by Charley Case
Finn had been here a few times before, most notably to get some hard to come by parts for a project he and Mila had worked on just a few weeks earlier. Scanning the crowded walls now, he was having trouble spotting who he was looking for.
He passed by a cart that was fuming blue smoke and smelled of cotton candy and baked apples. Penny was so enraptured with the smell, she was practically floating off his shoulder.
“You want some?” he raised his thumb toward the cart.
Penny puffed a ring of smoke from a nostril, and blinked slowly, never taking her eyes off the roiling blue smoke.
Finn gave a chuckle. “Okay. To tell you the truth, it’s been ages since I’ve had a Tooter. I think I’ll join you.” Stepping up to the cart, he held out a hand, raising two fingers. “Two, if you please.”
An extremely beautiful and tiny woman turned from the open half of a fifty-five-gallon drum that had been turned into a grill. She smiled, showing a row of sharp, pointed teeth, and eyes that were just a little too large, if not enchanting. Grabbing a pair of tongs that were far too large for her tiny hands, she expertly pulled two sizzling blue larvae from the grill and tossed them into paper hotdog boats. She slammed the grill closed, and handed the steaming treats to Finn.
“You’re a dryad, aren’t you?” he asked, plucking a few napkins from the dispenser attached to the side of the cart.
“I am,” she snapped, putting her hands on her hips and blowing a stray lock of silver hair from her face. “And, if my magic hasn’t completely fled me, you’re a dwarf. Haven’t seen one of your kind since I got on this boat.” The end of the tongs, still clutched in one hand, bobbed behind her shoulder.
“You’ve been here since the Earth started her journey through the stars?” Finn’s jaw dropped along with Penny’s, who had been in the middle of reaching for her Tooter. “I didn’t think anyone was still around from back then. How?”
She grunted a laugh. “You answered that yourself. I’m a dryad. I live as long as my tree does. I just so happen to have hidden my tree pretty early on. Let’s just say no one is going to find her any time, well, ever.” She laughed some more, as if what she had said was the greatest joke ever told.
From what Finn knew of dryads, this one was more than likely a little mad.
“Good fortune to you and your saplings, then.” He gave a half-bow.
“Well, aren’t you the charmer?” She flashed him another smile. “Nobody remembers that saying in these parts.” She eyed him, then Finn felt the light push of fae magic brush up against him. “Well I’ll be a stump in a bog hut. You’re fuckin’ royalty, aintcha?”
Finn waved the comment away. “Just the third son of a king. No big deal, really. What do I owe you for the Tooters?”
“Four bucks,” she said, frowning. “And just so you know, third son of a king is still a fuckin’ prince.”
“Not this far from home, it isn’t.”
Penny huffed a blast of fire past his nose that made both him and the dryad take a step back. “Squeak! Chi sich griip.” She punctuated her little tirade with another blast of flame.
“The dragon’s right.” The dryad smoothed the front of her dirty apron to cover her surprise at the fire blast. “Just because you’re alone here doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take your position serious. A dwarf king is something to be reckoned with, even if nobody knows who you are. You have a special breed of magic that not many people here can even recognize.”
Finn pulled out a gold coin with his own likeness pressed into it. “This is all I have. I don’t carry peabrain money.”
Her eyes lit up at the gold, but she frowned when she saw his face staring back up at her from it. “If you’re trying to keep a low profile, then maybe don’t put your face on your coins. Also, take some advice from someone who’s been around for a while… Get some money. This,” she shook the heavy coin so he could see it, “has got to be worth five hundred bucks, easy. I can’t take this for four dollars’ worth of food.”
“Tell you what, let’s say the other four hundred and ninety-six is for some info.”
“A generous dwarf? I never thought I would see the day.” The gold coin vanished into her pocket faster than Finn could track. “What can old Gwen do for you?”
Finn laid on his most charming smile. “I’m looking for someone that can make me a favor.”
Gwen cocked one of her perfectly manicured brows. “Make you a favor? That’s a tall order. You sure you want to do that?”
“I’m sure.”
Penny huffed a smoke ring of agreement, then took a juicy bite from her grilled larva. She trilled in satisfaction while chomping at the sweet meat inside.
“Okay, I can appreciate a man who knows how to honor his commitments.” Gwen tapped the tongs on the grill top while she thought, the hollow twangs sending a shower of sparks up with the blue smoke. “I say talk with Howard. He’s been in the wizard game a long time. He won’t be cheap, but he’s going to get it right. You don’t want to fuck up a favor. Besides, anyone willing to pay for two Tooters with a gold coin with their own face on it don’t have a reason to be cheap.”
She pointed them in the right direction and told them that if they needed anything else, to come and ask. Her stall would always be open for a generous dwarf.
Finn went to take a bite from his Tooter, but when he lifted the paper boat, Penny was in the wrapping, smacking her distended belly, a wicked gleam in her eye.
“Hey, that was mine!”
“Squee. Hufush.” She lazily belched a fireball that nearly caught Finn’s beard on fire.
“I was talking! It would be rude to stuff my face while in the middle of a conversation.”
Penny shrugged “Chirp chip.”
“You’re too slow,” he retorted lamely. “You owe me a Tooter.” He pulled his box of Charleston Chews out and popped the top open.
Penny’s eyes widened and targeted the mini chews in his hands.
Instinctively, he pulled the candies away.
She scrabbled from the paper boat to his arm and onto his shoulder in a flash. “Shri. Cheep shri.”
“Oh, now you’re sorry? You know you’re going to get fat if you keep on like this. Have you ever seen a fat dragon? It’s not a good look.” He tossed her a candy before taking a handful himself.
She chewed and gave him a look followed by a complicated series of toots and whistles, mostly from her nose, and accompanied by smoke rings.
“Ah, but that’s where I beat the game. See here? It says ‘Charleston Chews Minis’. To you, this is like a full-sized candy bar, but to me, it’s just a little bite. I don’t have to worry about getting fat eating such little things.” He punctuated this by tossing another handful of the chews in his mouth.
Penny was about to state the obvious, but she spotted Howard the wizard sitting at his stall, and pointed a talon his way.
Finn followed the digit and, with a nod, put the box of chews back in his pocket and headed toward the stall.
The wizard’s booth was exactly what Finn expected from a practitioner selling their services. Purple and black cloth hung from intricately carved wooden poles that formed a square booth just about as tall as Finn. Carpets stacked on one another formed a floor, which was littered with pillows, and there was a low table covered with reagents in meticulously labeled jars.
Howard the wizard, however, was nothing like what Finn expected. There were a few peabrains in the market, and a lot of Fae who could pass for human, but the fact that Gwen had sent them to a human wizard meant he was far more advanced than most peabrains who had woken to their magic.
But this guy looked more like he should be attending community college than running a magical booth in the market.
Howard sat cross-legged on a pillow, reading a manga with a giant robot and a scantily clad woman on the cover. He looked to be about twenty and just recovering from a bad case of acne. His purple robe was open, revealing skinny, white legs poking out of green shorts, topped off
with a Wonder Woman tee-shirt. At first, Finn thought Howard was walking around barefoot in the old sewer, but after a quick scan, he saw a pair of well-worn flip flops in the corner of the booth.
“Uh, are you Howard?” Finn tried, checking if there was someone else deeper in the booth.
Howard looked up from his manga and nodded, his mouth open and thick glasses sliding down his nose. “Yeah, bro. That’s me. You looking for a charm or something? An enchantment? I don’t do weapons.”
“That’s fine, I already have an enchanted weapon. Gwen told me you were the man to see about a favor.” Finn stepped into the booth and, not having quite enough headroom, decided to sit on the carpets.
Most of this kind of business took a little time, so sitting was not out of the ordinary.
“A favor?” Howard scratched at his mop of brown hair. “I don’t owe anybody a favor.”
“What?” Finn was halfway to a sitting position but stopped. “You can’t do favors?’
“I guess I can, but why would I do someone a favor?” Howard seemed put out by the question.
“No. I want to do the favor.” Finn clarified as he dropped down all the way and crossed his legs.
“But I don’t even know you, man.”
Penny rolled her eyes and chuffed smoke from the side of her mouth.
“I need a favor to give to someone else.” Finn spoke slowly, enunciating each word.
He was able to see the exact moment it dawned on Howard.
“Oh! A Favor! Right. Okay. I was all, ‘what?’ Then you were like, ‘yeah man’. Then boom! I got it.” He laughed, dog-eared his manga, and tossed it onto the table. Then he stared with unfocused eyes at Finn and Penny.
“What is it?” Finn glanced over his shoulder to be sure Howard wasn’t looking past him.
“Huh?” Howard’s eyes focused, and he straightened up. “Sorry, I was just remembering how to do that spell. I have a memory thing where I can kinda look up everything I’ve ever seen.”
“A photographic memory?”
“Yeah. Like that. But like, way more magical and stuff.”
He started looking through the bottles on the table, then pulled out a trunk from behind the curtain that made up the back of the booth. He searched through that… then a second and a third. Soon it was apparent that the trunks were not coming from behind the curtain, but from some other pocket dimension, because the back of the curtain had been against the wall, but there were now so many trunks that Finn had to get up and step out of the booth entirely.
“Well, shit, man. I can’t do it.” Howard made a gesture, and a large bubble formed around each trunk. With another wave from the wizard, they all shot into a dark, swirling void, revealed by the curtain flapping back a good five feet into where the wall should be. “I can get it done next week, but I need to collect a particular reagent before I can do that spell.”
“Is it something I can get for you? I would really like to get this done today.” Finn cautiously resumed his place on the carpet.
After the casual display with the trunks, he was convinced this guy knew what he was doing. Even if he smelled of weed and looked like he hadn’t showered in a week.
“I mean, if you wanted to.” Howard reached into a cooler beside the low table and pulled out a coke. He offered one to Finn, who declined. “It’s not that big a deal, but are you cool with, like, underground stuff?”
Finn barked a laugh. “Yeah. I’m good with underground stuff. We’re underground right now.”
“Oh yeah.” Howard looked around the market as if seeing it for the first time. “Okay, I’ll make you a map. It’s not all that far, but, like, not a lot of people go there. When you get there, tell Christine I sent you, and that it would be rad if she could give you the shipment.”
Finn frowned. “This sounds too easy. Do I need to pay her, or anything?”
“Nah, man. We have a deal. It’s cool.” He popped the tab on the coke and took a foamy sip. “It’s only, like, twenty minutes from here, but you’re going to have to pass through some gnarly spots. Usually a few dire rats, and stuff.”
“That’s it? Dire rats? There’s not any, like, secret base full of assholes who call that territory home or anything? No giant spiders?” Finn wanted to be sure he wasn’t going to be walking into some kind of breeze-for-a-wizard-but-hell-for-a-dwarf situation.
“Nope, just the rats.” Howard took another sip. “There’s been a bunch of Kashgar wizards trying to find the place lately, but those buttheads couldn’t find the pointy end of a spoon, you know?”
Kashgar. Finn didn’t want to have to tangle with them again, but he’d handled himself well enough the last time those zealots had tried to rob him. Maybe it would be fun to knock a few of them around as a bonus.
“Okay, I’m in. Give me the map.”
“Sweet, dude.” Howard twirled a finger, and a small bubble popped in Finn’s face. A folded piece of paper fell out of nothing and into his lap.
Unfolding the square of paper, he saw that it was a map of the surrounding sewers, with the market and a cave marked ‘Christine’s Place’ clearly labeled. It really didn’t look like it was that far.
“What exactly is this reagent?”
“Glow worms, bro. Only breed in one place on the continent, and it’s just around the corner. Christine is their caretaker. She’s a peach.” Howard gave a thumbs-up, as if that info were awesome.
“Glow worms. That’s not something you see every day. Okay, see you in a bit, Howard.” Finn pushed himself up and stashed the map in his pocket.
“Later, mah dude.”
Finn crouched down at an intersection of sewer so old the water ran clear. Obviously, he had left any kind of modern infrastructure that was still in use. At this point, the tunnels were becoming more old cave than man-made structure. It was an odd line where the natural world and the artificial were beginning to blur.
This happened when a thing was so old, it was forgotten by men, and became the domain of the magicals once again.
Puling the map out, Finn was able to read it with his dark-adapted, dwarven eyes, and found where he and Penny were, noting that there should be a passage right in front of them. However, the wall was solid, and gave no sign that it had ever been anything but a stone wall.
He carefully folded the map and slid it into his back pocket. A quick check told him that his axe handle was in its holster at the small of his back. Better to be safe than sorry.
With a cautious hand, he reached out and touched the stone to feel for any trace of a concealment spell, or residual magic from a construction spell. There was nothing.
“This should be—” Finn started, but Penny, riding his shoulder, slapped a taloned hand over his mouth and cocked her head to listen.
Finn knew that the dragon had far better hearing than he did, so if she said there was a sound, there was a sound. He strained, listening for whatever had set Penny off, but all he could hear was his own blood pumping through his ears. He was about to say so when a very faint mumbling floated out of the darkness. It sounded like it was coming from around a bend further down the tunnel.
Penny nodded when they made eye contact. A quiet hoot from her, and Finn squatted down to wait while she pushed off his shoulder and took to the air with silent flaps of her wings.
Struggling to hear anything but the dripping of water and the oppressive buzz of silence, Finn let out a quiet breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He pulled the handle of Fragar from its holster, but didn’t utter the phrase that would activate the magical weapon just yet. He didn’t want the glow from the runes etched in its blade to give him away in the dark. Eventually, he fished a single mini candy from the box in his shirt pocket and quietly chewed it while waiting for his friend to return.
After what felt like an eternity, he saw the darting shape of Penny come around the corner and bank his way. She landed lightly on his shoulder, and accepted the chew he handed her. Then she began a long, quiet, and complicated expl
anation of what she had found.
Normal conversation with a faerie dragon involved shots of flame and puffs of smoke. They could converse without them, but it took a lot longer to get the message across. It would be like trying to talk without using the letter “e”. You could find words to say without the letter, but it would be much more difficult.
When she was done, she tossed the chew into her mouth and waited to hear what he wanted to do.
“A goblin? Seriously? And she’s hurt? How badly?”
Penny shrugged and let out a small tooting sound.
Finn’s lips made a flat line while he thought. Goblins were technically under the domain of dwarves, but here on Earth, there were no more dwarves, as far as he knew. Well, besides him. And the last thing he needed was a goblin hanger-on. Once a goblin attached itself to someone, they were very hard to get rid of. But he couldn’t just let her suffer if she were injured. It was his duty to take care of those under his people’s protection.
“Lead the way, Penny. I’ll see if I can help her. Besides, this map is junk, and if she’s from around these parts, maybe she knows where Christine’s is.”
Finn stood as best he could in the tunnel and followed after Penny as she took off from his shoulder once again. After rounding the bend, he was able to hear the soft groans of the little goblin much clearer.
Penny led him about a hundred yards down the tunnel, then landed on a pile of rubble that had fallen from the roof. The moaning was loud enough that Finn could hear words in the goblin’s guttural language, but she was speaking mostly gibberish. He did pick out the word “Kashgar,” however, and that made his eye twitch in anger.
Squatting down and leaning over the rubble, Finn could see the small figure half-buried. Goblins were tough, but even their hardy little bodies couldn’t take a couple hundred pounds of stone dropping on them without taking some serious damage. Finn quickly examined the pile and determined which stones he could remove without having the entire thing collapse on her still form. Moving to the other side of the pile, he started removing large stones and freeing the goblin from the crushing weight.
