We’re both accustomed to it—loss, that is. Rae’s mother committed suicide when she was only seven, the same day Rae almost drowned, and my father passed away three years ago. Both of them were sudden. Each left everyone completely unprepared for the future without them. Neither one of us wants that for Joey.
I’ve never been one for legalities, but now, I want them. I want to know my future is bound to hers by a fancy contract. I want to know I’m as legally hers as she is mine. And Joey. I definitely want the legalities for her.
Other than that, I don’t really need them. In the deepest depths of my soul, I know. Rae is my forever. My tomorrow. My everything.
“I can hear the wheels spinning from the other room. Relax. You’ll know when it’s the right moment,” Ted says as he walks back into the room, cold beer in hand. “Want to know how I proposed to Rae’s mom?”
Ted must see the sadness in my eyes before I can hide it because he shakes his head. “It’s okay, Hudson. We had many good years together before everything happened. I have some fond memories of Erin.”
He takes a heavy, calming breath before starting his story. “We were young but wildly in love. We’d been together for two years and some change when we found out we were pregnant. You think we’d have been nervous since we were still living at home with our parents and barely scraping by, but we weren’t. Our love was enough.”
Rae’s father sits back in his chair, eyes closed and chin tucked into his chest. I have this odd feeling he’s realizing that in the end, their love wasn’t enough. And it’s breaking his heart all over again.
When he speaks, he stays in the same position, like he’s trying to remember every last detail of what happened. “I had this whole huge night planned. We had just told her parents about the pregnancy, and they were surprisingly supportive of it. We went to dinner to celebrate—the fanciest restaurant I could afford. I had my timing perfected and everything was going according to plan. But then it wasn’t. In the middle of our romantic dinner, she broke down in tears. And I mean sobbing. ‘What are we going to do, Teddy?’ she asked over and over again. I kept quiet and held her until her tears subsided, paid our bill, and walked her to the car. We drove down to Lake Quannapowitt and walked to the shore, skipping stones for several minutes in silence. It was our thing. After about twenty minutes, she apologized for her breakdown, obviously embarrassed by what had happened. I knew it was all just the baby hormones. I was a kid, but I wasn’t stupid. I understood how that stuff worked.”
A small grin plays at Ted’s lips, like he’s watching a movie play in his head, detailing his happy memories with the woman who still owns his heart.
“I didn’t respond to her apology right away. You want to guess what happened next?”
“I’m clueless, Ted. Knowing Rae, she’d probably start throwing stones at me. I have no idea if she has Erin’s…spirit, but that’d be my guess.”
Ted barks out a laugh, slapping his knee. “Damn. My baby girl is much more like her mother than she’s ever realized.”
“Nailed it, huh?”
“Oh, yes. That’s exactly what she did. After I finally got her calmed down, I grabbed her face between my hands and kissed her senseless. I said, ‘Erin, you’re insane. You make me insane. But I love you all the same. We’ll be fine. We’ll make it fine. We have to. It’s what we do. Now, put your crazy away for a minute, okay? I have something important to ask you.’ And that was it. I asked her. Nothing fancy. It was just my heart, Hudson. I laid it out there plain and simple for her. Just follow your heart, kid. It’s always right.”
“Hudson? Is that you?”
“Hey, babe!” I shout, walking through the front door, following the sound of Rae’s sweet voice to the kitchen.
Flour. That’s all I can see. It looks like winter blew through and we left all the windows open. Mounds and mounds of snow-like powder sit on the floor and every square inch of counter space. I can already tell this isn’t going to turn out how she planned.
“Um, what are you doing?” I ask as she’s elbow deep in dough.
“Making chocolate chip cookies,” she says, not breaking eye contact with what her hands are doing. She’s concentrating so hard her tongue is poking out and her brows are furrowed. “There’s a batch over there and one in the oven. I just need to make one more after this and I’m done.”
“Mind if I try one?”
She nods. “Go for it.”
I barely contain my laughter when I stop in front of her plate of cookies. Pointing to the cookies, I ask, “These them?”
Rae glances up to see where I’m pointing. “Yep. They look a little flat. Not sure what happened, but they still look edible. The kids will never know.”
A little flat would be an understatement. They are completely flat. And I have this feeling the cookies are not “edible.”
I gingerly bring a cookie up to my nose, sniffing it just in case I can smell something off about them from the start. Fine. Cautiously, I take a bite. And then I promptly spit it right back out.
“Ugh! What is that?” I toss the atrocity back down on the plate, scraping at my tongue.
“What? What do you mean?” Rae hollers, rushing over to the table and pushing me out of the way. “They look fine! Flat, but fine.” She lifts my abandoned cookie and takes a huge bite. That too finds its way back onto the table. “Gross!”
Rae rushes to the sink, gulping water straight from the faucet. She wipes her mouth and runs over to her cookbook, scanning the page with her finger to find where she messed up.
“Shit!” she huffs, slamming the book closed and tossing it across the counter. “I forgot the baking soda.”
I cringe. “That’s kind of important.”
“And I put too much flour in there,” she mumbles, crossing her arms over chest. She’s pouting. My adult girlfriend is legit pouting. But I can’t blame her. I’d be pouting too if I had just spent the last several hours making cookies only to find out they taste like complete shit.
Wait. Why is she doing this again? She can’t cook for shit, so I’m curious as to why she even tried baking in the first place.
“Why did you say you were making cookies?”
“For Joey’s bake sale for her summer softball league. Since it’s not school sponsored, they could be homemade, so I decided to try making them. But clearly I suck. I’m terrible at this domestic stuff, Hudson!”
I can’t help it—I laugh. Hard. “Why are you doing this the hard way, then? Break and bake, babe. Break and bake. That’s how I do it.”
She throws her hands up in defeat. “See? Even you’re better than I am and you suck too! I quit. Let’s just order a pizza and pretend I made that from scratch too.”
“Deal. Now go get the broom. We’ve got some cleaning up to do.”
Rae marches away, muttering to herself the whole time. A very tiny part of me feels bad for her, but this is just too rich. She looked so proud of herself and so sure, only to forget the most important ingredient. Poor Rae.
“Here. You sweep, I’ll swipe,” she says, handing me the broom. “How’d everything go at the shop?”
The shop? I wasn’t at the shop.
“I wasn’t…” I start, barely catching myself and nearly blowing my cover. “I wasn’t sure I’d ever get out of there.”
“Sucks you had to go in, but I’m glad I’ve got you back now. It seems every week you’re piled with paperwork. Guess that just means more cash flow and more money for us to spend on not-so-home-cooked meals.”
I give her a distracted laugh and continue sweeping up her mess, the guilt of my lie pressing down on my shoulders like a damn boulder.
Yes, I’ve been lying to Rae. For weeks now, actually. Hell, even months.
You see, after Rae found out her father had been lying to her about her mother’s condition and what really happened out in that blustery ocean when she was seven, she halted all communication with her father. On one hand, I understand it all. On the other, it breaks
my heart. I’m certain it doesn’t break mine as much as it does Rae’s, considering she was extremely close with Ted, but it still hurts. It hurts to see Rae lose such a strong relationship with her dad, and it hurts to see the sadness lurking behind her eyes when someone mentions him.
While my heart may be sad for Rae, it hurts even more for Ted. Being a father myself, I understand exactly why he did what he did. And it’s not like he outright lied; he just allowed Rae to believe whatever was going to make her feel safe. I’d do the same for Joey in a heartbeat.
So, yes, watching the woman I love live in such emotional pain is tough. Watching her father lose not only his wife, but also his daughter who he fought so hard to keep alive, is even worse.
To make up for the love Rae is incapable of showing her father right now, once a week I visit with him in her place. We talk, catch some of whatever game is on, and most importantly, we laugh together. Vital because Ted is lacking in that department since his big lie blew up in his face.
Let’s just hope when the time comes to tell Rae what I’ve been doing, mine doesn’t do the same thing.
I give her a wink and reply, “Someone’s gotta pay for the food you burn.”
“One time, Hudson! One time.”
“Today, maybe.”
Did you know flour tastes like shit? It’s true. How do I know? I’m tasting it right now because Rae just blew a whole pile straight into my face.
Wiping off the disgusting powder, I launch at her, tackling her to the ground instantly. I roll over until she’s pinned under me, kicking and screaming the entire time. Trapping her arms above her head with one hand, I run my fingertips down her overly ticklish sides. Her giggles and squirms are instant.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Rae pants, attempting to hold down her laughter.
“Nope, not good enough.”
“I love you?”
“Closer…” I say, dropping my head next to hers and grazing my lips along her ear. Her giggles turn to soft moans and her squirms turn into more concentrated movements, her body rubbing against mine in sinful ways.
“You’re the most amazing man in the whole wide world?”
“I know, darlin’, I know,” I tease. “Flattery will get you everywhere with me.” I give her a quick peck directly below her earlobe before whispering, “But that’s not what I want to hear.”
I use the soft pressure of my lips mixed with day-old stubble to seduce the words out of her. I gingerly run them down her neck to her collarbone, begging the words to fall from her lips.
I know it’s going to work when Rae’s breaths become harsh like she’s just finished scaling a mountain—which she kind of has since the two words I want to hear are about as strenuous for her to admit as the physical intensity of a climb.
While they are her least favorite words, they are far from mine.
She huffs, a mixture of irritation and sexual frustration. “Fine. I’ll say it.”
“Good. I knew you’d—”
“On one condition,” she interrupts.
Lifting my head, I narrow my eyes at her. “You are in no position to negotiate.”
“Oh, but I am, Hudson. You see, you’re lying on top of me, attempting to rile me up—and it’s working. But you’ve forgotten that your eight-year-old daughter is upstairs right now and can come down at any moment. That means your, ahem, excitement over our current position could be your downfall.”
It’s my turn to huff. “What do you want.”
Nope, not even phrasing that as a question. Little sneak.
“You have to make the break and bakes because I’ll probably burn the entire house down trying to do so.”
Laughter rumbles in my chest. “You’re exhausting.”
Rae reaches up and nuzzles her nose against mine, lingering only seconds to graze her lips over my own. “But you love me anyway.”
“Just a wee little bit.”
She captures my mouth fully with hers. Her hands slip from my gentle grasp, going straight for my head, holding me to her like her life depends on it. I kiss her back with equal want, running my tongue across her lips, begging her to allow access. She does, but only briefly.
The heat we create together in these short stolen seconds is so overwhelming that I swear I smell smoke.
Shit!
“The cookies!” I yell, prying my lips from Rae’s and jumping into action like a madman.
I move to the stove to rescue her crispy not-so-master-masterpieces as she rushes to open the back door and windows before the smoke alarms start sounding and send Joey into a panic.
Joe must hear the commotion because it’s not even a minute later when she comes bounding down the stairs and straight into the kitchen. “What’s happened? Is everything okay? Are we all going to die?” she asks, her eyes wide with fear and curiosity.
I mentally cringe but don’t stop my movements.
That’s another side effect of losing someone—children become consumed with the idea of death. They become aware, afraid, intrigued, confused. This technically isn’t Joey’s first encounter with the depressing event, but it is the first one that’s happened since she’s come to an age where she understands what occurs in the world around her. She knew my father when he passed. However, explaining it to her then was easier. She’s had the last several years to come to terms with him never coming back. Tanner’s death is still fresh and has her scared. She’s panicked that those she loves will be ripped from her at any moment. Most of the adults I know may not have liked Tanner, because the dude was a total ass, but I can’t deny the way he was always patient, kind, and loving to my daughter. I respect him for that more than anything.
“No one is dying, Joey. We’re all fine. I promise,” I reassure her, fanning the cookies with the oven mitt.
“Oh,” she says. I can hear the worry leave her voice. “Rae, did you burn things again? Dad isn’t a good cook either, but he doesn’t burn things.”
I swear Rae’s word vomit has rubbed off on everyone around her because what Joey just said was exactly something Rae would say.
I snicker. “Always looking out for your old man. I appreciate it, kiddo.”
“Hudson!” Rae scolds. She turns to Joey and says, “I may have baked your cookies for a few minutes too long. But your dad is going to make some more. Right, dear?”
Raising a brow at Rae, I challenge, “I don’t know. Am I?”
I swear I can hear her roll her eyes at me. “You’re right. I’m a terrible cook and I burn everything. Happy?”
“Finally! She admits it!”
She looks to Joey for help. “You just gonna let him be mean to me?”
Joey shrugs. “I know you said us girls were supposed to stick together when it came to dad being right, but…” she pauses, drawing the word out dramatically. “You do burn a lot of things.”
“BURN! Just like your cookies!”
The look on Rae’s face says I’m definitely in trouble for that little outburst.
Totally worth being in the doghouse.
2
Hudson
“You dragged me out on my one day off to go to the fucking mall? Dick move, Hudson.”
“Shut up, you baby. I only invited you because Tucker isn’t here,” I tell my unhappy companion, and second best friend, Gaige.
“Gee. I feel so welcomed.”
“Well if you weren’t such a tool…”
“Hey! I’m the asshole, not a tool. Don’t be mean.”
I shoot him a look. “Really? You’re okay with being called an asshole but not a tool?”
“Asshole just sounds so much more affectionate.”
“You’re so weird,” I mutter. “Now, come on, asshole. We have several stores to look at.”
Unusual for him, Gaige doesn’t shut up as I navigate through the crowded mall. I forgot it was back-to-school season. The place is crawling with rambunctious teens. They’re amusing and obnoxious all at the same time. I dread the day Joey turns into a teen
ager.
A teenager? Damn. That’s only five years away. I’ll be thirty by that point and probably feel about forty with the way my life has been on the fast-track since she was born.
But, if all goes as planned, I’ll at least be settled down with the love of my life, a great house, thriving business, and Joey. Not exactly how I pictured some of my prime bachelor days but somehow exactly what I’ve always wanted.
“What are we getting here, anyway? It’s not anyone’s birthday, so I know you’re not getting a gift. And you don’t love me enough to randomly buy me presents, so that must mean you’re…” He trails off as I steer us closer to the first jewelry store on my list.
When I realize he’s not following me anymore, I stop my pursuit of shiny objects. I spin around to find Gaige frozen, his mouth hanging open in the middle of the packed shopping center. Suppressing a sigh, I walk back toward him.
“What.”
“No fucking way,” he says, shocked. “You’re gonna propose.”
I shift uncomfortably at the way he says it. He sounds awed. And his stare is starting to make me feel weird too. He’s looking at me like I’m that damn three-headed dog from Harry Potter or some shit. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad. Not that I should base whether or not I’m going to propose on what Gaige thinks, but he’s been in my life for a long damn time. I value his opinion above all others’. Well, except Tuck’s and Rae’s.
A grin transforms his naturally neutral expression to one of pure joy. “I’m so fucking happy for you, dude.”
Blowing out a relieved breath, I say, “Thanks. That means a lot. But don’t fucking tell anyone, okay? I haven’t even told Tucker yet.”
“You mean I’m the first to know?” Hand to God, the smile on his face resembles that of a kid’s after they’ve just received the best gift ever.
Here's To Box Set (Complete Series) Page 51
