by Reis Asher
"If you're set on telling him, then we should. But let's do it at home. We can't explain it in a diner."
"Fair enough. I think we've seen all we're going to see here. Let's go home." Conrad started the engine and began the short drive home. Avery watched his face go through a range of emotions, from shock, horror, resignation and despair before it settled on exhaustion. It remained that way long after they got home and Conrad called Garth to set up a meeting.
"I'm going to bed," Avery announced. He went upstairs and stripped down, slipping between the sheets. He felt raw after the day they'd had, exposed and vulnerable. He closed his eyes, but not to sleep. He was waiting. He watched the crack in the door he'd left ajar as an invite, hoping Conrad would come to him.
It was late when the door creaked open, and Avery had drifted in and out of sleep multiple times. Avery heard Conrad's footsteps on the carpet and the rustle of clothing as he stripped down. The single bed grew heavy as Conrad lay down on it. Avery's body was exposed to the air for a moment as Conrad lifted the sheets and then they lay skin to skin. Conrad lay kisses on his body, his tongue swirling over the wicked lines and scars with tender care. Avery gasped beneath him, growing hard as Conrad's calloused hand wrapped around his cock, pumping it. Avery moaned as Conrad kissed him, his breath heavy with alcohol.
"You shouldn't be here," Avery whispered in alarm. "You're drunk."
"Not drunk enough to do something stupid," Conrad soothed. "As much as I want you to fuck me bareback, I know we can't. I wouldn't ask to fuck you—not after everything you've been through." Conrad kissed Avery's shoulder. Avery whined as Conrad let go of his cock. "I just wanted to be close to you. Can you forgive me?"
"Nothing to forgive." Avery sighed. "I left my door open on purpose. I wanted you to come in." He could feel Conrad's need against the small of his back and was overtaken by a deep yearning to have Conrad inside him, to have Conrad fill up all the empty spaces and make him feel whole. He shifted upward on the mattress so that Conrad's cock brushed against his hole, deep satisfaction rolling through him when Conrad moaned into his shoulder.
"Don't tease me, Ave," Conrad gasped. "Just wait a little longer. I'll be tested tomorrow. Just let me jerk you off or something."
"It's not enough," Avery complained. "I need you. Don't you have a condom?"
"Condoms can break. I won't put you at risk."
"We're dead men walking, Conrad. You know it. I know it. I don't want to look back and think I missed a moment with you because of stupid tests. You'll get tested tomorrow, then we'll have to wait a week, then there'll be some stupid complication…We're running out of time."
"We still have one hundred and thirty-two days," Conrad whispered.
"One hundred and thirty-one, now." Avery turned over and looked into Conrad's eyes, loving the uncertainty he saw there, the moral conflict he was going through. No Master he'd ever had cared so much about his well-being. "I need you, Conrad, in a way I don't really understand. I need to know you're here with me."
"I am here with you."
Avery closed his eyes, fighting back against the rejection that stung harder than a bee. Perhaps Conrad didn't want him. Perhaps his HIV was a turn-off after all. Maybe all the cock he'd taken in the past made him nothing more than someone else's sloppy seconds to Conrad.
"Open your eyes," Conrad commanded. His voice seemed hoarse, and Avery obeyed. He saw tears twinkling in Conrad's eyes and he bit his lip in surprise.
"Conrad?"
"You don't make this easy." Conrad sat up and perched himself on the edge of the bed. "How the fuck am I supposed to put a gun to your head and pull the trigger? I can't do it. I can't destroy someone so beautiful. I can't fuck you and then murder you in a hundred-and-so days, damn it."
Avery scoffed. "I don't know what you see when you look at me, but beautiful is not the word I'd use."
"I see a man who's seen the worst that humanity has to offer and still isn't dead inside. A man whose light still shines brightly, even after the abuse and horrors that have been inflicted on you. How do you keep walking, Avery? How can you still open your heart and give a lost soul like me your love?" Conrad wiped sweat from his brow. "I don't deserve you. I don't deserve to eat the dirt you walk on, but for some reason you make me believe that you want me."
"I do want you," Avery said. "You know how I've survived. The same way you have. We've both clawed our way through dark times, putting one foot in front of the other because we had no other choice. That's no great feat of strength or courage. It just is."
"I'll be weak at the end," Conrad whispered. "I can't keep my promise. I'll never be able to go through with it."
"Then I'll go back." Avery bowed his head. "I'll find a way out, or I'll die trying. I'm sorry I asked too much of you." He slipped his arms around Conrad's waist and pulled him close. He sat with his head on Conrad's back, listening to his heart beat.
"I'll find a way to help you," Conrad said. "Maybe I can find another way to raise money."
"No. I won't have you sold into slavery by the back door. Just let it go. We'll deal with October when it comes." The first crack of dawn's light was starting to shine in through the curtains. Avery let go of Conrad and lay down on the sheets. "You should get some sleep. You have your appointment this morning, and then we need to meet Garth."
"Yeah." Conrad stood up, stumbling to the door. "I'll see you later, Ave."
"Later."
Conrad
Conrad turned over a pill bottle in his hands as he sat on the couch. His doctor's visit had been a success, and his new prescription sat in his hands, the first dose already taken. As Avery had suggested, his test results would take another week. Family doctors didn't have the kind of technology that Circle doctors did, and instant results were only available in emergencies, at the kind of expense that Conrad didn't have to spare.
He wanted to fuck Avery so much he ached inside. It had been agonizing, tearing himself away last night, but Avery deserved better than his maudlin drunkenness. He smoked a cigarette, not even bothering to go outside. They'd be dead by October; did it really matter if the furniture smelled like smoke?
Conrad put the pill bottle down and headed to the cabinet where he kept his gun. He took out the 9mm handgun, turning it over in his hand. He ejected the clip and set it aside, remembering the weight of taking a life. He hadn't used it since he'd killed for hire. After he'd come home and thrown up the entire contents of his stomach, he'd stashed it away in hopes he'd never use it again.
He couldn't let Avery go back to a life of rape and horror. Not when he'd begged to be free. Not when he'd been down on his knees and pleaded with him to make a promise. He wanted to let that oath go, to fail, to be weak, but when it came down to it, he'd have to do as Avery asked.
He tested the unloaded gun out, placing it in his mouth. Avery wouldn't be going alone.
"Conrad?"
Conrad pulled the gun from his mouth and quickly stashed it in the case. He was glad his back had been facing the hallway, hiding his hands from view. Avery stood in the doorway to the living room. "I suppose I should wear the neck brace until we explain what the Circle's all about."
"Yeah." He'd forgotten Garth was coming over, even though he'd made the appointment himself. Garth had seemed a little put out that he had to come over to the shitty side of town, but he'd assented nonetheless. He slipped the gun case back into the cabinet and picked up the pill bottle. "Appointment went well. Got my PreP. Test results in a week."
Avery nodded and managed a smile. "Good."
"I've also found an online service for your blood work, so we can keep an eye on your viral load."
Avery nodded, but said nothing. Conrad had expected some kind of resistance, a "we'll be dead by then" kind of look, but Avery kept his mouth shut on the subject of death. The dark cloud that had swept over them in light of the revelation that Conrad was out of cash for dues was everything he'd feared. Avery seemed smaller in the dim light, shrunken further by hi
s experience. Conrad hated that he was the cause of that pain.
A knock on the door broke the silence, and Conrad went to answer it while Avery fumbled with the neck brace. He stumbled over niceties before letting Garth in. Garth sat on the smoke-stained couch, pulling out his vaporizer. Conrad rolled his eyes playfully.
Garth shrugged. "Are you honestly going to tell me I can't vape in here?"
"No, no, go ahead."
"So, why did you invite me here, Conrad? Are you looking for a third to play with, or do you have something more serious to discuss regarding our contract?" Garth looked at Avery and winked.
"Yeah. No. It's about your ex. We found him. But there's something you should know," Conrad said. "He's a Master now. He keeps slaves, Garth."
"Oh, that naughty boy! I always thought he had a bit of a Dom streak in him. Shame he didn't use it on me."
"No," Avery chimed in. "Not that kind of slave. Have you ever heard of an organization known as the Circle?"
Garth seemed to pale. He put down his vaporizer on the coffee table before he could drop it. "Where did you hear about the Circle?"
Avery removed the neck brace, revealing his collar. Garth took a look at Avery, then with alarm, his eyes darted to Conrad. Conrad lowered his head, picking out the faded, dirty patterns in the carpet to avoid the look of horror on Garth's face.
"You're a Master? You?"
"Yeah. I'm not proud of it, Garth. I've done some things I regret, and they're not easily taken back."
"I'll say. I can't believe you bought a life, Conrad. I knew you were a crooked cop, but after Abby, I thought you had at least an ounce of compassion."
"He does." Avery spoke up. "It's not what you think. Conrad saved me."
"Excuse me if I don't take you at your word, boy, but all slaves defend their Masters. Kind of a rule in the Circle, I've heard." Garth shook his head. "Never thought you had the money."
"He was two hundred dollars. They were going to sell him to his death."
"That doesn't explain how you ended up at a slave auction to begin with. Or how you can afford the dues. I've heard rumors…" Garth's eyes widened. "That's why you remortgaged the house…"
"Now you know how much I've fucked up, Garth. But this isn't about me. Let me handle my own problems. This is about your ex. Your ex the Master. You know about the Circle. You're about ten degrees too close to the fire here. Tell me you're not about to make the same fucked-up mistakes I have."
"Heh. No. Not exactly." Garth shook his head. "I briefly thought about signing a contract to become a slave, actually. Ordered one and everything. But when I looked it over, I changed my mind. I thought it was just a sexual thing, but that contract was hardcore. I sent it back with my refusal."
"And your ex…was he the one who suggested it?" Conrad asked.
"Yeah. Maybe he's suckering men into contracts, I don't know. He stopped calling after I turned it down. He claimed he was going to buy me, but now I'm not so sure he wasn't just in it for the profit and I would have found myself someplace awful."
"You would have," Avery said. "I guarantee it."
"If you don't mind me asking, Avery…why did you sign up?" Garth asked.
"I was twenty-one years old and bored with life. I wanted danger. I got exactly what I asked for." Avery sighed. "If I could change my mind, I would."
"You don't speak like a slave," Garth said.
"That's because Conrad doesn't treat me as one," Avery explained. "He…I…It's complicated."
"No kidding. You've gone and fallen in love. Oh, Conrad, you always were such a sucker for charity cases."
"It's not funny," Conrad snapped. "I can't afford the dues, Garth. I'm gonna lose him."
"If I had the money, I'd let you have it in a heartbeat." Garth played with a stray thread on his shirt. "I've been playing the high roller daddy too long. To maintain a lifestyle like that, you need money. So I borrowed, and borrowed, and borrowed…and now I'm up to my ears in debt, and just as lonely. Once the money was gone, the boys left too. That's why I considered the contract. The Circle takes care of everything. You just disappear from your old life. No more midnight visits from loan sharks. It was tempting. I suppose that's how they get people to sign away their lives voluntarily."
"They look for vulnerable people," Avery said. "Almost every slave has a story like yours. They're all running from something or someone, and the Circle happened to be in the right place at the right time. But they won't give up, Garth. You can expect to see more recruiters trying to talk you into it. Don't take the bait. You don't want the life they're selling, trust me. Getting a Master like Conrad is one in a million…the rest are scumbags who will use your body. They even have connections in the organ trade." Avery lifted his shirt to reveal the scar across his back where they'd taken his kidney.
Conrad had to hold himself back from touching Avery, as if his fingers could undo the carvings on his body and make him whole again.
Garth gasped. "Jesus Christ. Now I know why you didn't want to talk about this at the diner. This is some heavy stuff." Conrad noticed a slight tremble in his fingers and swallowed. He didn't want to scare his old friend witless, but anything was better than watching as everyone around him succumbed to the Circle's siren song.
"These aren't the only scars they left me with," Avery continued. "I have HIV from being used as a sex slave. I didn't know until Conrad took me to a doctor. If it wasn't for him, I—"
Garth nodded. "Conrad, can I talk to you in the kitchen a moment?"
"Sure thing." Conrad stood up. He squeezed Avery's shoulder, wanting to comfort him after sharing his soul. He was surprised Avery had been so forthright, but grateful as well. If Garth signed a contract after hearing Avery's story, he'd be shocked.
Conrad shut the kitchen door and flicked on the light. "I keep no secrets from him, if that's what you're wondering."
"Now I know you must be lying. You must have an exit strategy of some sort. I know you. You're not going to let him go back into slavery. I see the way you look at him. Like he's your whole world. You used to look at Abby the same way. But you couldn't fix her, and you can't save him."
"We talked about a suicide pact." Conrad paced the kitchen. "Don't look at me like that, Garth. He brought it up. He can't go back to that life and it's all my fault."
"There must be another way. I don't want to lose the last friend I have, Conrad."
"There's one other possibility. Christina came by. She was horrified to see what I'd done, but once I explained the situation, she gave me a number." Conrad pulled the well-fingered piece of paper from his pocket. "I don't know if this place is legit, but supposedly it's a place for retired slaves who can't reintegrate back into society. The Master is supposed to be kind."
"Have you discussed this with Avery?" Garth asked, leaning on the kitchen counter.
"No. Even the thought of selling him to this guy…I mean, it has to be better than death, but I'd never see him again." Conrad reached for a cigarette and lit up, packing the kitchen as he smoked. "He's not going to agree with it."
"You have to check this place out, Conrad. You can't wait until the last minute to decide what you're going to do. If you need some cover, we'll make this a job. You can scout this place for me."
"Avery will wonder why I'm working for free. You already told him you're flat broke. Why did you hire me, anyway? If you're so poor, why are you throwing five hundred bucks my way each month to stalk an ex?" Conrad rounded on Garth.
"I've been trying to take care of you since Abby died. That girl nearly killed you, man. You were like a ghost for so long after she died."
"She was my wife. I loved her. I know people didn't get that, but I don't give a fuck. They thought that because she continued working the streets and I kept getting busted for public sex that we were just staying together for Christina, but it wasn't like that."
"I know, man. You two didn't look at love like an exclusive contract. But Avery's different, isn't he? He's been shared
around, used, abused—he wants to be your only one. And you want to be his."
"I can't explain it. I never went in for all that sappy romance stuff. I thought that was for straight people, and being married to a woman for a decade never made me less queer. Avery's so vulnerable, though. I think his heart might shatter into a million pieces if I handle it wrong. He's been through so much—what he told you was just the tip of the iceberg."
"It's a privilege to have someone's trust like that. I envy you. But it's also a huge responsibility. Maybe going out with a big bang is what he wants, but you owe it to him to find a better solution."
"I know."
Garth pulled out his checkbook and scribbled on a check. He tore it off and handed it to Conrad. "Take it."
Conrad batted Garth's hand away. "I'm not taking your money. I appreciate you looking out for me since Abby died, but I'm okay now."
"You've never been less okay. Take it." Garth thrust the check into Conrad's hand, closing his fingers around it.
"Neither have you. You came this close to signing away your whole life. This isn't going to make your debt problem any easier." Conrad pressed the check to Garth's chest. "I won't accept it."
"I won't sign a contract. Not after what Avery told me." Garth placed the check on the counter, crossing his arms. "I don't get it, Conrad. How could anybody treat another human being like that?"
"I don't know. I don't want to know. I don't know how he endures it and remains so composed. I'd be in pieces."
"Not everybody reacts the same to trauma, but yes, he's quite a guy. I'm almost jealous. If it wasn't for your situation…"
"I'm gonna check that place out. I owe it to him." Conrad swiped the check up from the counter. "Fine, I'll take this. But this is the last paid job I do for you."
"Fair enough. Let's hope it's not the last time I see you." Garth clapped Conrad on the arm. "I'll check in to see how that place is. Let me know." Garth opened the kitchen door and Conrad followed him back into the living room, where Avery still sat perched on the couch, his eyes staring off into some middle space.
