Finally, she huffs out a breath. “You’re right. I get what you’re saying now. It’s just…it’s a tough subject for me. I don’t know what I want. I wish I did, and I wish I didn’t feel like I have to move on to bigger and better things, but I do. But again, you’re right, so, thank you. I’m sorry I was sort of…snippy.”
“Sort of?” I ask, grinning at her.
“Ass.”
Goddamn, I love her mouth.
7
Rae
I’m a bitch.
I heard the word “fail” and all other coherent thoughts left my brain so I decided to attack the dude I like because I. Am. Insane. I’m going to scare him off before we get the chance to take this anywhere.
Now that I can think rationally, I can see that he’s right. I shouldn’t feel obligated to move to have a career, but I do feel that way. I feel like I need to move away to make something of myself in a field I’m not even one hundred percent certain I can excel in. I feel like I need to leave to prove I can do things on my own. Who am I trying to prove this to? I don’t really know. Myself? My father? My sister? My dead mother? I don’t know, but I do know I shouldn’t feel that way. There’s really no need for me to but…shit, I do.
We settle into an easy, comfortable silence. The last hour and a half zooms through my mind.
Hudson was sweet and friendly, and sexy. He dressed in a simple, tight long-sleeved black shirt and dark jeans that fit him just right, his hair perfectly messy, and his five o’clock shadow clear on his face. He looks damn good, like kissable kind of good.
No, Rae! No kissing.
I reach over to turn on the radio to distract myself from the images of Hudson kissing me running through my mind. Maura has my Transit CD in and “Asleep at the Wheel” starts playing. I peek at Hudson, remembering him smiling at my Transit shirt in the shop a few weeks back.
“Shut the front door! You do know Transit!” He jumps at my outburst. “Sorry,” I mumble. “You’re humming along, so you know who Transit is? You know this song?”
He smiles sheepishly. “I do. They’re my favorite band.”
“Oh. My. God. Marry me now!”
To my surprise, Hudson starts laughing at my word vomit. I glance over at him and he’s holding his stomach and slapping his knees.
“Are you gonna be okay?”
He wipes at his eyes. “Holy shit. You and Maura are two peas in a pod. Do you always do that?”
“Um, do what?”
“Just say whatever pops into that cute little head of yours? Because it’s highly entertaining.”
I feel my face heat up. “Um, kind of. It’s a quirk of mine.” I shrug and focus on my driving and not freaking out over the fact that he just called me cute…kind of.
“It’s very cute,” he mutters as I pull into his apartment building lot. Okay, it’s settled—he called me cute.
I park in front of the building he directed me to and face him. “Is this the part where I walk you to your door? Because that might be a little weird, and totally bass-ackward.”
He stares at me with his mouth hanging open. I reach over with two fingers and push his mouth closed. “Flies, Hudson.”
He mumbles something about my mouth between belly laughs. I shrug and turn back toward his building. It’s cute. Small, maybe a little outdated, but still very cute.
I hear him starting to rustle around so I glance back over at him. He motions for me to hold on a minute and gets out of the car. I watch as he jogs around the front and opens my door.
He holds his hand out. “My lady.”
I stare up at him for a few seconds before my brain registers what is happening. When it finally catches up, I unhook my seatbelt and place my hand into his. He helps me out of the car, closing the door and pulling me up close to him. He has my hands in his between our bodies. We’re standing in a near-empty parking lot, staring at one another. I bet someone could walk right past us and we still wouldn’t lose the connection our eyes have in this moment. It’s intense, but not an excessive way. It feels…natural.
“I figured we’d just say goodbye here so it’s not too weird for you,” Hudson says with a small smirk. “I had a wonderful time with you tonight, Rae, and I haven’t had that in a while. Would you like to go out with me again sometime? One on one, perhaps?”
“Uh, um, I-I…” I stammer. “Y-Yes. Definitely yes. I didn’t scare you off with my random word vomit?” I ask seriously.
He smiles. “No. Definitely no.”
It’s my turn to smile.
“I’ve been meaning to asking you this—can I have your number?” Hudson asks.
I nod and find myself a bit sad when he breaks us apart so we can get out our phones. Mine vibrates as I’m slipping it back into my pocket, and I raise my eyebrow at Hudson.
“I sent you a text. Don’t read it until you get home though. Might make this a little less awkward.”
Suddenly he steps back into me, closer than before, leaving no room between our bodies. He slowly reaches up and places both hands on my cheeks, gently sliding them up until he’s cradling my head. We’re locked in another stare.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, then leans forward and places his lips against my forehead. I close my eyes and feel myself melting into him. He holds his lips there for several seconds while I attempt to draw air into my lungs. He’s warm, and surprisingly soft. I don’t want to let go.
“Goodnight, Rae,” he whispers against my skin. He slowly lets me go and walks off toward his building.
I stand there frozen with my eyes still closed for what seems like hours, though I know it’s only been seconds since he walked away.
Only seconds since I started missing him.
I pull my favorite teal blanket around me tighter, trying to get my racing mind to calm down.
I wish Haley were still awake because I really need someone to talk to about tonight. I found her passed out on the couch when I arrived home. She may have had cheese puffs smashed on her sweatshirt and melted Skittles still in her hand, and I may have taken photographic evidence.
Tonight was…well, it was amazing. I wasn’t expecting Hudson. I wasn’t expecting him to be so open, so sweet, and I damn sure wasn’t expecting his favorite band to be my favorite band. He scored major points with that one. Everything with him was so easy—the conversation, the laughing, even the silence. I’ve never had that before.
I roll over, looking at the clock on my nightstand: eleven thirty. I’ve been lying here for twenty minutes trying to calm my brain. I notice the light flashing on my cell, indicating a notification.
The text. I completely forgot about the text!
I practically throw myself across the bed and halfway onto the floor when I grab for my phone. I unlock it and stare perplexedly at the name popped up on the screen.
FMK?
FMK: You better be home while you’re reading this, little lady. I had a great time tonight. Thank you. Hope this is a little less awkward than walking me to my door. ;-)
Me: FMK?
FMK: Future Mr. Kamden. Ya know, since you so beautifully proposed to me tonight.
I laugh, because he’s got me there.
FMK: Lame?
Me: Very cute.
FMK: You think I’m cute, huh?
I do, but he doesn’t need to know that.
Me: I think the name you put in my phone is cute. I’m still trying to decide if you are.
FMK: You’re a terrible liar.
Me: Fair enough. Thank you for tonight. Goodnight, Hudson. x
FMK: Goodnight, Rae.
I fall back onto my pillow with a smile on my face. For the first time in weeks, I find peaceful slumber.
8
Hudson
I wake up to my phone ringing. I blindly reach over, knocking the framed picture of Joey and me off my bedside table, and grab my phone. Squinting at the bright light, I see I have four missed calls from my mom. I spring out of bed in a panic, thinking something
’s wrong with Joey.
“Hello?” Joey answers.
“Joey? You okay, bug?” I ask cautiously.
“I missed you. Why didn’t you come home last night? You’re missing pancakes.”
I wince. “Sorry, Joe. I had a late night. I’m getting up now and I’ll be on my way over soon, I promise.”
I hear my mom shout, “Joey! I told you not to wake him up!”
“But he’s missing pancakes!” Joey answers. “She’s so grouchy sometimes. Hurry please. Love you. Bye.” The line disconnects.
I sigh and pull myself out of bed. I go about my morning shower routine and dress for a day at my mom’s with Joey. Lastly, I grab Rocky—my black Lab—and hit the road.
It’s only a ten-minute drive so I’m pulling into my mom’s driveway in no time. Joey runs out of the house to greet me wearing a mismatched set of pajamas.
“You’re here! Finally!” So dramatic.
“Hey, kiddo! You save me any pancakes?” I ask, lifting her into my arms for a big bear hug. Rocky tries to squeeze his way in.
“No. I was starving.”
Setting Joe down, I laugh and make my way into my mom’s house, calling Rocky in behind me.
“Yo, Eleanor! You better have saved me a big plate!”
“Hudson Michael Tamell! I am your mother. Call me Mom, Mommy, Mama—anything but Eleanor,” she scolds.
“Yeah, Hudson,” Joey pipes up.
I raise my brows at my mom. She shrugs. “Gets it from you.”
“Fair enough.” I take a seat the breakfast bar and fix my gaze on Joey and Rocky, who are still in the hallway rolling around. “So, bug, what do you want to do today?”
“Swimming!” I shake my head no. “Ice skating!” Again, I shake my head no—it’s freaking September. “Hiking!” I shrug. “I know! The dog park!” This time I nod, and Rocky perks up. “Yes! Rocky, we’re going to the dog park! Come with me while I get dressed.” They go racing up the stairs.
“Don’t run, Joe!” I yell after them. “Damn kids.”
My mom snorts and mumbles an agreement. “Be careful with those two today. They’re a handful. Joey’s been hyper as hell all morning,” she warns.
“Oh boy.”
“Oh boy is right. You’re in for a long day. Now, how many pancakes do you want?”
I give her my trademark grin that’s gotten me out of a lot of trouble over the years. “Six.”
“Dammit, Hudson.” She groans, knowing she’ll have to make more batter. “You’re lucky I love you.”
I get up and walk over to the stove where she is, planting a big wet kiss on her cheek. “I love you too, Eleanor.”
She whacks me with a spatula. “You better go check on Joey and Rocky. I told you they’ve been trouble all morning. I came downstairs this morning to find them playing in Rocky’s water bowl. There were puddles all over the kitchen.”
I make my way up the stairs and creep down the hallway. As I approach Joey’s room, I can hear her talking.
“We’re going to the dog park, Rocky. It’s gonna be so fun!” The door is ajar so I peek inside. Joey has Rocky’s head firmly in her grasp, talking right into his face. Rocky’s full attention is on Joey, and I think it has nothing to do with him being trapped between her little hands. He loves that girl. “So much fun! We went all the time with Pop and Hazard before they went to heaven. Now I get to go with you!”
Joey’s buzzing with excitement as she tells Rocky—who is now curled up watching her run around the room and pull clothes from drawers—stories about how my parents used to take Joey and their black Lab, Hazard, to the dog park all the time.
It makes my heart swell and eyes water because I really miss my dad, but damn does it hurt more that Joey isn’t getting the time with him like I had. It’s not fair. She’s missing out on a lot of good memories with Pop.
Just like I did.
Up until I was just two months shy of being seventeen, I had a flawless relationship with my father. Our relationship was more best friends than it was father/son. Then I fucked up—big time. I got my high school girlfriend pregnant.
We were never the same after that.
I ended up moving out for a little over three years because of a big blowout we had once we told everyone the news. My parents could have easily made me move back in since I was still a minor, but I think they saw that I needed to leave for things to get better between my father and me. I want to thank them and hate them for it all at the same time.
When I left home, I met Mr. Horton and started working at Jacked Up. In a way, he saved me. I had no idea what I was doing, and him giving me that job was the best thing I could have asked for. It kept me sane and grounded when I needed it the most. He also stepped in as a father figure of sorts since I wasn’t in the best place with mine. I can never repay him for all he did for me, or my parents for letting me go free, for giving me the chance to meet Horton in the first place.
I had it great with Horton and Jacked up, but life eventually came crashing back down around me and I did move back in with my parents. To my surprise, I was welcomed with open arms by them both. While things weren’t perfect for us, we worked hard on building our relationship again.
As life would have it, just when everything was turning around for us, when things were getting back to where they were before I screwed up, we got “the call”.
Pop had a heart attack while driving and wrecked the car.
He didn’t make it.
I’ve felt guilty for years over our fallout even though I know Pop wouldn’t want me to. He was a great guy. He was kind, patient, and all-around loving. Never so much as raised his voice at mom for anything. All he did was fix random cars out in his garage, cater to the plants, and work for thirty years as an onsite construction manager in the city. He was amazing, so humble, so free-spirited, always making people smile and laugh with the all the random stuff that came pouring out of his mouth.
Now that I think of it, Rae and him would have gotten along well just for that alone.
Wait, no. I can’t do that. I can’t bring Rae into these facets of my life. It’s too soon.
Before the panic can set in, I clear my throat and push open the door. “You ready, kiddo?”
“Need shoes. Come on, Rocky!” Joey races past me and they go bounding downstairs like the best of friends.
I glance around Joey’s room, noting all the stick figure drawings of us together with mom and Rocky. It makes my heart swell for a whole other reason. Damn, my daughter makes me proud.
After taking one last peek around the room, making sure everything is in order, I trudge downstairs after them. I scarf down my pancakes while Joey and Rocky run around the backyard.
“How much sugar did you give her?”
“Only two spoonfuls…after she drowned her pancakes in syrup, of course,” my mom says with an evil smirk.
“That’s it. You’re fired.”
“From being her grandmother?”
“Yes.”
She laughs and pats my arm. “Oh, Hudson. Don’t you know it’s my job to load her up with sweets and send her off with her dad for the day? Gives me time to take a nap. She’ll be going for hours.”
“Yep, definitely fired.”
“My nap is going to be worth it,” she calls as she makes her way upstairs. I grumble under my breath about how evil she is. “I heard that!”
I roll my eyes, because of course she did, and then I gather up my kid.
“Last one to the car is a big fat loser!” I holler out the back door.
“You’re always the loser!” Joey yells back, barreling through the door with Rocky hot on her heels.
And that’s how my Saturday begins.
After an exhausting day at three different parks, I’m relaxed on my mom’s couch. Joey’s curled up next to me drifting in and out of sleep with Finding Nemo fired up on the screen.
Times like these are my favorite.
I had to reschedule the card game with th
e guys for next weekend after the sleepover was cancelled due to a sick kid.
If I’m being honest, I would have rescheduled, canceled sleepover or not. I’ve been trying to avoid them after my evening with Rae last night because I know those two assholes are going to question me until I’m blue in the face. I don’t want to rehash it all and have them analyze every little detail. I want to keep it—keep Rae—to myself for a while longer.
I’ve been fighting the urge to text her all day. Even though I was out with the most amazing kid ever today, she’s been right in the front of my mind. I want to talk with her, but I have no idea how to start up a conversation. I could be lame and ask for that marketing help, or I can try to think up something smooth.
Yeah right. Better stick with lame just to be safe.
Me: So, hey, did you still want to help with that marketing thing?
I toss my phone onto the coffee table so I don’t stare at it until she texts back. Instead, I end up staring at the clock over the TV.
It takes her five full minutes to respond.
Rae: Actually, no. I completely changed my mind. I’m SO swamped with work right now, I’m afraid I don’t have the time. I was just being nice. Wait, who is this?
Her sarcasm knows no bounds.
Me: Hudson
Rae: Which one? I know a few.
Me: The sexy one, of course.
Rae: Shit. That could be at least two different guys. :-p
I laugh out loud at that one.
“Why are you laughing? That wasn’t even funny,” Joey says, pointing to the television.
“Nothing, kiddo. I just thought of something funny.”
She pats my arm and lies back down. “Okay then.”
Me: It’s the extra sexy one. The one you can’t stop thinking about…
Rae: Oh. Hudson Carter? How the hell are you, dude?!
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