Then I realize I’m not so good because I’ve been pacing for the past two minutes.
Rae’s coming to see me. On her own. She’s taking the initiative in this. She wants to see me. Does this mean she’s ready to move forward? To forgive? Because I’m so fucking ready for that.
Wait…what if she’s not? What if she’s here to break this off officially? FuckfuckFUCK.
“H-Hudson?” My head snaps toward the door at the sound of her voice. I swear it, my fucking knees go weak and I have to grab hold of the corner of my desk to keep me stable. Or maybe that was just the sudden movement and little bit of wooziness from the booze still hanging around. Yeah, that seems more logical.
“Rae.” I smile at her, motioning to the chairs on the visitor’s side of the desk. “Come sit. I’m glad to see you.”
She wrings her hands together, obviously nervous about something, and takes a seat next to me. Panic rolls over my spine. Maybe she is here to make this break official. I gulp loudly. I can’t take it if that’s what she’s here to do.
Remember when you were younger and you played the Quiet Game with your friends? The one who stays quiet the longest gets the loser’s chocolate milk at lunch? That game you always tried your hardest to win? It feels like we’re both playing that now. To the extreme. That’s how silent the room is right now—Quiet Game winner worthy, and it looks like neither one of us is ready to give up our chocolate milk.
I take a deep breath, deciding that’s a risk I’m willing to take. She jumps a little at the sound, tilting her head to glance up at me.
“What—” I clear my throat, the nervousness creeping in, and try again. “What are you doing here, Rae?”
Confusion coats her face, and her eyes grow cautious and unsure.
“Oh, no. It’s not that I’m not happy to see you—because I am—I’m just wondering why you’re here,” I reassure her, realizing my question sounded like I didn’t want her here.
This doesn’t do anything to clear her eyes of uncertainty.
I sit up in my chair, not sure why she’s still looking at me like I’ve gone insane. “Um, did I say something wrong?”
“You invited me, Hudson. Last night.”
I invited her? When…?
“Oh shit.”
“What?”
“Huh?”
“You said, ‘oh shit.’ Why?”
I groan, grabbing my head and giving it a good squeeze, trying to get the stupid to fall out. Must be stuck, dumbass.
“Did I…call you last night?”
She shakes her head. “No, you texted.”
I did? I pull my phone from my pocket, opening up my texts to see what all I sent in my drunken haze.
Me: Tpmrrw? Seee yu? Come bye?
Rae: Yes.
I want to laugh at my atrocious spelling skills, but I don’t. All I can focus on is that Rae responded within seconds and ignored all the signs pointing to drunk. Because she wanted to see me too.
Pocketing my phone, I stare at her, her lips pursed, waiting for an answer of some sort. “I, uh, kinda got wasted last night. That was a desperate drunken text.”
I feel the heat radiating off her. She’s angry. I just don’t know why. I’d be flattered as hell if I was the only thing someone could think about when they were drunk.
“You were out last night, partying it up, huh? During all of this shit we’re going through, you decide it’s a good idea to go out and get hammered? With who? Fuckin’ chick magnet Gaige himself? Great, Hudson. That’s just great.”
I lift my hands up, holding them out to her, surrendering to this war I had no idea we were in. “Hold the phone. I went out to clear my head, to relax a little. That’s all that was.” That doesn’t seem to ease her at all. “And don’t you dare bring Gaige into this. He doesn’t deserve that hint of distaste in your voice. He’s never done anything for you to believe he’s anything but a damn saint and you know it. In fact, neither have I. I’ve never lie—”
I stop, catching my biggest mistake.
She sits forward in her chair, her eyes falling into slits. “No, please continue, Hudson. Go ahead and tell me how you’ve ‘never lied’ to me. Go for it. Lie right to my face. Again. I dare you.”
I don’t say anything, the venom in her words eating a hole in my heart.
“Nothing to say, Hudson? Fuckin’ typical,” she spits, shaking her head in obvious disgust.
Grabbing her bag, she lifts from the chair, and I panic. She’s leaving. I grab at her wrist, closing my fingers around her, stopping her in her tracks.
“Stop. Please.”
She does.
Even though she hasn’t turned around to look at me, I hang my head, the shame of my lies weighing me down. “Rae. I’d never do anything like you’re suggesting, and you know that. Don’t turn this shit with your dad into something it’s not. That’s not us. We don’t do that.”
Nothing. I tug gently on her wrist and she finally looks back at me, piercing me with her sad green eyes.
“We don’t do this. We don’t pick stupid fights over insane things. And we definitely don’t walk out just because we’re upset. I let you do it before, and if my sleepless nights and cold sheets are any indication, that was the biggest mistake I’ve made. Just please. Please. Stay.”
She pulls her wrist free, marching around me and sitting back in her chair. Taking a calming breath, I follow her, sitting on the edge of my seat next to her. I reach out and pull her hand into my lap. She won’t look at me, so I reach over and pull her face toward mine.
“We’re done walking out. If we have shit to work through, we’re doing it then. I don’t want a relationship like that. I’ve had one before and they’re shit.”
She casts her eyes down, a tear making its way down her cheek. “That, what I accused you of, that was wrong. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.” She pauses, collecting herself. “That’s not me, Hudson. I…fuck! I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel like I’m going nuts.”
I don’t disagree with her, because I feel like I’m going nuts too. This whole thing just reeks of fuckedupness. It’s gotten messy and ugly, and I hate it. I want our clean, beautiful, easy relationship back.
“I only went out last night because I can’t fucking bear the thought of going back to an empty house. Joey’s still at my mom’s. I don’t know how to tell her, to talk to her about any of this.”
“Tell her what?”
I swallow, scared to say the words. “That you moved out.”
Rae laughs and it’s so damn beautiful. “I didn’t move out, Hudson. I’m just clearing my head too. That’s the only way that made sense at the time.”
“I…I miss you. And I know that’s not fair to say, but it’s the damn truth. I want you back in our house, in our bed, in my life every damn day. I just…want you.”
“I want that too.”
“Then—”
“No,” she interrupts. “I’m just… I still need some time, Hudson. I know that’s not what you want to hear, and honestly, it might not even be the right answer, but it’s the truth. Just…not yet.”
I nod, not in agreement but because I don’t trust myself to speak, especially since all I want to do right now is beg. Beg her to come home, to forgive me, to let me love her for the rest of our days. But I don’t. I keep my mouth shut.
“I should go. I’ve got some work to do and you’re probably busy catching up on work.”
She gets up to leave again and I feel the panic hit me once more. I don’t have any plans to see her again. “Go on a date with me!”
The words tumble out of my mouth, my eyes wide and surprised. Her reaction mirrors my own.
“O-okay,” she agrees.
“Okay?”
“Okay. I would really love that.”
I take a few steps toward her, crowding her against the office door, smirking down at her. “I’d really love that too.”
She tries to turn away from my words, hiding a smile that�
��s formed on her lips at my mocking her. I grab her chin and pull her face back to mine. I hold her gaze and lower my mouth to hers, sealing our lips together in a hard kiss. I feel her body start to sway, her tongue darting out, begging me to tangle mine up with hers. I pull back and peer down at her, my lips tingling with the memory of hers. She’s breathless and her eyes are glazed over in a dense sexual haze, and I fucking love it.
I give her another quick kiss, ending it before she can even react. “How’s Friday?”
“Huh?”
Chuckling, I say, “How’s Friday for our date?”
She clears her throat, letting out a small sexy laugh. “Good.”
“Good or really good?”
“Really good.”
I smile, leaning down to close my lips over hers again, letting this one linger. It’s slow and loving. The perfect mix of I want to rip your clothes off and make slow, sweet love to me. I wrap my tongue around hers at the same time I do my arm, using both as anchors. I cup her face, getting just the angle I want, exploring her mouth even further. I know it’s time to back off when she lets out a low moan.
It takes another five seconds before I force myself to back away. Resting my head against hers when I do, I suck in air, letting the magic we create together settle around us, letting her feel how amazing things are with us, how fucking right they are.
“I love you, Rae,” I whisper, my lips brushing lightly over hers with every word.
“I know.”
11
The Game of Five
Rae: I’m secretly attracted to Channing Tatum…’s ass. Celebrity crush?
Hudson: eAsy. Emma Stone. See what I did there? (And don’t make fun of my awesome taste in movies.)
Rae: Easy A reference. Nice. (Counting as question.) If you had to pick…smell horse poop the rest of your life or eat your least favorite meal every day?
Hudson: Your strangeness is a concern. Meal. Do you like chili cheese hotdogs?
Rae: Stop being gross, Hudson. It’s unattractive. What’s your favorite pet name? Like, for another person.
Hudson: Does asshole count?
Rae: Yes, and so does that question.
Hudson: Dammit. What’s one thing you wish for almost daily?
Rae: Perk to start delivering coffee and scones. Yours?
Hudson: You.
Hudson: Shit. Sorry. It…it just came out. I’m sorry.
Rae: I miss you too.
Hudson: Does Friday make you nervous too?
Rae: Beyond.
Rae: Wait. Too? Does that mean you’re nervous?
Hudson: Beyond. And that’s Five.
Hudson: Are you ready for tomorrow?
Rae: No. You?
Hudson: Yes. And no. Five?
Rae: You’re already down to 3. Make them good.
Hudson: I CAN’T HANDLE THAT SORT OF PRESSURE!
Rae: Suck it up.
Hudson: If you could own one thing, anything in the entire world, what would it be?
Rae: Hmm… Google. Then I’d be rich as hell. And smart. Google people are smart, right? (doesn’t count!)
Hudson: I think so.
Rae: Then Google. You?
Hudson: Your heart.
Rae: OMG. CHEESEBALL! That was so LAME!
Hudson: You’re welcome.
Rae: Crap. I think it actually worked. I feel…a smile.
Hudson: Again, you’re welcome.
Rae: Maura is looking at me like I’m nuts because I keep doing this weird groan/laugh thing.
Hudson: I’ll just go ahead and add that to the list of noises of yours I like.
Rae: Add it? What else is on that list?
Hudson: You know…me making you moan is at the top.
Rae: You do that?
Hudson: *glare emoji*
Rae: Don’t flake on me now! Answer the question.
Rae: Hudson?
Hudson: No. I quit. You win. Today.
Hudson: You ready to fall back in love with me today?
Rae: Back? I never stopped, you ass-butt.
Hudson: Just testing you, Squirrel.
Hudson: Quick Five?
Rae: Ready.
Hudson: Red or white wine?
Rae: Not a big wine person. White, I guess. Blue or green?
Hudson: Green. Turkey or ham?
Rae: Turkey. Dresses or jeans?
Hudson: As sexy as dresses are, jeans. More versatile. Favorite scent?
Rae: Like…candles? Fragrance? General?
Hudson: Any.
Rae: Cottonwood. And you.
Hudson: Did you just try to sweet talk me?
Rae: Guilty. Did you like it?
Hudson: Oh yeah.
Hudson: This is five… Do you think I’ve still got a shot?
Rae: Oh yeah. Do you believe in forever?
Hudson: Only with you.
Rae: Did you just try to sweet talk me?
Hudson: ;-) Sorry, babe, game’s over. I’ll see you soon. I love you.
Rae: I know.
12
Rae
“A date, huh?”
“Yes, and I’m freaking out!” I shout, grabbing clothes from my poorly packed suitcase and throwing them onto Maura’s bed. I mindlessly rifle through the unkempt pile, not really looking at anything but trying to keep my hands busy.
“You do realize you’ve already been dating him for the last year, right?”
I glare at my best friend. “You’re not helping, Maura.”
I think a lot of my nerves have to do with the fact that I haven’t seen Hudson since our little argument at his office. Four days ago. We’ve been texting, playing Five, but it’s not the same. This is a whole new game we’re getting ready to play.
“Fine.” She rolls her eyes and picks up a green shirt I have out on the bed. “How about this?”
Smiling, I pull it from her hands, hugging it to me. It’s the shirt I wore on my first date with Hudson. Of course she would pick this shirt. Because it fits. It’s perfect. And it’s a damn sign if I ever got one.
“Good choice.”
“Here,” she says, shoving a dark pair of jeans at me. “Wear these too. You’re welcome.”
I quickly make my way to her adjoining bathroom to change. I walk back out to find her quietly talking with Dallas.
“…gonna hate you. These things never end well,” I catch Dallas saying.
“What never ends well?” I question.
Dall turns to me with a small smirk. “Roommate’s night out. We’re having one tonight. We plan to get drunk.”
“Yikes. Have fun with that one.”
“Hopefully Perry doesn’t ruin this one again.”
I frown. “He’s getting bad, huh? I honestly can’t remember the last time he spent an entire day sober. I just…I don’t know how to help him. Especially when he doesn’t want it.”
“I’m at a complete loss myself. He’s stopped frequenting Clyde’s since I quit. He’s now taken up residence at Mic’s. Gary’s already thrown him out twice.”
“Fuck.”
“I, uh, I could try to talk with him.” I look to Dallas, noting the concern in his voice, wondering where it comes from. “I mean, it’s worth a shot. Maybe he’d take better to some advice from an outsider rather than his best friends.”
I want to believe that’s what Dallas means, but I can see something in him, something that’s motivating him to want to help Perry, who’s been nothing but a total dick to him. I’m just not sure what it is. Maybe there’s just a layer to Perry that he connects with, can relate to on a level Maura and I can’t.
“Um, yeah, that would be great, Dallas. Hopefully someone can get through to him. Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me yet. He’s fairly determined to hate me, so this could be quite the adventure.”
“Well, you’re willing to try. That’s all that counts. Speaking of trying…” Maura turns to me. “How are those nerves? You feeling any better?”
“Was until yo
u just reminded me about them. It. The date.”
“Oh, she’s nervous all right. She’s speaking in tiny sentences.” Dallas laughs.
I glare at him. “Don’t you have to go play head shrink or something?”
“And feisty. She’s getting all worked up now,” Maura teases.
“You’re both evil.”
“Oh, hush. You love us and you know it. Now go finish getting ready. Hudson will be here soon and you haven’t even touched your hair yet.”
“I’m going, I’m going,” I tell her, finding my way back to the bathroom.
As I start to get ready, I notice the shake to my hands, the flutters of nerves in my stomach, the slight buzzing in my head. I have no clue why I’m so nervous. Maura was right—I’ve already been dating Hudson for just about a year. We’ve gone on countless dates, lived together, romanced our way into love. This should be no different, especially considering all we’ve done together and been through. But it is. The way this feels? It’s…new. This feels like a complete do-over.
And I’m so ready for that.
A knock sounds at the front door, startling me so hard I drop the can of hairspray I’m holding, letting it clatter loudly to the floor.
The sudden tapping on the bathroom door makes me yelp. “You okay in there, Rae?” Dallas asks, twisting at the knob and inching the door open.
I peer at him through the crack. “I…fuck.”
He opens the door fully, refusing to let me use it as a barrier, a safe spot. Crowding into the small bathroom, he places his hands on my shoulders, steadying me.
“Chill. You’re going to be fine. Just take deep breaths.”
“I don’t know why I’m so nervous,” I admit, pulling away to glance in the mirror one last time. Is he going to think this outfit is stupid? Is he even going to remember it?
“Because you’re madly in love with him and you realize that this is an opportunity to start over, to make things right, to make them better. Because you’re smart. You’d be insane to not be nervous.” He pauses for a second. “Rae, Hudson’s a good guy. I don’t know him all that well, but I can tell you that he doesn’t want to hurt you. Just…give him a chance, okay?”
Here's To Box Set (Complete Series) Page 58
