by Jo Walton
the slayer’s weapons on the pyre!”
But she would not weep, though her lord be dead,
till they topped the pile with Evalwen’s head.
—“The Bloodfeud of Dun Cidwel,” Isarnagan song
Urdo was sitting with Darien near the water clock.
“Here she is!” Darien said, jumping up as he caught sight of me. The bell had recently rung for a service, and I could hear chanting from inside the sanctuary.
“Were you looking for me?” I asked. I sat down beside Urdo and shivered a little. The night had grown chill. The stars looked very bright and very far away.
“Yes,” Urdo said. “Get your cloak from the stables and let us walk a little. It is too chilly to sit still for long.”
The stables were warm and comfortable. The sounds of horses moving and eating were pleasant and familiar. There was one circle of mellow golden lanternlight in a corner where someone was singing over a sick horse. I took my cloak from where it was hanging behind Brighteyes’s stall, and the three of us went out into the night. For the second time that day I found my feet taking me on the path towards Goldpate’s stone.
“Did you find Conal?” Urdo asked.
“Yes. I asked him if he would fight until first blood. It would be wrong to kill him when he was only joking.”
“I said that,” Darien said.
I looked from him to Urdo. “You said that?”
“Yes, Darien said that,” Urdo said. “Elenn said that Conal should die for the insult he had given her. Father Gerthmol said she should be merciful, even to an enemy of her house who had given her insult.”
“Where was this? And what did you say?” I asked, almost tripping over a tussock.
“It was in Father Gerthmol’s room,” Urdo said. “I said that first blood seemed to me sufficient, and Morthu said that I was very merciful indeed to so overlook an insult given to my wife before everyone.”
“I wish I could fight Morthu,” I said.
Urdo laughed, and I thought he sounded angry. “I thought she meant to ask him to fight Conal.”
“So did I,” Darien said. “I was so glad when she asked Sulien instead. I was afraid Conal would kill Morthu, and I would never have the chance to.”
“You are not to fight Morthu without my permission,” Urdo said. “You’re not ready yet.”
“Can I fight him if he attacks me first?” Darien asked. We were under the trees and I could see neither of their faces, no matter how hard I tried.
“Do you really think he will attack you?” Urdo asked.
“Yes, if he thinks he can get away with it he will kill me. He knows I hate him, and besides, I am in his way.” Darien said.
“If he attacks you, then of course you can fight back, but don’t get yourself killed,” Urdo said.
“You need to kill Morthu or send him away,” I said, abruptly. “It won’t do, he’ll keep on and on making trouble like this, until something comes of it.”
“He’s done nothing that breaks the law,” Urdo said. “Teilo questioned him about Elenn, and he neither poisoned her nor made her miscarry by sorcery. I have told her and Teilo has told her, but she won’t hear us.”
“It’s too late to wait until he kills someone, even if you don’t count Arvlid,” I said. “You must have heard the things he says that make everything worse.”
“Yes,” Urdo said. We came out into the starlight again, and I could see that he looked sad. “You are right. I can’t pass judgment on him, but I can send him away. I can send him up to Angas’s ala. That’s his home after all. I will do that.”
“And when will you give me permission to kill him?” Darien asked.
“Not until you are ready, and he has done something to deserve it, both things.” Urdo stopped, and stared out down the slope to Goldpate’s stone, a hulking shape in the darkness. “This is where I won my first victory,” he said.
He put his hand on Darien’s shoulder. “It was not much, compared with what came after, but they all followed me, Talorgen of Angas, and Custennin and Thurrig and all their people. That was the beginning of it all. Then afterward I stood outside the stables and Raul poured cold water over me to clean me after battle. The sunlight broke the drops to rainbows and somehow I knew I would not be going back to the library. All the land seemed to be rejoicing around me. I laughed, and I thought that life need never be less than that.”
He paused. “Then that night Father Gerthmol told me before everyone who I was.”
“You hadn’t known?” Darien asked.
“No, never. I thought GwairAderyn was my father because he came to see me.”
“The monks didn’t treat you differently?” Darien asked again.
“They did, but I didn’t know why. When he told me it was as if I’d been a fool not to know before.”
“I understand,” Darien said. “Life is in the moment when you are living it.”
“I have given you a sword today. If you understand that, then I know you will bear it for me in honor,” Urdo said. We all stood there a moment longer in silence, then we turned and started to walk back.
“And I can fight Conal to first blood?” I asked, after a while.
“Yes.” Urdo sighed. “But don’t tell Elenn until afterwards. When it is done proclaim the fight over before everyone, and she will accept that.”
“She won’t like it,” I said.
“No, but she will accept it graciously.”
“All right,” I said, awkward and ungracious as always.
“Isn’t that like lying to her?” Darien asked.
“In a way,” Urdo said. “But she—she thinks her honor’s been insulted. When she calms down she’ll see it’s ridiculous and that nobody could take that joke seriously. That’s a problem with having power; it’s necessary to think before using it, which is one reason why laws are such a valuable tool.”
“People do take it seriously though,” Darien said. “People are always talking about the Queen liking men.”
“People like to talk and joke about these things,” I said. “I don’t know why, but they do. They seem to want to believe everybody is secretly in love with someone.” Indeed it has always surprised me that people find this sort of thing believable. It is as if they want to believe it. Of Elenn they said that she was always talking to men, and she must therefore have been mad to meet them in bed. The truth of it was that she was a beautiful woman who liked to be told she was beautiful, and that was an end to it. Men were like a different animal in her mind. I do not think she really trusted even Urdo to be close to her, let alone all those others they linked her name with. And as for me, well, anyone would have thought I’d have said no to enough people they’d not believe I’d have said yes to others. True, for years I’d not denied that Darien was Urdo’s son, and now it was generally believed. Anyone who could count knew that Darien was born years before Urdo’s marriage, but enough of these lies stuck that everyone believed that Urdo and I had been lovers outside the law all through the time we had known each other.
“You shouldn’t believe everything you hear,” Urdo said. “It does sometimes happen that people share blankets without telling anyone, but it is a much rarer thing than gossip will make out.”
I realized I never had told Urdo about Conal and Emer. There had never been a good moment, and this still wasn’t one. It would be too awkward in front of Darien. “Has Morien spoken to you?” I asked, instead.
Urdo stopped walking. “What? I wondered why you had been fighting. Has he some lover?”
“No!” I said, very definitely. “No, nothing like that at all. It’s just that Morthu told him about, well, who killed our brother, and he was unhappy that I had settled the matter without him.”
“He hasn’t spoken to me, but when he does I will talk to him about it and make him understand,” Urdo said, and started walking again. We were almost back at Thansethan.
“Where are we to fight in the morning?” I asked.
“On
the west side of the monastery, on the flat field,” Urdo said. He did not sound happy. “There will probably be a large audience.”
Darien opened the stable gate. “I think everyone will come and watch,” he said.
We went inside. “I should get some sleep if I’m to be ready at dawn,” I said, and yawned.
Urdo smiled at me. “You take care of yourself. I don’t have any doubt of your fighting abilities, but be careful. I don’t want to lose you.”
As we came out of the stables Beris was going in. “There you are,” she said. “Gunnarsson was looking for you, but I told him to go to bed and not bother you tonight.”
“I’ll make sure to speak to him in the morning,” I said, wondering what Ulf could possibly want now.
I slept uneasily, and woke from a dream of battle to Elidir shaking me to say she had my armor and my breakfast both ready.
Darien was right. Everyone was waiting in the grey light. The flat field ran along the side of the west wall of Thansethan. The audience was lined up along the wall. Urdo and Elenn and Father Gerthmol were in the center. As I walked towards them I caught sight of Veniva with Darien and Raul. I waved. Then I saw Kerys with ap Selevan near Elenn, and wondered where Morien was. The whole ala appeared to be there, along with every monk in the place. There were almost four hundred people waiting to see me fight. I wished I had eaten less porridge. It lay in my stomach like a stone.
I bowed to Urdo, and then to Elenn. She was wearing an overdress of pale yellow, stiff with flowers embroidered in silver thread. She had her silver-and-pearl circlet on her head and anyone would have known she was a queen even if they had never seen her before. “I am here as your champion,” I said, as I straightened.
“Fight well for me, and in God’s sight,” she said. Then she took a scarf of the same cloth as her dress and tied it around my arm to show that I was her champion. Then I stepped back and saw Grugin leading out Brighteyes, armored as if for battle.
“Oh no,” I said. I turned to the other end of the field, and there was Conal on his old nag. “I’m not going to murder the man,” I said, turning to Urdo. “Has he fought on horseback before?”
“What does it matter?” Elenn asked.
“It isn’t fair,” I said. “And it doesn’t look fair.” I looked to see if Morthu was smirking in the crowd but couldn’t find him. “Somebody must lend him a greathorse.” I would have done it myself, but I only had Brighteyes and a riding horse with me.
Father Gerthmol began to say something about his herd, and Urdo had opened his mouth when Darien came running up.
“He can’t fight on that!” he burst out. “Please, Mother, lend him Brighteyes, and I will lend you Keturah!”
Veniva came up behind him at a more dignified pace. “The boy’s quite right,” she called, “It would be a disgrace for him to fight on that.”
“I agree,” I said. “Darien, go with Grugin and get Keturah ready. I’ll take Brighteyes to Conal.”
Brighteyes was rested and eager to be ridden. He couldn’t understand why I was leading him up the field instead of mounting. Conal looked as if he couldn’t understand it either.
“Greetings, Fishface!” I called, when I came near enough. The crowd had suddenly got very quiet, they wanted to hear. I saw Rigg standing by Beris, listening. I wondered briefly where Ulf was. I hadn’t caught up with him yet. “I’ve brought you a proper horse; you can’t possibly ride that beast.”
“Are you proposing an exchange?” he asked. He was wearing leather armor set with enameled plates.
“My horse will be coming soon,” I said. He dismounted and fussed with Brighteyes’ saddle for a moment. “You have ridden before?” I asked, very quietly.
“Of course,” he said. “I’ve not trained the way you have, of course.”
“We’re fighting to first blood,” I said. “Urdo has agreed. Get down as soon as you can and I’ll follow. The horses know what to do, at least, this one does. His name’s Brighteyes. Look after him.”
I walked back up the field. Darien was bringing Keturah out. She looked splendid, very like Starlight. The question of her training hadn’t occurred to me until I spoke to Conal, but I wished now I had asked for a horse of the ala. I thanked Darien gravely, tightened her girth, and mounted. Then I walked her up to the far end of the field, to make sure there was enough room.
I signaled to Urdo that I was ready. All the fuss with horses had taken a while, and the sun was up already. The rooftops of the monastery were dark against the pink sky, but it was getting lighter every moment. “This is the judicial combat to determine whether Conal the Victor meant insult to Elenn ap Allel, with Sulien ap Gwien fighting for Elenn,” he said. “Draw near and witness, all people who have an interest and all gods of earth and sky, and all gods of home and hearth and kindreds of people, and the White God, Father Creator, God Made Man and Ever-living Spirit. Strengthen the arm of the side of right and weaken that of the side of wrong and let justice be done and be seen to be done. You may begin.”
I lowered my spear and urged Keturah to a canter and then a gallop and Conal did the same with Brighteyes. I aimed my spear at his spear, and he aimed his at my neck. I felt it give a tiny glancing touch to the armor on my side as I hit it firmly just above his hand. He wavered in his balance, and the shaft of the lance sent him tumbling off Brighteyes’ back and onto the ground. I dismounted almost as swiftly and stood waiting for him to stand. I could see people catching the horses and could see Darien reassuring Keturah. I hoped someone was doing the same for poor Brighteyes, who must be very confused. Conal came to his feet and drew his sword. We were right out in the middle of the field, in front of Urdo and Elenn but not very close to them.
We exchanged a few blows. I was glad to see that unlike riding and dancing, Conal did know how to fight. “That is the shortest time anyone has ever lent me a horse,” he said.
I laughed. “Well, I thought you said you’d ridden before?”
Then he started to take the fight seriously. His face changed, and he didn’t make any more comments. I ducked under a great buffet. The fight was suddenly tremendous fun. I needn’t kill him, it was like practicing with a friend only with the lack of hesitation I usually only found in battle. We were both fighting well and easily. We both sprang back to reposition and found ourselves smiling at each other. He was very good. I’m sure he could have killed Larig even if he’d had both hands. I couldn’t get near him. He couldn’t get near me either. We kept moving and fighting. Neither of us left any opportunity for the other to get in close. I don’t think I ever fought anyone better. In battle, of course, there is usually so much else going on that even if one is unhorsed someone will generally interrupt an individual fight. Single combat is something that is sung about much more often than it actually happens. I had trained with my friends, and I had fought in all of Urdo’s great battles and innumerable skirmishes, but I never had a fight like that one with Conal Fishface. He didn’t talk at all when he was fighting. Indeed I think it is the only time I ever saw him when he wasn’t talking and making light of everything. He fought as if it was what he was made for. Somehow it was a very joyous thing, so that I could not stop smiling as each new move followed from the one before, and I countered it or attacked in turn.
We might have fought all day if I hadn’t slipped on the mud and gone forward too fast and got a slash in under his guard and cut the top of his thigh. As soon as he saw the blood he stopped, and I stopped, raising my sword.
“First blood!” I cried, loudly. “I have the victory! Elenn is avenged.” The crowd erupted in a great cheer.
“Indeed, I apologize to the Queen of Tir Tanagiri for the insult I gave her,” Conal shouted. He dropped his sword and put his hand to his wound. “Still sure you could have killed me?” he asked me, quietly. I could have laughed for his pride, but I did not.
“I have never had a worthier opponent,” I said. “But I could have spitted you then if I’d wanted to. Come on, let us go and bow bef
ore the king.”
Conal limped forward towards Urdo and Elenn. If Elenn was angry, she did not show it. She stood unsmiling.
“Again, I apologize for the insult I gave,” Conal said.
“Justice is done,” Urdo said. Elenn bowed to Conal, and Father Gerthmol, beaming, pinned his herald’s twig back on. Elenn took her scarf from my arm.
“Thank you for fighting for me,” she said. I cleaned my sword.
“You fought very well,” Veniva said.
“Oh yes, didn’t she!” said Darien. I beamed at them both.
It was at that moment that Morthu came running onto the field, looking shocked. Limping a long way behind came Ulf, with ap Theophilus beside him. Morthu ran up towards Urdo, hesitated, then came on when Urdo signaled to him to do so. The crowd fell silent again.
“Come quickly!” he said. “Ulf Gunnarsson has been fighting Morien ap Gwien of Derwen! It was a duel. Please come! He has killed him. He has knocked his skull in with his ax!”
Morthu looked shocked, but underneath I thought he was pleased. Kerys began to scream. Veniva slowly and carefully started to pull down her hair. Her face was expressionless. Darien looked shocked. Urdo took a step towards me. I just gaped at Morthu, trying to take in what he had said. He took a step back away from me. Morien must have challenged Ulf. Ulf had tried to find me to get me to stop it. It wasn’t surprising that he had killed Morien. Morien had never been any good with arms. He wouldn’t have accepted first blood. My little brother’s ridiculous pride had got him killed at last. I should have done something to stop him. I thought he’d talk to Urdo, but he was more stupid than I’d thought. Crazily, the idea danced through my head that if anyone in the ala had to kill my brother it was just as well it was Ulf: I couldn’t eat with him anyway.
It was only then that I realized what this meant. I wouldn’t be with my ala. I was Morien’s heir. I would have to leave, leave the ala, leave Urdo and Darien and all my friends. There was nobody else to do it. I would have to go. I couldn’t be Urdo’s praefecto any longer. I could cheerfully have murdered Morien myself if Ulf hadn’t been stupid enough to do it for me. I felt as if the world had gone dark. I walked off with Urdo and Veniva to see the body and hear justice done. Ulf came up to us, his face set in strong lines of desperation. Urdo spoke to him sternly, making sure that the fight had been fair and that Morien had challenged. I heard ap Theophilus confirming that it had all been so. I said nothing, what could I say? I couldn’t really blame Ulf for Morien’s idiocy. He had tried to find me to stop it. My face was wet with tears, but I stood beside Urdo as calmly as I could and listened to his judgment that Morien should not have challenged over a matter that had been justly settled, the gods strengthened the arm of justice, and Ulf bore no blame in the death. I think Urdo knew I was not weeping for my brother but because I had no desire to leave and take up the duties and responsibilities of the lordship of Derwen.
