Also by
L. Ron Hubbard
Buckskin Brigades
The Conquest of Space
The Dangerous Dimension
Death’s Deputy
The End is Not Yet
Fear
Final Blackout
The Kilkenny Cats
The Mission Earth Dekalogy*
Volume 1: The Invaders Plan
Volume 2: Black Genesis
Volume 3: The Enemy Within
Volume 4: An Alien Affair
Volume 5: Fortune of Fear
Volume 6: Death Quest
Volume 7: Voyage of Vengeance
Volume 8: Disaster
Volume 9: Villainy Victorious
Volume 10: The Doomed Planet
Ole Doc Methuselah
Slaves of Sleep & The Masters of Sleep
To the Stars
Triton
Typewriter in the Sky
The Ultimate Adventure
* Dekalogy—a group of ten volumes
Galaxy Press
7051 Hollywood Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90028
MISSION EARTH: DISASTER
Copyright © 1987, 1990, 2011 by L. Ron Hubbard. All Rights Reserved.
Any unauthorized copying, translation, duplication, importation or distribution, in whole or in part, by any means, including electronic copying, storage or transmission, is a violation of applicable laws.
Mission Earth is a trademark owned by L. Ron Hubbard Library and
is used with permission. Battlefield Earth is a trademark owned
by Author Services, Inc. and is used with permission.
Original cover painting by Gerry Grace.
ISBN 978-1-59212-594-4
This is a work of science fiction, written as satire. The essence of satire is to examine, comment and give opinion of society and culture, none of which is to be construed as a statement of pure fact. No actual incidents are portrayed and none of the incidents are to be construed as real. Some of the actions of this novel take place on the planet Earth, but the characters as presented in this novel have been invented. Any accidental use of the names of living people in a novel is virtually inevitable, and any such inadvertency in this book is unintentional.
See Author's Introduction, Mission Earth: Volume One, The Invaders Plan.
To YOU,
the millions of science fiction fans
and general public
who welcomed me back to the world of fiction
so warmly,
and to the critics and media
who so pleasantly
applauded the novel Battlefield Earth.
It's great working for you!
Contents
Map: Voltar Government Cities
Map: Central Manhattan and Central Turkey
Voltarian Censor's Disclaimer
Voltarian Translator's Preface
Key to Disaster
Part 62
Part 63
Part 64
Part 65
Part 66
Part 67
Part 68
Part 69
Part 70
About the Author
Voltarian Censor’s
Disclaimer
This bizarre, fallacious tale has not been made any more palatable by the introduction of a different narrator.
Nor has the narrative gained any credibility by its claims that events in our one-hundred-and-ten-planet confederacy were caused by a stupid, nonexistent race of people from a planet that sounds more like a lunatic asylum than anything else.
The position of the Crown is firmer than ever.
The planet Earth does not exist!
Lord Invay
Royal Historian
Chairman, Board of Censors
Royal Palace, Voltar Confederacy
By Order of
His Imperial Majesty
Wully the Wise
Voltarian Translator’s
Preface
Lord Invay is getting out of hand.
First they give me this thing to translate and then they have him running around telling people not to read it. I can’t figure it out.
As long as I have your attention, I’m 54 Charlee Nine and I am fulfilling my obligation by informing you that this work has been translated from Voltarian into your language, which, by the way, doesn’t exist. Pretty clever.
I have used “black hole” in this work, although I wish your language had a better term. It is slightly inaccurate as an astronomical phrase. It is more accurate as a description of your current Earth science, which is so convoluted that it is incapable of releasing any light.
But since Earth scientists don’t believe in hyper-luminary (faster than light) phenomena, they can’t understand the concept of imploded light, which is at the other end of the spectrum.
So what you are about to read about black holes is accurate, despite what you’ve heard. They do come in very different sizes and the small ones can be captured and used.
As a final note, I never had a chance to meet Corky, who appears in this book, but he sounds like someone who had his circuits together.
With that, I give you your key to this volume.
Sincerely,
54 Charlee Nine
Robotbrain in the translatophone
Key to
DISASTER
831 Relayer: See Bugging Gear.
Absorbo-coat: Coating that absorbs light waves, making the object virtually invisible or undetectable. It is usually applied to spacecraft.
Activator-receiver: See Bugging Gear.
Afyon: City in Turkey where the Apparatus has a secret mountain base.
Ahmed: Taxi driver for Soltan Gris in Afyon and an Apparatus agent.
Antimanco: A race exiled long ago from the planet Manco for ritual murders. Several of them were assigned by Lombar Hisst to work for Soltan Gris. (See Control Star.)
Apparatus, Coordinated Information: The secret police of Voltar, headed by Lombar Hisst and manned by criminals. Their symbol is an inverted paddle which, because it looks like a bottle, earned its members the name “drunks.”
Assassin Pilots: Used to kill any Apparatus personnel who try to flee a battle.
Bang-Bang Rimbombo: An ex-Marine demolitions expert and member of the Babe Corleone mob.
Barben, IG: Pharmaceutical company controlled by Delbert John Rockecenter.
Bildirjin, Nurse: Teenage Turkish girl who helps Prahd Bittlestiffender.
Bittlestiffender, Prahd: Voltarian cellologist that Soltan Gris brought to Earth to operate a hospital in Afyon. Prahd was the one who implanted Jettero Heller, the Countess Krak and Dr. Crobe. (See Bugging Gear and Cellology.)
Black Jowl: Soltan Gris’ nickname for Forrest Closure.
Blito-P3: Voltarian designation for a planet known locally as Earth. It is the third planet (P3) of a yellow dwarf star known as Blito.
Blixo: Apparatus freighter, piloted by Captain Bolz, that makes regular runs between Earth and Voltar. The voyage takes about six weeks each way.
Blueflash: A bright blue flash of light used to produce unconsciousness. It is usually used by Voltarian ships before landing in an area that is possibly populated.
Bolz: Captain of the freighter Blixo.
Bugging Gear: Soltan Gris had Jettero Heller, the Countess Krak and Dr. Crobe implanted with audio and optical bugs that transmit everything they see or hear to an activator-receiver that Gris carries. With this, he can eavesdrop on them without their knowledge. When they are more than two hundred miles from Gris, the 831 Relayer is used to boost the signal to a range of ten thousand miles.
Bury: Delbert John Rockecenter’s most powerful attorney.
Cellology: Voltarian medical science that can rep
air the body through the cellular generation of tissues, including entire body parts.
Closure, Forrest: A black-jowled man who works for Delbert John Rockecenter’s Grabbe-Manhattan Bank.
Code Break: Violation of the Space Code that prohibits disclosing that one is an alien. Penalty is death to the offender(s) and any native(s) so alerted.
Control star: Given to Soltan Gris by Lombar Hisst, an electronic device disguised as a star-shaped medallion that can paralyze any of the Apparatus crew of Antimanco pirates that brought Gris and Jettero Heller to Earth.
Coordinated Information Apparatus: See Apparatus.
Corleone: A Mafia family headed by Babe, a former Roxy chorus girl and widow of “Holy Joe.”
Crobe, Dr.: Apparatus cellologist who worked in Spiteos. He delights in making human freaks.
Drunks: See Apparatus.
Epstein, Izzy: Financial expert and anarchist hired by Jettero Heller to set up and run several corporations.
Faht Bey: Turkish name of the commander of the secret Apparatus base in Afyon , Turkey.
FFBO: Fatten, Farten, Burstein and Ooze, the largest advertising/public relations firm in the world.
Fleet: The elite space fighting arm of Voltar to which Jettero Heller belongs and which the Apparatus despises.
Gracious Palms: The elegant whorehouse where Jettero Heller resided when first in New York City. It is across from the United Nations and is operated by the Corleone family.
Grafferty, “Bulldog”: A crooked New York City police inspector.
Grand Council: The governing body of Voltar which ordered a mission to keep Earth from destroying itself so it could be conquered on schedule per the Invasion Timetable.
Gris, Soltan: Apparatus officer placed in charge of the Blito-P3 (Earth) section and an enemy of Jettero Heller.
Heller, Hightee: The most beautiful and popular entertainer in the Voltar Confederacy. She is also Jettero Heller’s sister.
Heller, Jettero: Combat engineer and Royal officer of the Fleet, sent with Soltan Gris on Mission Earth where he is operating under the name of Jerome Terrance Wister.
Hisst, Lombar: Head of the Apparatus; his plan to overthrow the Voltar Confederacy required sending Soltan Gris to sabotage Jettero Heller’s mission.
Hoodward, Bob: A famous investigative reporter for the Earth newspaper, the Washington Roast, who brought down a president and other mob figures.
Hot Jolt: A popular Voltarian drink.
Hypnohelmet: Device placed over the head and used to induce a hypnotic trance.
Inkswitch: Phony name used by Soltan Gris when in the US, pretending to be a Federal official.
Invasion Timetable: A schedule of galactic conquest. The plans and budget of every section of Voltar’s government must adhere to it. Bequeathed by Voltar’s ancestors hundreds of thousands of years ago, it is inviolate and sacred and the guiding dogma of the Confederacy.
Joy, Miss: See the Countess Krak.
Karagoz: Old Turkish peasant, head of Soltan Gris’ house in Afyon, Turkey. Husband of Melahat.
Knife Section: Section of the Apparatus named after its favorite weapon.
Krak, Countess: Condemned murderess, former prisoner of Spiteos, a nonperson and the sweetheart of Jettero Heller. On Earth, she is known as Heavenly Joy Krackle or “Miss Joy.”
Madison, J. Walter: Fired from FFBO when his style of public relations caused the president of Patagonia to commit suicide, he was rehired by Bury to immortalize Jettero Heller in the media. He is also known as “J. Warbler Madman.”
Manco: Home planet of Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak.
Manco devil: Mythological spirit native to Manco.
Maysabongo: Jettero Heller was made a representative of this small African nation. Izzy Epstein made some of Heller’s businesses Maysabongo corporations.
Melahat: Soltan Gris’ Turkish housekeeper in Afyon. Wife of Karagoz.
Miss Agnes: Psychiatrist and personal aide to Delbert John Rockecenter.
Mister Calico: A calico cat that was trained by the Countess Krak.
Modon: An agricultural planet in the Voltar Confederacy noted for its fresh air.
Mortiiy, Prince: Leader of a rebel group on the planet Calabar.
Mudur Zengin: Financial czar of the biggest banking chain in Turkey and handler of Soltan Gris’ funds.
Musef: A Turkish wrestling champ working as a houseguard for Soltan Gris. He, with his friend Torgut, was supposed to beat up Jettero Heller, whom he thought was a DEA man, when Heller first appeared in Afyon. He was, instead, soundly defeated.
Narcotici, Faustino “The Noose”: Head of a Mafia family that is the underworld outlet for drugs from IG Barben. He is the rival and archenemy of Babe Corleone.
Octopus Oil: A Delbert John Rockecenter company that controls the world’s petroleum.
Pinch, Miss: Lesbian sadist ex-Delbert John Rockecenter employee who blackmailed Soltan Gris with a bigamous marriage and with trick photos of Gris and Teenie.
Raht: An Apparatus agent on Earth who was assigned by Lombar Hisst to help Soltan Gris sabotage Jettero Heller’s mission; his partner Terb was murdered.
Rockecenter, Delbert John: Native of Earth who controls all the planet’s fuel, finances, governments and drugs.
Rockecenter II, Delbert John: Son of Delbert John Rockecenter, thought to have been murdered by Miss Agnes.
Roke, Tars: Former astrographer to the Emperor of Voltar and friend of Jettero Heller.
Simmons, Miss: An antinuclear fanatic.
Snelz: Platoon commander at Spiteos who befriended Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak when they were prisoners there.
Spi: When Soltan Gris was made a Rockecenter family spy, his chest was tattooed by Miss Peace, Rockecenter’s secretary, who could not spell. Gris thought “spi” was a special Rockecenter spelling and thus “spi” is the spelling Gris uses.
Spiteos: On Voltar, the secret fortress prison of the Apparatus.
Stabb, Captain: Leader of the Antimancos at the Afyon base.
Sultan Bey: The Turkish name Soltan Gris assumes in Afyon, Turkey.
Swindle and Crouch: Law firm representing Delbert John Rockecenter.
Teenie: Teenager who seduces Soltan Gris.
Terb: Murdered partner of Raht.
Ters: Turkish driver for Soltan Gris.
Time-sight: Voltarian navigational aid used on faster-than-light ships to spot obstructions in the future and thus change the present course to avoid them.
Torgut: A Turkish wrestling champ, working as a houseguard for Soltan Gris. (See Musef.)
Twiddle, Senator: United States congressman and supporter of Delbert John Rockecenter.
Twoey: Nickname given to Delbert John Rockecenter II.
Utanc: A belly dancer that Soltan Gris bought to be his concubine and slave.
Viewer: See Bugging Gear.
Voltar: Home planet and seat of the one-hundred-and-ten-planet Confederacy that was established over 125,000 years ago. Voltar is ruled by the Emperor through the Grand Council, in accordance with the Invasion Timetable.
Will-be Was: The feared time-drive that allowed Jettero Heller to cover the 22 ½-light-year distance between Earth and Voltar in a little over three days.
Wister, Jerome Terrance: Name that Jettero Heller is using on Earth.
PART SIXTY-TWO
To My Lord Turn, Justiciary of the Royal Courts and Prison, Government City, Planet Voltar, Voltar Confederacy
Your Lordship, Sir!
I, Soltan Gris, Grade Eleven General Services Officer, former Secondary Executive of the Coordinated Information Apparatus, Voltar Confederacy (All Hail His Royal Majesty Cling the Lofty and All of His Empire), am now forwarding the eighth and final part of my confession.
I will now be able to relate how it was that I came to be in your fine prison.
Your Lordship may have been shocked to learn that Fleet Officer Jettero Heller was killed at that roadhouse in Connecticut.
Yes, I o
rdered Agent Raht to kill him, but it was still Heller’s fault. After all, he was the one who bought that desolated roadhouse where the Mafia once smuggled illegal liquor, who had befriended the old blind woman and who had posed as a “whitey engineer” for the Maysabongo delegation. He was the one who had hired those two deputy sheriffs and made them “Maysabongo Marines.”
Disaster Page 1
