“What's the final ingredient?” Rue asked.
Abigast continued looking at the objects, ignoring her.
“Abigast, no more keeping anything from me,” Rue said forcefully. “Tell us about the potion. Don't waste time when we're in the middle of a plague and people all around us are dying every second.”
“All right,” Abigast sighed. “All right.” He pressed a palm against his face, and then rubbed his eyes, stalling yet even more.
Rue rolled her eyes, beginning to stand up. Thane touched her shoulder, trying to silently tell her to be patient, though truthfully, his patience with Abigast was wearing very thin.
“Abigast,” Rue said, sitting again. “Please, whatever it is, I can handle it. I'm a grown woman. I'm not a little kid who needs protecting.”
“I never said you were.” Abigast rubbed at his face again. “All right, Rue, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell both of you. If it sounds unthinkable, then we won't do it. We won't use the potion. If either of you refuse, I'll toss the potion out into the river and let it float all the way to the ocean, and we'll never think about it again.”
“You're rambling and stalling,” Rue pointed out.
“The final ingredient is a sacrifice,” Abigast finally said.
Thane wasn't sure how to react. He glanced at Rue again; she seemed just as confused as he was.
“Abigast, what is the sacrifice?”
“A human sacrifice.”
The color drained from Thane's face. “I wasted years of my life as a mercenary, killing so many innocent people, and now you want another person to die?”
“For the survival of the Kingdom,” Abigast whispered. “It's the only way. Someone must drink the potion.”
“And death is guaranteed?” Rue asked, speaking up for the first time since Abigast had finally made the announcement.
“Yes,” Abigast answered. “Absolutely. No chance of survival.”
“Who designed such a stupid potion anyway? Isn't there anything else in your spell books? You've got at least a hundred of them.”
Abigast shook his head. “There's nothing else that could possibly stop this plague. Believe me, I've done nothing but search. There is no other option.”
Rue swore. “Adaranth then. We'll use him as a sacrifice. He deserves to die anyway.”
“It won't work. Someone has to willingly drink the potion. They must sacrifice themselves. Forcing Adaranth to drink it would not stop the plague.”
“It would kill him though?” Rue asked.
“Of course, it's the most potent poison I know of.”
“Getting rid of that Prince would solve a lot of the Kingdom’s problems.”
“That is true, Rue, but the plague is our priority right now,” Abigast said.
“I'll drink the potion,” Thane said, and immediately, a thousand different emotions began to rush through his mind. His entire life suddenly played out before him, and every dastardly deed and crime he had ever committed came running towards him, trying to push him over and pull him under the spell of darkness. There was light too, Rue's smile, Thane's first meeting with Abigast and Rue, helping the townspeople. Everything Thane had done wrong, as well as everything he had ever done right, was staring at him, and the two sides were fighting, begging him to pick one or the other. The evil side told him to throw the potion away, that there was still a long life to live. Taverns to visit, gold to be earned, people to kill. The good side told him that he would find redemption once and for all by drinking the potion.
What about Rue? How could he end his life now, when what he wanted so badly was to see her smile every day? And Abigast? What about the friendship they had built? Thane had pictured a future, the three of them, working together, making Maplefrost and eventually the entire Kingdom, a happier, better place. Thane had pictured a future where he got to be a regular person instead of a cold-blooded killer. If he drank that potion, the future he had pictured would be gone. He would die, and his short time being good would come to an end. He would never get to experience what it was like to live life as a decent human being.
Despite the thoughts Thane wrestled with, he knew it had to be him. He had to drink that potion. He had felt responsible for the plague, ever since killing Sluforn. That guilt had been crushing him all this time. He couldn't let it keep going; even though Rue and Abigast tried to help him stop feeling so guilty, the only way for Thane to feel genuine peace, was for him to sacrifice himself. Though his life would end, it would be for the greater good. He would save the hundreds of thousands of people suffering throughout Galbar. Thane the mercenary would be Thane the hero. A few weeks ago, he never would have believed it possible.
“I have a debt to repay,” Thane said. “I owe it to the people of this Kingdom. I took away so many innocent lives. Destroyed so much happiness. I can't do that anymore. If I don't sacrifice myself, I'll be a murderer again. I can't live with that feeling, with the knowledge that my selfishness caused the plague to prevail.”
Tears were in Rue's eyes. “There has to be another way.” Abigast sighed. “No, there isn't.”
The tears began to fall, and Rue looked for the first time, actually vulnerable. Thane wanted to hold her, to tell her that it would be okay, that she would live on without him and that she'd be happy, but he knew better. She didn't want to be held, she didn't need to be held. She was strong, stronger than Thane ever could be.
“Thane is my friend,” she said to Abigast. She hadn't even looked Thane directly in the eyes yet after he'd decided to drink the potion.
“He is my friend too.” Abigast's eyes were watery too.
“It's going to be okay,” Thane said, and he found that even he was crying.
Chapter 8
“Are you sure there isn't another way?” Rue asked, still not looking at Thane. Abigast solemnly shook his head. “I promise, Rue.”
“What am I supposed to do without you?” Rue finally turned to Thane, and the anguish in her eyes nearly made Thane fall apart. “I've hardly had any time to get to know you. I thought- I thought I'd have forever. I thought we would get to work together for years and years. I was getting used to you, Thane. I don't just get used to anyone you know.” She choked back a sob. It seemed that these words were her way of saying she loved Thane. And though Thane wished he could hear the real words, he knew that it would hurt Rue too much for her to say them. To declare love and then lose someone, that pain had to be one of the worst pains imaginable. She didn't deserve that kind of a burden. She deserved happiness, and here Thane was, tearing happiness away from her.
“It's going to be okay,” Thane repeated, but his words were empty. It wasn't going to be okay. The plague would end, but so would his life. He would leave Rue behind. He would leave Abigast behind. His only friends in the world and the only people he had ever loved. It was almost unbearable just to look at them now, seeing the sorrow in those eyes. If he could have taken the potion right then and there, he would, just to end the misery. But he wanted to look at Rue's smile one last time. He would not take his own life until he got to see her smile; that smile would let him rest in peace.
“It's not going to be okay, and you know it,” Rue said. “Why did you have to come here anyway? Why did you have to throw my life upside down? I hardly know you and yet I feel like I'm losing the most important person in my life. Why do you make me feel this way?” With every sentence, her voice rose higher and higher, her emotions threatening to burst through her. Thane wanted to hug her, but it wasn't appropriate. Rue wasn't a helpless creature to be held. She would have pushed him away.
“I'm sorry,” Thane said. “I'm so sorry, Rue.”
“I know you have to do it, but I wish there were another way. I wish I didn't have to lose you.”
“I know, I wish that too.”
Rue finally held her hand out, gently touching the tips of her fingers to Thane's. She then grasped his hand, holding tightly. “I'm going to miss you.”
“I'm going to m
iss you too.”
This time, Rue hugged him. She didn't let go until Abigast spoke.
“The potion is almost ready. I've stirred and mixed in all of the ingredients. Now I'm just reading over the incantations again, making sure I've got the timing correct. I can't mess the incantations up, or the potion won't work.”
“I wish you would mess it up,” Rue whispered. She held onto Thane's hand again, and he wished so badly that she would smile. But her expression was blank; she was refusing to show any emotion. She was hiding behind herself because the pain would have been too much to face.
Abigast's eyes scanned over the pages of the spell book, he mumbled incoherently, occasionally glancing at the potion sitting next to him. It was inconspicuous enough, appearing to be nothing more than a regular drink. It looked almost like rum, reminding Thane of the vast amount of time he had spent in taverns. As he reflected on those times, the tears began to well up again. Most of the time there, Thane hadn't been happy. He pretended to be, pretended that gold, drinks, and women were all one needed to be satisfied in life. But there was always an inexplicable void. Thane had lacked true friendship, true bonds with anyone. All of the gold in the Kingdom couldn't be as fulfilling as friendship. And now he was about to lose it. He was about to lose everything.
He turned to Rue, noticing her hand was still locked in his. He pulled her to the rest next to them, leaving Abigast alone for a few minutes. “What is it,” Rue asked.
“You know I don't have much time left,” Thane said.
“Obviously,” Rue replied. “I think the tears in my eyes speak for themselves.”
“On my path to redemption, I had planned to kill Adaranth. To make him pay for the crimes he's committed. I won't be able to accomplish that anymore.”
“You want me to kill him, don't you.”
Thane's eyes widened in surprise. “How did you know?”
“I'm one of your only friends, Thane. I'm one of the only people you trust. Of course you would ask me to do it. I want Adaranth dead just as much as you do. It's his fault I'm going to lose you, and I need to make him suffer for it.”
“So you'll do it?”
Rue nodded. “Of course I will.”
“Do you remember everything we talked about in the forest? About how unfit Adaranth is to be king?”
“Yes. If Adaranth becomes king, Galbar will fall into chaos. I won't let that happen. Things are bad enough as they are, I won't stand by and let things become worse. That spoiled brat doesn't deserve to be king. He doesn't even deserve to be alive.”
“Have you ever taken a life?” Thane asked suddenly. “I know you want him dead, but do you know what it's like to kill someone, Rue? If you don't think you can handle it, you don't have to do it. I would never try to force you.”
Rue looked at the ground, dropping Thane's hand. “I've never killed.”
“You don't have to do it,” Thane repeated.
“Can you tell me what it's like?”
“If you would have asked me a few weeks ago, I would have told you that killing is the best feeling in the world. Holding someone's life in your hands, playing god, it's amazing. But I don't feel that way anymore. I realize now that killing is perhaps the most awful experience. To hold someone's life in your hands and then snuff it out, seeing their sadness, seeing their life flash before their eyes, knowing that they're innocent and that you're a demon, it's absolutely horrible.”
“Adaranth isn't innocent though,” Rue said. “What does it feel like to kill someone who deserves death?”
Thane sighed. “I wish I could say that it feels better, but it doesn't. I've killed many criminals, many terrible people, who deserved nothing other than death, and yet, looking back, it was still painful. They are still human, one of us. When you kill another human, you can't help but imagine that it's you that's dying. Does that make sense? It's completely different than killing an animal, different from hunting for food. It's taking the life of someone who is every bit as complex as you and I are.”
“I understand that,” Rue said. “I can't imagine what it's like to kill someone. To take a human life.”
“Like I said, Rue, you don't have to do it.”
Rue shook her head. “Stop saying that. I do have to do it. I have to avenge you, Thane. Adaranth is responsible for your death, and he needs to pay for it. An eye for an eye. And besides that, he'll wreak havoc on this Kingdom if he becomes king. The fact that his father is alive is the only reason he hasn't already destroyed Galbar. As long as his father is still around, Adaranth can't just do whatever he wants. He has ninety percent of the power instead of a hundred. It would hurt me more to know that I could have ended Adaranth before he became King instead of letting him live.”
“But if it hurts you too much to go through with killing him, someone else can do it,” Thane said.
“Who?” Rue asked. “You can't, you'll be gone. Abigast won't do it, I already know he won't. He'll avoid violence at any cost, even if it costs the safety of the Kingdom. Abigast is perfectly content to continue helping the people of Maplefrost forever. For him, those good deeds are enough.”
“Really? Abigast would rather see the Kingdom fall apart then end Adaranth before that happens? Abigast is willing to kill me though.”
“He's not doing it directly,” Rue said. “For him, it's different.”
“He made the potion, didn't he?” Thane was slightly angry now. He didn't want to make anyone kill Adaranth, but if not Rue, and if not, Abigast, then who? There was no one else he trusted. The only other people Thane had ever interacted with that he hadn't killed, were clients and fellow criminals and mercenaries. They weren't people to be trusted. They would likely try to kill Thane for even suggesting the idea of killing the Prince. So what was he supposed to do?
“I'll do it,” Rue breathed. “You have no other options, Thane.”
“It'll change you,” Thane said. “It'll hurt you.”
“I'm already hurt,” Rue replied. “After all, I'm about to lose you.”
“I really am sorry.”
Rue looked up at him. “I'm sorry that you have to sacrifice yourself.”
“At least I'll finally be completely redeemed.”
Rue shook her head. “You're already redeemed, Thane. How many times do I have to say it?” She squeezed his hand. “You're brave, and you're strong. I would have hated the person you were a few weeks ago, but you're not that person at all anymore. You're someone completely different, and you're amazing. I want you to know that.”
It sounded like an 'I love you' again. Thane smiled. “Thank you for believing in me, Rue.”
“I've seen a lot of suffering,” Rue said. “Maplefrost was a depressing place before Abigast and I started helping the people out. It's a new place now, a happy one. Well, minus the plague.” She smiled very slightly, her lips curving upwards. It wasn't the brightest smile Thane had ever seen, but it was enough to make him feel so much better.
“We helped a lot of people become happy. We helped you become happy too, at least I hope we did. Did we help you, Thane?”
“You helped me more than anyone else ever has,” Thane answered. “Especially you, Rue. I really do love you.”
“I wish I could say those words back to you,” Rue sighed. “I want to, but once I say them, I won't be able to forget. I'll have to live with the fact that I lost you before I even truly got to know you.”
“You don't have to say them,” Thane said. “I understand. I don't want to cause you more pain than you already have to bear.”
Rue hugged him tightly. “If you can be strong than I can be strong too.”
“Maybe things won't be okay right away, but someday they will be, Rue. I hope that you have a wonderful life; you deserve it.”
“Thank you,” Rue said, pulling away. “I'm going to kill Adaranth, and this Kingdom is going to be safe. I promise you that, Thane. I'm going to make Galbar a better place, for you. Even if you aren't here to experience it, I hope you'l
l be able to see it through watching me.”
“I hope so,” Thane said.
Rue nodded. “All right, should we go back to Abigast now? I haven't heard any of his mumblings for a while.”
“Let's go.” Thane and Rue walked hand in hand back to where Abigast sat reading his spellbook. He was sweating profusely, and his hands were shaking. Clearly, Abigast was incredibly nervous. A tear dripped from his eye, and he didn't bother wiping it away; it seemed that he didn't even realize Thane and Rue were back in his presence.
Thane took the opportunity to go outside for some fresh air. It was the last time he would get to be outside. He observed the world around him, and suddenly, he couldn't hold back the overwhelming emotions. He sank to the ground, letting the tears fall. It was hard to believe that this was the last time he'd get to see the sun or the clouds or the trees. The things everyone took for granted every day, were things he didn't want to give up now. It would have been easier if his death was unexpected. Unexpected death was always better because you would never know when you'd see something for the last time. But this way, knowing his death was imminent, he wanted to see everything. He wanted to experience everything. He wanted to live.
Rue slipped outside and held him as he cried, whispering reassurances into his ear. She was trying to calm him, and her voice was so soothing, but Thane could not be calmed. His heart was racing a million miles per minute, and his mind was swimming with thousands of thoughts. He was so scared, more scared than he'd ever been. Death was the unknown, and the fear of the unknown was always the worst fear.
“I love you,” Rue suddenly said. “I don't care how much it hurts. You have to hear it before I miss the chance to ever say it again.”
Thane cried even more. “Will you smile for me, Rue? One last time?”
Rue smiled radiantly. It was the most beautiful sight Thane had ever seen. It was the image he would carry with him to the end of his life. He decided it was the greatest last memory one could experience.
The Wizard Page 5
