by C. J. Welles
*
Bryson
CASEY SMILES AS SHE flips her card over and the jack of hearts is showing. “Of course you’d have that card left,” I mumble as I toss my Ace of diamonds on the table between us.
I swear that girl cheats. She’s always been able to beat anyone when it comes to euchre. It’s good for the person who she teams with when playing doubles, but not for anyone else.
“Don’t get grumpy. I’ll have to call you a sore loser if you do.”
“You keep rubbing it in and see what happens,” I warn her as I finish off my beer.
“What’re you going to do Bry?” she asks in a light and happy voice.
My head wants to argue but my heart is happy when Casey is cheerful like this. It’s what first attracted me to her. The carefree way she used to be. Even when the bitches teased her at school, she would just shake it off. She always thought that she needed Kaylee by her side but she didn’t see that she could look after herself.
“What are you thinking about?” Casey asks quietly, her eyes never leaving my face.
I hold her gaze as I think of what to answer with. “I wanted to see you,” I hear myself saying. “Last week when I competed in the championship, the first person I wanted to see, was you.”
She looks like my words have slapped her. She sits there, not moving, just blinking every few seconds. “I came second. I should have been pissed off that I didn’t get first, but all I wanted to do was call you and tell you that I got second.”
I don’t even know why I’m blurting all of this out. Suppose it’d be the same reason for why I ended up here. And I’m still yet to find out what that reason is.
“I saw it.”
“You did?”
“When you first started bull riding, mom let it slip. I used to watch every ride that you did. But then you stopped riding last year and I didn’t watch you again until I saw you here at The Shootout.”
I flinch as I think about Krystal.
The reason for why I stopped riding.
Getting up, I grab my empty beer bottle then head to the kitchen and toss it in the bin. “I’m goin’ to bed,” I say as I walk to the spare room. The bed is unmade with only a bedspread and a blanket tossed on top, but I couldn’t care. The past few nights, I’ve crashed in Casey’s bed, as she was still unwell, but tonight… I can’t.
Not when memories of Krystal are at the front of my mind. The past few weeks, I’ve boxed them up in a small box in the back of my mind, but they are spilling out tonight.
“Oh, okay, goodnight,” Casey mumbles as I hear her get up. “Bry?” she questions as she stands in the doorway.
“Yes.”
“Are you okay?”
I take in a deep breath and slowly exhale it. “I’m fine.” Closing the door, I strip down and climb under the bedding.
Tomorrow, I’m going to find my balls and get the hell out of Kansas City. I’m here holding onto the past because I’m too fucking scared to move on from Casey and Krystal.
***
Chapter Fourteen
Casey
I’M COOKING MYSELF some toast when I hear a knock on my front door. Putting down the butter knife, I make my way to the door and find Brett on the other side.
“How are you feeling?” he asks as he steps in and gives me a peck on the cheek.
“Good, now,” I answer as I step aside and let him walk into my living room. “I’m just making breakfast. Do you want some?” I offer.
He shakes his head. “I’ve already had some.” I see him looking around and I know he’s looking for Bryson.
“What are you up to today?” I ask as I begin buttering my toast.
“I took the day off to run some errands and to come see how you are feeling and if you needed anything.”
“I feel a hell of a lot better than I was on Sunday. I don’t even remember Sunday.”
Brett’s face frowns. “You should have called me, I would have come to look after you.”
“I know, but by the time I was really sick, I didn’t have the energy to call anyone.
“How’d Bry -”
“Mornin’ babe,” Bryson says as he walks into the kitchen, in only a pair of boxers. He walks up to where I’m standing and takes a piece of my toast. “Thanks,” he mumbles around the mouthful of toast.
I could throttle him right about now.
“Mornin’” I reply while putting more bread into the toaster.
“How you goin’, Brent?” he asks cheerfully, too cheerfully.
“It’s Brett,” Brett corrects. “I’m doing just fine. I was just here to ask Casey if she needs anything.”
“I think she’s fine. I did a shop the other day, remember.” Bryson arches his eyebrow at Brett as he talks. “Do you need anything, babe?” he asks me.
I silently shake my head, while I try work out what Bryson’s deal is. My first guess is that he’s jealous, but Bryson doesn’t do jealousy. Especially not with me.
I see Brett straighten up before he talks. “Are you still up for drinks tonight?”
Drinks?
Shit, I’d forgotten about them. Carmen wanted to go out for drinks to celebrate a year since she opened the hairdresser.
“Are you feeling up to it?” Bryson questions as he stands behind me, way too close. I can feel his semi-erection poking into my hip.
“Ah, yeah, I think so.”
Brett smiles but I don’t think he’s smiling because I’m coming, I think he’s just happy that Bryson got shot down.
I have a feeling I’m standing in the middle of a pissing war.
“Did you want me to pick you up?” Brett asks.
“No, thanks, Carmen already offered to.”
“Carmen?” Bryson asks. “As in Rowan’s cousin?”
“Yes,” I reply as I look over my shoulder. My knees nearly go weak as I see him standing so close.
“So, this isn’t like a date thing?”
I shake my head as Brett’s face turns into a scowl. “So Y'all won’t mind if I come along?” Bryson asks.
“I don’t see why not,” I answer, as Brett says, “It’s Carmen’s celebration drinks, I don’t think she’ll want just anyone there.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about that,” Bryson says with a flick of his hand. “Carmen and I go way back.”
We’re all silent for a long moment before Brett talks. “Right, well, I’ll see you later.” He goes to lean in for a kiss but stops when Bryson growls behind me.
I walk Brett out then once I see him drive away, I go searching for Bryson who is walking into the bathroom.
“What was that about, babe?”
He rolls his eyes. “I don’t like him.”
“You don’t have to. But I do and he is my friend.”
Bryson lets out a pfft noise as he turns on the shower. “You know he wants you more than just friends.”
“I know. I’ve known it for a long time.”
I could say more, but instead, I turn around and head to my bedroom.
*
“TELL ME AGAIN WHY Bryson is your ex-fiancé but is sitting with us in a bar.”
I roll my eyes as I take another sip of my drink. “He decided to come for a visit on Monday and found me at home, sick. He’s been staying at home since then.”
“Why was he visiting?”
“I don’t know. I wouldn’t have a clue what goes on inside his head.”
“I’m surprised Jolene hasn’t hit you up to get an interview with Bryson.”
I shake my head. “She knows we don’t talk.” Carmen frowns at my answer. “Well, we never used to talk until he turned up on my doorstep.”
“Why did you two break up?”
I haven’t talked to Carmen about losing the baby and everything that followed. It’s something that I’ve tried to bury because it was a bad time in my life.
“I had a miscarriage and then after that, I pushed Bryson away.”
What happened is a little longer than that, bu
t it’s the basics of everything.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s okay.”
“Well, he’s here now. Do you think that you will get back together?”
I look over to Bryson who is talking to Rowan and one of their friends. “I would like to, but I don’t think it’ll happen. Too much bad has happened between us.”
“Honey, he’s here now. If he didn’t feel anything, he wouldn’t be here, he’d be back at home.”
I think about what Carmen said and everything that has happened with Bryson and I since he arrived here. Is there a chance we can get back together?
Would he ever forgive me for the things I did?
Mostly, do I forgive myself for the things I did to Bryson, to us?
So many questions and too many difficult answers.
***
Chapter Fifteen
Bryson
I GRAB CASEY’S hand as I climb out of the taxi. While walking us both up the path, I search around in my pocket for her house key.
I’ve had a fair bit to drink but Casey’s had lots more than me. To the point that she tried to shove her tongue down my throat in the back of the taxi.
She keeps her hands on me while I open the door. She runs them up and down my back then reaches around to my front, where she slides one hand down to my belt buckle.
Once I’ve got the door open, I turn around to face Casey then spins us both around until her back is against the hallway wall.
I don’t give her a chance to talk before I crash my lips down on hers. It’s not a slow and sweet kiss, it’s rough and it’s demanding. My tongue swipes across her lips once before I coax her lips open. I can taste the Jack Daniels on her breath as it mixes with my own.
Her hands move to undo my belt and jeans and I groan into her mouth when her hand closes around my erection. She brushes her thumb over the tip of my cock and I’m close to giving in and taking her to bed. But as much as every inch of my body wants her, there’s a nagging voice in my head telling me this is wrong.
With every bit of self-control that I can find, I break the kiss and step back. Casey’s hand slips from my pants and falls to her side.
Her breaths are deep and ragged like mine. “Bry,” she whispers.
“I can’t.” I fist both my hands in my hair and lean against the wall on the opposite side to Casey. “I just can’t.”
How the hell did I end up here? I had pushed everything to do with Casey out of my life for five years. Five fucking years. Now I’m standing in her house after kissing her so hard my lips feel bruised.
I had spent five years wondering what the hell I had done wrong for her to go and sleep with another man. I thought she did it because she blamed me for not looking after her.
I know she hated herself after we lost the baby but I could tell she hated me as well. I just… I can’t forget about everything we’ve been through.
No matter how good it feels having her in my arms.
“There’s so much shit going on in my head.” I look over to where Casey is standing, flush with the wall. I shake my head then drop my chin to my chest. “You fucked with my head. Thinking that you failed the person you love more than life because they slept with another man, really fucks you over. Night after night I’d sit there on the edge of our bed and think over and over about how I could have done anything differently.”
Casey lets out a sob as she slides down the wall and onto the floor. “I thought I was doing the best thing for you,” she whispers as she cries louder, burying her face in her hands. “Every day I couldn’t even look in the mirror because all I would see was the body of someone who failed our babies.”
She lets out a scream as she stands up. “I killed our babies. Me. Not you. It was my job to protect them and I couldn’t do it.” She slams her fist into the wall in front of her and lets out a gut-wrenching scream. “And you just stood by me like it was all okay.”
“It wasn’t-”
“Get out,” she yells. “Get the fuck out of my house.” I take a step towards her but pause when she yells, “Now.” I stand there, my eyes trained on Casey as I decide if I should leave her or not. “I swear to god, Bryson, get out now before I do something we’ll both regret.”
As much as I don’t want to leave her, I know that staying here is only going to make things worse. With a heavy sigh, I walk away from Casey and out of her house.
Unlocking my truck, I jump in the back seat and pull the blanket and pillow out from under the seat. It’s not the first time I’ve slept in my truck and I know it won’t be the last.
*
Casey
I PACE THE LENGTH of the living room, back and forth. I kicked Bryson out an hour ago and I can feel the effects of the alcohol wearing off.
An hour to fricken late, after I lost my shit.
The things he was saying… This is why Bryson and I will never be together again. I blame myself for losing our babies. He blames himself. He blames himself for letting me down when it was me who pushed him away because all I had done was let him down.
We’re just one big clusterfuck.
There’s a knock on the door and I’m half hoping that it’s Bryson but I know it’s not as the knock was too soft. When I open the door, Carmen stands there with a bag of McDonald’s and a bottle of wine.
I grab the McDonald’s bag but leave her with the wine. “I think I’ve had enough of that,” I say, pointing to the wine.
We both plonk down on the sofa and I unwrap a cheeseburger before scoffing it down. “What are you doing here?” I ask with my mouth half full.
“Someone called me and said I should come visit you.”
“Who?”
“Bryson called me. He said you might need a shoulder to cry on. I would have been here earlier but I was already home and then I stopped to get food on the way.”
“Thanks for that,” I say as I bite into my second cheeseburger. I rarely eat McDonald's, but tonight it’s going down like a dream.
“What happened to you two? You were fine when you both left the bar. I even thought you two would come back here and do the dirty.”
My cheeks heat as I finish off my burger. “Well, we nearly did”
“Why the hell didn’t you? If someone like Bryson threw themselves at me, I’d have my arms and legs wide open ready to catch him.”
“Oh my god, Carmen.”
“What? It’s the truth.”
I lose my smile when I go over what happened in my hallway. “He was the one to stop it.”
“Doesn’t surprise me.”
“Why?”
“Well, I don’t know all the details but a while ago Bry had a girlfriend. I didn’t meet her but Rowan did. Bry was MIA from bull riding for a year, then he came back with no girlfriend. But since he’s been back, he hasn’t looked sideways at any chicks. You’re the only one I’ve known of that he takes notice of.”
“What happened to his girlfriend?”
“I don’t know. No one knows.
We sit silently for a while, me eating French fries and Carmen drinking wine from the bottle.
“So, why did Bryson call me and tell me I should come to you?”
I bite my bottom lip as I mull over everything. My life, our argument, losing the babies, just everything.
“Bryson and I have known each other since I was young. I was eight when I first met him but we weren’t close, we just hung around in the same group.”
“Hot damn, you’ve known that fine specimen for that long? I’m jealous.”
I playfully swat her shoulder. “If you want me to tell you everything, keep quiet.”
“Okay, sorry. Keep going.”
“When I was nineteen, we started dating. We’d spent an afternoon together and I thought it was just as friends but when I went to leave, he kissed me. Soon we became inseparable. We were the typical high school sweethearts, apart from we were in Uni.”
“I knew there was something between yo
u both as soon as I seen him approach you at Shooters.”
“Let’s not talk about that night. That… That was the first time I had seen him after five years and things didn’t end well with us.”
She gives my leg a reassuring pat as she urges me to keep going. “Things were great, we graduated college, I got a job at a local real estate office doing the reception work and Bryson came back to work on his parent’s ranch. He had always wanted to be a bull rider but in Uni, he studied agriculture as a backup.
“We had been together for three years when Bryson proposed to me and we moved into our own house. Things were still great. We were the couple that could spend our weekends together and be happy but we could also go off and do our own thing and neither got jealous. We still had our typical couple’s arguments. What healthy couple doesn’t argue?
“Eight months after we were engaged, I feel pregnant. I’d been sick from the first day and still was having morning sickness at fourteen weeks. The morning that our lives began to crumble, was just like every other morning. I had been sick but was still feeling okay. Bryson went off to work and I decided to stay home. I just… didn’t feel right.”
A sob breaks free and my throat begins to hurt from trying to hold back my tears. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I wrap my arms around my legs and bury my face in my lap. “I had an ectopic pregnancy. They didn’t know there was a second baby in my tube. Mom came to visit and I collapsed as I started bleeding.”
“I’m sorry, Casey. I know it might not mean anything now, but I really am sorry.”
I nod my head but don’t look at her. “I knew I had polycystic ovaries but I had fallen pregnant anyway. You can fall pregnant with PCOS, but it’s harder to get pregnant and a higher risk of miscarriage.”
I look up and grab the bottle of wine from Carmen as I take a long swig. I hate thinking of this, let alone talking about it. No one in the family talks about it. I’ve always closed down as soon as mom brings it up.
“I was drugged up but I remember them saying they would try to save our first baby, but I was their priority. I was rushed into surgery and when I woke up, I had had a hysterectomy and lost both our babies. I could no longer have any more children. Bryson and I had talked about having a family. We both wanted three children and I couldn’t even give us one.”
