It mattered that he reached for her hand.
To her heart, it all mattered, even though her brain knew better. Warning sirens were going off, telling her to take shelter.
She chose to ignore them.
Chapter Six
Colt had been in a lot of churches over the years, big cathedrals, storefront gatherings, large arenas and even cowboy churches located outdoors. This church in his hometown still spoke to his heart in ways that no other church could. Sitting in here with his family made it all the more real for him.
Sitting next to Holly shook him in ways he hadn’t expected. It felt like the place he was meant to be, and the place he shouldn’t be.
At the end of the service he bowed his head with everyone else. He prayed to be the father Dixie needed. He prayed he wouldn’t let her or Holly down. Lord, let me be a better man.
All around him people were standing, moving down the aisle to leave. Holly stared at him as if she thought he’d lost his mind. He winked at her, grabbing hold of the pew in front of him to push himself to his feet.
“Why do you do it?” she asked.
He grabbed his cane and stepped into the aisle so she could join him.
“Fight bulls, I mean,” she added. Dixie slid out of their pew but didn’t stay with them. She headed for the front door, where his family—her family—stood waiting.
He’d brought her here and given her probably the best gift he could give a kid. Family. A real family with aunts, uncles and cousins.
“Why do I fight bulls?” he repeated. “I guess I do it for the adrenaline rush.” He shrugged as he answered. “And because I like knowing that I’ve kept those guys safe. I worry about them when I’m not in the arena. I know the other bullfighters take the job just as seriously as I do, but it’s like leaving my kids at day care. You know they’re going to be cared for but you want to be the one doing it.”
“How noble of you.” Isaac appeared at their side.
“Would it be noble if I rearranged your face?” Colt asked.
“It would be wrong to hit your brother in church. Besides, I’m already wounded.” Isaac pointed to the scar from the explosion that had stolen the hearing in his left ear.
“You surely had something else to say since you came looking for us,” Colt responded.
“I thought I’d remind you both that the family gets together at Mercy Ranch for lunch on Sunday. It’s the one time of the week we’re all guaranteed to be together.”
They walked toward the doors together, but Colt saw the hesitation in Holly’s face.
“I should take Opal home. This has been a lot for her and she doesn’t do well in places that are unfamiliar,” she said softly, casting a worried glance in her mother’s direction.
Opal had extricated herself from Holly’s hold and walked down the steps ahead of them. Colt reached for the rail and eased himself down slowly, first one leg, then the other.
“Hard to maneuver when you’re missing some muscle, isn’t it?” Isaac asked as he waited for Colt.
“It’s getting better. Physical therapy and exercises to build it back up. It won’t ever be the same, but it’ll be good enough.”
“Kind of like you?” Isaac asked with a grin.
“Yeah, I guess.” He let his gaze trail after Holly like a coon dog in hunting season. “I’ll talk to Holly about lunch.”
“It would do her good.”
“I know,” Colt responded as he took a step to put distance between himself and his overbearing sibling.
“You all coming to the ranch for lunch?” Carson caught him as he headed for Holly and Dixie. God save him from interfering brothers! That should have been his prayer. Carson’s wife Kylie and his two children were close behind. Maggie, Carson’s daughter, spotted him and ran as fast as her little legs could carry her.
“Uncle Colt!” She flew at him and he picked her up, hugging her tight. He liked to believe he’d helped Carson and Kylie find each other and thus a family was made.
Sometimes he managed to do the right thing.
“Hey, Princess, how’s life?”
“I got a pony!” She hugged his neck as she told him. “And I named it Goldie because she’s...”
“Gold?”
She laughed. “No, silly, she’s spotted. But she’s worth a lot.”
Next to him Holly laughed, a real honest-to-goodness laugh. He found the sound contagious. For a moment the past, the heartache, his failures—all were forgotten as Maggie told them about the black-and-white pony and how she could jump a whole foot with her on her back.
“Okay, let’s get everyone rounded up and head out to the ranch.” Carson reached for his daughter. “You are very full of yourself today.”
“I’m full of myself every day.” She laughed as she made the pronouncement. “That’s what Grandpa Jack says.”
“It is indeed what he says,” Carson acknowledged. “See you all there?”
“Yes, see you there,” Colt agreed. And just like that, they were all one big happy family and no one mentioned the elephant in the room—that they’d never been a happy family before.
He gathered up what had become his temporary family—Holly, Dixie and Opal. For the time being they were his, and watching over them meant he had less time to think about a Sunday family lunch with Jack. He had less time to think about their futures, which were precarious at best.
“Are you okay?” Holly asked after he’d helped her mother and Dixie into the back seat of his truck, then moved to open her door.
Jack hadn’t done much right as a father, but he had taught his sons to pitch a curveball, work hard and open the door for a woman. He guessed those things had served Colt well. He’d gotten a college baseball scholarship, could face down some of the meanest bulls on the planet, and he could stand next to Holly, and just soak up her goodness. Maybe some of it would rub off on him?
“I’m good.” He cleared his throat to pretend he hadn’t been woolgathering.
“Liar,” she whispered.
Her dark eyes sought his. They asked questions. He didn’t give a lot of answers. He didn’t share his story with just anyone. But he and Holly? They knew each other’s stories. They’d lived through them, together.
“Lunch with Jack,” he admitted. “That’s something I hadn’t ever planned on. Ever again.”
“You don’t have to do it for us,” she insisted. “We can go to my place and have bologna sandwiches.”
“Tempting,” he said.
He was tempted to brush a strand of her windblown hair behind her ear. He was tempted to admit a lot of feelings that would probably overwhelm them both. He knew better than to do that.
Be the tortoise, not the hare. That had to be his mantra. Because when he finally claimed her heart, he would be someone she could count on to keep her safe. Someone who wouldn’t let her down.
“So?” she prodded.
“I have to go there,” he said. “And see that he’s changed. I have to give our daughter a chance to know her family.”
“Give yourself a chance to know your father as more than the man who left scars?” she asked.
“Yes, that, too.”
He wondered if she thought of him when she said that. Would she ever give him a chance to be more? As she got in his truck and he closed the door, he had hope.
* * *
Holly didn’t want to admit it, but she had her own case of nerves as they pulled up to the main house at Mercy Ranch. These people were her friends, she reminded herself. Or as close as she got to friends. She’d never been one to engage in small talk, or to share much about her life. People who were close to her understood.
The café had become her social place, bringing her into the lives of her customers. She was Millie’s granddaughter, Opal’s daughter. People asked how she was doing. They asked about her
mother. Few of them pushed too deeply for answers.
With Dixie in her life, she lost that anonymity. It also meant Colt was here, with her, with his family. As they walked toward the front of the house she noticed him fidgeting with his hat. She saw his easy smile for Dixie and heard him softly asking her mother if she was doing okay.
She spied a grimace on his face as he leaned a little more on the cane that she knew he didn’t like to use. She guessed the idea of falling appealed less than the idea of looking weak. It was temporary, he’d told her.
She knew all about temporary.
As they approached the house Dixie reached for her hand. Holly glanced down at their joined hands, and over Dixie’s head she met Colt’s eyes. He winked and nodded, just barely. Everything about this moment unsettled her. Dixie holding her hand, Colt helping her mother up the stairs. The four of them, together.
She wanted it so much. She’d never wanted anything more.
At the front door they drew to a halt. Colt raised his hand to knock but froze. He leaned heavily on his cane and stared off at some distant point on the horizon. She followed his gaze to where it landed on the two-story farmhouse a good distance away. Colt had spent his childhood in that home, which now served as a residence for men, wounded veterans, who lived on Mercy Ranch.
“The two of you acting all tense sure isn’t helping things any,” Dixie spoke softly as they stood there, waiting. “This place is humungous. No one warned me that Jack West had a home like this.”
Colt grinned. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“I get it,” Dixie continued. “I mean, I just recently met my parents so I can kind of relate. I guess we’re both getting to know our dads.”
Colt looked as if he might cry. Holly felt tears sting the back of her eyes and she drew in a painful breath.
Colt pulled Dixie close and kissed the top of her head in an affectionate way that Holly could only describe as fatherly. He had that way about him. He could easily slide into any role and make it look easy. Even fatherhood.
Holly envied him that because she felt like she was wading in quicksand trying to figure out how to be the mother Dixie needed. She didn’t want to move too quickly or hold back in her usual way. She wanted Dixie to know she was there for her.
“I know you understand,” Colt told their daughter. “You’re handling it like a pro.”
“Are you nervous about spending time with Grandpa Jack? Aunt Daisy won’t come and visit him. I heard her talking with my...” Her expression crumpled and she suddenly wiped her nose on her sleeve and struggled to manage a smile. “He was very nice at church.”
Colt looked to Holly for help. She gave her a brief hug. “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” Dixie said. “Everyone is sorry but...” She sniffled again. “I do miss her and I’m not sure what’s gonna happen.”
Holly kept her arm around Dixie. “What happens is we are all going to do our best to make sure you’re happy and you know you’re loved.” And then she said the second-most-difficult words of her life. “And if you choose to live with Daisy instead of us, we will support that.”
“Do you want me?” The question seemed painful for everyone. Even Opal, who suddenly seemed aware and reached for her granddaughter.
“We all want you,” Opal assured her. “Holly wants you. She always has. If it hadn’t been for Colt West...”
Colt chuckled. “I’m right here, Opal.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Nope.”
Dixie stepped forward, her hand raised. “Do we knock or go on in? I mean, I guess if we’re family we just walk in, right?”
Colt pushed the door open. “After you, ladies.”
They walked through the foyer into the living room, a vast space with large windows, leather furniture arranged around a fireplace and a couple of cushioned rocking chairs facing the windows.
“This is lovely,” Opal said, pausing in the middle of the room. “I do think I’m going to just sit down for a bit.”
“You’re sure?” Holly asked. “Mom, I can take you home.”
“I’m not going home.” Opal sat in a nearby recliner. “You all go on and I’ll be here.”
Colt grabbed a quilt off one of the rocking chairs and placed it over her. “Yell if you need us.”
She was already closing her eyes but she nodded.
Holly paused in the doorway, but Colt urged her on.
“She’s okay, she’s just tired,” he assured her.
“I know, I just have to know that she’s okay. We should lock the front door. She’s never wandered away but I’m afraid she might. There are nights I get up three or four times to check on her, just making sure she’s still in her room asleep.”
“You need to let people help,” he told her. “Let me help you. I can’t do much but I can watch over Opal.”
“I let people help,” she began, but he gave her a look that stopped her. “Okay, I’m not the best at asking for help. But she’s my responsibility.”
They walked through the house together and when they reached the kitchen they were greeted by a swarm of family and ranch residents. The kitchen, dining room and family room were all one large area, and off the family room was a breakfast nook. It made for an open gathering place for a very large group of people.
A serving table had been set up with warming trays. A few people stood in line to serve themselves. Others were already seated with their food. Jack saw them enter and headed toward them, a large smile on his face, more likely directed at Dixie than at either of them.
When he stood a few feet away, his expression softened. He maneuvered his walker to the side and stood a little taller.
“I’m so glad to have you here. I now have all of my grandchildren under this roof.”
“But not—” Dixie caught herself as the words slipped out.
“Not what?” Jack asked, confusion furrowing his brow.
“Not a day went by when I didn’t think about having a family.”
Dixie smiled up at her grandfather, then she took Colt’s hand as if it were a lifeline. Father and daughter stood together in that moment, facing their past and their present. Maybe their futures.
Holly’s heart shifted, like sand with the changing tide. It fell apart just a little but got rearranged in a whole new way.
“How’re you doing? You okay?” Kylie asked, coming to stand next to Holly.
“I am. I’m good.”
Kylie handed her a plate. “Go get some food.”
“I don’t know if I can eat, but I’ll get my mother a plate.”
“Where’s Opal?”
“She’s in the living room, resting.”
Kylie walked with her toward the food. “I’ll get your mom a plate and you get your own.”
“I had a break yesterday,” Holly told her. “Stacy took over at the café. I stayed home with Dixie.”
Kylie picked up a piece of chicken. “Will your mom eat this?”
Holly shrugged. “She might eat it. To be honest, I think she’s forgetting to eat. Or maybe forgetting how to eat. There are days when I cut her food up and feed her, just to make sure.”
“Holly, you need more help. Or you might have to accept that it’s time to put Opal somewhere where she can get the care she needs. And I want you to know, we’ll all be here to help you.”
Holly was silent for a moment, then said, “I appreciate that.”
Kylie studied her. “I haven’t talked to Colt and I don’t think he’s shared much with Carson. Is he staying? I mean, the three of you...” Kylie shrugged. “I’m sorry, that isn’t any of my business. I just think that you look happier and I’m sure that’s because Dixie is here.”
Dixie, the child that Kylie and most of Holly’s friends never knew existed. Now she was here. And Colt was here. Everything was different.
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The three of them trying to be a family—it was something Holly had dreamed of twelve years ago, until Colt had broken her heart and she’d faced the reality that she couldn’t raise a baby on her own. She’d been afraid, overwhelmed, and had made the toughest decision ever: to give her baby up for adoption.
“It’s been an amazing couple of days,” Holly admitted. “And frightening, because it’s a big change for all of us.”
Kylie touched her arm. “Today isn’t the day for long talks. But maybe soon, over coffee?”
Holly started to respond but Dixie appeared at her side. She’d overheard the conversation. Kylie excused herself, telling Holly she would make sure Opal ate.
Holly lifted a piece of pork and offered it to her daughter. “Pork or chicken?”
Dixie shrugged, raising her eyes to meet Holly’s. “Do you regret that I’m here? Am I going to make things too hard for you?”
Holly fought back tears. “I want you. I want you more than anything. We will figure this out. And I promise, it’s actually the best thing ever, having you here. But I don’t know the little things. Like what you like to eat for lunch. I want to know everything.”
Dixie leaned over and reached for some asparagus with a fork. “I like asparagus.”
“Do you?” Holly asked, almost afraid to breathe. “So do I. It’s my favorite. You never answered, pork or chicken?”
“Neither, really. I guess chicken better than pork. I like beef. A lot.”
“Me, too,” Holly said, smiling at her daughter.
“I also like coffee but I don’t want to drink yours because I don’t know if it will make you mad.”
“It won’t make me mad. Not at all. I’ll make a full pot in the mornings so that there’s enough for you to have a cup.” Holly looked at the food on the table. “What about potatoes?”
“I don’t like sweet potatoes,” Dixie leaned to look in the warmer. “I do like mashed with bacon.”
The Prodigal Cowboy (Mercy Ranch Book 5) Page 7
