“You’ll be back tomorrow. In the shop. We’re going to give her some space tonight, because she needs it.” I started to argue with Zeke, but he cut me off again. “No. I’ll be sleeping in the lounge, just in case. She can’t move on if we’re always up in her space. This has to happen and you know it.”
I did know it. That didn’t mean I liked it.
People thought we were lucky because our Gretchen survived the attack, but what they didn’t realize was that our G was gone, and in her place was nothing more than a ghost. She was just as empty of anything as substantial as a spirit. Her body was here, everything else really did die that day with Toby and their baby.
Chapter 8
Healing the Heartache
Gretchen
Seven Months Later
The day after the guys stopped hounding me 24-7, I walked away from everything. My sister had finally called to check in that evening and when I cried and told her everything that had happened, she dropped it all and came running back to Charleston to be there for me. She found a great deal on some prime real estate and I started helping her get a photography studio set up. That also meant taking a hiatus from Permanent Marks.
It was a necessary breather, but I knew that hiding out could only last so much longer. Facing my fears had never been extremely difficult for me, but the thought having to come face to face with Ever after all this time made me want to run scared and keep on going, maybe until I reached the other side of the world. Or the moon. Maybe Mars. I wasn’t even angry with her anymore. Not really. I understood that Toby’s family lost themselves to their own grief as well as their family falling apart as a result. Ever had tried to reach out a few times before I put a stop to it. Truth be told, I was afraid to see her. She had to blame me, didn’t she? Maybe if mine and Toby’s relationship hadn’t been so secretive, more people would have known about Seneca sooner and could have done something about her. I shook off the thought, because it led to places I couldn’t keep dreaming about. Places where Toby and our baby would be able to be with me again in some alternate universe of different decisions.
My sister had forced me into therapy. At first, I hated it and did nothing to help myself. It was a waste of time until one day my therapist asked where I would be right now if someone had stopped that horrible bitch from killing my family. The words bubbled out of me without thought, because I’d been living this scenario in my head for two months.
“We would be having a house built on the property Toby had. He’d have them rushing, but also making sure everything was done just right so we could get into the place before the baby was born. Ever, Anna, and Lucy would be planning a baby shower for me, and Toby and I would argue over whether we wanted to know the sex at the next doctor’s appointment.”
“Would he want to know?”
“Oh yeah! He would definitely want to know so he could pick the name and plan ahead on what to do for the nursery.” I laughed. “I bet he’d already be planning ahead to school sports and getting his son on a motorcycle or keeping a daughter far away from guys on bikes.” My heart ached as I saw that future play out before my eyes again. “I can’t have any of that now,” I whispered to the room, no longer seeing my therapist as she sat there watching me fall apart in the uncomfortable chair I hated sitting in.
“You can’t have that now,” she confirmed. “It’s time to stop living in that dream. It’s keeping you from moving forward and realizing you’re still young. Your dreams aren’t over yet, you just can’t keep living in that one.”
“I don’t know how to have that dream without him in it.”
She moved closer, reached out to touch my hands, and looked me in the eye. “It’s not time yet, but one day, you’ll be able to find a way.” Her smile was serene as she continued on. “Or the way will find you, as it usually happens. As time moves forward it will stop hurting as much. You have to be willing to let go of that fantasy though, Gretchen.”
“If I do, then they’re really gone.”
“They’re already gone, honey. They’re just waiting on you to let go so they can rest at ease knowing you’ll be just fine.”
“Gretchen?” My sister’s voice pulled me out of the memory of that therapy session. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I informed her. “So, I have something to tell you.”
Beth cocked an eyebrow up at me and simply waited for me to say the words. She knew. I could tell by the way she was watching me. “You’re ready?” She asked.
“Ready?”
“To go back to your life.”
I sighed and plopped my butt down on the stool that my sister used to seat people for portraits. “I need to go back and face my past. Besides, I loved working at the studio and I miss the guys.”
“And Ever?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “We don’t have to interact much. Honestly, there wasn’t much interaction between her and I before because of my secret romance with…” I couldn’t say his name out loud in regular conversation still. “Anyway, I’ll never get there if I keep running from it.”
“You’re right. That’s why I made this today,” my sister smiled as she held up a rectangular piece of cardboard.
“You made a cardboard block?”
“What? No!” She glanced down, rolled her eyes, and flipped the thing around. “For heaven’s sake, I made this part.” She pointed at the painted side of the cardboard.
“Help wanted?”
“Yep! I’m going to get someone in here that needs the work and will love learning what I have to teach. Hanging out with Jeremy all those months doing the nature photography made me really think about how I wanted to be able to give the gift of my craft to someone else too.”
“What about me?”
Beth laughed at me. “You weren’t meant for this. You’re too fidgety behind the camera anyway. Besides, I need you to finish your journey back to you, Gretch. I miss the sister I used to know. This hollow shell, she’s okay, but she doesn’t laugh or say silly things anymore.”
“I’ll get there, Beth.”
“You sure will, and you’ll do it quicker with your friends there to make you laugh once in a while, and help you remember how to smile.”
“Are you going to put your sign in the window or just hold it?” The smartass way I asked my sister made her smile even if I didn’t really feel it. It was a start, and something I tried to give her once in a while in order to erase the worry lines she was starting to get when I would catch her watching me.
“I think I’ll wait a few days, give you some time to feel your way around your old life and see if it’s what you still want.”
I agreed with my sister, for once, and was thankful I had her in my life to fall back on right now. Determination sprang anew though. While I was grateful for her offer, having a crutch might not have been the best thing. I left the shop and wandered down the street to one of the little cafes there. I had just ordered my lunch when a familiar voice boomed out behind me. I turned to see Zeke and Sully walking through the door and smiled at them. It was the first time I had genuinely felt light enough to attempt it too. My hand immediately flew to my neck and tugged at the studded leather collar I wore there now. I had some pretty ugly scarring along one side thanks to the accident. You would think your neck would be spared from road rash, but some sort of debris managed to slice and dice me as I slid, and now I wore a leather collar in an attempt to hide it the best I could.
I also hid behind heavier than usual eyeliner, thick mascara, and dark, smoky eyes. It was sort of like wearing a mask. I didn’t think people would be able to see past the makeup I now wore to find out that my eyes were vacant these days. I was nothing more than a walking shell.
“Is that our Gretchen, over there?” Sully teased when he saw me.
“Kind of looks like a vamped-out version of her,” Zeke agreed with him.
I smiled even bigger. “Are you guys eating here? I just ordered my food. You could join me so I can try to beg f
or my job back.” I threw the last out there quickly so I wouldn’t have to think too hard about it, and possibly change my mind.
“Done!” Zeke told me as he attempted to move closer to the counter.
“Done? As in you’ll eat with me, let me beg, or I can have my job back?”
He grinned back at me over his shoulder. “All of the above, now go get us a seat before they fill up. Make it near the window, because honey you’re looking a little paler than usual under all that makeup.”
A flutter broke free in my tummy, and warmth spread throughout my body. How had I shut these guys out for so long? They were my family just as much as my sister ever was. Missing them had just become a part of my grief right alongside of him and our… I couldn’t think about them right now.
“How have you been, baby-cakes?”
“I’ve been sad, Sully. I missed you guys.”
“We’ve been in the same spot, just waiting for you to come back.”
“I know that. I guess. In some ways, it feels like I lost everyone that day. You guys were there for me afterward, and I can’t thank you enough for that, but the person I was inside died with them and relating to you guys just wasn’t something easily accomplished.”
He nodded knowingly. “Have you spoken to Ever yet?”
I shook my head. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
“You know that you’ll be working together still if you come back, right?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll make sure to ease you in gently.”
Zeke plopped down with a tray loaded down with both their food and my order. “Thank you,” I told him as he put my sandwich and drink in front of me. Wouldn’t you know it, I had ordered the god damn tuna without thinking. Figures they’d show up.
Sully bumped me with his elbow as he laughed. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” he reached into his pocket and pulled a tin of breath mints. “I have you covered.”
“Great!” The word was muttered, but the strange laugh that erupted from me as I remembered the last time I had needed mints came to me. It died just as quickly when I remembered that was also the first day I’d seen Toby. It was the beginning of everything. Tears started to pool in my eyes, and I sucked in a deep breath, trying my best not to let them flow.
“Did you see the chick I had to work on earlier?” Sully asked Zeke, sparing me from their scrutiny.
Zeke chuckled. “I did. She’s probably walking around out there wondering why you didn’t propose on the spot.”
I glanced between my two friends. “What am I missing?”
“Let’s just say we were all surprised when she pulled her shirt off with nothing on underneath but an ‘I love Sully’ tattoo.”
“Some strange woman had your name on her?”
Sully was laughing and shaking his head. “No. It literally had the letter ‘I’, a picture of a heart, and then a picture of the blue monster from that kid’s movie.”
“Sully,” I named the monster and grinned even bigger.
“When she asks his name,” Zeke tipped his head to our mutual friend. “His eyes bugged out, and I shit you not, I thought he was going to pretend to be Kane for a minute.”
“I was,” Sully mumbled sulkily.
“Until Kane came in from the back yelling Sully’s name and asking if he could cover his next appointment for him because they wanted some sick Manga piece.”+
“Who scheduled a manga piece with Kane?”
“Let’s just say, we’re ready for you to come back,” Zeke told me as he leaned across the table and planted a sweet kiss on my temple.
“So, what happened next?” It wasn’t lost on me that their story had saved me from reliving the heartache of my first encounter with Toby. I really could kiss them both.
“The girl has the biggest damn stars in her eyes,” Zeke told me as they both laughed.
“She said, ‘I can be your Boo and you can be my Sully Monster!”
“Oh no! That just sounds wrong.” The words came out with laughter. The second time today they’d brought it out of me.
“It’s good to see that,” Zeke commented as he spun his finger in front of him to indicate me.
I nodded toward Zeke, but didn’t want to make a big deal of it so I put the heat on Sully instead by poking him in the side. “And you didn’t propose? It was a match made in… in… shit, I don’t know, crazy town. Isn’t that your thing?”
“Did you have another date with the new chick from the bakery?” Sully questioned as he pouted while Zeke laughed at the both of us. It really was no secret that Sully ended up with a lot of crazy ink groupies over the years. It didn’t hurt this time, referencing that day to me. I needed more moments like that. The ones that brought a smile instead of shoving a hot poker through my insides. I needed my boys back in my life, and I was officially done shutting them out.
“Why don’t you come back to the shop with us when we’re done so we can break the news to our temp.”
“What’s her name?”
Both men shrugged.
“You don’t know the name of the woman who has been working in your shop for months?”
Sully laughed. “We started calling her ‘temp’ from day one and it stuck. I honestly don’t know what her real name was.”
“I’m shocked she stayed.”
Zeke laughed but Sully waggled his eyebrows at me suggestively. “She stayed for the eye candy, sweet cheeks. Plus, I think she thought she could tempt Kane into taking her for a whirl, but that broody son of a bitch hasn’t touched a wo…”
Whatever he’d been about to say had been cut off by Zeke clearing his throat and apparently kicking him under the table. It sounded like he had meant Kane hadn’t touched a woman. I wonder what he meant by that? Ignoring whatever Sully had been about to say, I changed the subject a bit. “So you want me to come over there in order to break the news to your temporary employee?”
“Yes,” Zeke said as Sully nodded his head up and down emphatically.
“You cowards!” I teased them. “Fine, I’ll do it, but you owe me a bonus for coming back to break someone’s heart.”
“We love you, isn’t that a huge enough bonus?” Sully asked me.
I shook my head. “Nope, not even close.”
“Well, damn!” Sully reached over and grabbed the tin of mints he had set in front of me earlier, just as I popped the last bite of my sandwich in my mouth.
“Whaw wat uck?” I asked with my mouth full.
“Sorry, I couldn’t understand that, fish mouth.”
I narrowed my eyes at the man before swallowing. “What the fuck?”
He grinned. “If my love isn’t enough for you, then I can’t share my mints. You’re just going to have to fire Temp with tuna breath.” Sully appeared thoughtful for a moment and then grinned at me. “I wonder if she’ll take it as an invitation that you wanna eat her tuna?”
“You’re gross, Sul!”
Zeke just laughed at us as he stood. “You two ready?” He glanced at his watch. “I need to be back for an appointment in a few.”
Walking through the doors of Permanent Marks again felt like coming home, even if my nerves were wreaking havoc, making it feel as though iron butterflies swarmed inside my belly. Those butterflies were each a worry I had about seeing Ever again. Would she hate me? Would she blame me? Would she want me gone? There were so many questions and each one was a heavy burden on my soul as I stepped through the doors to a space I once considered my home. It was where almost all the people I loved in the world were on a regular basis.
“Yo! Temp!” Sully called out and watched as a sour-faced woman in her upper twenties peered at the man who had bellowed out to get her attention. He tipped his head toward me. “Your services are no longer necessary here,” he told her without a hint of warmth.
“Oh my God! Sully, I can’t believe you just did that!” My mouth was agape. I had never known the man to be so rude to anyone.
“Y
ou know what? Thank fuck, because you assholes have managed to get on my last nerve. The only one of you worth a shit is Kane,” she taunted back before glancing over her shoulder and looking for the man in question.
“If you didn’t scare away half of our customers, we might have liked you more,” Sully returned before dipping down the little aisle that separated the few stations allotted for each artist.
I walked over to the desk. “Sorry,” I managed to get out. Not that the woman looked like she cared about what I had to say as she reached down behind the counter to grab her purse. “My time off is at an end. I didn’t realize…” I started to explain myself, feeling guilty for ousting the woman from the job she’d held for the past few months.
She held her hand palm up in front of my face. “I don’t give a shit, Vamperella.” With that, she stormed past and walked right out the door, leaving me flabbergasted at the front counter.
“Now, you see why we missed you so much,” Sully called out.
“Was she like that every day?”
“From day one,” Zeke informed me.
“Why did you keep her on then?”
“We were saving a spot for you, honey. Couldn’t very well get a replacement we would like and have a hard time letting go.”
My heart stumbled in my chest with those words. I didn’t hold back then either. I flung myself at Zeke and wrapped my arms around him. “I missed you so much!”
“We’ve been here waiting and missing you too. Welcome back, Gretchen!” When Zeke released me from his hug, the rest of the guys from the shop were there to take his place. Sully hugged me and whispered in my ear, “Aren’t you glad I let you have the mints anyway?”
His teasing was just the thing to break the tension in the room. I playfully punched him in the stomach and he moved away to make room for someone else. Kane’s sapphire eyes penetrated deep as he moved in for his hug. “Been lost here without you,” he whispered into my hair. I let the warmth of his embrace engulf me. I’d missed this giant of a man the most. Granted, I used to have a huge crush on him prior to falling for Toby, so I supposed he was the easiest one to miss. Having been hyper aware of his every move in the studio forever when he never noticed me in that way was something of a habit even long after I fell for Toby.
A Twist of Fate Page 10
