by Renta
My younger brother merely shrugged. “That’s what I’m saying, folk, you forgot ‘bout them niggas just like everybody else. Look, Nutz—I know what it feels like for them white folks to play God with your life. I don’t give a fuck about how much a mu’fucka claims they love you. They’ll leave you for dead. I love you to death and even if you was facing life, I’d never turn.
“Nutz, life don’t stop our grief. Mu’fuckas ain’t loyal no mo’, fam. Every bitch you’ve ever given your heart to will be in the wind, the very minute you sign your name on that dotted line. I’m tellin’ you, fam. Let’s change the story, homie. Our book ain’t gotta end—”
Nutz jumped up with anger registered on his face. “Look, big bruh—I ain’t on this spiel you giving niggas. You want to know what your problem is, fam. You’ve become too big for where we came from. Bruh, you, my dude and I’ll kill the world for you, but I ain’t rocking how you rockin’, right now.”
Our eyes locked in a showdown of pride and finality. “Cool!” I said without looking away. “After this our road splits, bro. You’re my other half and when you need me, I’ll rise to the occasion, but let me pour you this last cup to sip from, family. Even Escobar was knocked down from his very own tip of the mountain. I ain’t going back to that cage, Nutz. I’ve been behind that wall twice, you saved me once. I’m out before I’m crucified. After this I’ll introduce you to, Russia—I’m out, fam.”
***
~Six~
I never fucked Gusto—never. I met him a month before Shy was murdered. All four of them were really close. It surprised me when Gusto, showed up to the club by himself and paid me for a dance. I was hesitant he knew I was Assata’s girl, and truth be told a bitch knew that nigga was foul and had I entertained him, I would've been just as sour as he was. So, I gave him his bread back and went on about my business, but when the doors closed and it was time to go home, there he was.
A pretty boy ass nigga with a bankroll, he tossed in my hands. It was so many big faces, I thought he was playing some type of game. Ain’t no lap dance that expensive. The curiosity got the best of me and we ended up in his Rover, with him giving me his rundown on murkin’ the nigga I saw Assata with religiously. At the time, me and Assata had barely started rockin’, but I didn’t know Shy like that. He never spoke.
The one time I did try to be cool and speak, he took it as me flirting and told Assata to check me. That punk shit didn't sit well with me, so I concocted something real slick for his ass. Long story short, I had my homegirl, that danced with me lure him where Gusto told me to and from there it was a wrap. Then, after Assata did me dirty, I figured it was cool for me to start talking to Gusto. There was no better way to hurt a nigga than to fuck somebody he’s close to.
Not long after we started kicking it, I was ready to put this wet pussy in his life. We were chilling at my place. We had been up all night taking shots and just kicking the shit. Just when my kitty started throbbing Gusto passed out on me.
‘Ain't this some bullshit?’ I said to myself.
Looking down at him, I decided to wake him up to some of this good pussy. Maybe if I got his nose wide open Assata would see what he’s missing. I unbuckled Gusto's pants, reached down into his boxers and pulled his dick out. It only took a few licks and a stroke to get that motherfucker hard as steel. Easing down on him was delicious and as he stirred, my pussy was tight and wet. I rocked back and forth while pressing my hands down on his chest.
“You definitely know how to wake a nigga up.” He said in a gruff voice, as he pumped the dick up to meet my grinding hips.
“You like it, boo?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“Show a bitch, how much you like this fat pussy.” I licked my lips in anticipation.
“Oh, I'm about to show you.” he boasted.
Gusto flipped me over onto my back and stuck his face in my dugout. His tongue parted my lips and he gripped my ass tightly, as he searched for my clit. Before long I was humping that nigga's face with no reserve. Minutes later, I showered his mouth with my liquid pleasure.
“Ummm,” he moaned savoring my taste. “Now, I'm about to blow your back out. Show you what boss dick feels like.”
“Don't say it, slay it.” I was dying to get fucked out.
I opened my legs as wide as I could and invited him inside my treasure. When that rock-hard dick penetrated me, I wrapped my legs around his waist and accepted all that he wanted to give me.
Gusto had me screaming with pleasure. As he pounded my pussy all I could think was, ‘Damn, he got the typa dick that a bitch will die for’.
Chapter Thirteen
Gangsta’s Cry Too
~Assata~
These past few days, I’d been trying to nurse my baby back to sanity. She’d never been any street bitch and too much pressure can burst the strongest pipes. I’d seen the toughest mu’fuckas snap under too much heat. The death of Kesha rocked mama. She’d been having some fucked up nightmares and some crazier mood swings. I hated seeing Jazz so vulnerable that’s why I’d planned a night on the town with, Red. I’d even went, as far as doing something I hadn’t done in years.
I’m in love with poetry, I’d been writing and displaying my work since I was a lil’ nigga. It was just that, as shit got more time consuming, I hadn’t had the time to expose that side of myself. I’m flying through the city collecting that bag. Shits been suave for the boy ever since the get down at the Russian’s spot. The only thing that bothered me, was that shit had been too quiet. The calm before the storm, them niggas over there on Hickory and Oak Street been getting to that check as of late.
They’d took their hustle all the way up to Fred Moore Park, and that’s too close to me, and my dawgs side of the hood. My villain niggas been barking at me ‘bout a few run-ins with them niggas over making moves too close to the turf. Before I romance my lady, I gotta check in with my relative Lil’ Joe to tell him to get his loc’s in check before it’s bloodshed. Joe was a hothead, he and his ace, Lil’ Mack had never been scared to put their murder down, but that was my flesh.
At one point in time, we were thick as thieves. I came up sleeping on the same floor when Aunt Pearl used to let a nigga come in outta the cold. Even though, my fam was Crip crazy he loved me to death. Y’all fuck with me I’m gonna put it down for the real niggas tonight.
***
~Jazzy~
The sound of my phone ringing forced me from my bed, that had become my coffin. My girls had been calling me, for the past few days. I had yet to return a single text or call. Honestly, things had been mad crazy. You would think, that Shy being my brother and my attraction to hood niggas, would’ve prepared me for this kinda shit, but I’d never been a part of this typa lifestyle. So much blood, so much death. I just couldn’t deal. While scrolling through my text, I noticed one from Nutz. Surprise surged through me it had been weeks. Even against my will, his message caused me to blush.
//: Sup, beautiful? I know shit has been crazy for you. I respect your stand, with your new dude. I’m not trying to disrespect that at all, but my heart wants you to know. I love you, regardless who we’re with. Whether, you’ll admit it or not, I know you still hold a special spot for ya’ boy. I’m just sending you my love, queen. I’m Nutz over you!
Instinctively, I smiled but still erased it without a response. I’ll always have love for Nutz but I’m not that type of female. My heart beat for ‘A’ and regardless of my history with, Nutz there was nothing in this world, that could make me hurt him like that. As I scrolled down, my alert went off telling me a picture message just came through. Nutz is crazy. I clicked on it, Nutz was cheesin’ real hard, holding a giant bear and what seemed to be a bottle of wine. The caption underneath read.
Open up, I brought you brunch!
Confused, I read the text again. The sound of the doorbell scared me half to death. Looking down at my naked body, I rolled my eyes at the balls of this man. He knew Assata would snuff his lights out for disrespect, but he’
d always been one to follow his own rules. It angered me, as I rushed to find something decent to throw on. Opting for some loose-fitting jogging pants and a muscle tee.
I headed for the door. Since my dad left the house to me before he moved to California. He never made any changes to this house, so this nigga could see me as I entered the living room. He grinned at me through the glass on the side of the door, as if he could care less that my posture was hostile.
“What the fuck, Nutz?” I was heated, as I swung the door open. “Fuck you just pop up at my house without being invited? You know, this ain’t cool, my dude and before shit gets misconstrued, you need to leave.”
Hurt registered on his face. “Look, ma, I’m not here to disrespect you or your man. Marcella just told me you’ve been lost since, Kesha eighty-sixed herself, and you not answering nobody’s calls. I just came to put a quick smile on your face and dip. My gal’ waiting on me anyway” he said.
My attention was drawn to a tiny whimpering noise at my feet and my heart was stolen, when I looked down at the white Pitbull puppy.
“Oh my, God.” I stooped down to pick him up and that’s all it took for me to fall in love with him. Hugging him close to me, I looked back at Nutz. “Thank you. I appreciate the love Nutz, you know how to make me smile—always have, but the fact still remains that this ain’t how it go.”
Nutz nodded his head in acknowledgment. “You’ve always been loyal to who you’re with.” His eyes were tainted with a question, he seemed to fight with. “Can I ask you a question, Jazz?” I nodded my consent. “Before you left, why’d you hurt a nigga, like that? Was it for, Assata?”
I smiled, that’s been a million-dollar question for years. “No, Nutz, it wasn’t for ‘A’, I just needed time to see life. You were and still are a die-hard street nigga. You wouldn’t have been faithful. It wouldn’t have worked. As far as, Assata, I’ve always G’d for him, but he wasn’t feeling me. He valued my brother too much. When I came back it was only to find out about, Shy. As we all know, no one can control the affairs of the heart, sooo—” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s obvious.”
I assumed him finally hearing the truth of my decisions before I left had given him closure. I swear, I could actually see the burden lift off him.
“That’s what’s good, Jazz. I thought—” His voice trailed off. “It don’t matter what I thought. I just want you to know, I’m here for you, fam”
Finally, noticing the bottle he had gripped in his hands. I looked at him with a smirk. It was Moscato my favorite, he knew it.
Noticing my look he said, “Oh, this, I just thought it wouldn’t hurt to have one drink for old times sake. Maybe you can give me some advice on this new woman in my life.”
Uncertainty unbalanced me, I battled with my loyalty versus the innocence of showing my appreciation, for this nigga showing concern for my well-being. I looked at him, something in my gut told me to just decline, and end this episode that’s been in rotation for far too long.
“Nutz, look, you know you’ll always be the man, that has taught me most of what I know. I gave you my purity, nigga, but at the end of the day, none of that shit matters. I got what I’ve looked for, for that nigga I am ten toes flat. I salute you and yo’ gal, maybe one day we can sit down and have that drink, but Assata will be present. There’s nothing between me and you, nor will there be any moments alone. The implication is sometimes greater than the act. I won’t crack the trust, between me and mine for a moment in time. I appreciate the gifts and concern, but after this, our road is at its end.”
The look in his eyes was a mixture of hurt and pride. With a small smile, he sat the giant bear and bottle at my feet, before erecting himself and pulling me to him.
Kissing my cheek, he embraced me and replied. “You’ve always been a rare female, Jazzy. I respect your vibration, baby girl. I just wish I was the lucky man.”
***
~Assata~
Whoever said gangsta’s don’t cry, is a mu’fuckin’ lie. Tears bled in my eyes as I pulled away from the curb. I’d just pulled up to Jazzy’s spot to check on her and got the surprise of my life. Nutz holding a big ass teddy bear and some wine—Jazzy smiling. My first thought was to jump out and whack they dumb asses, but the playa in me wouldn’t let me go out like that. I’ve always stood by the reality, that a nigga can’t control a hoe’s pussy when it’s her nature to be who she’s always been. I can never blame the nigga for getting his dick wet if there’s no loyalty, or brotherhood to be loyal to.
“Damn,” I whispered as I blinked away the pain in my eyes.
First time, I’d ever given myself to a bitch, look what I get! I was speeding through traffic, replaying the vision of Nutz leaning in to kiss her before I smashed off. Real niggas get raw deals!
***
~Six~
I stirred in my sleep as the dream I was having became a nightmare. Assata saw me and Gusto at a club and the hurt on his face was so deep, that satisfaction boiled over in me. That is until the tears fell from his eyes, and his pain was so powerful, it became my own. It was so thick, that it snatched me right out of my slumber. To my surprise, the tears and hurt followed me right into consciousness. Why the fuck did I stoop so low? I tripped the fuck out, my mental was aflame, and all I could do was cry, as regret raged through me like a tidal wave.
“What have you done, Six? Why would you, Man?” Gusto mumbled, almost giving me a heart attack.
I’d forgotten he was here. My room was dark, as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on his black-n-mild. The illumination from my window had shadows dancing around us as my drapes drifted lazily in the wind.
“I—I don’t know, Gus.” Shame ate at me. “I just was so hurt, so confused—drunk, I—” Every excuse I came up with seemed empty.
The truth was there was no rationality for this sin but at the same time. I knew I couldn’t take it back. Suddenly, I felt dirty.
“Gus—this was never ‘pose to happen—none of it. You gotta go—our dealings are over. I’m telling Assata, every—” At the speed of lightning, he stood before me with a gun, so big it looked fake in his hand.
“Bitch, you ain’t telling Assata, a fucking thang. You did this to yourself. Your dumb ass allowed your pussy to lead you to an early grave.” The confused look on my face, allowed him to look at me in a way, that I could only describe as sympathy.
He sat down beside me, the story he told me rocked me to sleep. “Last night you asked why I hate, Assata, so much. Why I did, Shy in? Well, this is it. I tell you this because I’m a good nigga at heart. Six, life made me a monster. My own squad dug me an early grave and now you’ve written your own script in this horror movie. About three years ago, Shy called me and told me to get dressed. Him and Assata was on their way to pick me up ‘cause they had a team of bitches that wanted to rock with us.
“One of the girls wanted me specifically and said the other two wouldn’t move without their girl. My first response was naw, I’d been out in the Ruts all week. I’d promise my bitch it was her night. As a matter of fact, as I spoke to my dawgs my wifey was in the shower preparing to fuck me in every way I could imagine—anything I could fantasize ‘bout. I had it right there in my own home.
“But naw—Shy, kept screaming this bullshit ‘bout it’s my turn to take one for the team, etc. So, I did what most street niggas do, I lied to my queen to show up for, my niggas. Make a long story short—” his face contorted, as he relived the worst night of his life.
I held my breath, as he cleared his throat and continued. “We get to this house on Ruth Street and the girl, that answered the door embraced, Shy. Some bitch named, Vodka. I won’t lie, the little bitch was super thick, with a pretty face to match. So, you know, I could only hope my hounds blessed me as equally, rather than sticking me with the lil’ sista that’s bigger than the big sista.” We both laughed at his humor.
I was still lost as to where he was going. But intuition told me, that at the end of this tale, I wasn’t g
oing to like his conclusion.
“To my surprise, the sista they introduce me to was the baddest one of the three. An amazon with so much ass, I assumed she had to have paid a bankroll for it. She introduced herself as, Da’Shana. She told me she’d had her eyes on me for a long time. She said we’d met a few months ago at Club Infernos and I never called her.
“That shit sounded funny, cause a nigga in my position can’t afford to forget a face. Beyond that I don’t drink, so the hoe had to be lying. That should have been my indication, to take my ass home, but I am only a man. I did mention, this bitch was bad with a capital ‘B’. All in all, I fucked the hoe over and over again as my gal’ blew my horn up. They say karma is a bitch.
“Not even two to three weeks later, me and my gal was maxin’ at the spot when the news came on and there staring at us was the same bad bitch, I’d fucked with no condom. This bitch was wanted in three different states for passing along the virus. As I sat lost in a trance, my girl sucked her teeth, she couldn’t have known, her next words would cause her—her life.
“See, that’s why a mu’fucka gotta be careful, who they fuckin’ with.” She then playfully hit me in the arm and said, “Baby, if you’ve fucked her you got that As-I-Die-Slowly.” She laughed, then I put two in her face!”
When he finished his tale my world spinned. It was like an outta body experience.
“So, now you know why I hate, Assata, so much. Why I put the fix on, Shy— and now, why you’ll hate me so deeply! I got AIDS, Six—and I got it cause I thugged with niggas I loved to the dirt.”
***
~Jazzy~
After Nutz left, I found a Hefty trash bag and disposed of his gifts, even the Moscato! The things a girl will do for love. Earlier, I got a text from Assata, that I must’ve missed when Nutz showed up.