“I’ll come see you when I’m in Tulsa,” Colt told his daughter. “If you want.”
She looked up from where she rested on Holly’s shoulder. “Why will you be in Tulsa?”
“I got a call, asking me if I could fill in for a friend.” He hadn’t meant to tell them this way but once he’d mentioned visiting her, he had to push on and tell the truth. “And I have another commitment coming up. It’s all kind of sudden, but I’ll make sure we get to see each other.”
He gave Holly a look, silently pleading with her to understand. She didn’t. Of course she didn’t. She was losing her daughter—and him.
He’d definitely made a mess of things this time.
“I guess I should pack.” Dixie slid from Holly’s lap but kept Cooter close. “And I can take Cooter?”
Daisy nodded. “You can take Cooter.”
Dixie stopped mid-stride. “What about my horse? What about Flash?”
“I’ll take care of him,” Holly told her. “And if you stay at Daisy’s, we’ll make sure he gets to you. If Daisy knows where we can board him.”
“I have a few acres. He’ll be welcome at my place.” Daisy rubbed Dixie’s back. “This can all change, according to what you want.”
“Okay.” Dixie glanced back at Holly. “Will you help me pack?”
“Of course.”
And just like that, she was leaving, choosing her own path. Colt held it together until he got out the back door and across the lawn to the barn. Then he had a long talk with God about the unfairness of it. He shed a few tears in the process, then he walked away, knowing that they’d done the right thing. Unfortunately that didn’t make it feel any better.
When it was time for Dixie and Daisy to leave, he stood at the car with them. They hugged until they were all in tears and Dixie appeared to be exhausted. He opened the door and put her in the car, making sure she had her seat belt on. With a final kiss on the top of her head he told her he loved her.
Holly followed and she held it together, smiling the entire time.
“It will be so good for you to see your friends and to finish the year at your school.” Holly kissed her cheek. “And we’ll go shopping. I haven’t been to Tulsa in ages.”
“I’ll be back, I promise,” Dixie said.
“I know you will.” Holly gave her a final hug. “Be safe and call us when you get home.”
She backed away, smiling the entire time Daisy’s car went down the drive to the road. And then she crumpled to the ground and sobbed.
Colt reached for her, wanting to comfort her, to pull her to her feet.
“Go away, Colt.”
“I can’t leave you like this.”
“Go.” She stood, brushing herself off, tears still streaming down her cheeks. “I need for you to go now. You have places to be. I have a life to live.”
“I’m here, Holly. I’m not going anywhere.”
“But you are. When were you going to tell me?”
“I don’t know. To be honest, I put it off because I knew that you wouldn’t understand. I knew you wouldn’t trust me.”
She didn’t respond, too exhausted from the fight and from saying goodbye to Dixie.
“Holly, someday I hope you’ll realize that I’m a man you can trust.” He stood in the yard, ten feet from her, knowing she might not even be hearing what he had to say to her. “Leaving doesn’t mean I won’t come back or that there is someone else. I love you. I’ve loved you almost my entire life. I know I’ve hurt you. I’ve let you down. I can’t even imagine why you would trust me, but I want it. I want to be the man who deserves your love because I think your love, next to God, is the most precious gift I could ever have. If you ever decide to give me that gift, I won’t misuse it. But first, you have to give me your trust.”
She shook her head. “Not today, Colt. Today I can’t even trust myself. I hurt so much that I can’t have this conversation with you. It’s like reliving Dixie’s birth and feeling the pain all over again.”
“I know,” he told her. “I lived that day, too. You weren’t alone.”
“I was alone,” she accused.
He looked down at his boots. “Yes, you were. But today you don’t have to be.”
She wiped away the tears rolling down her cheeks. Tears that just wouldn’t stop. “I’m sorry but I can’t do this. Not right now.”
She turned away and walked up the steps to the house and he let her go because he understood. He needed some time, too.
The last thing he wanted was to lose her again. He didn’t know how to keep her, how to win her. He headed to his truck and with a last look at her house, he drove away.
Chapter Fifteen
Holly slipped between crowded tables at the café, refilling coffee and water for her customers as Stacy wandered through the room delivering orders. Jess, who had become a well-trained waitress in Holly’s absence, hurried through the dining room making sure her tables were taken care of.
It seemed Colt knew how to manage a diner. He also knew how to make it grow. In just a matter of weeks he’d added items to the menu, taught Jim a few lessons by using the internet and streamlined their ordering process. There were electronic monitors where there had once been an ancient cash register and he’d ordered a dishwasher and a flame grill.
She didn’t appreciate the changes. Well, maybe she did a little but she didn’t want to. She didn’t want the improvements to be because of him.
As she poured a cup of coffee, a screech interrupted her thoughts.
“Good grief, Holly, are you mooning over that man or what? You just poured coffee on my hand. Give a guy a warning if you’re going to pour hot coffee on him, will ya?” Chet jerked back, reaching for his ice water and dousing his napkin in it to apply to his scalded hand.
“Chet, I’m so sorry. And no, I’m not mooning. That’s just rude.”
“Rude is burning a guy with coffee. The last time I seen you so distracted was the day he walked through the door. Now you’re at it again and he’s just been gone a few days.” Chet grabbed the towel from her tray and sopped up the mess on the table.
“I’ll do that, Chet. And your lunch is on me.” She took the towel back and finished cleaning up the mess. “I really am sorry.”
“Don’t you worry about it.” Chet patted her arm in a fatherly way. “I know this has been a tough week for you.”
“Thank you, Chet.” And then she had to hightail it out of the dining room before she started to cry in front of her customers. As she ran, she heard someone tell Chet it was his fault she was crying, that he should learn to keep his mouth shut.
As she went through the door of the kitchen, Stacy caught her shoulders so they wouldn’t collide. “Boss, you okay?”
She nodded. “Good. Right as rain. I’m going to step outside for a minute.”
“That’s fine. I’ve got this covered.” Stacy headed on through the door and Holly did a U-turn and headed for the back door of the café.
The air outside was warm after being in the cool interior of the café. She leaned up against the wall and breathed deep, closing her eyes for a moment to pray for peace. They’d done the right thing for Dixie. They had. She knew it.
“Working on your summer tan?” The voice came from the sidewalk. She opened her eyes and smiled at Rebecca.
“Yes. I’m determined to get one this year.”
Rebecca eyed the steps that led to Holly. The building had once been an old store and on the side was a huge concrete loading dock. She thought that someday she might put chairs and string lights for evening dining. Maybe add a roof. None of that really mattered at the moment but her brain seemed to wander more these days.
“Come on up,” Holly told Rebecca.
The other woman came up the steps with effort. “Wow, those five steps feel like mountain climbing.”
“I’m sur
e they do. I wish I could offer you a seat.”
“No need, I’m meeting Isaac for lunch.” She glanced at her phone. “He won’t be here for ten minutes or so.”
“So you’re all ears?”
Rebecca nodded. “Something like that.”
Holly shrugged. “What can I say, I feel a little bit like a snow globe at this point. I thought I was all settled in my life and then everything got shaken. Just as things settled again, another shake-up. I’m trying to have faith. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, right? I’m holding on to the part where it says He will direct my paths. But this path seems to have a lot of potholes.”
“I know and I’m sorry.” Rebecca leaned against the wall next to her. “It’s been a rough couple of months for you.”
“It has.” She breathed, finding it easier now to let her friends in. “But I’ve realized something about myself.”
“What is that?” Rebecca grimaced and a hand when to her belly. “Whoa!”
“Did you just have a contraction?”
“Maybe. But carry on. Tell me what you’ve realized about yourself, I need a distraction.”
“I don’t think this is the time for my stories, Rebecca,” Holly responded.
“Oh, it is. I assure you.”
“Okay, I’ve realized I’ve closed myself off from friendships. I have them, just kept them at arm’s length. My life has always been messy and it was easier to not let people in. And now I seem to be making up for that, don’t I?”
“I’m glad you are,” Rebecca said.
“Colt told me I needed to learn to trust. He’s right. I need to trust him. And I’ve struggled with that. I’ve held our past over his head. No matter what he did for me, the past was there. The heartache was front and center.”
“Remember the story of the prodigal?” Rebecca asked. “When he came home broken and broke, after using up everything he’d been given, the father brought him in and not only forgave him, but threw a party.”
“Forgiveness.”
“Mercy,” Rebecca responded. “It’s a hard lesson. It shows God’s compassionate and unfailing love for us. No matter what, if we’re willing to come to him, broken and humble, He will restore us. As humans it’s a little more difficult to give that forgiveness to someone who has hurt us.”
“I miss him,” she admitted to her friend.
“And Dixie?”
She smiled at the mention of her daughter. “I miss her so much it’s like a giant hole in my heart. We talk every night on the phone, and she’s full of stories about her school and her friends. Cooter is learning new tricks. Her artwork is being featured in the school art show.”
“Why don’t you go?”
“Maybe.” Holly hadn’t thought about it. She’d been trying to give Dixie space.
“If she told you about it, I can almost guarantee she wants you there.”
“You’re right, I should go.” She thought about Colt being in Tulsa at a buck-off. The art show would take place on Friday and the buck-off on Saturday. Isaac had told her the buck-off was a fundraiser for a bull-riding friend of Colt’s with a sick child.
“You won’t be sorry,” Rebecca told her. “It’s hard to give a part of yourself that can be shattered if the trust isn’t earned. Isaac taught me to trust again. He made it impossible to not fall in love.” At this she smiled sweetly. “I honestly planned to never marry, not after the disaster I made of my life with Allie’s father. I think we have a lot in common. We were young and we made mistakes. Those mistakes changed our lives. This is why I teach the girls in my teen class at church to wait, because there is nothing fun about being a teenager with a baby. The repercussions are far reaching. Kids don’t think about things like custody, or how expensive it is to provide for a baby.”
Holly reached for her friend, giving her a gentle hug. “Rebecca, I am so glad you came to Hope to start your new life. But I’m going to take you inside now. You need to see your wonderful husband.”
“Plus I think I’m going to have a baby now.” Rebecca’s grin started to change into a grimace.
“I think you are, too.”
“And I think you are going to Tulsa,” Rebecca said as they walked arm in arm back into the café.
“If you won’t need me for anything, I think I’m going to see my mom and then I’m going to take off.”
“I think you should go. I’m going to be busy for the next few days.” Rebecca stiffened for a brief moment. “But when you get back, I think a casserole would be nice.”
“It’s a deal.” Holly helped Rebecca to the dining room where they found Isaac, Carson and Jack.
“What’s this?” Jack asked when he saw the two of them.
“I think we might need to skip lunch,” Rebecca told her husband. “I think we might need to go to Grove.”
Isaac and Carson were both on their feet. “I’m going to be a dad!” Isaac crowed.
“Did he just figure that out?” Carson asked Rebecca.
“He’s kind of late to the party.” Rebecca reached for her husband.
The West family departed the café. Holly’s customers were cheering them on and wishing them all the best. She stood at the window, smiling as Isaac helped his wife into the truck. Carson hurried to his SUV with Jack, the soon-to-be grandfather. She smiled at the scene they created, the four of them.
She glanced back at her café, the place that had been her life for several years. She saw the changes wrought by a man who had shown her nothing but kindness, nothing but love, she realized. Everything Colt had done for her had been an act of love, even his bringing Dixie to her.
Her own brokenness had caused her to push him away. Today she didn’t feel so broken. Today she felt loved—by friends, by her community and by God. Even from a distance, she felt His love.
Her thoughts turned back to Colt. She needed to find a way to show him how much his love meant to her. She wanted him to know that she loved him back. And as difficult as it had been for her to find trust, she trusted him.
* * *
Colt found his way to Dixie’s art show, loving that his daughter had invited him. He’d seen her the day before and she’d told him that Holly would be there as well. When he’d found that out, he’d decided he wouldn’t hold off making the trip back to Hope to see his new nephew, Jackson West. Colt loved that his brother had a son.
He’d like to have a son of his own someday. The only problem was he had to figure out how to convince Holly to marry him. If she needed convincing, maybe they just weren’t meant to be.
He wandered the room, searching for Dixie and Daisy, finally spotting them in a quiet corner. Dixie lit up when she saw him. He opened his arms and she ran to him.
“I’m so proud of you,” he told her, swinging her around.
“Thank you. Now put me down. You’re causing a scene.” She squirmed in his arms and he put her down.
“You’re a mess,” he told her. “Is school out next week?”
“Yep.”
He had hoped she’d say something about going back to Hope. She didn’t. And he wasn’t going to push. That’s the deal he and Holly had made. When and if Dixie came home, it would be her decision. But they still had her in their lives and that was all that mattered.
When he reached the corner where the sixth-grade artwork was displayed, Daisy gave him a quick hug. “I hear we’re the proud owners of a new nephew.”
“We are. Jackson West.”
“They named him after Dad.” Daisy made a face. “I mean, that’s fine, it’s their baby.”
“Forgiveness,” Colt told her. “It’s a healing thing.”
“I like myself just fine, but thanks.”
“Oh, hard heart, when will you have your comeuppance?”
“Why would I need a comeuppance?” she asked, truly offended. “I’m a good per
son. I live a good life.”
“Yes, I know you are.” Colt perused the art on the wall, finding his daughter’s work. It was a charcoal drawing titled Family. Opal with her cat. Jack smiling, wearing a cowboy hat. Flash standing in the field. Cooter sitting next to Dixie. Becky, smiling down from heaven. It was a collage of people. He pointed them out to her, smiling as he realized the message she was sending. These were her people.
“I can’t believe you can tell who they are!” Dixie hugged him tight.
“Of course I can tell. This is an amazing work of art.”
“I’m going to hang it at my mom’s house.”
He teared up a little. “She’ll love that. This is a special thing, Dixie.”
“It felt special when I was drawing it. It’s all the generations of my family. And my animals.”
“Yeah, I can see that. You’ve got talent, kid. I’m glad you came home, to Daisy. I’m glad you got to do this.”
“Me, too.” She stood at his side and he wanted her to always be there. He wanted to teach her to rope, to run barrels, to fish, to play fair, to lose. He wanted to be her dad, every single day. He wanted more than weekends, holidays and summers. He wanted it all.
And she deserved more. She deserved his very best. Holly deserved his very best.
He hadn’t realized until Dixie showed up that he wasn’t complete without her, without Holly. He’d just been skating through life with no anchor. They anchored him.
“Where’s Holly?” he asked after a bit.
“She came and left,” Daisy said rather noncommittally.
Had she left so she wouldn’t have to bump into him?
“Is she already on her way back to Hope?” he asked.
“I guess,” Daisy said with a shrug.
“You’re a lot of help,” he accused. “You were supposed to keep her here so I could talk to her.”
“Shh, not in front of the child,” Daisy half joked.
“I’m right here,” Dixie countered.
This was getting him nowhere. The women in his life were a complicated bunch. He looked at the two standing near him and shook his head.
The Prodigal Cowboy (Mercy Ranch Book 5) Page 16
