Her lips parted under my invasion and returned my attack with an eagerness of her own. We were both starved for the other’s touch and affection, trying to claim as much as possible in the moment we’d given ourselves. Her hands went around my neck, pulling me down to her and taking charge. Nipping at my lower lip, Makenna raked her nails through my hair and arched her back in that way that pressed her breasts further into me. The woman was playing with fire and she didn’t even know it.
I was rock hard and ready to claim her, only to be separated by the thin material of her shorts and my jeans- a painful reminder that I couldn’t cross that line with her. I rocked into her as if by instinct, my body was driven to connect with hers and seal our fates. A needy moan tore slipped from her lips between fevered kisses. My hands roamed over the hills and valleys of her body, familiarizing myself with her and committing every detail to memory. Makenna’s tongue danced with mine, daring me to venture further down the rabbit hole with her.
I knew things were getting carried away and if I didn’t pull myself back from the edge soon, I would jump and take Makenna with me. Slowing things down, I cradled her jaw and threaded my fingers into her hair to anchor her there and keep her from riling me right back up. The little minx would do it too. Breaking the kiss, our moment came to a screeching halt and my mate knew it. I wasn’t prepared for the angry glare that was waiting for me when I came back to my senses.
“No. Don’t think you’re so smooth that I don’t know exactly what you’re doing right now,” her voice louder than she’d been before, yet her words were thick with emotions. “You’re saying goodbye.”
I didn’t answer her accusation, knowing there was nothing I could say. She saw right through my bullshit and wasn’t afraid to call me on it. The full moon would come to an end the next day and unless we sealed our mating, I’d have to go back to Sapphire Lake or die. Makenna’s stay in the town was temporary, adding to our already complex situation. I didn’t think I could ask her to give up her life back in Maine to start a new one here with me. There was still the small problem with not having a means to support a mate. There was still so much to consider and little time.
“If you won’t let me in, then I guess there’s really no point in trying to force you any more than I already have,” Makenna sighed, her pain gutted me and if it wasn’t bad enough, she looked me dead in the eye and prepared her kill shot. “I’m leaving in the morning. My counseling session starts at eight. I’ll be sure to be out of your hair well before then,” she said, turning and heading for the door.
The sound of her steps walking away from me, those soft creaks of wooden planks, were louder than all the crickets and nightlife which screamed around me. Each one was like the hammering of a nail into a coffin, and it was. I was making perhaps the biggest mistake of my life and I fucking knew it.
Tell her to stop, you fuck wit! Tell her to stay. Beg if you have to. For fuck’s sake, do something, I ranted at myself internally as panic and realization began to set in.
I should’ve opened my mouth. My feet should’ve moved from where they were rooted to go after her. If I’d been smart, I should’ve picked her up and carried her back into the cabin and taken her the way I wanted so badly to. Instead, I stood there and watched as she sauntered stiffly away from me. My fists were clenched tightly at my sides to quell the ache of wanting to touch her again. Her words replayed over and over in my head, taunting my shit choices.
The soft metallic click of the doorknob as she opened the door and slipped inside could’ve been as loud as if she’d slammed it to me. What the fuck had I done? Scrubbing my hands over my face, I tried to clear the fog that was filling my head. Why couldn’t I just be happy that I’d been lucky enough to find my mate? Here I was rejecting her because of my own damn hang ups. It wasn’t fair to her that I was making her pay for my crimes too. I’d watched enough matings to know what would happen when I went back to the water the next day.
At first, there would be a mild discomfort, like our souls would refuse to settle once they’d been close to their other half. It would just get worse until it downright hurt if we stayed apart. Over time, the hurt would dull to something manageable that we’d both be able to live with. That’s what I hoped would happen anyways. No one that I could think of had tested the theory for any real length of time. Although, I’d heard my friend’s mate, Blaire, had gone years with the ache. I hadn’t met the woman personally and I had no idea if there was any truth to the rumor.
My anger boiled to the surface and in a fit of rage, I slammed my clenched fists down on the deck railing. The old, weather-worn wood cracked, and splinters broke free under the forceful blow.
“Fuck!” I hissed.
Not even the thought of a stiff drink would help me that night. I was better off for it too. I’d need a clear head to make heads or tails of the mess I’d created. With Makenna inside, I decided to give her space. The look of utter disappointment and resignation had nearly broken me.
For a brief moment, I even contemplated going back to the lake early. It would’ve given us both the clean break that we could heal from. That was the coward’s way out though. I didn’t know what the hell I was supposed to do. My gut was still screaming at me to go to her, but if my memory served me right, women tended to want to be left alone when they got emotional. That didn’t make me feel any better about it, though. I wondered if she was on the other side of that wall crying like I imagined she was.
You really made a fucking mess of it this time, Ivar.
That seemed to be my calling card at this point. If there was a woman involved, I was guaranteed to make everything worse. I didn’t even know where to begin. Until Makenna had fallen into the lake and brushed my mate mark, I hadn’t really even considered the possibility of having a life beyond the shores of Sapphire Lake. What the hell would I do with one? Did I even deserve the chance after I’d condemned my wife and child to a life of suffering and that had been assuming they’d survived the winter without the benefits of my bounty from our raid. For nearly a thousand years, it had haunted me, and it was made all the worse by not knowing their fate. I wished I was one of those people who held onto the hope that everything had worked out for the better, but I wasn’t. I was pragmatic and lived firmly planted in reality. I knew the odds for a woman with a child and no man to care for them. Times had changed, and things weren’t as harsh, however that did little to assuage my guilt.
The first of the cramping aches tore through my gut, making me wince and I wanted to kick my own ass for putting Makenna through this. She’d be feeling it too. Instead, I tried to focus on those stars overhead. It was futile to try counting them all, but whenever I’d had a problem, I’d counted until things became a little clearer. The ache refused to let up, but it was manageable. I could still find something else to focus on if I really tried. It was a trick my mother had taught me, and her father had taught her before that. Slowly, the stars began to blur together, and I had to abandon the attempt.
My emotions had receded like the tides, still present just not as close to the surface. I didn’t know how much time had passed, but I hoped like hell Makenna had chosen to go to bed. If she challenged my resolve like that again, I would crack like a ship’s mast in a storm. Thankfully, when I stepped into the cabin, all was quiet. The other bedroom was too close to mine, where Makenna was sleeping, so I opted to sack out on the couch, which suited me just fine. I’d slept in way worse conditions at one time or another. Underwater and on a rock came to the forefront of my thoughts just to name a few.
The couch groaned under my weight and I silently prayed the ancient sofa held for the night and made a mental note to acquire a new one. I wondered if I should leave those kinds of decisions to Makenna, if…I dared considering the possibility for a moment. More than anything, I wanted to march into the other room and wrap myself around her. I would’ve settled for being near her. Sleep took me as I imagined a life with the woman who had dove head-first into the middle of my
life.
The cool breeze caressed my skin like a welcoming embrace. I was home like I had been so many times before. The dream was one I’d had before. Many times, in fact. I didn’t have to turn to know that the village I’d been born and raised in laid at my back, where my Ingrid and Siri would stand waiting for my return home. However, my jarl’s long boat was sitting a short distance from the shore like we were preparing to leave, instead of coming home.
This wasn’t how this dream usually happened. I didn’t understand. When I turned, the village I’d known all my life laid quiet and still, lifeless. No more than ten feet from me stood a teary-eyed Ingrid and a beaming Siri, who was no longer the tiny girl of five, but a woman in her own right.
“I don’t understand,” I muttered, looking at them both. This was new, uncharted water and I got the feeling I wasn’t going to like the answer.
Without saying a word, Siri strode forward. Her long blond braid hung over her shoulder and she looked so much like her mother, another could’ve mistaken the two if they hadn’t been side by side. As soon as she reached me, her arms went around me in a tight embrace. Tears welled in my eyes. In all the years we’d been separated, I’d never been able to get this far. We’d never been able to touch.
“It’s time to let us go, Father. It’s time to say goodbye,” she whispered, leaning in and planting a warm kiss against my whiskered cheek.
Then, like the mist, she evaporated and disappeared. Panic rose within me and I spun, searching for her, but I knew the awful truth. She was gone. My gaze went to Ingrid, who stood patiently waiting for her turn.
“You know it’s time to let us go, Ivar, my love. We lived our lives, now so must you,” Ingrid urged, tipping her head toward the ship we’d journeyed across the sea in, the same boat which sat cursed at the bottom of Sapphire Lake until the day the last of the Cursed Ones breaks the curse.
“No,” I said resolutely. “I’m not ready to say goodbye. This…this is all my fault,” I sighed, nearly choking on them.
“You’ve carried this burden too long, Ivar. What happened wasn’t your fault. We always knew there was a chance you wouldn’t come home. I accepted that when I became your wife. You can’t keep holding onto us, Ivar. Let us go, we’re ready to rest easy now. You’ll see us again one day, but now, it’s time for you to give yourself a life and stop paying for ours,” Ingrid said, closing the space between us and wrapping her arms around me.
I clung to her knowing that she would be gone any moment. She felt so real, warm and soft under my touch. Her lips pressed against my cheek and I broke, the tears ran freely and then, as I knew she would, Ingrid disappeared, leaving me alone at the mouth of the Nordic fjord. I shouted to the skies, but none could hear me but the gods, and they weren’t answering. They never did. By the time my voice was raw, and my energy was spent, my anger and sadness had faded into something a little more manageable. Theirs was a loss that would stay with me until the end of my days, but seeing them again, that one last time had given me the closure I didn’t know I’d needed.
They had lived their lives, separate from me. That tiny voice in the back of my head whispered this was the way it was always meant to be. Ingrid was only meant to be mine for a short while before our paths forked and we took separate paths. That chapter of my life had ended, but that didn’t mean my story had to stop there.
Sitting on the beach, I stared out toward the sea. From behind me, my brethren gathered and headed toward the boats like we had those many centuries ago. This was my moment, my time to choose which path I would follow. The one I had clung to with all my strength ended in the grave, with my long-lost family. The other, offered a new life, one free to be filled with all I had missed the first time. It was a second chance and I would be a fool not to take it. Siri and Ingrid had given me their blessing and said their goodbyes. In my heart, I believed what they’d said- that we would see each other again one day, on the other side.
Pushing myself to my feet, I took surveyed the village and committed every last detail to memory and prepared myself for the journey ahead. My wounds were fresh and raw as they had been the day I’d been cursed, but my mate would help. We could heal together. Makenna was my choice and acknowledging that fact, I felt lighter than I could remember feeling ever.
I was coming to claim my mate.
7
Makenna
My whole body was numb, except for where it ached. It was all bad. The whole night had gone downhill from the fight I’d had with Ivar. Shit. It wasn’t even a fight. He’d been completely open and upfront with what this was to him and I’d ignored him and believed what I wanted.
Great job, Mak. You knew you shouldn’t catch feelings for men like him.
Emotionally unavailable.
That was the kind I constantly attracted and also a huge part of why I’d given the male species no more thought than I had to…until Ivar. And he was a merman. There was that. Oddly, I hadn’t given that aspect too much thought. I’d known about who and what he was from the very first moment we’d met. No one could be blamed for the self-pity and broken heart I’d cried over for the better part of the night.
I hadn’t slept a wink and as soon as I’d seen the lightening of the morning sky, I’d collected all of my belongings. When Ivar had come in from the night and gone to sleep on the couch, I’d kept quiet and stifled the desire to go to him. A couple hours before the sun began to rise, my body had begun to feel like it was rebelling against me. An ache had taken root in the pit of my stomach and grown until everything hurt and it hadn’t left yet.
Creeping from the room, I’d slipped everything I had into the bag I’d brought with me from my rental. Ivar was sprawled out on the couch, snoring softly. He was such a large man that he dwarfed the small sofa and his arm and legs hung over the side and end. In sleep, the intense giant looked so peaceful and innocent. I strode back into the bedroom and grabbed the blanket from the bed, carrying it with me back out into the living room. Taking care not to wake him, I covered Ivar as best as I could. It was a difficult feat to attempt as the blanket was actually more of a patchwork quilt and was meant for a twin sized bed…both of which he made look like they were child sized.
I’d tried my damnedest to come to terms with Ivar’s rejection, but it just stung too damn much. There wasn’t any hope I could withstand facing him again, not after I’d put it all on the line and he’d done nothing. His confused indifference was like salt in a wound. So, I gave myself a parting gift and pressed a tender goodbye kiss to his forehead. The corners of his full lips turned up in an amused smile before relaxing with sleep once again.
I’d miss him, that was for sure, but I deserved better than being a second choice or as a pity mate or some such bullshit. The morning air was damp with the dew and a light haze which the summer sun would soon burn off. Solitude was a welcome friend as I walked back to my rental condo. The spot where I’d hit my head on the dock still hurt to touch, but it had dulled with time to a tolerable soreness. I’d been so sure we were finally getting somewhere. Seeing his resolve weaken and the robotic façade slip to reveal the man underneath, it had felt like feeling the warm sun on my skin after months of cold, winter. Our moment hadn’t lasted long, but it was etched into my memory like a tattoo, permanent.
The walk wasn’t too long, only about twenty minutes, but I wasn’t in a hurry. Dread was something closer to how I felt about returning to my rental. It would be the reminder that I really was alone. Solitude hadn’t bothered me until my front door came into view and then, it just broke me. I wanted to scream and cry and ask what was wrong with me, but none of it would change a damn thing. Ivar had been right about one thing; the issue was entirely his and I couldn’t take on the responsibility for the failed mate pairing. The gods had it wrong with us. They clearly hadn’t anticipated Ivar’s stubbornness. He wasn’t a man to be pushed around and when he was, he shoved back.
Mounting the steps, I let myself into my rental and the silence welcomed me lik
e an old friend. The small stack of items I had carried with me slipped from my hands and clattered to the wooden floor with an echoed thud. It was still a few hours before I needed to head over to the group for counseling and even the thought of dealing with it brought more anxiety than it helped. So many were there because they knew something in them had changed and they just wanted to find some semblance of themselves in the new person they’d become. Some of us were too changed by the things we’d seen and done that coming home to civilian life felt impossible. For guys like Joe, it was nearly impossible. I was fairly certain he had some questionable mental stability before his tour overseas, but it didn’t do him any favors. He was too proud to accept help and too far gone to realize there was a real problem. I hoped this was a session where he was more docile because I really didn’t have the energy to deal with everyone else’s problems on top of my own.
It was selfish, but I didn’t care. I would let myself feel all that self-pity for the time being, and then it would be time to let it go and move on. It was my process and I’d been working damn hard at it. Padding through the house, I ditched my clothes and headed for the shower. Behind the closed shower curtain, the rest of the world could fall away. It was my safe space, where I went to let loose all those tears I wanted to shed but had stifled.
I turned the hot water on and let it run until the bathroom filled with steam and then, I slipped under the stream of water. Numbly, I went about my routine, washing and primping, but when there was nothing left to wash or pamper, I found my thoughts straying to the Berserker who’d fished me from that lake and changed everything.
The torrent of running water stole away my tears as if they’d never existed in the first place. Pain shot through my chest and I doubled over with the suddenness of the attack. It was so sharp that it stole my breath away and left me gasping.
Warrior’s Kiss- Mountain Mermaids Page 6
