by Reis Asher
They pulled up to Tulano Tower. Avery climbed out of the car and slammed the door. "Thanks for nothing. But don't worry—I'm going to save Conrad, with or without your help."
Conrad
Hunger and thirst ate at Conrad as he sweated out in the back of the van. He wanted to remove his t-shirt, but the collar and chain prevented him from getting it over his head, so he wiggled it back down. They seemed to drive for hours before they came to a stop, and then it was a brief one. He was given a bottle of water, which was a welcome respite, but he also had company in the form of another young man. He looked nothing like Avery, with blond hair and brown eyes, but the way he held himself reminded him of Avery nonetheless—the downcast eyes, the scars on his torso. This was no new slave, but an old one being sent to market. Conrad wanted to reach out to him, to ask questions, but he didn't dare.
The van stopped frequently, picking up slaves until the back of the van was a mass of sweaty human bodies, men and women alike dehumanized in exactly the same way. Some had regretful eyes and fresh faces—new slaves just now wondering what they'd gotten themselves into. One cried the whole journey, her eyes permanently red-ringed with sorrow, and Conrad had to fight the urge to comfort her and ask her story.
They weren't allowed to have stories. He knew that just from how long it had taken Avery to open up, to start thinking like a human being again and vocalize the thoughts he was used to keeping silent. He shot the woman a glance he hoped was sympathetic, and she managed a wan smile. Something about her reminded him briefly of Abby, and he steeled himself against the thought. It wouldn't do to be weak here. They were all going to fates worse than death, and that tended to bring out the predator in some.
The van came to a final stop, the double doors opening up. They were unloaded under the cover of darkness. The blond slave tried to make a run for it, and Conrad cringed as the man's collar was activated. He slumped to the ground, twitching before going still. The fact that neither driver ran after him told Conrad that he was dead.
Nobody tried to escape after that. The sacrificial lamb had done his job and lay in the parking lot like a discarded piece of garbage while the bodies around Conrad trembled and cowed.
They were herded inside a giant warehouse like cattle and locked inside cages. Conrad realized with grim dread where they were—an auction house. He'd thought he would have more time, maybe some basic slave training first, but apparently his first Master would be expected to foot that bill. The cage stank of shit and piss, and the bucket in the corner clearly hadn't been emptied since the last occupant.
He closed his eyes and tried to find sleep, but the backs of his eyelids only saw Avery. He imagined the warehouse doors opening wide, Avery strolling in with wads of cash, bidding for him and winning. Of walking outside with the only Master he ever wanted. It was pure fantasy, of course, and he hated that he wished for it. Avery deserved to be free of the Circle entirely, not to become a due-paying member.
In contrast to the outside, the warehouse was cold, and soon Conrad was shivering. The night would be long, but he found he had no desire to sleep and wish away his last night of relative normalcy before his life in hell began.
Sleep took him anyway, smothering him like a funeral shroud.
Avery
"Avery!" Adan Tulano stood in the vestibule to Tulano Tower. Avery had forgotten how tall he was, a good six feet that dwarfed Avery's five feet, four inches. It seemed ridiculous when his father embraced him, but he held on with gracious relief. He'd been afraid his father would be frosty at his return, having grieved and moved on, but seeing his face light up almost made him sob with relief.
"I couldn't believe it when the cops called and said they'd found you. I've been searching for you, Avery. I never gave up hope."
"You declared me dead," Avery said. "I saw it on television during my captivity."
"Only for financial reasons. The stockholders weren't best pleased that a third of this company's stock was tied up in a dead man's trust fund. I'll have everything restored to you, of course." Adan's blue eyes looked so much kinder than Avery remembered them, the harsh steel having softened to a deep ocean blue that matched his own.
Avery broke into a smile, letting his guard down. "Is Danny here? I want to see him." He was home. He'd been a fool to give this up, but Conrad had given him his life back, and he owed a debt he could never repay.
He was going to save Conrad. But first things first. He was home, and that meant reuniting with his family. He couldn't wait to see his brother.
Adan Tulano's face changed, his expression frosting over. "How about you come up to my office? I need to fill you in on a few things." He led Avery to an elevator. An attendant pressed the button to take them to the top floor, to the office with the penthouse suite that had once been his home. Avery was bursting with questions, but he bit his tongue; his father's silence never meant good things.
Something had happened to his brother. Avery could feel it in his gut, and a sense of dread and sorrow overcame him. The elevator ride seemed to take forever. Adan barely looked at Avery the whole time. His father had always been distant, but his unexpected warmth followed up by his sudden frost confused Avery. What was it about mentioning Danny that had changed his demeanor?
The elevator opened. The penthouse floor was deserted. Avery felt shabby in his worn, second-hand t-shirt and jeans as he walked along the green hallway carpet that led to his father's office. Adan opened double wooden doors and walked into his empty office with an air of authority.
"Close the doors," Adan commanded. Avery hurried to obey. Adan walked over to the window.
"Daniel's dead," Adan said. "I thought I had lost both my sons."
"What?" Avery's mouth fell open. Grief clutched at his heart. "When? How?"
"Officially, it was a heart attack. The media reported that it was a congenital defect, but that was bullshit. They found cocaine in his bloodstream. He died in the middle of sex with an older man who fled the scene."
Avery hung his head. Guilt flared in his veins. They'd both turned out to be hedonistic pleasure seekers, and they'd both paid the price for it.
"I know where you've been, Avery."
"What?" Avery's head snapped up, his eyes widening.
"I'm sure you're not allowed to say anything, but I know about the Circle. I know you signed a contract. I've been tracking you, keeping tabs on your Masters and your life."
Avery's mouth fell open. "Then you know it's been Hell. Why didn't you help me, Dad?"
"You expect me to go up against the Circle? Do you really think I'm that powerful, Avery?" Adan spun around and slammed his fists down on the desk. "What the fuck were you thinking when you signed your life away?"
"I don't know…" Avery felt hot tears burn his eyes. Not here. Not now. He couldn't afford to show weakness in front of his father. He was the only heir to the Tulano name now. He had to toughen up and put the past behind him, so he didn't disappoint his father any more. "I was young and stupid. I regretted it the instant things turned bad. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? Sorry? After all these years you show up here and that's all you have to say for yourself?" Adan scoffed. "I thought maybe you'd give me some answers. Tell me where I went wrong as a father. But I think I figured it out." Adan opened the drawer of his finely-polished desk and pulled out some photos. He threw them down on the desk. Avery stepped forward and looked at them. Conrad and him together. Him, laughing as he sat in the living room of Conrad's house, watching a movie. Them, together on the back porch, holding one another like their lives depended on it.
Adan closed his eyes. "Money can't buy love. I fucked up, Avery. I thought you really wanted the import cars and the leather jackets. I know I did at that age. The hookups too—I never wanted men, but times have changed, and I got it, I understood. You'd settle down, I told myself, once the days of your wild, mis-spent youth were over, and I didn't care about the gender of your partner. I kept my distance, thought you'd figure it all out wh
ile I was busy running the business."
"Don't blame yourself, Dad. What I did was on me. I took my life for granted. I had no idea of the depths of human depravity. I wanted a thrill and I got more than I ever bargained for. Now a man has given up his freedom to give my life back to me. That's something I'll have to live with for the rest of my days."
"Don't lie to me. This man—this Conrad—he wasn't like the others. He didn't torture you or hurt you, but he still bought you like property, owned your life like a god. Tell me the truth—was this—" he gestured to the pictures "—an act of survival, or an act of love?"
"Love." Avery closed his eyes. "Dad, I need your help. I have to save him."
"What was the plan, Avery? Come back here, reclaim your assets, and sell your half of Tulano Shipping to the highest bidder so you could buy out his contract?"
"Don't make it sound so cold. Conrad gave up everything for me. If I have to sacrifice my inheritance to save him, it's worth it."
"I've been trying to fight off a foreign takeover for years." Adan started to pace his office. "I've done everything to keep my business afloat—sacrificed so much to keep it profitable and in my hands—so I could pass it down to my sons. I was the ultimate businessman, and so proud. Your mother died thinking you both had a bright future ahead of you, unmarred by the struggles ordinary people face."
Avery wanted to run from the office in shame. His father always had a way of making him feel so small, so insignificant, yet it wasn't an act of cruelty. He was right. Avery was ready to just blow away years of work like it meant nothing, because they didn't share the same values of what was important in life. It was a bridge they had never been able to cross, and it stood burning in front of them now, keeping them forever apart.
"I'm sorry I'm not the son you wanted. I'm sorry I have no interest in business or international shipping." Avery wiped his nose on his shoulder, feeling pathetic and shabby. "You deserved better."
"You only want for what I didn't give you. This man, this Conrad—was he like a father to you? Did he hold you in his arms and tell you everything would be okay? Did he wipe away your tears, soothe your busted knees, make you feel safe?"
"It's not like that. He's not—you aren't in competition, damn it! Why does everything have to be a contest to you? You shouldn't be jealous of him! He's my lover!"
"He's old enough to be your father. He's a crooked cop who got booted from the force and eked out a living as a half-assed private detective, stalking gay men's exes for cash. He used to be married to a hooker, for Christ's sakes. He has a rap sheet for indecency as long as my arm." Adan shook his head.
"I know all that." Avery met Adan's gaze. He was done being ashamed. He was willing to fight for Conrad, even if he had to lose the father he'd just gotten back. "Maybe that's why I love him. He's flawed. He's human. Everything in his life has been painful and sad and lonely, but he still finds the strength to carry on. He could have abused me—the Circle flat out encourages it—but he saved me instead. He made me feel again when I thought my heart had scarred over."
"Anyone can care when the next day isn't certain. Danger and uncertainty—you and Daniel seem to have loved that in spades. What about when things are safe and boring? When you find yourself in suburbia, trying to pay the bills? Living with the humdrum of regular life, a day job—what then? Will your eyes start to roam to other people? Will you start hooking up for a little excitement? Will you forget what he gave up for you and break his heart?"
"Back then, I probably would have. I was a shitty person. I used others, and in turn, wanted to be used. I thought nothing of myself and treated everyone else with the same respect. That's why I signed that contract. I hated everything about me—my sexuality, my kinks, my life, my money. I wanted it gone. So I gave it away. Conrad showed me what self-respect could be. He lives on his terms, even though other people don't understand it. Even though he was ashamed of the hurt he'd caused others, he never compromised on what he wanted out of life. I think if we got bored, we'd just change the deal. Like a contract that can be renegotiated at any time—maybe we'd have an open relationship, like he had with his wife. Or maybe I'm done with danger. Maybe I just want to be Conrad's only one. Maybe I want to stop living on the edge, stop hating myself and just let myself be loved."
"I'd like for you to have that." Adan's eyes inexplicably filled with tears, and Avery looked at him with awe. "I haven't been able to give it to you. My father—he believed men should be stoic and cold. He was business to the core. If you got his attention, that was a terrible thing, and usually ended in a beating." Adan shook his head. "Danny died looking for love, and you gave your soul away. I blamed everyone but myself—your mother, for dying too soon, your tutors, for spoiling you. But it's me who should be held accountable. I failed to give you self-worth."
"Please don't blame yourself." Avery had never seen this side of his father before, and it both puzzled and disturbed him. His father had been a rock, hard and unyielding—the very foundation of the world itself, it had once seemed.
They'd both changed a lot in eight long years.
"You still have a question—I can see it in your eyes. You want to know why I didn't buy out your contract, don't you?" Adan pulled out a cigarette and lit it, blowing smoke across the room in graceful puffs.
"The thought had crossed my mind." Avery steeled himself for a difficult answer. It hurt to know that his father had known where he was all this time, had seen the torture he'd been through, and yet had done nothing to save him. It would have cost so little for him to throw money at the problem and make it go away—he hadn't needed to overthrow the Circle. The hurt caused physical pain in his chest and he struggled to stand tall, fearing that a few wrong words would destroy all the work Conrad had done on making him feel like a human being.
"I didn't do it because I knew that in six months or less as a free man you would have ended up just like Daniel, Avery. Look inside yourself. You know it's true. The Circle, as cruel as it was, kept you from self-destructing. It kept you alive."
"As a shell of a man! Nothing made me hate myself like the regrets I had selling myself away. Nothing!"
"You think that would have vanished if I'd gotten you out? Do you think an expensive therapist could have taught you to love life and put it all behind you? You needed things to come to a head in order to see the value of your own existence. You needed to look death in the eye with absolute certainty to understand life is worth living. To stop chasing your own destruction."
Avery's legs felt weak. He fell to his knees, his entire body shaking. "You left me there to teach me a lesson."
"Tell me I'm wrong, Avery. Tell me I'm a monster, a failure of a man. Go on. I know I deserve it. I've treated my sons like garbage, and now one is dead and the other broken. My legacy is ashes, a company that nobody will care for once I'm gone. I am the ruler of an empty empire, a castle built on sand. Now the tide is coming in to wash it all away."
Avery looked at his father like he was looking into a mirror. He couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before—it had to have been there. The hateful expression. The rage. The way he held his shoulders—like a soldier marching into battle, hoping for his own death on the killing fields.
"You hate yourself as much as I did," Avery realized.
"The only good things I ever did with my life was father my sons and make money. I fucked up the first one miserably." Adan sat down in the green leather chair behind his desk, putting out his cigarette directly on the expensive desk. "You both ended up just like me."
"So do something about it," Avery said. "Life doesn't have to be this way. Find someone, marry again—let someone in who can take care of you."
"I think it's too late for me, but not for you. I'll give you the cash value for the share of Tulano you would have received upon my death—free you from the business. Go save your Conrad. Buy out his contract. Get that collar off his neck and ride off into the sunset."
"What about you? The business? If I'm
your only heir—"
"I thought Tulano Shipping was my legacy, but I was wrong. It's you. It was always you." He stood up and walked across the room to where Avery still knelt on the floor. He offered out his hand and Avery took it. His father pulled him to his feet and embraced him in a bear hug. "I wish I'd realized that a long time ago."
"It's all right, Dad." Avery swallowed his tears, oddly happy inside. His father let go.
"I'll make some phone calls, get the cash here right away. What you do with it is up to you. You deserve the choice of how to live your life."
"I'm going to buy Conrad's contract."
"Good. I wish you luck, son."
"Thanks, Dad."
Conrad
Conrad woke to the sound of his teeth chattering, the early morning colder than he'd expected. They must have traveled into one of the Northeast states, or maybe even Canada. This kind of cold never came on southern nights.
Fluorescent lights flickered to life. Men walked around the auction house, waking them with ringing shouts. The unlucky deep sleepers were woken with cattle prods delivered through the bars of their cages, and Conrad thanked his lucky stars that he slept light as a feather.
The warehouse doors rolled up to reveal a flurry of activity. Vans arrived in the early dawn, and soon the cages around him filled up with slaves. Some were in terrible condition, like the ones he'd seen at Avery's auction, and he wished he could help them, somehow.
He missed Avery with every fiber of his being. What he'd give to see his face again, his blue eyes lighting up the world. He imagined him driving up in a fancy sports car, clad in a leather jacket, every bit the CEO's reckless son as he bid on his auction.
