by Claire Raye
“Get fucked, Reid,” Caleb says, his hands balled up into fists. “We’re in this fucking situation because of you.”
It’s a low blow and I feel it in every part of my body, my stomach tightening in response, my heart stopping suddenly.
“Hey, man. I know you don’t mean that, so we’re gonna act like you didn’t just say it,” Reid responds, his words controlled with precision as he speaks, but I know it hit him just as hard.
I can feel the tears build, my nose stinging with what’s to come. I don’t want to cry anymore, but we’re all falling apart, our quiet privacy and peace coming to an abrupt and scary end. If things don’t go as planned all of us are screwed and there’s nothing scarier than that thought.
But arguing over it isn’t going to help and so I do what I know Caleb needs, what he won’t ask for because it shows weakness.
I walk over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, I hug him as I cry into his shoulder. All of us have to stick together. We can’t let something like this drive a wedge between us.
“This is what he wants,” I tell Caleb through my tears. “He wants us arguing and turning on each other.”
Reid walks over, placing a hand on my back, he leans in and kisses my head.
“She’s right,” Reid says, his voice quiet and calming now. “He can pick us off one by one if we’re apart, but together he can’t. We’re stronger together and we know that. We’ve always known it.”
I can feel Caleb shaking in my arms, his entire body trembling with too many thoughts, too many scenarios that can only lead to one thing.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you, at both of you,” Caleb says, his apology felt in every word as his body trembles. A silence passes between us, a dull ache from everything that’s happening, but the silence is broken with Caleb’s words. “I can’t do it. I can’t go with you to take down Reid’s dad. I don’t want either of you to go, but I know you have to, but I just can’t.” His admission is deep and guttural, and I imagine it took everything in him to come to this conclusion. He’s normally so strong, but he’s so broken right now.
The only thing that will ease Caleb’s fear is knowing that Ray Bowen and his men are locked up, and even then, I’m sure everything that haunts his nightmares won’t just disappear.
I pull away from him, resting a hand on his cheek as we look at each other. I don’t want him to be afraid anymore, but I also have no idea how to help him either. It’s taking a toll on all of us, but it’s affecting Caleb more and with each word he says, he reveals more of the pain he carries with him. I don’t know how to acknowledge his feelings without making him feel like I’m dismissing them.
“What do you need from me?” I ask him. “What can I do…what can we do to help?” I motion between Reid and me because we’re the ones who haven’t lived through this.
Caleb takes a step back, tugging a hand through his hair as begins to pace the small space. I know it will be a struggle for him to admit what he needs. We don’t do this. We were raised to be independent and self-reliant, even between each other. Asking for help only came in the most desperate of situations and I think right now is one of those.
“I need you to take him down,” Caleb hisses, his words laced with venom and spit out like they burn. “I need you to give me my life back.”
“We’ve got you,” Reid announces. “I’ve had your back since we were five and nothing will ever fucking change that.” He claps a hand down on Caleb’s shoulder and pulls him in for a quick hug. I hold my feelings in, taking all my control not to burst into tears. Their relationship has always been more like brothers than best friends.
After we’ve all settled down, Reid walks out the front door of the house and asks one of the officers to get Detective O’Connor here.
There’s no turning back now.
He arrives an hour later with another detective in tow and all of us sit down at the small kitchen table with Caleb standing behind me. His hands are resting on the back of the chair and every so often I can feel the tremble that never seems to go away. The chair shudders a little and he grips it harder. I just keep hoping that once Ray is caught and we are back in California that Caleb will slowly regain what he’s lost.
“First off we want to say thank you for agreeing to help us out. We know this isn’t the route we’d normally take to apprehend someone like Raymond Bowen, so thank you,” Detective O’Connor says and we all three nod our heads in response.
I want to ask how they would normally handle something like this and what makes them think using three college kids is a good idea, but I clamp my mouth shut. We’re no longer here to argue, but here to come together.
“So what’s the plan?” Reid asks, sounding far more confident than I know he really is. He’s always been one of those people who is so cool you couldn’t even set him on fire.
“Sienna, I know you had some concerns about Reid wearing a wire and we have to agree it isn’t for the best,” the other detective says.
“He will absolutely have me patted down,” Reid declares, “There’s no way he’s going to walk in there and trust that I’m not wired.”
“We know that, but we need a way to communicate with you or at least a way to keep you safe.” The detective pauses and looks over at me. “We know you previously talked about being involved so we thought we’d have you mic’ed.”
I hear the gasp that leaves Caleb’s mouth, but more than that I feel his grip on the chair tighten, shifting the chair slightly under my weight. I know what’s going through his mind because the same thing is going through mine.
What if he checks to see if I’m wearing a wire?
What if he goes after me?
What if he goes after Reid?
There are so many what-if scenarios to even continue and at this point we just have to take the leap and hope the police know what they’re doing.
“What if he decides to check her too?” Reid asks, the concern falling from his lips faster than Caleb can ask the question too.
“He probably will, so we’re going to put it in her hair which should hold it in place without an issue, even if he asks her to take her hair down.”
It all sounds so fucking risky and the more we talk about it the more I’m wondering what the fuck I’m even thinking. Can I really do this?
I look back at Caleb as he stands behind me, his face giving nothing away, composed and stoic, but I know behind it he wants to tell me not to go and if he did voice it, I may just agree. I can feel the panic tighten in my stomach, holding on so tightly I feel like I can’t breathe.
My eyes scan Caleb’s face, but this time instead of seeing all the worry I know is there, I see all his pain and everything he’s been through. He’s still so battered and beaten, even if his bruised exterior is starting to heal, and it hits me that if I don’t follow through with this, Caleb will continue to live in fear.
“Where will Caleb be during all of this?” I ask, pushing my concern for myself away. It isn’t about me and it never was. I didn’t live through this. I was off at school living my life like I didn’t have a care in the world, while Caleb was here fearing for his.
“That depends on his role in all of this,” Detective O’Connor says, his eyes shooting between Reid, Caleb and me.
“He doesn’t have a role in this,” Reid states, his words firm and there’s no way any of us are budging on this. Caleb doesn’t need any more bullshit to add to his list. “He took a beating that was meant to kill him, so he gets a pass at this and if you can’t accept that then Sienna and I are out too.”
I smile at the boldness of his words, at the strength of his actions and the way he defends Caleb. With each day that passes I find myself falling more and more in love with him.
“Okay, then. We plan to have Caleb remain here, the house surrounded—”
Caleb cuts the detective off, his words loud but necessary. “I want to be at the station when you bring him in. I want hi
m to see my face.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, having no idea how to navigate any of this, but I know I just want it to end.
“Yes, I’m sure. As much as he scares the shit out of me, I want him to know he doesn’t control me. I want him to know that in the end I fucking won.”
I admire his audacity because I know if it were me, I would’ve long since laid down and died. Caleb is stronger than he even gives himself credit for and I can’t wait until this is all behind us. I can picture us living in California, the comfort of Hawthorn having the same effect on Caleb as it had on me. Just to be out of Providence, just leaving the past behind is enough to heal us.
“Whatever you want, kid,” Detective O’Connor says, giving Caleb a nod of his head. “The three of you are pretty much the biggest badasses we know.”
We all laugh a little, the mood lightening slightly and even though I feel far from a badass, I know what we’re doing is risky as hell and most people would for sure run in the other direction.
But not us. We’re either badasses or we’ve completely lost our minds.
Chapter Twenty-One
Reid
“Okay, how does that feel?”
Sie turns her head from side to side, testing to see if the microphone that’s been hidden in her hair moves or falls out.
“Okay,” she says, shrugging. “I can’t even feel it.”
“Good,” the detective who came with Detective O’Connor says. “Can you go into the bedroom and say something so we can check the audio?”
She moves toward our bedroom, closing the door behind her. Detective O’Connor does something on the laptop they brought with them and almost immediately we can hear Sie’s voice as it crackles through the speakers.
“Testing, testing,” she says, her voice echoing a little as though she’s in our bathroom. “Badass one checking in, over.”
Caleb and I burst out laughing as the bedroom door re-opens and Sie stands there, a confused look on her face when she sees mine and Caleb’s reaction.
“Okay, we’re good to go,” the other detective says, clearly not amused. “We’ll be able to hear everything that’s said once you’re inside the house.”
Sienna walks over to me and I sling an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close as I press a kiss to the top of her head. “Nice one, badass one,” I murmur, before turning to the detective. “So if we need help, we just yell help then?” I ask, not bothering to hide the hint of sarcasm in my tone.
He nods. “Yeah.”
Detective O’Connor turns and pulls a mobile phone from his pocket, handing it to Sie. “Here,” he says, smiling at her. “We’re not sure if he’s tracking you or not, but in case he is, you can have this back for now.”
“For now?” she asks, one brow raised in question.
“If he isn’t caught and plans change then obviously, I can’t let you keep it,” he explains. “But hopefully it won’t come to that.”
Sienna nods. “Did you go through this?” she asks, her eyes narrowing. I know exactly why she’s asking him, because I’m not the only ones with photos of our trip back here. Photos that aren’t meant for anyone’s eyes except mine and Sienna’s. It’s another reason why I’d been so resistant to handing my phone over.
Detective O’Connor shakes his head once. “No, we didn’t,” he says, his eyes never leaving hers. “It was only kept for security reasons,” he adds. Sienna exhales, shooting me a look of relief.
“Can I get mine back too?” Caleb asks.
He looks over at him. “Once it’s done, then yeah.”
Caleb nods and then silence descends as we all realize it’s finally time.
Heading out to the garage, I watch as Sienna walks up to her brother and wraps her arms around him, pulling him in for a tight hug. He returns the gesture, wrapping his arms around her, holding her for a few seconds as his eyes meet mine over her shoulder.
I don’t miss the pain and sorrow I can see there, the regret and guilt that I know he feels because he can’t come with us. But I don’t blame him for it, and I know Sie doesn’t either. It’s better this way because he’s been through enough.
When she lets him go, he walks over to me, his eyes meeting mine once again. “Be careful,” he says, his words quiet.
“We will,” I say. “And I promise I won’t let anything happen to her.”
He offers me a small smile. “I know you won’t,” he says before pulling me in for a quick hug. “And don’t let anything happen to you either,” he adds, his whispered, “Thank you,” the last thing he says before pulling back.
“Follow us into Providence,” Detective O’Connor says. “We’ll head to the station, but you guys go straight to your house as though that’s always where you were headed. There are already undercovers stationed on the street and they are expecting you. You’ll be monitored at all times, I promise,” he adds, his gaze meeting mine.
“Okay,” I reply, before Sie and I hop into my truck, which has been brought to the house to help keep up the ruse that everything is supposedly normal.
I start the engine, glancing across at her. She’s sitting nervously in the front seat, her phone tightly gripped in her hands as she stares out the window at her brother. Caleb lifts his hand in a wave, giving her a small smile as he nods his head once.
“Sie,” I say quietly, reaching over to peel one of her hands off her phone as I take it in mine.
“Yeah?” she says, finally turning to look at me.
I smile, lifting her hand to my mouth and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “You ready?”
She nods. “Yep.”
We follow the two detectives and Caleb back into Providence, the drive going quicker than either of us is prepared for. We don’t speak though and Sie doesn’t bother with music this time. It isn’t that kind of trip and we both know it. Before long, the car in front of us, Caleb visible in the back seat, is indicating to turn left as we continue going straight.
Sienna and I both watch as Caleb turns back, his eyes meeting ours. None of us wave or nod, we all just watch each other, wondering if this is really going to be the end of all this shit.
Or the end of us.
After they’ve turned, I continue down the main street toward my parent’s house. It’s late afternoon now, the sun close to starting its descent as long shadows line the streets, creating an ominous feeling.
“Do you think your mom will be there?” Sienna asks, finally breaking the silence.
“I don’t know,” I say, reaching for her hand again. “My guess is she’s probably left too. I didn’t know she was even coming back from Paris till my dad told me, but I can’t imagine she stuck around when everything went to shit.”
Sienna nods, her fingers sliding between mine as she pulls our joined hands into her lap. Neither of us speak again and before we know it, I’m pulling into the drive of my old house. My dad’s car isn’t here and when I see that, I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.
I park in the drive, switching off the engine as I stare up at the house I spent the first two decades of my life in.
“Looks empty,” I whisper, my hand still in Sie’s.
“Yeah,” she says.
We both know the police are listening, recording everything that’s said between us, which means we really need to be careful about what we say. Not that we have anything to hide, but I’m certainly not bringing up anything to do with the money I took or whatever.
“Should we go in?” I ask, squeezing her hand in mine.
“Sure.”
We let go of each other and get out of the car, Sienna walking quickly around the front so she’s standing beside me, taking my hand in hers again. I can tell she’s nervous, but fuck, so am I. Neither of has any clue about how this is all going to play out; whether we’re about to walk into a total shitfight or nothing at all.
Neither of us has brought anything either, hopeful that all of this
happens quickly and we don’t have to stay in this house any longer than tonight.
But looking up at it now, a part of me wonders if my dad will ever bother coming back here. The place looks deserted, as though whoever lived in this house has long since gone. All of the blinds have been drawn and there’s a distinct air of abandonment.
Sie glances back to the street, taking in the white delivery van that’s parked two houses down. While neither of us said anything, we both glanced at it in acknowledgement as we turned in, knowing that it likely contained the men who are supposed to protect us should my dad show up.
As comforting as that was supposed to make us feel, right now, that van feels a million miles away from this house. I wasn’t sure it or anything could keep us safe from my father.
“Come on,” I eventually say as I lead Sienna up to the front porch. “The sooner we get this done, the sooner we go back home.”
Sie squeezes my hand at the mention of the word home, both of us no longer thinking of Providence as our home. California is where we’ve made our lives now and Cali is the place we both long to get back to.
I slide my key into the front door, the alarm beeping as soon as I open it. I type in the code, wondering if it’s even going to work. It does and as I close the door behind us, we both stop and wait, as though we’re half expecting my dad to suddenly appear in the front hall, ready to do god knows what to us.
“Hello?” Sienna calls out and I don’t know why but for some reason I find this absolutely fucking hilarious as I burst out laughing, pulling her close to me.
“Why are you laughing?” she whisper-shouts, her arm slipping around my waist.
“I don’t know,” I tell her. “Because this is just so fucking ridiculous.”
Sienna giggles and before long, both of us are laughing. Who knows what the guys listening to us in the van think, aside from our phones, which are now both turned on, they have no way of communicating anything to us.
