by Calinda B
“Did you perform this ritual?” she asked, turning down the driveway to the rectory.
“Yes,” he said simply. “And then I met Lasairfhíona Finn, and my world transformed. I hope it’s not too late to fix things with her.”
Siobhan braked outside his dwelling. She placed her hand on Cillian’s arm. “She’ll surely forgive you. She loves you with all her heart.”
He flattened his lips. “As do I. But, I’ve been an ass.” He glanced at the ancient stone rectory. “You stay here. No need to get wet on my account. It’s still raining buckets. I’ll be back shortly. I know right where the book is.”
Siobhan nodded.
Cillian exited the car and disappeared inside the side door. A few minutes later, he emerged, carrying an umbrella in one hand, and a cloth-covered book, no doubt the Carmina Gadelica, in the other.
She opened her window.
He passed her the book, draped with the white linen cloth.
Siobhan took it between her hands, honored to be holding something so sacred. It smelled of old leather and time. It seemed to radiate calm. She took a deep breath and sighed. “Thank you, Father…I mean Cillian.”
His expression twisted into confusion or distress, she couldn’t exactly tell. But then he quickly recovered. “Go with God. I have faith that all will be made right by your intentions.”
“Thank you. Thank you very much,” Siobhan said, smiling. Gently, she placed the book on the seat, rolled up her window, and backed out to head home.
The closer she got to her house, a dark dread in her chest grew in intensity. By the time she parked in the carport, her limbs shook with fear, and her brow was damp with sweat. She stared at the door to the mudroom as if she stood at the gate to Hell. Her once cheery home held nothing but dark memories. I can’t do this. Paul’s little face loomed in her mind. I have to do this. She sat up straight, exited her car, and marched toward the mudroom door. Firmly, she grasped the doorknob and twisted it open. Then, she peeked around the door to assure herself no monsters lurked inside. Nothing. She inhaled deeply and stepped inside.
Once inside, she took tentative steps through the house. Everything seemed stale and musty. Even the strange dark shadows seemed like lingering ghosts which had outlived their welcome. She crossed the kitchen, trekked down the hall, and entered her bedroom. Standing before her closet, she took a long deep breath of courage and then threw open the door. Dead spiders lay on the floor. Cobwebs hung from Dylan’s clothes. But no baby spiders burst from their nests. Making a snap decision, she began removing Dylan’s clothes and laying them on the floor in piles. She mentally marked each pile as Keep or Give Away. Once she had them off the rack, she scurried to the mudroom to get cleaning supplies. She spent the next couple of hours scrubbing, vacuuming, and scouring every inch of her place. She cleaned bedding, washed windows, piled laundry in the laundry room, bagged clothes for the church charity store, washed dishes and more. By the time she was done, the sun had begun to disappear behind the horizon.
What will I do until midnight?
She turned to survey her work. The house looked vastly different—cleaner, for sure, like someone cared. Even the shadows seemed to have disappeared.
She stepped toward the bathroom to get to her last task—a long shower. Taking her time, she lathered every inch of her body. Her legs and underarms got a good shaving. Her hair got a thorough washing and conditioning. When she stepped from the shower stall, she dried and styled her hair. She even started painting her nails, telling herself how Dylan always liked it when her nails were bright with color. And, it might make forgiveness easier if she showed up, honoring something he always liked. Then, she thought of him and Ailis going at it like jungle monkeys. She retrieved the polish remover and swiped at her nails with quick, harsh movements. This is for me, not for you. Okay, it’s for both of us. You probably need to get on to your next journey, and I’ve been keeping you here out of spite.
Satisfied with her unpainted nails, she dressed in the cleanest slacks she could find, adding a loose-fitting aquamarine top with a scooped neckline. She hesitated before heading out the door. There’s something else I have to do. Before she could talk herself out of it, she retrieved her phone from the bedroom and called Stephen.
He answered straight away. “Siobhan. Are you okay?”
She smiled. “Never better. Do you have time to stop by the house for a minute? I have something to tell you. I promise I won’t take long, but it’s important.”
A great gulf of silence stretched between them.
She swallowed. Stephen might not want to come over. She’d treated him so badly, why should he?
He cleared his throat. “I just finished up a house-call near your place. I’ll be over in about ten minutes.”
“That will be perfect. See you soon.” She hung up before he had a chance to say anything else, like, “I changed my mind,” or, “Are you going to push me away again?”
She paced her pristine house, waiting for him to arrive.
A knock sounded on the front door.
She paused, her forehead furrowing. Is that Stephen? Why the front door? Why wouldn’t he come in the side door, like usual? Timidity fluttered through her belly like baby butterflies as she stepped toward the front door. She reached for the knob and paused. What if it’s not Stephen? She peered through the peephole and swallowed. He’s here.
Another knock sounded.
She gathered her courage and opened the door.
Stephen stood in the doorway. He wore his usual khaki Anorak raincoat, with the hood pulled over his head. His hands were stuffed in the pockets. Illuminated by the porch light, his green eyes flashed with something like surprised appreciation, and then, grew somber.
“Hello, Siobhan.”
His formal countenance took her by surprise. She eyed the messy yard, barely visible and surrounded by shadows, which stood beyond his handsome frame. She wondered if she should have tended to the garden, instead of contacting the stranger who stood before her.
“Hello, Stephen,” she said, reeling in her gaze to meet his.
He blinked and his eyebrows arched. “You do realize, it’s been a while since anyone, but you called me by my first name. My mother uses it when she calls. I prefer Bres. I’ve told you that on many occasions, but you don’t seem to listen.”
Ouch. Siobhan’s hand clenched the brass doorknob. “Well, I…won’t you come in?”
“Of course.” He entered her home, paused in the foyer, and said. “You have something to tell me?”
“Um, yes.” With a trembling hand, she gestured toward the front room. “Can I get you anything? Beer? Wine? Water? Tea?” She snapped her mouth shut before she listed every drink she could think of, including Paul’s boxed apple juice.
“No, thank you.” He stood stiffly, his hands still jammed in his pocket.
“Please. Come sit with me.” This is a bad idea.
He sighed, then relented. Tugging at the hem of her shirt, Siobhan followed him into the front room.
He paused before sitting on the sofa. “What did you do, Siobhan? The place looks miraculously different.”
She bit back a smile. “I cleaned. I purged. I’m getting ready to let go of Dylan, and it seemed important to tell you what I need to tell you…as part of the ritual.”
“I see.” Stephen perched at the very edge of the couch. “You’re in a mood of letting go.”
Siobhan crossed the room and settled on Dylan’s favorite chair—the one she’d be giving to the church charity soon. “You can take your jacket off and get comfortable,” she said, fingering the armrest absentmindedly. She practiced saying ‘Bres’ in her mind. The name rolled around in her mouth like something delicious…ice cream on a hot day or warm caramel drizzled over pie. “If you don’t mind…Bres.”
Bres gazed at her with a grim, hard expression. “No, thank you. I’m fine. Get this over with, please.”
Who is this guy? I guess I blew it with him.
She took a deep breath, stared at his kneecap, not daring to watch his face, and said, “Look, you have every right to be angry with me. I’ve treated you horribly. But Cillian and Lady Freddie made me see a little sense. I’ve been a fool. I’m in love with you. I’m so in love with you that it hurts. I don’t have a right to love you. My life seems perilous, fraught with danger. My grief has poisoned everything. Did you know I have command of banshees or my family has had command of them, or…?” She stopped her speed-talking and bowed her head.
He said nothing.
She risked a glance.
He sat on the sofa, leaning back, with tears tracking down his face.
“Oh, dear God, Siobhan,” he finally said, in a husky voice. He sat up, resting his hands on his knees. “I’ve waited so long to hear you say that. I reached my breaking point today. We’ve all seen too much tragedy. I figured you were going to tell me to leave you alone for good and that was that. So I show up, and you look lovelier than I could ever imagine. And I prepared my heart to lose its last hold on hope.”
She shudder-sobbed. “I’m so sorry. I have so much to say to you but…but…” Can I do this?
“But what?” he said, gently.
“But, I’d rather show you, instead.” She rose and extended her hand to him.
He took it, standing, and pulled her close. He rocked her back and forth. “Siobhan. You’ve made me the happiest man on the planet.”
“I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve your kindness,” she said, tears streaming from her eyes.
He eased her away from him. “Shh,” he said, kissing her eyelids. He slurped up a few salty tears. “Shh,” he said again, kissing her cheeks. “Stop talking crazy talk. Let’s simply be with one another, okay?”
She nodded.
He lowered his lips to hers. Ever so softly, he kissed her.
His kiss melted away the last of her hesitation. She responded with a desire that consumed her.
He tasted of coffee and chocolate. He smelled like rain and sorrow mixed with passionate longing.
His kiss deepened.
Her arousal grew to a fever pitch. She broke the kiss. “I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone. Please come with me before I lose my nerve.”
His eyes sparkled. “Oh, I’ll come with you, sweetheart.”
A blush bloomed along her cheeks. She turned and led Bres to the lamp-lit bedroom. She sat on the clean-sheeted bed, self-consciousness suddenly looming.
“You’ve totally transformed this place, Siobhan. I can’t believe my eyes. It’s like I’m standing in a completely new dwelling.” His hands on his hips, he surveyed the room. Then, his eyes bore into hers. “But bedroom and house transformation commentary can wait. I’ve got something I need to do.”
“What’s that?” she asked, shyness creeping into her. She clutched at her collar.
“There’s someone I’ve been waiting to love. I’ve rehearsed it so many times I know the moves by heart.” His eyelids grew heavy. He stalked toward her, shrugging out of his Anorak, revealing a short-sleeved, light-brown shirt and arms she longed to feel around her. He tossed the jacket on the chair in the corner. “But I’ve left room for improvisation.”
She bunched her shirt in both hands.
“I…I…I don’t look as good as I used to,” she stammered. She eyed his muscled arms hungrily. Then, her gaze slid to the bulge in his pants. She licked her lips and swallowed.
“Shh. There’s more crazy talk.” He lifted her legs and swung her to lay prone on the bed. Then, he crawled next to her and sat on his knees.
She grabbed a pillow and pressed it to her face.
“I’ve gained some weight,” she mumbled into the pillowcase.
“When will she quit talking nonsense?” he said, his voice dreamy and soft. He plucked the pillow from her grasp and tossed it next to her. Gazing at her with the most adoring eyes she’d ever witnessed, he said, “Doesn’t she know how beautiful she is?”
Siobhan shook her head.
He laced his fingers, extended his arms, and stretched them in front of his chest. “Then, I’ve got my work cut out for me. I’m going to love on every inch of you, beautiful Siobhan.”
She sucked in her breath, unable to believe how adored he made her feel. No one had ever looked at her like this. Love seemed to pour from every inch of his skin.
He lowered himself to her neck, nibbling and sucking her skin. He kissed her earlobes, whispering, “I love Siobhan’s ears.” He kissed his way up to her cheeks. “And her cheeks are gossamer heaven.” He planted soft little kisses on her eyelids. “And her eyes…her eyes are soul deep. I could get lost in those eyes.” His hands stroked her hair. “Look at me, love.”
Her eyelids fluttered open.
“I’m gobsmacked with love for you. And you’re exquisite. I’m going to make it my mission to find endless ways of showing you how beautiful you are to me.” He stretched alongside her.
“Oh, Bres.” She grinned, overwhelmed with joy. “I don’t recall ever feeling this happy.”
“Good.” He smiled. “My mission is a success so far. But I’ve barely begun.”
She drew him back to her lips, kissing him with a fevered passion.
His hand slid up her shirt, stroking and caressing. He pushed his fingertips under her bra.
She gasped, then rolled to face him and slung her leg over his hips. Slowly, she unbuttoned his shirt. My God, he’s beautiful. Muscled, with just the right amount of hair, he stirred her in the deepest way possible. She kneaded his taut arms and shoulders.
Through their clothes, he pressed his hard heat into her, while fingering her nipples, arousing them into tight buds of need.
Gazing at her with those adoring eyes of his, he lowered his hand to her waistband and unbuttoned it. Then, he peeled apart the fly, revealing her belly.
She cringed, zapped out of her passion as self-consciousness wormed its way into her mind. I’m too fat. I haven’t taken care of myself. He’s going to reject me.
“What?” he said. “You think I don’t like this part of you?” His fingertips brushed back and forth across her stomach. Intensity poured from his gaze.
“Maybe I don’t like that part of me. I haven’t exactly indulged in self-care lately.” She dipped her chin, unable to meet his eyes.
He placed his fingertips underneath her chin and tipped her face up. “You’re beautiful, Siobhan. Stunningly beautiful.”
She swallowed. “So are you,” she whispered. “I’m beside myself, unsure how to take this all in.”
“We do it one step at a time, sweetheart. One delicious step at a time. I’m a bit overwhelmed, too. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve fantasized about this moment and now, here it is.” A warm smile crossed his face. “I won’t push you into anything you don’t want to do. But I’m dying to feel your silky skin.” His tongue slid along his teeth. “What about getting these clothes off of you and me?”
“I’d like that.” She bit her lower lip. “It’s been a long time. I’m out of practice.”
“Me, too.” He helped her up to sitting and slid her shirt over her head.
She reached behind and unclasped her bra. As she tugged it free from her arms and dropped it onto the bed, her tummy churned with fluttering sensation.
Bres plucked the lacy lingerie from the bedspread and tossed it behind him, onto the floor. Then, he studied her, sucking in his breath.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said again. He stroked Siobhan’s breasts stirring ripples of sensation. Kissed her neck, seeming to savor each and every kiss. Sucked her nipples so hard she thought she might come from the pleasurable ache.
She gasped, letting her head fall back.
When his mouth released her, she throbbed with desire and need. She pushed his shirt from his shoulders, savoring his warm skin and hard muscles. Little by little, she relaxed into her passion, exploring, tasting, and delighting in loving him.
He crawled lower and sat between her le
gs. Gently, he eased her pants and panties down her hips, scooting himself down along with the fabric, kissing her thighs, her knees, and her calves along the way. Next, he sucked her toes and licked her ankles.
An unbearable sense of ticklish pleasure overcame her. She craved more and more and more, never wanting this moment to end.
And then, he slid from the bed.
“Come back,” she whispered. “I miss you already.”
A chuckle, low and deep, left his throat. “I’ll only be a second.” He stood at the end of the bed, tugged her pants from her ankles, and pitched them on the floor. Then, he unsnapped his jeans, unzipped them, and slid them from his legs. His cock bobbed, heavy and huge.
As he stood there, her eyes roamed his body. “God, Bres, you’re exquisite. Get back here so I can make up for lost time.”
“You couldn’t keep me away.” He grinned, crawling between her legs, planting a trail of kisses from her ankles to her inner thighs.
Time transformed into a long stretch of infinity as they loved one another. When she came, her heart spilled with joy. Tears of locked-up pleasure tracked along her cheeks.
Bres let go, too, coming in one long, loud, hip-bucking groan of release.
Afterward, their bodies melted into one another. Wordlessly, she fingered his hair.
He gazed at her with soft eyes, inviting her into the depths of him. “I’ll never hurt you, Siobhan. I’m not that kind of guy. I won’t cheat on you, play you, or deceive you.”
He swept his palm along her hair, smoothing it away from her face.
“I know that, Bres. You’ve been showing up for me for a long time.” She smiled, then tucked her head onto his shoulder.
Together, they lay quietly in the dark of her bedroom. She felt as transformed as her clean house.
When Bres’ breathing grew deep and regular, she knew…now was the time for forgiveness. She’d just been gifted with the world.
