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shook his head. "Out of everybody at the school, I thought you would be the last person to stoop so low."
He slammed his locker shut and started to walk away. He paused and turned to me, "You know what I've been doing every morning for the last few weeks? I drive to school
wondering which Penny I'm going to see at my locker today. Will it be the sweet, warm, and funny Penny or the cold and distant Penny? I practically hold my breath to see how you're going to react to me and then try to figure out what I did to deserve your behavior. That's why I didn't talk to you for those couple of weeks. I was hurt."
I stared at him. I couldn't deny what he was saying. I knew that I'd been erratic around him, and I couldn't tell him the real reason why.
He shook his head. "I just never know where I stand with you." He began to walk away.
"Wait." I ran to get in front of him. "I know what I said is unforgivable -- I really am so sorry. So much has happened the last couple months and, yes, I've taken some stuff out on you."
"Why?" He looked at me intensely.
"I..." I reached in my bag. "I...I wanted to give you this."
I held out my hand and gave Ryan the only thing I could think of to let him know how I really felt.
He reached out and examined the CD case. He opened it up and his expression changed as his finger traced the songs. "You made me this?" He looked up at me,
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"Yes."
He studied the inside and read the inscription aloud. "From me to you . . ."
"It's from one of the songs -- this one." I took the case and pointed out one of the tracks. I didn't dare write the entire lyrics out -- it would just say too much. He'd have to listen to it to understand everything.
He kept studying the case.
"I know it seems silly, but it's the only thing I could think of." I started to feel the desperation in my voice and the tears starting to form. Everything in my life, except the Club, seemed to be crashing around me -- the stares from the guys at school, Todd, yelling at me, Principal Braddock being on my case -- I just couldn't handle it if Ryan hated me, too.
Ryan heard my voice crack and looked up again. "I love it. Thank you."
"It's just a stupid CD." I walked over to the wall, trying to control the tears that had now started trickling down my face. What was I thinking? That a Beatles mix would make everything better? If only he knew what these songs meant to me. This wasn't just a mix CD, it was my heart and soul. I was giving it to him, I was letting him in. I just wished he could see that.
Ryan walked over and leaned in, knowing that in doing so he was blocking my tears from the flood of students now entering the hall. His closeness gave me a sense of comfort rather than unease.
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"Penny, this means so much, coming from you. Please don't be upset." He placed his hand around my neck and leaned in farther so his chin was resting on my forehead.
"I'm sorry, I'm just..." I tried to calm myself down. "It's been a long few weeks."
He held on. "Yes, it has."
More tears ran down my face. I tried to compose myself as the hallways filled. "Great. All I need is more rumors about me. I'm getting so sick of people talking behind my back, and I'm sure this will just give them more fodder."
He bent down and wiped my tears away with his hand. I looked into his blue eyes and wished all the obstacles would just go away.
"You know, you being nice and all isn't helping," I said to him.
Ryan stared at me intensely for a few seconds before a smile crept over his face.
"Okay, stop your blubbering, woman. You're being a big tear whore."
"What?" I screamed in surprise. I couldn't help but laugh. "What the hell was that?"
He shrugged. "Well, you needed a good laugh."
"Yeah, but 'tear whore'?"
"I was under pressure -- it was all I could think of."
He leaned in one last time to wipe the tears from my face. He smiled warmly at me. "All better?"
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As I nodded, something caught my eye in the hallway. I saw Tracy staring at us with her mouth open. She walked away quickly when she knew she'd been spotted.
"Look, we've got two weeks left before break. Let's make a pact to not let anything get in the way of our .. . friendship again!' he said to me.
I smiled at him. "that would be great."
Crap
"All right, let's get back to our lockers before we're late for first period." He put his arm around me and led me to my locker. A wave of relief started to come over me as I grabbed my books. . I had completely forgotten that my first class was Spanish with Todd,. Crap.
Or, more appropriately, caca.
there was no way I was going to pass Spanish. I kept copying everything Senora Coles was writing on the blackboard, but I couldn't concentrate. Todd, came in a few minutes late to class with a pass, and I was too scared to look over at him.
"All right, just a reminder that your final is next Thursday. that's it for today. Now it's time for your conversations. En Espanol, por favor" Senora Coles said to the class as she walked to her desk in the back of the room.
I turned around to face Todd, and found him staring at my wrist. I wore a long-sleeved sweater to cover up the bruise, but you could still see some of the brown and blue. I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't think of what to say.
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Todd, said something, but his voice was so low, I couldn't hear him.
"Que? I asked.
Todd, looked over at me. "Lo siento, Margarita, Lo siento."
He looked exhausted. Before I could say anything, the bell rang. I started to collect my books. When I walked out of the class Todd, was waiting for me.
"I really meant it, Penny. I'm sorry." His face was red, and he was slouching up against the lockers right outside of class.
"thanks, Todd,."
He gave me a weak smile before he headed to his next class. Todd, just didn't seem like Todd, unless he was making a joke or goofing around. I felt a little sad -- how much else could possibly change? I could hardly keep up as it was.
By lunch the entire school knew that not only had Todd, gotten drunk on Saturday night, but his parents had caught him, and this morning they'd met with Principal Braddock, who'd had no choice but to suspend Todd, from the basketball team for three games.
Now I understood why Todd, was so upset. Even though it was his own fault,
"So . . ." Jen said as Morgan sat down, "Where did you and Tyson run off to after the party?"
Morgan blushed.
"Nice!" Jen laughed. "I see it was a successful evening all around."
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"Oh, leave her alone," Diane said.
"Actually, this is sort of what I wanted to talk about," Tracy said.
Morgan looked horrified.
"No," Tracy shook her head. "I meant about the Club." She started to hand everybody a sheet of paper.
My heart jumped when it got to me. I was a little hurt that this was the first I was seeing of it. I knew we talked about it, but still. . .
The New and Improved Rules of. The Lonely Hearts Club
Heretofore are thy official rules for members of "the Lonely Hearts Club." All members must agree to such terms or thy membership shall be struck from thy record.
Members are allowed to date, but must never, ever forget that their friends come first and foremost.
Members are not allowed to date jerks, tools, liars, scum of the earth, or basically anybody who doesn't treat them well.
Members are required to attend all Club meetings on Saturday nights. No member shall wuss out on attending due to a date with a boy. Exceptions are still for family emergencies and bad hair days only,
Members will attend all couple events together as a group, including, but not limited to, Homecoming, Prom, parties, and other couply events. Members may choose to bring a boy with them, but said male attends event at his own risk.
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Members must first and foremost be supportive of their friends, no matter what choices they make. What matters most is for us to stick together.
And most of all, under no circumstances, shall anybody take what is said in the Club and use it against someone, You all know what I'm referring to.
Violators of the rules are subject to membership disqualification, public humiliation, vicious rumors, and possible beheading.
As people started reading, there was a lot of head nodding and verbal support for the new rules. I looked over and saw that Tracy was waiting for a reaction from me. "What do you say, boss lady?"
"Let's make this a group vote. All in favor of the new rules;"
All the hands at the table shot up.
"Thank God!" Tracy exclaimed. "Michelle, can you please start dating my brother again so he'll talk to me?"
Michelle started to blush.
"Here, invite him to the party." Amy started passing out envelopes. "There is one for each of you, but feel free to bring a guest. Even male ones." She winked at Morgan.
Amy handed me mine, which had "Penny Lane, Fearless Leader" written neatly on the front. She was throwing a big holiday party for the Club after our final exams.
We all started talking about the party, and I looked over at Tracy again. She hadn't mentioned a word to me about what
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she'd seen between me and Ryan. And I didn't feel like bringing any more drama into my life. I just needed to survive my finals.
"Hey, Teresa," I yelled across the table. "You took Spanish three last year, right?"
"Si," Teresa responded.
A lightbulb went off in my head.
"Hey, guys." I stood up and everybody stopped talking. "Maybe we should use the next couple meetings to do study groups for finals." I heard some groans. "I know, I know, but think for a second. We can all help one another with our finals, especially members who have been in classes the year before."
I wanted to get even better grades this semester, just to prove Principal Braddock wrong. And, of course, I wanted everybody in the Club to ace their exams. When Jen had gone to the office that morning to give Braddock the money, he'd just grunted while he counted the bills.
Could anything make that man happy?
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chapter Thirty-six
IT WAS WEIRD, BECAUSE EVEN though I was a believer in Club secrecy, I wanted someone to let Ryan know the new rules. And at the same time, I still wasn't sure I was ready to date again, to take the risk that it wouldn't work out. it was so unfair: the more I liked Ryan, the more I knew he could break my heart.
I decided a study session was a safe non-date. So I invited Ryan over to review World History, He seemed a little surprised by the invitation, but didn't hesitate to say yes.
"So exactly how do you know all this inside information?" Ryan asked me, as we went over notes in my basement,
"Oh, I've got my resources." I took out a map of Nazioccupied Europe during World War it.
During Saturday's meeting, I'd found out that Ms. Barnes had asked a lot about World War it last year, I knew teachers didn't use the same exams, but it was good to get the scoop on what they had done before.
Plus, I didn't consider it cheating, as we weren't given any answers, just information on what happened the past year. I took anything I could get.
"Oh, hello, Ryan," Mom said, coming downstairs. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"
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Ryan looked at me and I shrugged. "That would be great. Thanks, Mrs. Bloom."
Mom looked at both of us with a big smile on her face. It wasn't like we were up to anything -- there were textbooks spread across the floor, and Ryan and I were at least a few feet apart. I kept looking at her, waiting for her to say something, but she was just staring at us.
"Mom .. !'
"Oh, sorry!' She headed back upstairs.
Could that woman, for once in her life, just try, try to not embarrass me?
Although I was pretty impressed with myself, both Ryan and I had been able to be friends for nearly two weeks without any drama. That seemed to be our agreement. I did sometimes think about him in non-appropriate friend ways, but I was only human.
"Any big plans during the break?" Ryan got up and stretched. I looked at the clock, surprised that we had been studying for two hours straight.
"Wedding dress shopping." I unfolded my legs and tried to get feeling back in my left foot.
"So who's the lucky guy?" He winked at me.
I rolled my eyes. "Not for me, for Lucy. She's coming home for Christmas and she, Rita, and I are going to look for bridesmaid dresses." Rita had made it very clear to Lucy that we needed to be involved because she refused to look "like a pink taffeta nightmare."
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I lay down on the floor and stared up at the ceiling. "I cannot watt for them both to be home. I just wish finals were over already!'
"Just one more day," he reminded me as he sat back down. "Hey, I'm really looking forward to Amy's party tomorrow night,"
I jerked my head up so fast that I felt a little faint. "What? You're going?"
Ryan's eyes widened. "Yes, is that a bad thing?"
"No, no, I just didn't know that Amy invited you."
He shook his head. "Well, I obviously wasn't going to get an invitation from you." He threw his folder at me.
"Oh, sorry . . ," Why hadn't I invited Ryan?
"But Amy wasn't the one who invited me."
Of course, Diane. How stupid of me to have thought that she wouldn't have invited him.
"Tracy asked me out."
Tracy? My Tracy?
Asked him out?
I tried to comprehend that not only had Tracy invited Ryan to the party, but that she hadn't told me. She usually told me everything.
I was the one who kept secrets.
My stomach tightened up. Oh my God. I knew exactly what this meant,
Ryan had finally made it onto Tracy's list.
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That was ridiculous. Tracy had never once expressed an interest in him before. Maybe this was why she didn't mention seeing us near our lockers that one time. But hadn't she said earlier in the year that he and I would've made a good couple?
Of course, the last thing I'd said about the issue was when I was proclaiming that I'd never go out with Ryan in a million years. And it wasn't like I'd told Tracy what I was feeling. No.
I looked across and saw Ryan copying down some notes.
I couldn't really blame her.
I'd had weeks -- months! -- to ask him out.
But I had stayed silent.
And Tracy's hadn't,
Tracy wanted Ryan,
And I wanted to curl up in a ball and die.
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chapter Thirty-seven
I HAD BEEN DREADING THE PARTY since I'd discovered that Tracy had asked Ryan out. I'd been waiting for her to bring it up, but she hadn't said a word. And I wasn't about to bring it up. Not even now, as we were getting ready.
I took the cap off of some shimmer and started applying it to my face, "Don't forget your chest," Diane said as she pointed to my maroon V-necked tank. I paired the top with a new pair of dark blue jeans, a sparkly silver belt, and high-heel boots. I took a step back to look in the mirror, satisfied with the results.
"Oh, let me try!' Tracy said as she grabbed the shimmer from me and started applying it. Tracy was wearing a black lace fitted top with black pinstripe flare pants. She looked so beautiful tonight with her hair down -- she usually wore it up in a ponytail. It was obvious she was pulling out all the stops for Ryan.
"All right, I think we're ready," Diane said as we all gave one another a once-over in my bathroom mirror. Diane, as always, looked perfect. She was wearing a black A-line skirt and an aqua-blue sheer turtleneck with matching tank underneath.
We walked into my bedroom to grab our coats, but Diane sat down on my bed and opened her matching aqua purse, "I have something for the two of
you," she said as she removed
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two small boxes wrapped in silver paper with a red ribbon and handed them to me and Tracy. "I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate everything you did for me this year."
"Diane, you didn't have to," I protested.
She simply shook her head and nodded toward the package.
I pulled off the red ribbon and tried to be careful to not tear the delicate silver paper. I gasped when I saw a blue tiffany's box.
"Diane!" I could hardly believe it. I looked over to make sure Tracy wasn't ahead of me. She gave me a nod and we both opened our boxes.
Inside the box was a matching blue bag. I opened it to find a silver chain bracelet with a heart at the clasp.
"It's beautiful," both Tracy and I said in unison.
"Read the inscription," Diane said as she walked over to me and held up the heart. One side read LHC while the other said my name. She reached over and put the bracelet on my wrist.
"Diane, it's too much. You shouldn't have," I said.
"Yeah, Diane -- I mean, tiffany's." Tracy fiddled with the clasp.
Diane walked over to help Tracy. "You guys have done so much for me this year and this is just a small way to say thank you. Plus . , ." Diane held up her left arm and pulled her sleeve up to show that she was wearing a matching bracelet. "You don't think it's too corny, do you?"
I couldn't take my eyes off the bracelet. it was the nicest thing anybody had ever given to me.
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"No, it's not at all." Both Tracy and I embraced Diane in a group hug,
"And there's one other thing I wanted to tell you guys." Diane looked nervous. "I know things are changing with the Club and that you guys will probably start dating soon . . . and I just wanted you to know" -- she looked up at me -- "that I'll support you, whoever it is you date."
She knew.
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