What had I missed?
Why hadn’t she confided in me?
I pulled my lip between my teeth and bit down. The pain yanked me by the neck before I ventured deeper into that rabbit hole. I could ask myself why a hundred times and never find an answer, only more questions.
A door to the stairwell opened somewhere above me, followed by the echo of descending steps. I hurried to take one last pull at my joint, holding the smoke in my lungs even as I crushed the rest beneath my foot. Not a moment too soon, either.
The nurse that hurried by found time to wrinkle her nose and scowl at me.
I offered a sneer of my own, lifting my middle finger for good measure.
Snap judgments usually didn’t bother me. Before the split, I’d grown up smack dab in the middle of petty gossip and look at all my money posturing. A pointed glance at the colorful tattoos crawling down my arm to my fingers usually didn’t register.
Usually.
Days where the only parent who cared about me almost killed themselves were exceptions.
I flicked my nose ring as the nurse disappeared and glanced at my phone. My fingers moved automatically as I typed a text to Danika.
Me: Things are crazy. Talk soon.
I hit send and watched the message disappear before I could talk myself out of it. She was going to be mad I didn’t call, but I couldn’t deal with talking to her right now. Ratty threads and a refusal to show a single crack in front of Dad were the only things keeping me together.
And Danika’s sweet words and genuine caring could unravel me much too quickly.
Carter, I didn’t bother responding to. He’d only sent something because Danika told him shit was going down. Chances were, he was already back between the thighs of whatever random girl had caught his attention for the week.
I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes for a few minutes, focusing on nothing but my breathing. Once I stopped feeling like I was underwater, I ventured back into the hall and retraced my steps.
Dad wasn’t where I’d left him, and he’d retrieved his phone from the floor. My lips thinned as I looked around. I wasn’t sure what would be worse.
If he went to Mom’s room without me after being the one who brought me here?
Or if he was just...gone?
I approached the receptionist. She wasn’t on the phone anymore, so there was no reason for her not to see me stop in front of her. Except whatever notes she was writing must’ve been the most interesting thing in existence.
“He told you not to call me,” I said. It wasn’t a question.
Her pencil snapped on the end. She heard it. I heard it.
She kept pretending to make notes.
Screw this.
“Just give me the room number,” I said on a huff. “Before I find another way to break that stupid pencil.”
Her eyes widened. I was probably playing right into whatever tale Dad had spun to get her on his side.
He would say something like, Troubled daughter. Anger issues. Better not to let her make a scene.
She passed me a sticky note with a number on it. I took a glance, snatched it from her grip, and proceeded to ball it up. Then I followed the sound of my building rage and heavy steps to room two-oh-five.
The trail of low conversation had me drawing up short. I stuck my head around the corner and saw Dad standing outside the room, an older man in a doctor’s coat across from him.
I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but whatever it was, Dad wasn’t happy about it.
He fiddled with the clasp on his watch and huffed out a breath not entirely dissimilar to the one I gave the receptionist.
When I moved into line of sight and approached, he straightened.
The doctor gave me a stiff nod and introduced himself. I shook his hand, completely missing what was said while I stared over his shoulder. Through the glass, I could see Mom sitting up in bed.
I pushed through the door without a second thought, ignoring Dad’s hissed, “Emily,” trailing after me.
The first thing out of my mouth as I climbed into the bed with her was, “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Language!” was the response I expected.
Silence was the response I received.
She stared out the window, unblinking, hands folded neatly in her lap.
“Mom?” I tried again, leaning closer.
She didn’t move away, but her shoulders stiffened.
What the fuck is going on?
“We see this sometimes in cases like your mother’s.”
I turned to find the gray-haired doctor standing right beside the bed, close enough for his name tag to be in my face.
Lifting a brow, I gave Dr. Carmichael a look that said, back the fuck up off me, and he did. Dad hovered over the man’s shoulder, scowling.
“After an unsuccessful...attempt,” the doctor continued, “they retreat from the reality they’ve already given up on.”
“How long?” My throat burned, but my voice emerged as nothing more than a whisper. “How long will she be like this?”
I patted her arm, unable to stop myself from touching her. From assuring myself she was in the room with me. It was like petting a statue. No response.
“Hard to say, given the circumstances.”
My eyes narrowed. “What circumstances?”
He glanced at Dad instead of answering me.
I wanted to scream. The slight buzz I’d achieved wasn’t strong enough to stop the riot of pitchforks stabbing my chest.
Dad grunted. “Give us a minute, George.”
Doctor Carmichael couldn’t flee fast enough. Then it was just the two of us, waging another silent war I couldn’t help but lose.
I wasn’t like him. I had real, human emotions that couldn’t be shoved down but for so long.
A low hiss slipped from me. “If you had something to do with this, I swear to—”
“Please.” He glared. “Save your threats. Your mother was never the most stable woman to begin with.”
I got to my feet and rounded the bed as if standing between them could protect her from his callous words.
“This was bound to happen once the checks stopped coming,” he said, absently scratching at his jaw. “But I did think she would reach out before things got so bad.”
Huh?
“What checks? What things?”
Dad blinked. Tilted his head. “You don’t know.”
“Know. What?”
No one would blame me for strangling him, right? They might even give me an award.
“She’s losing the apartment.”
He could’ve punched me. I would’ve flinched less.
I glanced behind me, attempting to confirm the truth, but her vacant stare made for the world’s best poker face.
“Child support was the only thing keeping her head above water,” he continued. “Now that you’re eighteen...”
He’s no longer obligated to part with a single dime.
So why was he here paying for this hospital stint when he obviously could’ve cared less about her?
And I wasn’t under any illusions that he cared. Dad was more than living comfortably rich. No, he was wealthy. The kind that meant spending several million a week wouldn’t so much as dent his net worth.
If he knew she was going into debt, the money he routinely pissed away on expensive whiskey would’ve been enough.
“Go ahead,” I told him, folding my arms over my chest. “Make your sales pitch.”
He chuckled, the sound so inappropriate for the situation that my skin crawled.
“Straight to the point,” he said with a slight smile. The first one I’d seen all day. “You are your father’s daughter.”
“Not by choice.”
He glanced at Mom, something passing over his features I couldn’t name. “We don’t always get what we want in life.” His focus returned to me. “Consider yourself lucky, at least you have a choice in the matter. Not everyone ca
n say the same.”
“And what choice am I supposed to be making?”
Dad checked his watch again. “I return to North Carolina in the morning. Either you’re coming with me, and enrolling in BRU, or you’re staying here and going down with the ship.”
My heart stuttered and tried to stall completely. “What makes you think I would go anywhere with you? She needs me! I can’t just up and leave.”
His sigh rattled my frayed nerves. “Your mother needs professional help and therapy. Maybe not in that order. How exactly do you plan on paying for that and going to school?”
My eyes flared.
He smiled.
“That’s right,” Dad said. “I knew you would put things together quickly. Either you come with me or the cash flow dries up.”
I stared at the monster across from me, wondering how I’d ever thought he was human in the first place.
“You’re blackmailing me,” I whispered. “Right now?”
He shrugged. “If I didn’t, you would say no just in the interest of being stubborn.” I hated that he was right. “Think about it, Emily. People would kill for the position you’ve been offered. BRU is a stepping stone to getting whatever you might want out of life. A golden ticket straight out of this empty, little town.”
I tipped my chin up. “Maybe this is enough for me, and you should wipe your ass with that golden ticket instead.”
Not the best bluff I’d ever attempted.
I wanted more than this.
I craved more than this.
When their marriage blew up in my face, I’d sworn to myself that I wouldn’t be put in that position ever again.
No one would ever run a bulldozer over the foundation of my life while I stood there and took it.
The bakery was my key to making that dream come true. A place that would be all mine. Would I ever get a better chance than this?
Even as I thought about it, I knew the answer.
How long would it take for Mom and I to get back on our feet after this?
How many years would I spend hovering over her shoulder, making sure she didn’t pull something like this again?
What would be left of me by the end?
Nothing.
I didn’t have the heart to find out if that answer came from the selfish devil on my shoulder—the one jumping and clapping for joy at the prospect of being away from Mom’s constant chaos.
I would have a chance to just...be me for a while.
All I had to do was sell my soul.
“Can I think about it?” I asked softly, hating how loud my voice still sounded.
At any moment, I expected Mom to snap out of it and throw a fit of epic proportions. Except it never happened.
“Go. Think.” He nodded to the door and sat down. “I’ll stay with her. But I’m back on the road first thing in the morning. With or without you.”
You can’t just leave her here, my conscience screamed.
I slapped duct tape over its mouth on my way out the door. I picked a direction and started walking, not certain where I was headed. Going home seemed out of the question. So did going to Danika’s.
And since I didn’t have any other options, it looked like I was going to walk around until my legs couldn’t take it anymore or I convinced myself I wasn’t the worst daughter on Earth.
Maybe it’s time to invest in a wheelchair.
4
Ambrose
Penance.
It might sound strange, but that was the reason I stood in the woods, shrouded in midnight like a specter sent to haunt the living.
That was the reason I’d been listening to the broken sobs of the man in front of me for the last hour. Sobs that hadn’t stopped from the moment I dragged his ass out of bed in the middle of the night and brought him here.
The full moon illuminated the middle of the clearing, highlighting Kelvin Monahan’s pajama-wearing form. With his hands bound behind his back and a hood over his head, he resembled an offering for a dark god. One that was right at home in the shadows, felt but never seen. Not until the deals were made and it came time to collect.
For the record, yes, I was talking about myself.
The dark and the shadows and the secrets were such an ingrained part of my life, I could hardly remember what came before them.
This was my calling and my purpose. Everything else was irrelevant. Besides, those old memories wouldn’t change the truth.
I deserved this, and the debt I owed couldn’t be paid back with the endless amount of funding that came attached to the LaCroix name. My family’s multi-billion-dollar empire could never put a scratch in the price I needed to pay.
But this?
Kidnapping one of my college professors before Freshman year even started? It was a step in the right direction. A thimble of white-out on a ledger stained so black I’d long since stopped trying to find my soul in all the muck.
Good fucking riddance.
“Please.” Kelvin’s voice was hoarse from the pointless screaming he’d done earlier. “I don’t know what this is about. I just want to go home.”
I let his words lapse into silence before cracking my knuckles. He flinched, glancing around. At least he didn’t fall over this time.
Watching a grown man thrash in the dirt, unable to get himself upright, was too pathetic to be amusing.
I patted the bundle in my back pocket, debating on whether or not I should go ahead and get this over with.
They were late.
I had places to be, sooner rather than later. Mom would be expecting an update soon. If I didn’t tell her I was on the road, there was going to be hell to pay.
Obeying orders and I didn’t get along. Defiance was in my blood. But being a fool didn’t fit my tall, dark, and handsome profile any better.
Being on the wrong side of Madeline LaCroix? A fool’s errand if there ever was one. I should know. I’d been there and I had no intention of going back if I could help it.
A branch cracked and my head lifted. Across the clearing, shadows resolved into shapes that split apart until three of the five people in this world I trusted came to a stop surrounding the man between us.
“You’re all late,” I said, staying right where I was in the shadows.
“I thought we were doing this tomorrow,” Chrom said on the tail-end of a yawn, raking a shovel-sized hand through his messy, blonde hair. “You know tryouts are kicking my ass.”
Baron pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and the lenses flashed with moonlight. “Your spot on the team has been guaranteed since you were in diapers. They saved you a captain’s locker while we were in high school.”
My captive huddled deeper into himself as their voices registered. If there’d been any doubt about who he was dealing with, it was fading quickly.
The click of a lighter drew my attention to Erik. He took a deep drag of the blunt between his fingers, making the cherry tip glow. Stepping closer to the professor, he blew a pungent stream of smoke directly into the mask that had the other man recoiling in a fit of coughing.
Erik chuckled and stood, returning to his spot without a care in the world. “Give the lughead a break,” he said. “All that energy has to go somewhere since his mellow button is nowhere to be seen.”
Chrom rolled his eyes at our flame-haired counterpart. “Fuck you. Some of us need to use our lungs for more than fucking everything with a pulse.”
“Somebody’s gotta give the people what they want.” Erik spread his arms, wearing a crooked grin. “Might as well be me.”
“Enough,” I whispered into the night, letting my order wash away the mirth on their faces until features cut from stone stared back at me.
Something that might’ve been regret—if I was still capable of that emotion—squeezed my chest while I observed my brothers in everything but blood.
Chrom Salvatore, the immovable wall covering a heart of gold.
Baron Churchill, the smartest guy in any room and unafraid
to show it.
Erik Brennan, our very own silver-tongued playboy.
They were all so much more than that. Chrom and Baron, I’d known since we were kids. Erik had come later, fitting himself to our group like he’d always been a part of it. Once upon a time, we were free.
Free to do what we wanted, when we wanted, to whomever we wanted. In a lot of ways, that remained true. At least on the outside. To people who couldn’t see the shackles around us, courtesy of our last names.
Every day, we settled deeper into our roles.
Every day, we lost another piece of ourselves.
And I couldn’t stop the process because of my own fuck ups. I had to atone for my sins. Pay an insurmountable debt.
Becoming who I needed to be to accomplish that was all that mattered.
It had to be.
“Let’s get this over with,” I said softly, rolling my shoulders like I could ease a burden that was only in my mind. And soul. And heart.
Fuck my life.
“Finally.” Erik took another pull from his joint before crushing it underfoot. Smoke billowed from his nostrils in a steady stream as he moved closer to our prey and yanked the hood off.
The professor kept his eyes clenched shut as he brought his knees to his chest and rocked back and forth.
Revulsion curled my lips. Pretending the monsters didn’t exist wouldn’t keep them from tearing you to pieces. It just made you an easy target.
Chrom stepped forward, fist balled, and I held up a hand. I couldn’t stop the descent that had started the day we were born, but I could slow it down. At least for them.
My own parachute gave out years ago.
There wasn’t anything left for me but the fall.
“You know why you’re here.” I crouched, gripping a fistful of Kelvin’s hair until panicked eyes sprang open. “You had to know we would find out.”
I paused, letting the silence gnaw at his nerves until his gaze darted. Whatever he was looking for—mercy, forgiveness, escape—he wouldn’t find it.
I let him go, and the false freedom brought his attention back to me. Hope gleamed behind wet lashes. I shook my head slowly, and felt nothing as that hope caught flames and burned to cinders.
Defiant Prince: An Enemies-to-Lovers Romance (Black Rose University Book 1) Page 3
