
‘They just don’t. Like snowflakes, they are always different. It’s random.’
For a second I have to think about it. All those tiny lines. You would need a microscope to see them properly. How do you know no one has the same lines? Do you have to check everybody in the world? Snowflakes don’t look like they do in pictures. In real life they just look like white dots, like the bubbles from washing-up liquid. Do the patterns on your fingertips stay the same forever or do they change?
‘Do you understand about fingerprints?’ the policeman says.
‘Yes,’ I say. I don’t though, not really. But it doesn’t feel OK to ask.
‘So whenever we touch anything, we leave our fingerprints on there.’
‘What?’ I ask.
They explain to me how when we hold things or press a button it leaves invisible fingerprints and that scientists can put special dust on there to make them visible. Like magic pens? I ask. They don’t know what magic pens are so I tell them about the invisible pen and then the colour pens you scribble over with and it shows up. Yes, they say, like that. They say they did that on Luke’s car and did I know whose fingerprints were on the car?
‘Luke’s?’ I say.
‘Yes, and others. Who else could have their fingerprints on the car?’
‘Luke’s mum?’ I say. They say yes. ‘Luke’s dad? Liam?’
‘What about you?’ they say. ‘Have you ever touched the car?’
‘No,’ I say. I don’t know why I am lying. Or I do know: it’s because I am scared and they won’t understand what happened because it all happened by accident. I don’t remember how I picked up the car. It was just in my pocket when I got home and I was scared and I didn’t know what to do. They don’t know about how a little lie turns into a big lie and then a bigger lie until you’re lying so much you can’t remember what really happened.
&nb
sp; ‘Your fingerprints were on the car,’ the policeman says, leaning in. ‘Can you tell us how they got there?’
‘Are you telling the truth?’ Auntie Fay says to me. Her whole face is cracking and breaking apart. I don’t think she knows that tears are rolling down her cheeks. There’s almost none of the squeaky cup left now, it’s just on the floor, like snowflakes, all the pieces different sizes and shapes. ‘For God’s sake, say you’re telling the truth!’
‘We’ll have to ask you not to raise your voice, Mrs Patterson,’ the policeman says.
‘You’re not lying, are you, love? You wouldn’t lie about this, would you, sweetheart? You haven’t done anything, have you? Tell us what happened!’
‘Mrs Patterson, please. If you don’t calm down—’
‘I did touch the car,’ I say. ‘I picked it up.’
All of the air comes out of Auntie Fay at once.
‘It was all an accident,’ I say. ‘I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.’
‘Tell us what happened,’ the policeman says.
I am doing my best, I am trying to be good, but I don’t know what the truth is any more. If I knew what Sean had told them then I could tell them the same but I don’t know and what comes out isn’t right and I get so muddled I have to keep starting again. The police ask trick questions and they say they don’t believe me and I cry, and they tell me not to cry and that I need to be a big girl and tell the truth but I don’t feel like a big girl, I feel so little, like they have shrunk me, and every time they stare at me I get smaller but they won’t let me disappear.
‘Whose idea was it?’ they ask me. ‘Who started it?’
‘Sean,’ I say. ‘It was Sean’s idea!’
Auntie Fay hugs me and the policeman tells me I’m a good girl and that we can stop for now.
‘You’ll never have to see him again,’ Auntie Fay says. ‘Don’t worry. You’ll never see that boy again.’
41
Her: Now
The policemen come into the café and they look around but it’s like they don’t see me and instead they stare at the blackboard behind the counter. Baby Iris starts to wake up and makes little noises. I will her to be quiet and not to draw attention to us but she starts getting louder. I stand and grab my bag, desperate to be outside, away from them, where they can’t see me. Iris sees me getting up and it seems to upset her more and then everyone turns to look at me: both the police and the man behind the counter and I turn my back and hold the pram by the handles. I can’t leave her alone, so I pull her with me. The brake sticks and I panic; I look at the wheels and see the lever and kick it off and pull Iris towards the door.
