by Fiona Faris
She knew of Thomas Graham. Lucas thought him a strong soldier. Kelly had just yesterday told her that Magnus had sent Thomas to watch over Edina to keep her out of trouble with the Mackenzie’s. She would love to see Violet happily married. It was such a simple question, yet Ella found herself at a loss for an answer.
“I don’t know exactly,” she began. “Does even the sight of Thomas make yer heart flutter?”
“Aye, and when he is in the stables cooing tae his mare, I wish it was me he was whisperin’ tae.” Ella recognized the mixture of pleasure and torment in Violet’s eyes. The lass was smitten, that was for sure.
“Can you speak with him on any topic and know that the advice he gives you is true and comes from a place of concern and giving?”
“Oh Aye, he is an excellent friend. I can share anythin’ with him.”
Ella thought hard on her feelings for Lucas. She didn’t want to give Violet frivolous advice. What was the one thing that really separated him for her from any other man.
“Violet, can you imagine your life without him?”
“Nay, miss, I cannae.”
“Then I think you might be in love.”
“Ye are truly a blessing.” Ella was warmed by the compliment, but looking at the girl’s bright smile made her long for Amelia.
“Do you have any siblings Violet?” she asked.
“Nay, just me and me Ma. I’d always wished for a sister or even a brother tae share our time with.” Ella noted the wistful tone in the girl’s voice.
“I miss my sister, Amelia, every day. I think you would really like her.”
“If she’s anything like you miss. I’m sure I will love her.” Now that she was under the clan’s protection she wondered if it would be safe to write to her sister. Maybe she could compel her to visit, or even join her at Cadney. She vowed to speak to Lucas about the matter as soon as she saw him at the evening meal.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Ye haven’t made it tae an evenin’ meal in weeks, yer goin’ mad Lucas.” Lucas was livid that Magnus didn’t assign as much importance to Evans, and a potential invasion as he did.
“Is it mad tae want tae protect yer wife, and the Lady of the Keep, from a monster like Evans? Is that what makes me mad?” How could Magnus not see, the men needed to be ready. And not just for Ella but for the clan as a whole. He has seen what Evans and his men are capable of. He would never forgive himself if he brought that much danger and death upon his people.
“It’s been a fortnight and nothing from the man!” Lucas was done keeping his rage at bay. He had written to Evans as the Laird of MacGille, and succinctly noted that Ella was no longer free to accept his proposal as she was now part of the MacGille clan and under his protection. He had come just short of telling the man she was his bride, a part of him still hoping to spare his clan a battle. He would much rather face the bastard one-on-one. “We need tae ken where the commander is, has he begun to march north?”
“I dunno Laird,” Magnus said, thoughtfully. “We can send men tae find out.”
“Nay, not yet. We will assume he is headed this way. With no response he will want to get here before the first snowfall. English dinnae ken how tae fight in bad weather. Every available man needs to be in th’ fields training, sun-up tae sun-down. We need tae be prepared.”
“The men hae already been training day in and out. We are prepared, man. What of Ella—have ye told her yet of Evans letter?” At the mention of Ella’s name guilt crept up Lucas’s chest. He hadn’t told his wife about the letter from the Englishman.
He was exhausted but didn’t feel the need to stop. When he wasn’t training his men, he was in his study, strategizing and looking for any weaknesses in the clan’s defenses.
“Ye haven’t told her, even if I didn’t hear the rumors around the keep, I would be able tae tell by yer face.”
“What rumors?”
“Man, ye hae not noticed the lass has become much beloved since ye wed. The women and men alike consider her an angel. They’ve started tae talk about th’ way ye been ignoring her, and the clan willnae take kindly tae a laird that pays no heed tae his lady.”
What in bloody hell was Magnus talking about? Didn’t anyone see how vulnerable they were to Evans and a potential attack? The man was ruthless. He would not stop at Ella, he would kill every man, woman, and child who he thought had kept her from him. Lucas was the Laird, he had a responsibility to his people to keep them safe. He was a man determined to do whatever was necessary.
“I ken how worried ye are Lucas, the council kens as well. But ye are the Laird of the clan. I’m afraid ye need tae take care of yerself and the lass. She is forlorn when she ‘tisn’t throwin’ herself into work around the keep. Kelly swears she is losin’ weight. Ye look like hell, what good can either of ye dae if ye aren’t up tae snuff?”
Ella was not well? He hadn’t noticed. How could he have. He hadn’t seen his wife awake in the last few days, maybe a week or more. He was so driven by the need to prepare his men, that when he returned to the keep each night, Ella was long asleep. He spent hours watching the lines of her face in slumber. He wanted her to dream, sweet, safe peaceful dreams. He would move mountains to keep the dangers of the world at bay for her to be able to keep dreaming.
He sat defeated, in his oversized chair, and stared at the fire in the hearth. How could he risk Ella? How could he risk losing the woman he loved? Angus would know what to do.
“Aye, Magnus, I think I need tae leave the walls of the keep for a spell. I hae tae think about how tae approach this fight, and if what ye say of Ella is true, I need to win back me wife.”
“I’ll not tell ye how tae run yer marriage Laird, but I’ve found that even if it pains ye, bein’ honest will work better than most else.”
“Yer most likely right, but now I worry. Has my silence cost me too much already with th’ lass?”
“Only ye ken, Laird, but I’ll wager th’ love is real between ye both, and nothing was lost that can’t be regained.”
“God I hope ye be right, friend.”
“I’ll get back tae trainin’ th’ men.” As Magnus walked out of the study, Lucas rubbed his face with both hands, trying to gather his thoughts. A part of him wanted to rush to Ella, tell her what a fool he’d been to keep Evans’s plans from her. But a stronger part of him needed to think on it all before he approached his wife. He was unable to help but think of his father and brother. Angus MacGille loomed over his men, garnered their respect and love, while Gavin was the mightiest of warriors. Able to lead even a reluctant army to victory time and time again. Lucas felt as if he wasn’t even half the man either of them were. How could he expect to fill both sets of boots?
He remembered when he was a boy and faced with a difficult decision his father always advised him to pray. Lucas would take off and ride through the fields, thinking about God and nature, trying his best to pray for an answer to whatever troubled him. If memory served him proper, there was an old cave just outside the keep walls that he and Gavin used to play in as boys. He wondered if the cave was still there.
Since his father’s murder and Gavin’s disappearance, Lucas hadn’t prayed much or at all. He had only found solace in Ella. Maybe now was the time to change that. Putting his boots on, he knew exactly what he would do. He would ride and pray. Maybe an answer would come to him about how to handle Evans, and then he could approach Ella. Part of protecting her and loving her was including her. He would tell her everything.
“Ella, are ye awake? Violet wants ye tae check her letters.”
Ella’s head snapped up, she was unaware Milly had been trying to get her attention. She must’ve dosed off.
“My apologies. I seem to be so tired lately. Please Violet, I would love to check your work.” She replied, reaching for the woman’s parchment. Violet was a quick study. Ella was endlessly impressed with how quickly she was able to catch on. How long had Ella and Milly been working with her? It had to be about two weeks, E
lla thought. Almost exactly two weeks, she remembered because she was excited to share Violet’s desire to learn with Lucas, and it had been exactly that long, to the day since she had spoken to her husband. Her stomach rolled, and nausea threatened to rise again.
Every night Lucas hadn’t come to the evening meal in the main hall, she had gone to their bed chamber and willed herself to stay awake until he came in, but every night she failed. She would wake in the night, but his deep snores would make her feel insane. If Lucas wasn’t being faithful, why would he come to her bed every night? Surely if they could speak in the morning, he would tell Ella what was bothering him and they could work through it. But then when morning came, he would be gone before she woke. Two weeks, that was how long it took for Lucas to finally lose interest in having Ella as a wife. Her heart was broken. She had barely been able to keep any food down, especially in the mornings. She attributed it to exhaustion.
“Your eyes are ringed in black, Ella. Are ye not sleeping?” Milly asked, kneeling before Ella and placing the back of her hand first against Ella’s cheek, then her forehead.
“Och, I’m fine Milly, just a little peaked is all,” Ella replied, more than a little annoyed and using the familiar Scottish exclamation.
“Kelly says ye haven’t asked for anything for your monthly courses?” Ella wondered why her monthly courses would make one ounce of difference to Milly. Ella couldn’t be concerned with something so trivial, her husband was basically leaving her. Realization dawned on her, her exhaustion, her sour stomach, and no monthly courses. How could she have been so blind! Ella fought to hold back tears as the parchment in front of her began to blur.
“Och, dinnae cry Ella! Surely ‘tis a good thing,” Milly said, wrapping her arms around Ella.
“How could it be a good thing? Lucas has a mistress, and it hasn’t even been a month since we wed!” She was sobbing deeply now. She hadn’t realized how saying her fears out loud would make it seem so true. Milly pulled back from her in shock.
“Nay, ye must be mistaken, Ella. MacGille men dinnae take mistresses. He would never!” Ella could not control the emotion coming from her.
“Milly, he hasn’t come to a meal in weeks, he comes in at night after I fall asleep, and leaves before dawn. He’s obviously lost interest in me and has moved on. Now it’s apparent I am with child, and he will be angry. You mustn’t tell him. Promise me, please.”
“Violet,” Milly said. Violet had turned quiet with Ella’s revelation. “Violet, I need ye tae go fetch Kelly. Be quick about it lass, and speak nothing of what yer ladyship just revealed.” The girl nodded and rushed out of the room. Then turning back to Ella, Milly took over, leading her the bed in the corner of the room and laying her down. Ella paused to think about how underestimated the clan was about Milly. She thought that a good many of them considered her sweet but a touch flighty. Ella knew that couldn’t be further from the truth. Milly was not only beautiful but intelligent, and when the situation called for it, she didn’t waste any time getting serious and taking charge. Ella was once again grateful for her friendship.
“Ye needn’t worry. I dinnae ken what ails my brother, but I assure ye he is not taken with another lass.” Ella was relieved to be laying still. Milly’s soft caresses made her feel more at peace. She only wished she believed what her friend was saying. There was no other reason Lucas would be so withdrawn. Nothing she could think of. Her thoughts turned to the other issue at hand. A baby. She was carrying Lucas’s child. At once she was filled with joy and dread. If they had a child together, they would be tied with deeper bonds than their marriage. She would be forced to accept his choice of companions, for the sake of the child, but she would demand he be more discrete. She was still Lady MacGille, and she would not be made a fool of in her own home.
“What happened? Violet came running to fetch me and said there was something wrong with Ella?” Kelly came bursting into the room, fresh faced and out of breath. Ella thought she looked beautiful and could easily see why Magnus was so smitten with his wife. She must have been outside. Her cheeks were rosy with the chilled autumn air.
“It appears my new sister is with child,” Milly said, as calmly as if she were ordering tea.
“Och, well that’s hardly a secret, I’ve thought so for a week. What did the Laird say?”
“No! We cannot tell Lucas, not yet!” Ella sat up, fighting through another bout of nausea that forced her back down on the plaids. Ugh, if this was how her entire pregnancy was going to go she would be completely useless.
“Why not?” Kelly replied, her hands on her hips. Ella thought she looked like a matronly hen. If she weren’t so distraught the pose would have sent her into a fit of giggles.
“It seems our ladyship thinks the Laird may have taken up with a mistress,” Milly said.
“Well if that isn’t the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Does Magnus say anything about why I haven’t seen my husband in two weeks?” Ella said challenging her friend.
“Nay, he doesn’t. He’s only said that they train day in an’ day out. But ye can bet all the gold in the castle I will be askin’ tonight. In the meantime, don’t ye think ye should be tellin’ yer husband yer with child? We should be getting ye tae bed, ye need yer rest to build yer strength. MacGille babes are beasts tae bear. With Mattie I was on my arse for two full months.”
Tears threatened to well up in Ella’s eyes again. These women were so kind and welcoming to her. The whole clan had been.
“But if he isn’t speaking to me or even acknowledging I exist, he must have found a woman who interests him more. How can I tell him about the babe, until I know for sure?” Indecision swam through Ella.
“Are ye forgetting everything ye’ve been through together? Lucas is a man of honor. I ken in my bones the Laird has not chosen another woman. I think ye need tae tell him about the babe. Things will change, ye will see,” Kelly said.
“I agree. My brother is a lot of things, but I can see his love for ye in his eyes. From the first day he brought ye here. Ye must talk to him. Tell him about my niece or nephew,” Milly added.
In her brain she knew they both had to be right. He has shown no other woman any interest. The way he flew into a rage and came to her defense with the soldiers at the pond, and Edina spoke volumes. But in her heart, she knew something no one else did. Lucas had never confessed any love for her. He liked her, and until two weeks ago, the bond between them seemed strong as iron, but he had never said the word love. She wished she could be as certain as Milly and Kelly. Still, she needed to get to the bottom of everything, and he had a right to know about his child.
She vowed to herself that no matter how late, she would stay awake to greet Lucas when he came to the bedchamber. She didn’t want to think the worst of him, but she was weak. Maybe with the news of the babe he will open up to her about why he has been so withdrawn. If it wasn’t a mistress, it had to be something else. He needed to trust her to help him through whatever it was that was possessing him. If he wouldn’t tell her willingly, she would have to force it out of him.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The sun was setting on the cool autumn evening. As Lucas rode through the meadow outside of the keep walls, with no pain and no one chasing him he was overcome with a sense of pure freedom he hadn’t felt since well before the battle of Dunkeld. These were the lands he grew up on. This was his home. His hair was thrust back out of his face. Leaves swirled around the horse’s feet, and the sweet smell of wood smoke filled his nose.
The ghosts of his father and Gavin may have been fast on his heels, but the fresh air and Magnus’s words were working through him.
He pulled the horse to a stop as he approached close to the tree line and the springy moss-covered banks of Loch Cadney. The cave he was looking for was close by, but he wouldn’t be able to ride into the thick brush.
“I dinnae ken yer name beastie, but ye are a good steed.” He brushed the horse’s thick mane. It was t
he same horse he had stolen from the farm house when he and Ella were fleeing Evans earlier in the month. The horse that brought Ella to her new home.
It didn’t take Lucas long to come upon the cave. He had to cut through the growth at the mouth, and there it was. He felt crazed with relief. It was as if a piece of childhood still stood intact. Laughing to himself, he thought the blasted little cave would survive them all and still be there hundreds, maybe thousands of years after everyone and everything he loved was gone.
“It seemed so much larger when I was a lad,” he said out loud to no one, crouching to get inside. He had grown a bit since the last time he was there. He picked up the small sling shot and a wooden horse laying on the slatted stone next to a charred black circle where he used to make fires as a boy. He went to quick work starting a fire on the same spot. Staring at the flames as they danced and reflected on the stone, he turned the toys in his hand. Memories of his father rushed him. The last time Lucas had hidden in the cave he couldn’t have been more than eight or nine years. He had done something to make Gavin and Milly cry, what was it?
