“Not at all.” The music swelled, and I found myself watching Alice’s expression as she kept her eyes closed, her lips parted, and just seemed to feel the music deep within her. “I think you’re intensely emotional. And I think you’re afraid of feeling that much emotion.”
I sighed. “I suppose I’m frustrating to deal with.”
“Sweetheart, the only thing frustrating about you is the fact that my greasy cousin is attached to you, and I can’t exactly fault you for that.”
“You don’t have a problem with me?”
She opened her eyes finally, looked up into mine. “Now, why would you think that I do?”
I looked down. “I don’t know. I figured you would.”
“Because I seem like the kind of person to have problems with people?”
“No.” I swallowed. “Because I have a problem with me, I guess.”
“Lisette,” she sighed. “Let’s talk about this later. Upstairs, okay? But for the record, I don’t have a problem.”
I nodded weakly, and we went back to the dance, uneventful from there on. We pulled down the mistletoe, rounded up the kids and headed out for playtime with them, the boys joining from the other studio.
We put on Rudolph today, the kids all taking their seats and turning the living room into a theater around the fifty-inch TV. Alice and I sat in the back, half to watch over them all, and half so no one was watching over us sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, a blanket pulled over the both of us, our hands linked underneath it. I think we spent more time looking at each other than the movie—which was fine, since I’d seen it about fifty times, none of them by my own volition.
We’d made a code, me and Alice, for when we could hold hands somewhere secret—every time we squeezed one another’s fingertips, it was code for a secret kiss. And we spent so much time during the movie looking at each other squeezing fingertips, we were just about metaphorically making out on the sofa, Alice giggling and blushing. Of course, her giggling and blushing just made me want to kiss her more.
By the time the movie was over, I was barely able to get away from the kids fast enough, skipping whatever Gina had planned next and dragging Alice upstairs. I shoved her into our room, kicked the door shut behind me, and pulled Alice into a fierce kiss, the kind that left me breathless and ended with her gasping for breath.
“You were saying?” I whispered, laying my forehead against hers, taking in the sight of her big, beautiful brown eyes.
“I-I don’t think I was saying anything, unless you count oh god Lisette yes but that was in my head.”
I laughed, soft and breathless. “I mean, in the studio. You said you’d continue here. Why else would I have brought you up to the room? You think I’d just bring you here to make out with you or something?”
“Oh, jeez, Lisette, perish the thought. A couple of good Christian girls like us?” She gave me a mock-scolding look. “I would never.”
“We were raised better than things like that, weren’t we?” I said, reaching down and sneaking my hand up her dress. She giggled.
“Oh, god, Lisette. It’s the middle of the day, they’re going to expect us for supper—”
“I’m expecting you for supper.”
“R-Rhys and Rose are going to want to sing together—”
“After supper. I think I can have you pretty quickly.”
She flushed hotter as I moved my hand higher. “You are so diabolical.”
I kissed her neck. “I’ve gone days without having you. Let’s just…”
I ran my hand up the inside of her skirt, hiking it up to her waist, and massaged her through her panties. She fell into me, muffling a groan into my shoulder, and I was glad I maintained the presence of mind to lock the door behind me with my hand that wasn’t occupied in important places.
I pushed her up against the wall, moved her panties aside, ran my fingers along her bare skin. She shuddered, rolled her head back against the wall, and I kissed her as I slipped my fingers through her folds.
“Hey,” I whispered, running my thumb up to her clit. I loved the way she gasped. “What do you like about me?”
“What do I—what?” she gasped, her breath thin, her voice barely there.
“I love how you’re always so enthusiastic and passionate… the way you wear your heart on your sleeve.” I slipped my finger slowly inside her, practically effortless with how wet she was already. She groaned, moving her hips with me. “I think that’s beautiful. What about you?”
“You’re really going to—to ask me this kind of thing while your finger is inside me.”
“My finger?” I fake-gasped. “You really think I, a good Christian girl, would do something like that with you?”
“I mean, judging by the—the finger that is inside me right now, yes—”
I kept moving my finger inside her, slowly, slowly—not enough to drive her to the edge, just enough to keep her riled up. “I’m still waiting for an answer.”
“Oh my god,” she laughed weakly. “Well. You’re really dedicated to…” She squeezed her eyes shut and groaned. “To the things you love… you always see the best in people…”
“Oh, yeah?” I kissed her neck and she threw her arms around me, squeezing me tight.
“Dammit, stop teasing me,” she gasped.
I laughed breathlessly into her ear. “God, you’re so sexy I can’t stand it. Fine. But only because you said something so nice.”
I adjusted my angle, crooked my finger, angled my way to her weakest spot, and she pressed her face into my shoulder to muffle the incredible sounds she was making, the sounds I so desperately wished I could hear at full volume. When I moved faster, moved harder, she bucked her hips, squeezed me harder, and started gasping my name just under her breath. I took every one as my invitation to send her further, further, until I pushed her over the edge.
Her whole body tightened and she pressed up against me, a cry dying in her throat as she shuddered four separate times, her hips rocking violently before she settled, falling weakly against me.
“That’s another thing I like about you,” I whispered. “You have the cutest orgasms.”
“Oh my god you’re the worst,” she laughed, struggling in words between gasps. “And the best. Shit. Let me sit down, I can’t—”
I let her sit down. I’d given her enough of a hard time already.
Chapter 15
Alice
It was a major struggle to have a serious conversation with Lisette. I’d been fully intending to talk through her feelings when she shoved me into the room and kissed me so fiercely it left me reeling. How was I supposed to focus on anything after that? I mean, apparently I wasn’t, because then she shoved me into the wall and gave me the hardest time climaxing quietly of my life.
“So,” I said, once I’d finally caught my breath—once my panties were back in their rightful place, once my gown was back down over my legs where it went, but I hadn’t managed to take my eyes off Lisette’s thighs. I’d have to settle. “We were saying. In the studio.”
“Oh, now you’re the one who wants to bring us back there?” she laughed, pressing her hands down on the bed. As if she hadn’t just been knuckle-deep in me. I tried not to stare at her finger.
“Yes, because it’s important to you,” I said, flushing. “You have a problem with yourself. Is what you said.”
She shrugged. “I mean… I never thought I was great girlfriend material. I never ended up making it far before I lost interest in a girl.”
“And… what, you’re afraid you’re going to toss me aside the same way?”
Her eyes went wide. “I—I couldn’t. No. I—you’re special. I don’t know what it is about you.”
“Have you been in love before?”
Lisette looked away, staring at the wall. “No… have you?”
“Once. Got my heart broken pretty badly. I’m always the one getting dumped,” I laughed. “God, it hurt. But it was a while ago now.”
“I’m sorry
.”
“Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.”
She shot me a lopsided smile. “You’ve been studying your Tennyson?”
“Hardly. That’s literally the only line I know. And only because it’s the one everyone knows. So, if you aren’t going to dump me like you have with all the other girls, why are you afraid?”
She sighed, looking down at her legs. “I… don’t know. I just feel like I’m going to do something wrong. The side effect of never having been really interested is, well, I mean… I’ve never been hurt in love before.”
“And you think I’m going to hurt you?”
“No. Just…” She didn’t say anything for the longest time, and finally, she sighed an incredibly long sigh. “Maybe. On some subconscious level, yes, I think I’m afraid you’ll hurt me, because I’ve never… felt this way about anyone before and I’ve never been this vulnerable before.”
I put a hand on her arm, running softly up and down the sleeve of her dress. “You’ve always tried not to be vulnerable, haven’t you? You seem like you were conditioned from a young age never to look like you had a problem or needed help.”
“That’s not…”
I waited to hear what it wasn’t, but apparently it wasn’t nothing. “How many people do you think you can be vulnerable with?”
She blew out through her lips. “Zero? One-half? I’m learning to be with you, but every part of me is resisting it.”
“I love your honesty. I can tell it’s hard for you.”
She winced. “God, it’s hard. You don’t know how much I’m second-guessing everything I’m saying. I keep feeling like you’re going to realize you deserve better than me and go find some other girl.”
“I’m not leaving you.” I pulled her into an embrace, lay my head on her arm. “I’ve never… felt like this either. I trust you, you know? You’re telling me you’re always dumping girls and I’m always getting dumped, this seems like a dangerous combination. But I really, really like you. I want to take this risk.”
She laughed. “We’re such a weird couple. You’re so upfront with your emotions, I’m pompous and stuck-up—”
“You are not. Quit it. You’re just learning to share your honest feelings. We all are. I am, too, you know? A lot of the time, I’m just forcing out fun, upbeat energy because I don’t want anyone to know I’m tired or sad or upset.”
She squeezed my hand. “But you’ll tell me if you are?”
I looked away. “I’ve been keeping my feelings away from you, too, if I’m being honest. I figured you liked that upbeat, silly girl and I didn’t want to do anything to take her away from you.”
“Oh, thank god.”
I turned on her. “Wait, what? Did you not like the upbeat, silly girl?”
“I thought she was wonderful,” Lisette laughed, hugging me from the side and nipping my ear. “And I also thought I was the only one who couldn’t handle being vulnerable. It doesn’t feel good to think you’re the only one with problems in a relationship.”
“Hardly. Look, I barely know what I’m doing in life, okay? Back in university I was spending my weekends alternating between eating pizza and crying. Over homework I wasn’t doing. Just, you know, thinking about.”
“Mm.” She trailed her lips down to my jawline. “Well, from now on, your weekends will have a lot more me. If you don’t mind.”
I giggled at the feeling of her lips along my face. “I don’t mind, but I know no homework is getting done. Not that it was already.”
“Guess it’s settled.” She reached a hand down and brushed my thigh, and somehow I summoned the willpower to push it away.
“C’mon, supper’s going to end soon and we’re going to have to think of an excuse why we weren’t there.”
She licked her lips. “I’m having supper. She’s delicious.”
“Lisette,” I said with my best scolding-mommy tone. She didn’t take the cue, just leaned in and kissed me instead, and god I had no willpower to fight that. I went down on my back on the bed, Lisette climbing on top of me, and I lost myself in her.
∞∞∞
The next few days were colder than usual. A cold front whipped past, sending the temperatures so low we canceled plans to go out and spent a lot more time huddled around the fire, drinking hot cocoa and roasting marshmallows at the fireplace, Lisette sneaking bites of mine before I could get to it.
Seth at least avoided us. He was always watching from afar, but apparently the drink incident had sent him a clear enough signal. He stopped approaching Lisette, and I didn’t feel the urge to crack skulls, and you know? It worked out pretty well.
Honestly, I didn’t mind the cold front. All my time inside was spent either tangled with Lisette, maybe with her and the kids, and sometimes Henry helped babysit too. It was seriously a relief to have a truce with Henry, especially given I’d wanted to like him, and now that we had dirt on one another’s secret girlfriends, we were bonded in a special way.
After the cold front passed, getting late in the month now, Lisette took me back to the lake where we’d had our first kiss, and this time, we crept out carefully onto the ice, linking hands and stepping out to freedom. This time, we twirled around one another, flying free, and even though I fell on my butt more than once, I felt like it was just where I belonged—out here under the endless sky, by the light of a million stars, Lisette’s hands in mine.
It was then, looking up at the sparkling light in Lisette’s eyes, that I wondered how long I’d have to wait to say I love you. Two weeks was too early. I didn’t suppose the whole thing about having a crush on her from ten years ago counted—I might have wished it did, but—
It was bizarre, the way I felt about her. It wasn’t a matter of asking whether I did love her or not. I’d been in love before. I knew the feeling. If anything, what I felt for Lisette was realer than that. But I didn’t want to scare her, when I knew commitment to relationships wasn’t her strength.
But it didn’t matter. I’d stay with her for a year without telling her if that was what it took. Because she was important to me.
“You’re staring at me,” she laughed after we’d been skating a good while.
“Can you blame me? You’re beautiful.”
“Yeah, well, so are you, you don’t see me staring at you.”
I squinted. “Yeah, only all the time. But sure, keep talking.”
She laughed, skated over to my side. “Let’s take a picture. My friends back at uni want to see the girl I keep freaking out about.”
“You’ve been freaking out about me?”
She shook her head. “I’ve been notorious, you know. I’d go on first dates with just about every available woman, and never had a reaction. When I told them I found my dream girl—”
“Your dream girl? Really?” I tried to laugh it off, pretend my heart wasn’t soaring away hearing her say it.
“I mean it. I know exactly what I want in a person. I’ve seen everything and I’m not taken by little romantic fancies anymore. I—you’re real.”
Her cheeks were cherry-red. I told myself it was probably just the cold. Same for mine. “I haven’t kept up with my friends since going on break,” I admitted. “I mean, I barely have any anyway. Too much trying to work hard, sleep hard. People don’t like when you don’t talk to them.” Suddenly, I laughed. “I can’t wait to tell my roommate about you, though. Last I saw her, I told her how awful this was going to be and asked her to gut me with a table knife and make it look like an accident.”
She frowned at me. “That’s gruesome.”
“Yeah, well, I thought I’d be closed up with a bunch of people praying for me to find a virile husband,” I laughed. “I didn’t think I’d find, well… my dream girl. She’s going to think I came onto you stupid hard or something.”
“If you had straight-up come onto me, I think I would have fainted.” She fumbled with her phone. “C’mon. This is a perfect scenery. You look incredible.”
I leaned up against her for the picture, holding onto her for support. She took a couple pictures of us side-by-side, and then I snuck a kiss on her cheek for one of the pictures.
I was expecting her to laugh me off, but she pulled me into a deep kiss and had the cheek to snap a picture of that, too. When she pulled away, she left me breathless and laughing.
“Are you going to show your friends a picture of you making out with your dream girl?”
She licked her lips. “I don’t know if that quite ascended to making out, but I can do that.”
“Oh, spare my soul. I’ll end up needing a hotel room again if we go there.”
“I think I can afford that.” She ran a hand through my hair, bit her lip, and I pushed away.
“Don’t go tempting me like this, woman. You know how much they charge this time of year. We can do it quietly like good Christian girls.”
She trailed her hand along my arm, giving me a dreamy sigh. “Fine. I’ll be a good Christian girl. And try my best to pump out babies with you.”
I stuck out my tongue. “As much as I love the kids, I’m not ready to be a mommy with you, dear. Let’s get back to the car before I catch a cold.”
She pulled me into a quick kiss before leading me back, back to the grass. We slipped off our skates and back into our shoes, and made our way up to the car, but I stopped at the sight of a figure, silhouetted against the side of the car.
Shit. My stomach plummeted.
Lisette didn’t notice him right away. She kept walking, saying something I couldn’t hear, and then when he stirred, she looked up and froze.
There was Seth, leaning against Lisette’s car. He grinned.
Chapter 16
Lisette
My blood ran cold as the sight of Alice’s greasy cousin, wiping his back against my goddamn car.
“You know,” he said, “I think Roger would be pretty upset if he found out about this. Or he doesn’t exist, does he?”
Alice looked up at me, panic in her eyes. “Roger? Who’s—”
“Oh, so she doesn’t know him. How strange. Guess she forgot.” Seth pushed away from the car. “Strange she’d forget something so important to you, given what good friends you are.”
The Christmas Ball Page 11
