by Renta
“Peace, queen, you’re forever safe with me. But more importantly, real niggaz don’t wait on fate to dictate how shit plays out. So, tonight you riding with a gangsta, we’ll skip fate, and make our own rules.”
Chapter Eight
Missing Him Is Better Than Getting Him Killed
~Jazzy~
“What the fuck, Jazz?” Charla screamed as she pulled the glasses from my face.
My eye were swollen shut from the fight me and Shotta had the night before. The punk motherfucker hit me with a closed fist because his jealousy caused him to see shit that wasn’t actual. The night started well, he’d taken me to the club with him and his people. While there, a cat I used to go to the university with recognized me and spoke as I headed to the ladies room. To make a long story short, Shotta left me at the club without a ride home. I had to catch a ride with Charla, back home.
I was so heated, I couldn’t think straight. I mean, fuck typa punk shit was that? Who left their woman at the club without a ride? So, I bade Charla goodbye and walked in the house intending to give the son-of-a-bitch a piece of my mind, but as soon as the door closed, shit got real spooky. Before, I could come up with a defense, his closed fist connected with my left eye. I’m not a punk bitch so after I got up off the floor, I fought him with all I had. My small fist didn’t do too much damage so, in the end, I ended up with a swollen eye and a nosebleed.
“Jazmina.” Charla snapped me back to the here and now. “I know that’s my brother. Lord knows I love him, but baby girl, you need to do what’s best for you. My grandma—moms—my whole family loves you, but no one will blame you if you leave his triflin’ ass!” Inspecting my eye she stared at me as though, I was the saddest child in the orphanage. “I can’t believe he did this to you. Your way too good for that man. You even left your dude back home for him—what else can he possibly want?” she fumed. “He shouldn’t be hitting on you at all, but especially not while you’re pregnant with his fucking child!”
Tears blurred my vision. The other day at the doctor’s I got the surprise of my life. I had been pregnant for months! That means that it could either be Shotta’s or Assata’s. Life had been taking me so fast, I didn’t even know when I first missed my menstrual. I cried all night. How could it be that I don’t know who the father of my child was? Am I a hoe? Is this Allah’s way of a sick joke? I didn’t know, but if it was Shotta’s I couldn’t hurt Assata like that. So, I pushed him to the back of my mind, yet he lived at the front of my heart.
I loved that man so much! I wanted to go to him with all my soul, but that would only cause destruction! I couldn’t do that to my baby, so I had to forget him. I had to, he’d never understand me having another man’s child. He’s not that typa man. So, forgetting him was my only option. Now I just had to convince my heart and soul to do the same.
***
~Pain~
4:15 a.m.
The after-hours was in full swing as niggas and bitches snuck off to get their fuck on. Me and Tomorrow tossed back shots of Henn Dog like it was water, we were lit. One of those lil’ hoes was gonna take me to the room tonight, anyway. As a matter of fact, me and the lil’ bitch, Tessa had been eye fuckin’ all night. The lil’ Meagan Good looking shawty had me on her game. Ever since she moved to the hood, I’d wanted to cut lil’ baby. I heard she was rocking with the boy Twisted. I didn’t know how true that was, but it didn’t even matter. I ain’t have no papers on the bitch and even though I respected the homie Twisted’s get down, there was no loyalty between us.
“What’s poppin’, dawg—you just zoned out on me,” Tomorrow interrupted my thoughts. The lil’ nigga had drunk like he was a fish.
“Naw, bruh—I’m just thinkin’ ‘bout cuttin’ something.”
The look on fam’s face told me he felt the same. “Why you don’t pick one of these lil’ hoes and smash out? You see all this ass up in here, P, ain’t nan one gonna turn a breadwinner down. This shit is a molten pot of horny freaks. This the after-hours, that’s what they came for, dawg. Why else will a bitch be out here at the after-hours with the vampires?” His young ass dropped a jewel on me.
I ‘G’ for lil’ homie—he’s a pup but possessed a big dawgs perspective. The hood made old niggaz outta babies.
“Yeah, I’m digging that, lil’ bruh. But the hoe I’m trying to bury my bone in is over there being sweated by the nigga Twisted.” I acknowledged wit’ a head nod in their direction.
Tessa was on the arm of Twisted and they were surrounded by shootas, yet her eyes kept checking for me, whenever her sneaky ass caught Twisted not hawking her. See that’s why I didn’t trust hoes. These lil’ females are only loyal to the nigga that keeps their pussies wet and their bodies draped in designer clothes.
“Yea—that trick ass nigga got the hoe in a chokehold, bruh. You may as well choose one of these other lil’ sluts ‘round here, shid it’s a few that’s crushin’ Tessa’s punk ass.” Tomorrow gave me an alternative.
I shook my head, as I pulled my phone off my hip. I texted a number I kept locked in, then told lil’ bro I’d catch him in traffic, and I made my exit. I was gonna get that lil’ bitch tonight—watch me work! As the door was closing I had to laugh at the last thing Tomorrow’s stupid ass said, before I left.
“Damn, dawg—that hoe’s pussy must be heavy on yo’ mind if she got you going to the car to jack off! Come on, bleed—that bitch ain’t even that bad!”
***
~Assata~
“Boy, quit lying,” she exclaimed.
We ducked off in our own lil’ corner. I made sure to pick a spot where I could see the goings and comings of the spot. There was way too many enemies to chill wit’ my back to death. As soon as we left the club, I got my banga off the front tire wheel, where I stashed it for quick access when the sucka, Bear told me I couldn’t bring it in. So, I was fully clothed now and the slightest implication of beef would be acknowledged with the whole clip.
“So, you mean to tell me, you’ve never been in love? Never believed in it? I don’t believe that” she said in disbelief. “I can’t believe that Assata, your poetry—your passion—it’s—”
“It’s just how I feel, love—shit, I’ve been through,” I cut her off. “Love, naw—queen, I’ve never believed in it, but recently I thought that my perception was proven wrong. Yet—how wrong could I had been when I awoke after months in a coma to find that the woman I gave my heart to was absent. She packed her bags in the middle of a storm and ran off with my faith and lost hope of believing in the fantasy of love.” Grey clouds roll over her eyes as she looked at me like a wounded animal. I laughed lightly to ease the mood. “It’s Gucci, ma—I’ve learned that it’s just how women are.”
This ensued an offended look from her. I could see the confliction within her, so I changed the topic. “Freedom, is that the name your mama gave you or just the pseudonym you use to hide behind?”
Reluctantly, the frown eased off her face, but not before she lightly smiled. “You’re smooth, God, but the earth has to understand God in order to rotate. We’ll come back to that insult you just gave me, but—I’m a real woman, Assata. I have nothing to hide, so let’s get that straight! Freedom, is my birth name my mother gave it to me because she was and still is a black liberationist. She loved powerful black women, especially Isabella Baumfree.”
The look on my face screamed, “Who the hell is Isabella Baumfree?” she giggled and continued. “Isabella Baumfree became Sojourner Truth. She was an abolitionist and feminist born into slavery. She escaped in eighteen twenty-seven, and became a lead orator against slavery, as she fought for the rights of women. My mother idolized that woman, so she took the last four letters of her original name and named me Freedom! Now, you, mister ‘it’s just how women were—was’ is Assata your government, or do you have something to hide?” she smiled with an air of retribution.
I returned the smile. “Touche,” I winked at her. “First off, I appreciate the history lesson, but I know all about Ms
. Truth. I admit you lost me with the birth name, but we’re never too old to learn. Secondly, Assata is, in fact, my birth name. It means— he or she who struggles.” She cut in with a wink of her own.
She glanced at her watch, then jumped as if someone had doused her with a cold cup of water. “Oh, my God!” A pitied look etched onto her face. “I’m so sorry, King, but I have to cut this beautiful meeting short. I had no idea it was this late. I guess I got lost in your debonair company.” She attempted at medicating any offense that may had been taken by her need to leave, but she had me confused.
I’m not one who took offense to a woman doing her. I ain’t got tags on lady, anyway. I saluted her as I stood to take her back to her car. Following suit, she placed a hand against my chest to stop me. As I looked down at her I witnessed the storm roll back into her eyes. “Assata, have you not found yourself in my poetry?”
***
~Pain~
Marcella’s phone vibrated, seeing the number, she smiled thinking he was calling about getting some money. Because Lord knows she needed it. She excused herself from her company and answered as soon as she walked into the ladies room, thankfully it was empty.
“What’s up, shorty wanna be a thug?” she knew I hated that shit.
“What I tell you about that bullshit, Mar, I may be small but my dick ain’t!” I cracked on the caramel complected bowlegged big booty, C-cup bitch.
“You know it’s not, but so what—there’s a million niggaz with big dicks,” she retorted.
I’d run up in lil’ baby a few times back when niggaz was wearing Platinum FUBU, around ’99-01. She’s a live catch but only for a nigga that had tough skin. The girl’s track record placed her on the blacklist with live niggaz. She has fucked the whole Kreek and maybe them niggaz from the other side too. For some niggaz, that’s Gucci, but I ain’t having no hoe on my arm that every nigga I know, knows what that pussy like. A nigga needs something he can be selfish with and can’t nobody be selfish with no freak. So, me and mama became good friends. She put me on pussy restriction, cause she couldn’t control her pussy. Anyway, she turned me on to her homegirls, so shit was gravy.
“Dig, I’m tryin’ to have a word with ya potna Tessa mayne make that happen for me,” I proposed.
She did this little suckin’ noise with her teeth, that she did when she was ‘bout to get on her other shit, but I smashed that out the gate. “Damn, bitch, every time yo’ dusty ass call me, I come thru but the one time I’m callin’ you-you with the bullshit—fuck you, dawg.” I hung up on her, then waited twenty seconds exactly before my horn rang again. “Yea, fuck you want, fam?”
“Damn, nigga, you always on that aggressive shit. Pain, I’m saying though—I just thought money was the topic, so you surprised me with the other shit,” She whined in my ear.
I had to respect the girl for her mind frame, but my dick was smokin’ right now, and I could give two fucks ‘bout how her mind frame was.
“Look, Mar, I got some live bidness online for you, but we’ll get to that later. Right now, I need you to get lil’ mama to step outside so I can vibe with her real quick.” I could hear the wheels spinning in her head, as her scandalous ass plotted on a way to pull it off.
“Give me a few seconds and she’ll be out. That nigga Twisted all on her pussy. So, I’m with y’all to make shit look good, and miss me with that just to vibe with her spiel, nigga. You, not my nigga, pimpin’.”
***
~Armani~
I won’t lie, that dark and lovely specimen of a man, Assata had captured my mind. As I leaned over to whisper in Tessa’s ear, I was driven to find out who dude was. The whole hood seemed to turn out for him, so he had to be from the Kreek, but how was that if our paths had never crossed?
“Tess, who is that dude over there with the girl, Free?”
Tess looked over in the direction, I was indicating and for some reason, a strange look crossed her face.
“Who, Assata? Girlll, that’s a nigga you need to stay clear of!”
I looked at her with inquisition in my eyes. She looked like she wanted to drop the subject but knew I’d just get the fuck up and go ask someone else, so in reluctance, she explained.
“Mani, you know, you’re my girl but Assata is spoken for—well—kinda,” she said, exhaling. “You remember my girl, Jazz, we’re always talking about?” I looked at her like yea, what the fuck about her? She rolled her eyes and continued. “Well, that’s her dude. But right now, she’s—umm—she’s dealing with some heavy shit, right now. Let me put you onto something real quick though, this between me and you—understand?”
She stared at me waiting for confirmation like we we’re making some type of high profile pact. I nodded my head in agreement. “I’m serious, Armani, this can’t leave this table.” My intense stare told her she was pissing me off with her procrastination.
“Look, Mar, is my girl and all but you gotta watch her. She’s a serpent with a capital ‘S’! She did some real foul shit too, Jazzy because Mar has had a thing for, Assata since we were little. Now that she thinks that, Jazzy is out of the picture, she has her eyes set on Satta. It would be in your best interest to watch her, and by all means stay away from that man over there,” she dropped the bomb on me.
I was thinking, ‘What the fuck?’ I was still lost and not giving a fuck about what Tessa said regarding Mar. They were best friends and she was sitting there telling me all her girl’s dirty little secrets. I was new to the circle and sure she liked me. But you don’t spit on your girl’s name like that, especially if you were in her face every day smiling like shit was all good. If I felt like that about one of them, I’d just pull ‘em to the side and let ‘em know the real. I was ‘bout to say this to Tessa until Marcella stumbled out of the restroom, with what appeared to be tears staining her pretty face.
She power walked to the table. “Tessa, oh my God, can you please take me to the hospital? Something happened to my grandmother, I need to be there for her,” she cried.
Tessa jumped up and wrapped her in a tight embrace—fake bitch! “Yes, you know, I got you, girl, you ready?”
Marcella nodded. Turning to a table over, Tess told Twisted what was up but it wasn’t no need because all eyes were on Marcella. My heart went out to her as pain radiated from her body language.
“No pressure, lady, take care of your girl. I’ll see you when you shake loose.” He respected her space as they made their exit.
Mar turned to me, “Armani, can you come with us? I need my girls?”
I got up and grabbed my Balenciaga bag without hesitation. “Say less, girl.” Together we left to support our girl’s folks. At least that’s what I thought.
***
~Assata~
“I really enjoyed your company, Assata, maybe we can do it again sometime soon,” Free said, as we stood on her porch not knowin’ how to cap the night off.
Well, I knew exactly how to end the night, but I didn’t think that would be a good suggestion on the first date—if that’s what you called it. Fuck all this teenage nervous shit, I stepped into her space, wrapped my arms around her waist, and pulled her into me. I placed my forehead against hers and let her see the beast hidden in my pupils.
“Listen, lady, I’m not trying to push and shove—no pressure on my end, but I’m digging you. Not saying I’m ready for relations cause, I’ll just end up fuckin’ something up cause—” I took her hand and placed it on the side of my chest where my heart was ‘pose to be. “Cause, I don’t have nothing here, life stole my innocence and left an animal inside me, Free, but even the beast needed the beauty to find that prince that lived inside of him.” Without her consent, I placed my lips against hers then slipped my tongue between those juicy ass lips.
First, surprise caused her to tense up, but after a few seconds she wrapped her arms around my neck and obliged. I swear, I ain’t the typa nigga that goes around smoochin’ bitches, it was either this or get real barbaric and pop one of those juicy ass tittie
s out and try my luck. So, I figured this would be safe and way more civilized. She broke the kiss with a soft moan and placed her hands against my chest.
Then she stepped back just a little to give our bodies a bit of space, before we did exactly what she spoke of in her poem, and combusted. She flashed those sexy ass dimples and for the first time, I noticed the braces. Maybe I had noticed them before, but was too entranced by the rest of her to give a fuck, now that I saw ‘em it was ova with! It was just something about a woman with braces that turned me on.
“Assata—uhh—thank you for the—the umm. The beautiful way to end the night but I really need to get to bed. You know—work in the a.m.”
I rubbed my hands over my waves. I had to mentally tame my nature. I wanted this lady—needed to bury this aggression inside her. But I knew she wasn’t the typa woman a nigga could just run up in. She was a rare typa bitch period, without another word I turned to leave. She grabbed my wrist preventing me from leaving, so I turned back facing her.
She said some shit I’d never forget. “Black man, a woman is like a handful of diamonds. Let’s say, out of the whole handful, only one is actually real? Let’s say you cock your arm back as far as you can, and throw that handful of diamonds out into the world? Then you take on the journey of finding that one real one, let’s say one by one you find everyone but the authentic one? Baby, just because it seems you’ll never find it, doesn’t mean it’s not out there to be found. Peace, God, oh and by the way, I’ll cry for that little ghetto boy.”
***
~Tomorrow~
5:00 a.m.